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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread, v Holiday Gatherings & Dazed Blatherings

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Greetings everyone :D Hope you're all doing well.

I've been kind of bummed out lately because I tapered off of everything so gradually this last time that I never got the "pink cloud" that usually accompanies my newfound sobriety (after a hellish withdrawal, of course). Well, I found my pink cloud after reading some old journals and seeing just how far I've come.

Here's an entry from August 1st, 2015, just over two years ago. This is copied verbatim, so it's not entirely cohesive:
"I feel like a worthless junkie scumbag and I just hate myself so much. I feel so completely helpless and hopeless and I honestly have no clue what to do. If somebody told me to go to rehab right now I'd probably go."

That was hard to read and even harder to type, but I wanted to share it. Man... sometimes I forget just how bad it got at times. It really makes me appreciate how good I feel now.

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
 
dreamflyer said:
Man... sometimes I forget just how bad it got at times. It really makes me appreciate how good I feel now.
Click to expand...

Amen! .. besides getting the thoughts out so they dont fester, as i have a tendency to over think, going back to read old journals is another added bonus.
 
I have some goals for November -- one is to either taper use or even quit smoking cigarettes.
The other is to sign up at a gym / wellness center to get some exercise. Been feeling very sick the past two days so both ideas are on hold.

OT question: I've used the search engines and scrolled thru every forum all day today n can't locate a thread I had seen a cpl weeks ago. It was titled Case Studies (dj-something or other started the thread.it was not super new. )
I can't find it anywhere. Will someone pls place a link to that thread, here? Thanks
 
I just lifted weights for the first time in years! I started very small with just a 45-minute bicep/forearm workout. I did 5 sets each of 25lb wrist curls, 15lb reverse wrist curls, 25lb reverse curls and 25lb. regular curls. Now I can barely type 'cuz my arms are so tight. I missed that feeling!

I got really into bodybuilding 20+ years ago when I was in my early 20's. At 5'9" I was bone-thin at 120lbs. Armed with Arnold's 700-page Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding and a tub of weight-gain protein powder, I lifted at home for about a year and then joined a gym. After two years I was 160lbs and ripped beyond belief.

I never touched steroids but took a number of supplements including protein powder, creatine, androstene (before they banned it for being a prohormone, or steroid precursor), vanadyl sulfate and chromium. Pretty safe stuff for most young healthy people, except for maybe the androstene. I'm glad they banned it (although I was heartbroken at the time) because I really don't like messing with my hormones very much.

Unfortunately, that was around the time that drugs and alcohol began taking priority over everything else in my life, and by the age of 30 I had cancelled my gym membership and put all my weights back up in the attic.

When I worked in a stockroom unloading freight several years ago, my physique started to come right back again and I tried getting back into lifting, but I was deep in the grips of my addiction by then and I never stuck with it.

Last month I was really good. I had a short (4 or 5-day) amphetamine binge about a month ago, but otherwise I've just been taking my antidepressants as prescribed and nothing else except for a tiny bit of cannabis a few times.
 
Runningfox said:
OT question: I've used the search engines and scrolled thru every forum all day today n can't locate a thread I had seen a cpl weeks ago. It was titled Case Studies (dj-something or other started the thread.it was not super new. )
I can't find it anywhere. Will someone pls place a link to that thread, here? Thanks
Click to expand...

Was it in SL or OD? Do you remember the topic or have any other identifiable info on what it was? Lemme know and maybe we can help you locate it.
 
toothpastedog said:
Was it in SL or OD? Do you remember the topic or have any other identifiable info on what it was? Lemme know and maybe we can help you locate it.
Click to expand...

Immediately after posting this I refined my search n located it. The thread is called "Case Studies- It Could Happen To You!" Started by djsim in 2009.

Actually .... I read all thru from where I had left off in the past and I Still did not take note of what forum/ subforum it's located in. Duhhhhhhh I dunno . ??? But I read thru and got caught up. Yikes it's some frightful shit in there!
 
Runningfox said:
Immediately after posting this I refined my search n located it. The thread is called "Case Studies- It Could Happen To You!" Started by djsim in 2009.

Actually .... I read all thru from where I had left off in the past and I Still did not take note of what forum/ subforum it's located in. Duhhhhhhh I dunno . ??? But I read thru and got caught up. Yikes it's some frightful shit in there!
Click to expand...

Not sure but I think it is a sticky in OD
 
I am happy to say that I am off opiates and benzodiazepines for 2 years, nine months and 22 days, but who is counting, right? :)
 
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I recall visiting an N.A. meeting a few times about 8 years ago. One line I always liked was "a day clean is a day Won".
Erik you've been winning for something like 82 days. Yaaaaaay!
 
Yeah man. Every day is a small victory

It won’t feel like that at first.

Feels like eternal soul torture

But it’s a good thing.
 
Still pretty genius :) you know what they say, great minds think alike
 
stole is a nasty word there captain... i've always preferred appropriated
 
I seriously need to start doing my work more ahead of time instead of waking up at the crack of dawn before class to get it finished. I kinda like rushing TBPH but waking up at 5am or earlier is getting tiresome when I have class until 10pm.

Only four or five more weeks of school this semester. Less with thanksgiving holiday figured into the picture. The end is in sight. Almost 1 down, 5 to go.

I'm just lucky my professor(s) today are so cool, and okay with me leaving class a few minutes early because I have so much going on. I seem to have found an extra 10 minutes somewhere between class and commuting to UCLA, and god this cup of late afternoon coffee (extra sugar means I'm extra tired, I normally prefer it just black) is so delicious.

I feel my second wind coming. Just need to make peace with the fact I'm going to have a shitty rushed dinner. But this coffee (and churro flavored vape) kinda makes up for it...
 
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