Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
What’s up lady? Do you still check in? I’m wondering how you are doing. Your probably still going strong.
i hope all is well with you.
i hope all is well with you.
Totally agree.And my 2 cents, though this may be an unpopular opinion here... don't tell your "BF" about this last relapse. Nothing good is going to come with telling him, especially if you truly love him and want to be with him. Maybe one day, years from now when you are living happily ever after you can tell him about this tumultuous time... but for now? Don't do it. It's okay to not tell him.
No shit. I fucked up last night when a guy (an actual good guy) who knew better than to offer me anything owed me some money, didn’t wanna pay cash I guess and said u want one the opana 40’s???? Golly, wtf is wrong with people. He knows my struggle and that they were what began my latest opiate run that almost killed me and almost cost me my business and family.of course I sniffed it up immediately. My tolerance had shrank drastically. I was even lit when I woke up, when I used to go to bed high on them and wake up at 2:00 needing more. So much for my three weeks. Well I ended up having to take an extra mg of sub today. My body was mad at me for last nights screw up by noon today. Plus lost about 500$ today when I’m really trying to make money for a plane ticket. gotta bounce back tomorrow somehow.Y'all I made it through yesterday without any dope!
I made it through work, got off, bought some weed, and spent the evening in bed reading. I fell asleep for a few hours but was awoken around 4:30am with the return of my horrible heartburn. I managed to maybe get an hours worth more of sleep before finally having to make it to the clinic and then to work. I saw my therapist briefly at the clinic this am who told me I didn't look great, I told him it was this terrible heartburn and lack of sleep because of this awful heartburn that plagued me yet again this morning.
It's 2:14 and I've made it thus far. No lunch break dope runs for me again today! I'm feeling a little better, with a few lingering symptoms. My office is FREEZING and it's making me very uncomfortable..though, I'm fine once I'm outside in the warm Southern weather so i have a feeling I will feel much better once I get off work and can control my temperature a little better. I'm confident I will make it through again tonight. I had some thoughts that, I won't lie, made me feel good about going and scoring a little after work...how me taking yesterday off probably brought my tolerance down some...BUT NO. I will feel like this tomorrow and every day after until I quit for good. I keep trying to remember that and its getting me through. Also, weed!
I know it was only a 9 day binge, but I almost feel like I started back at square one. I have zero desire to do anything more than get off work and lay around tonight, as I did last night, and do no want to be social at all. This was how I felt when I first started subs a couple months ago for the first week as well. Jeez, such a short binge and already had to restart. Definitely teaches me things about wanting to relapse, even if just briefly, in the future.