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A New Light of Fear

ThatSpaceyKid

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 10, 2015
Messages
338
Hello... I over dosed on friday last week... And died legitimately. It was awful. My dad found me in my buddies car at 4 am. Stiff as a board almost. Not breathing. Blue.... No pulse. :( I didn't even ever mean for it to come this far. Now my livers damaged. My lungs suck. Hard to breath with this pneumonia... I also asphyxiated on my own vomit.. Had hypothermia. My kidneys had shut down almost. My liver almost did to. It's been killing me inside. I cry because my poor dad's been thru hell. I couldn't imagine pulling out your own dead son... Been nothing but fights and tears.. And a long meth binge sense... This disease is worse than ever. I'm afraid.
 
Sounds like a very difficult time, I'm sure it can't be easy for you or your family to deal with the disease of addiction. Addiction is an insidious disease, affecting not only the user but everyone who cares about him/her.

I'd imagine your dad is struggling to deal with this emotionally just as you are.

It's times like these when we really need to count our blessings and learn from our mistakes. It really sounds like you want to be free from your disease, but the only way to do that is to get substance use under control... a lot of the time that means abstinence. Opioid replacement therapy may be beneficial in helping you step down from heavy heroin use, but I'm not really sure if there is a replacement therapy for amphetamines.

You may never fully recover from some of the damage done, but you will benefit greatly from stopping the damage from occurring, and you will be able to recover a lot of your health back. Things may never be perfect, but they definitely can improve if you take action to change your behavior. It sounds like you would benefit greatly from substance use counseling. An inpatient treatment center and detox can help you get past the acute withdrawals and overcome the emotional turmoil that will follow.

In the end, no one gets better without addressing the things that are driving them further into addictive use. Things may be bad, but they can always get better- or worse.. depending on which way you decide to go. Don't wait until everyone has given up on you... Your family may not know what to do to help you, but I doubt they want to hurt you.. I know I caused my family a lot of pain with my drug use. I felt so isolated and alone when I was using, feeling like no one understood me and that my family didn't care. Truth is it was really hard for them to watch me suffer and they didn't know how to help. They may not understand you, but if they haven't abandoned you then they definitely care. Going to rehab was actually a very positive experience for me, it was really difficult at first but in the long run it brought me closer to my family. Being able to admit and talk about my problem was very freeing.

My mom tells me all the time how happy she is I'm not using anymore.. She never really confronted me while I was using, but it's clear now that I was tearing her apart by destroying myself with my drug use.
 
Wow, Kid, I'm so sorry to hear that but I am happy that your Dad did find you and that you made it through. You are young and your body can heal from this. You have to make the decision to believe you are capable of walking out of addiction. If you allow the most fatalistic thinking to take over you could indeed lose your life. Try to foster hope in yourself and belief in yourself. You need to be your own best friend right now.<3
 
Man I'm glad you're alive. Reality hit you in the face and has given you another chance. Stay strong.
 
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