- If you don't mind saying, where specifically are you from (country/state)?
- If you know, where did the product come from?
- Also was the product tested via reagents and/or lab? Which?
- What kind of lifestyle did you live up until that point (i.e. Diet, exercise, etc)?
- What was your prior usage of MDMA like leading up to the incident which gave you said symptoms?
- What was usage of other drugs like?
- How old are you?
1. Im from washington state, united states of america (pacific northwest)
2. It came from Seattle washington.
3. It was pure mdma crystals, tested and confirmed.
4. lifestyle was typical college student lifestyle, daily cario and minor resistance training but ate a lot of junk food. typically read a lot for classes and kept brain in good shape. went out with friends from time to time but mostly stayed indoors after work/college playing video games.
5. I had tried MDMA about 5 times and MDA about 5 times leading up to my first panic attack. Most doses were 100mg-150mg but had a few in the 200 or 250mg range. maybe even higher. My second to last trip was probably a 300mg mda trip which fucked me up hard, I wasnt very euphoric (also was on mda and acid). and i remember feeling very depressed as soon as I finished peaking. I should have quit then but I dosed again 2 weeks later and also did coke that same night. after about 1.5 hours I got a migraine and panic attack which que'd a 13 month LTC (still on it, idk when Ill recover).
also I was dosing LSD every week or every other week for about a year before I got into mdma. when I started with MDMA I didnt know to wait 3 months so I was doing it every 2-3 weeks. Did that for a period of about 3 months or 8-ish trips before I finally got fucked up.
I'm a firm believer that the LSD was making me pretty dysregulated and the MDMA/mda/coke just pushed me over the edge. I also drank 2 liters of water on the night of the LTC and was convinced for the first 3-4 months that I had caused brain damage because of hyponatremia.
6. smoked weed daily for 8 years leading up to the ltc. did acid every 1-2 weeks for about a year leading up to ltc. did MDMA about 2 months leading up to ltc (every 2 weeks). Also did a total of like 3-4 lines of coke. The last time I did coke happened to be on the night of my LTC (did about 100mg mdma, 1 line of coke (100mg)).
Oh and I've done ketamine probably about 10-15 times. which btw is probably one of my favorite drugs. It's so fucking weird but I just love the things it does to you. Gives you access to this weird part of reality that you never thought existed.
did salvia maybe 4-5 times and fucking hated it. Salvia taught me a lot about reality but it also hurt. I did salvia around the first time I tried acid so it was a long time before the ltc. Broke through once, learned a lot but it fucked me up for a few weeks after. shook me to the core.
did DMT 3-4 times. had one amazing /best of my life kind of experience. one kind of neutral. 2 absolutely horrifying experiences. all the DMT was either years before LTC or post LTC so I dont think it has anything to do with the LTC.
7. I'm 28 now. was 26 when the LTC started
also relevant information. I've had trauma since I was a child and had several instances of trauma throughout my life. By the time I got to the LTC I had done a ton of work and was feeling pretty damn good. Still had minor anxiety and depression but pretty manageable. The worst years of anxiety were 13-21. at 21 I had a spiritual awakening and life got pretty fucking amazing.
about 3-4 months before the LTC life started to get pretty shitty. Work stress was unreal, and I think the frequent acid trips were starting to wear me down. When I started using MDMA to cope shit got wayyyyy worse. I was feeling absolutely miserable while recovering from the weekend binges but by 4-5 days out (aka just in time for another weekend bender) I was feeling great again so I thought I was good to trip again. Took about 2 months of that cycle before I crashed hella hard.
basically life was going great up until about 3 months before the LTC. (which may have been a warning sign that a crash was coming soon, but I just ignored it because I didnt have the awareness or experience to recognize the warning signs). Instead of slowing down I just did what I always did, use drugs to medicate. that caused me to crash even harder.
about 1 month before I completely crashed I was feeling VERY BAD. Like I would begin to get very acute depression basically as soon as I stopped peaking. In hind sight I can tell that was a huge red flag. at the time I just thought "this is what mdma comedown is like". I didnt think "this is a very severe and unnatural reaction, this isnt a comedown, this is a red flag!".
So yeah, after that first red flag of super depression (while still high on mdma, but not peaking). I dosed another 2 times and noticed the same trend. Super depression right after 1.5 hours into the trip. The last trip (the LTC inducing trip), i took some coke about 30-45 min into the trip and the LTC began about 1.75-2.25 hours into the trip. meaning my MDMA comedown coincided with the coke comedown.
ya know I never realized that until just now. and this was some shittttty fucking coke too that I had back then. the comedown was fucking brutal, wayy more brutal than some other coke that ive gotten since (only did 0.4g, dont worry folks).
so yeah, there was 3 factors that I think were important. 1. history of trauma, anxiety, depression, and dissociation as a method for dealing with that trauma. 2. long term abuse of psychedelics (aka not using them as a sacred sacrament to connect with the divine, meaning i just used them to get high and feel happy). 3. abuse of mdma/dosing too high and dosing too frequently. pair all of those factors with me accidentally coming down off some bad coke and some good mdma at the same time = LTC as fuck.
Heres my theory about what caused my LTC.
I was abusing MDMA and MDA so much that it fucked with my serotonin system (evidenced by the trend of a feeling of super depression as soon as I wasn't peaking anymore, meaning I'd feel sad while still high. I'd feel great for 1.5-2 hours then would crash for the next 5 hours until sober again). I did coke on the MDMA come up, probably around the 0+45 minute marker. The LTC started around the 2.5 hour mark. so I was probably coming down off the coke when the mdma peak ended. So the super depression I was experiencing anytime I finished peaking was combined with a nasty coke comedown. That caused me to get a migraine and panic attack. Then I just freaked out for an hour or two but never came down. The LTC started for me.
Sounds like a lot. and some might think "if you had trauma, it shouldn't take you so much suffering before you get a panic attack". but its because of the trauma that I learned to not panic, because I'd been panicking all my life. So it took a super super nasty episode before I got a panic attack and que'd my LTC.
for someone who lived a much more pleasant life I can see them getting fucked over by less terrible circumstances.
edit:
ok sorry to add this but I just checked my journal and apparently I did some LSD on my LTC trip too. that probably didnt help things haha. Journal says 10:30 lsd (2 tabs). 11 pm molly - 100mg. 11:30 coke (1 line/0.1g). 1:10 headache/water chugged (LTC began here about 5 min after water). then "nightmare trip for the next 7 hours until I crashed at 8 am".
My journal entries over the next couple months were usually kind of optimistic or centered around what I can do to heal the trip. I remember feeling very depressed and totally fucked up, but I would always be fighting that by focusing on what I could do to heal rather than lament about what I'd lost or could never get back. I remember it feeling like the world was ending while going through it, but looking back at my journal entries I was taking it pretty well. I kept my job and was working full time but that was about all I did. Just passed time until I started to feel better which was about 10.5 months into recovery.