Am I the only one??

[IsWhatItIs95]

I am new to the site, though I've been reading forums on this site for a while now. Straight to the point..Im at the stage where I don't feel comfortable in my own skin without something in my system. But im not physically addicted to a certain drug. I've been depressed for the past few years due to numerous hardships in my life. Depression=drug cravings (for me). I love pills, all kinds but my favorite is adderall. Tried meth once and loved it. My problem is, I have tried cocaine and heroin a hand full of times (snorted) and it's not giving me the high that others around me seem to get. I just feel chill for about 5 minuites then nothing, on both. Each batch was from different dealer. Am I the only one??

 

[PerpetualAnhedonic]

What forms of cocaine and heroin?

Did these others around you consume the same product FROM THE SAME BAG as you?

How well do you know these others? Sometimes if you don't know them too well or haven't known too long, they might play you in order to burn you...

You don't seem all too knowledgeable yet on these scenes (especially depending on location), so although I know my best advice will be ignored, I'll say it anyway- get out while you can (especially if you're receiving no benefit, what's the point?)....the social circles (and people associated with such substances- meth especially in my experience- and cocaine/heroin can and do have quite ugly circles as well) can be pretty rough- especially to rookies. Best to stick with the the lighter substances and easier circles...such as cannabis. Never had any issues whatsoever in that world.

-PA

 

[Mananas]

How much is a handful of times?

And what color did your Heroin had?

Because:

a) Cocaine is a drug that you have to learn to appreciate but most likely you just had really, really poor quality,

b) the first times you use a drug it happens quite a lot that you do not feel anything, this is because an entirely new substance is entering the body, seen as highly toxic and the body does a huge effort to break down this substance, only after having used a substance a couple of times and your body is used to the substance, it stops breaking it down to the extent you don't feel any effect at all,

c) the first times you use a certain drug you might not really know what to feel, so it's difficult to say "hey, I feel the Coke kicking in", compare it to people, like I used to, who use a lot of LSD, they can tell the first signs of the effects of the LSD after about only ten minutes, while people who do not have a lot of experience with taking LSD will usually only notice the first effects while they really start tripping, after about an hour or even longer,

d) if you used #3 Heroin and you snorted it, it most likely was poor quality as well and H3, unlike H4, is not really absorbed by the nasal membrane since it is a base, and in fact not even the end-product of Heroin, that's H4, the hydrochlorid form of the drug - yet, the step of turning H3 into H4 is not something even someone with knowledge about chemistry can just pull off, so that's why H3 even exists, because a lot of the time manufacturers of the drug just quit at H3 (the nrs. just indicate a specific step in the production process, nr. 1 and 2 are not Heroin at all, just so you know...) and deliver a product that is actually one step short of being finished, this being said: H3 can, by way of - once you get the hang of it - smoking it off of tin foil, give you a very nice rush and hours of nodding off, if you've got some decent H3, it can be almost as euphoric, not quite but almost as euphoric as H4, you just need to put some extra effort into your ROA, for example, you could effectively snort H3, in liquid form, when dissolved in some water together with an acid, like lemon juice, that will do, and slightly heat the solution in a spoon; this way you are making the H3 ready for absorption by the body in other ways than smoking it off of tin foil, which in fact is not that economical to do so, a lot goes up in the air, of the fumes while heating the tin foil, instead of you inhaling it, making a lot of the stuff go down the drain...

(however, H4 can sometimes just as well have a brown color, did it had a very strong smell or almost no smell, if it had a strong smell it was most likely H4, and was the smell distinctive, by lack of a better word, once snorted, or did it smell really dusty, as in 'muf', 'duf', like something that has been laying around for a very long time and the smell of the substance is old and seem to have lost it's original smell, so dusty in a figurative way? - I'm sorry for not being able to make this more clear, I'm Dutch and do not have that much words to describe a word I almost to maybe never before use/have used).

And indeed, what about those people, who got you the stuff or the guy who sold you the stuff, close friends or new "friends"? (In the world of drugs friends are a rare thing, mostly they are there, when you have stuff, but when you're out of stash, they are hiding with their own stuff, not really keen on sharing with you the same way you did with them... At least that's my experience, but it can be totally different for each individual of course...) But how you got the drugs can help determine the quality of the drugs, perhaps...

It is possible to have for example more problems using Cannabis than using Heroin, for some people. I know people who smoke one Joint after the other, they are practically totally socially isolated, living from welfare, don't have any goals or ambitions, they suffer from total apathy, and I can go on and on, while I just as well know people who every now and then, maybe once a month, snort one line of H4 and have no problems regarding keeping their use under control as well as the drug having no impact whatsoever on their lives; it all depends on what kind of person you are.

I do not want to sound like I think you're ignorant, because I don't think that, but I believe you should really use good sources, if it has to be solely the internet that provides them okay, but find the real and the good sources, not just some random opinions or websites that are not objective about drugs at all. Try websites focused on harm reduction, they usually give solid and real information about what a certain drug can do to you, because of course, Heroin can be for some people very hard to handle (however for me, I can handle quitting Heroin forever if I would want to, but I could never miss Cocaine (if it's high quality that is, otherwise I let the lab dispose of it in the correct way), so again, how prone we are of having troubles with addiction is very personal) and for probably most users Heroin use will spiral out of control (it just feels so damn good...).

But it is important, whatever drug you choose to try out, to before you try any drug, do all the research you can about that drug - the effects, immediate side-effects, long-term side-effects, possible ways of using the drug and how each different way will affect you in a different way, what tell-tale-signs of really bad stuff is (like Cocaine that is, when you dip your finger in some powdered rocks - if it's all powder they offer you, don't even bother to buy it, because it will be cut up very heavily - and when the Cocaine is right away numbing the place where you put your powdered finger in your mouth just the way like it feels you just have visited the dentist, do not use it, if it hurts while snorting, don't snort any more of it, you can find all kinds of things on the internet alone by itself: what a drug mostly and in general and in a very general way should look like: if you have yellow Coke, something is wrong, if your MDMA shows any coloring (mostly orange to brownish or totally brown) it's garbage, signs of pollution you can look up, signs of cuts you can look up (you can taste them, feel the effect of some just by tasting, you can see it if you see differences in the powder you purchased - told you not to buy powder! - like for example if you see that there are differences in the structure of the powder, or differences in the color, this suggests different powders ergo cuts, you can get info about what dose is good for a newbie to start with, what things you need to keep in mind to keep the damage you do to your body as minimal as possible, for example:

If you have done a stimulant:

- don't be hyperactive all the time, take frequently moments where you take the time to chill out, breath more slowly, let your heartbeat drop a little/a lot, let your body-temperature cool down (getting overheated and dehydrated can be fatal), so also drink enough but don't overdo it, one or two glasses water or something (not alcohol) every hour should do it, try to use only if you feel good and only in a safe place (a place you think of as save), if you don't feel well there is enough information about what is the best action to take when you show these specific bad effects from this specific drug, and so on and so on...

Knowing as much as possible about the drug you are experimenting it will help you out a lot in making the right choices when starting with drugs.

Of course, as said by the member that first replied to you, not starting with hardcore drugs at all is the only totally safe way to not possibly make one big pile of trash of your entire life in every possible way and ways you can't even imagine yet...

This being said, when drugs are used with knowledge and willpower and knowing you have the willpower to keep your use under control, I think drugs are definitely something that, when you can get your hands on quality gear, can make you feel or experience things that can totally blow you away and change your view about what it means to feel happy and to what extent this happiness can be switched to major forms of the uttermost overwhelming kind of euphoria that you right now can not even imagine what it's like and how euphoric one can actually feel just by snorting a line or inhaling some fumes by heating some powder on foil, but that of course is what the catch is, that is what fucks most people their entire life up; the non-stop quest for that ultimate high.

Know that when you start with Coke and Heroin that you are playing with the two, and of course Crystal Meth, uttermost powerful, uttermost addictive and uttermost euphoric drugs that exist and that have the uttermost power to destroy your life as you know it - or you might as well be able to handle it, or you might OD, or you might keep buying really poor quality, or you get homeless and would commit things you would never see you do at the moment just to buy not even a full hit, and no longer using to get high and euphoric, but only using not to get really very fucking sick, both mentally as physiologically, and so on and so on...

So, educate yourself before jumping into a brain-bleed due to excessive use of some stimulant or wind up turning blue because you don't get enough oxygen because the dose Heroin you took was way too much, or you might find yourself having the best night of your life, etc etc...

But know one thing that is true in an apodictic way: taking drugs is for every one of us, newbie or veteran, moderate user or hardcore user,... simply without distinction gambling with your life in every aspect... - and I don't think anyone will dispute this... If someone does, he has to - for me - bring some very powerful and 100% logical arguments that are sound and solid, because to deny that using drugs, any drug, is taking a gamble, every time again, is the as to deny that a pianist is someone who plays the piano... As far as I can see at the moment it is, anyway...

And when you do take drugs, never worry; you have taken the drugs so there is no point in worrying, if anything, worrying will make the experience less fun, if you have in effect taken a drug, just sit back and enjoy what should turn out to be one Hell of a fucking amazing ride...!

Grtz. from over the top Fireball-city!

 

[Mananas]

The extremities my texts form when it comes down to their length, it is due to using way too much Cocaine... I'm sorry in advance before anyone feels the need to point out that I went beyond the limit of how long a text should be, and I agree, this is too much text - yet, all relevant (of course everything is open for debate, I'm always open to take someone his arguments against a point I made seriously and consider the possibility that I was wrong and make a new evaluation of my reasoning and see if, with the arguments of the one who gave them in mind, see if I should change my opinion(s) or that I should stick with them).

I thought this was relevant to add...

 

[Jaymanaa]

What forms of cocaine and heroin?

Did these others around you consume the same product FROM THE SAME BAG as you?

How well do you know these others? Sometimes if you don't know them too well or haven't known too long, they might play you in order to burn you...

You don't seem all too knowledgeable yet on these scenes (especially depending on location), so although I know my best advice will be ignored, I'll say it anyway- get out while you can (especially if you're receiving no benefit, what's the point?)....the social circles (and people associated with such substances- meth especially in my experience- and cocaine/heroin can and do have quite ugly circles as well) can be pretty rough- especially to rookies. Best to stick with the the lighter substances and easier circles...such as cannabis. Never had any issues whatsoever in that world.

-PA

I agree completely. At 56 years old, I wish I had listened to advice like this I got when I was young. There are lots of pitfalls to consider once you make the step from weed, cigs, and booze. That's not to say those are harmless, there's just a lot of baggage and danger that comes with the harder stuff just by nature. One of the more obvious dangers is the "not knowing" when you buy a product that comes in the form of a powder. Think about all the hands that powder goes through before it reaches your hands. Everyone wants to make money, and it's extremely easy to "cut" a powdered substance. Who wouldn't miss the chances to sell a powered form of laxative for 120 dollars a gram? It's not going to be your buddy that you're getting it from, but more likely someone up the chain that's dealing with larger amounts. This issue is fairly easy to get around if your doing opiates. Instead of heroin, you get a pharmaceutical, such as morphine or Oxycontin, but you better have a large, inexhaustible supply of dough. The medical community has all but "abuse proofed" the good stuff. That's why we are seeing a lot more heroin in the suburbs. Working class addicts either can't get, or can't afford good old pharma opiates these days. In a nutshell, getting high, or maintaining any sort of habit, is a lot harder now than it was even 10 years ago. A lot, maybe most, people have to figure these kinds of stuff out for themselves, but if you are the type to take advice, I think Perpetual's is really spot on. I'm sitting here right now thinking of just the cars, boats, and house amounts of money that every chronic drug user goes through by the time they reach retirement age. Then there's other stuff, like your health......................................

 

[Mananas]

Actually it's not easy to cut up pure bricks of pure Coke or Heroin, when looked at it like this: we are talking about bricks solid as rock, now why would a dealer, for who time is definitely money, spend a huge lot of time to make that solid brick into a very equal very fine powder, something that takes quite a huge lot of time if you have to do so for every gram or bag that dealer sells, so why would he do that if not meaning that pure totally powdered stuff is ALWAYS cut up and most likely to a huge extent.

Even these sticky kind of looking like rocks but with the least (actually almost none whatsoever) amount of pressure they fall apart into tiny sticky flaky-like stuff that you can never get into a nice powder, and once you started off with buying average Coke but later on had the chance to change to high quality stuff all the way, you can at first sight tell the difference between high quality stuff that still contains some moist and this sticky stuff which is also very poor quality, this oily-like bumps.

The difference is very easy to tell, if you snort this sticky poor quality stuff, it sticks in your nose, burning a bit, not getting absorbed by your nasal membrane, and afterwards your nose is totally shot closed with snot and when you are finally able to blow your nose, either some blood is present or some hard almost rock-formation-like stuff comes out your nose: poor quality!

High quality Coke that still is a bit moist and that is not able to be chopped up to a totally fine powder does not need any way of drying it before snorting, it will go op your nose and not just have none of the negative qualities listed above, but even feels pleasant to have this stuff goes up your nose, and it get's absorbed right away, making the effects hit almost instantly and peaking in less than two minutes and able to get absorbed almost to it's full extent and not leaving you with any nose problems whatsoever not in any way at all.

Fact is that products like Coke and Heroin are easy, because most people know very little about the real effects of uncut stuff and about the ways the stuff should look like, smell like (I can tell at least three different cuts just by smelling a gram of Coke, knowing better than to snort it, but in a polite way say no and not use this garbage), while pure Coke has a very unique, very clean and not as strong a smell at all, since most of the 'smelly' stuff has been evaporated out of high quality stuff (because uncut does not therefore mean high quality) - of course you will experience negative side effects up your nose or other negative bodily effects when such a huge amount of highly toxic Kerosine did not evaporate and get's snorted by you! And because we are talking about two drugs that can with ease be powdered and cut, but not only that, easily can made eve, back into completely solid rocks looking like they come straight from the brick - this is the kind of cut up stuff that people higher up the ladder (but only a few steps higher) would use, not powder, that's for the lowest kind of dealers who don't even know how to perform such a process...

But people way up the ladder, the main importers, like the people I buy from, are all about one thing, having their stamp have the image of pure and high quality, totally uncut product, because at the price they buy that stuff, they make a huge profit just by selling it over here - of course you normally don't are able to just buy a few grams of those guys, they are about getting rid off their gear in large amounts quick making their profit very fast to start importing the next batch. I can't just buy a few grams either, I have a minimum amount that I have to purchase, and even still, normally they would not sell to me but distribute it among smaller gangs, I just happened to have gotten lucky at some point and made a very special connection with someone importing Coke that is making almost the entire west of europe have their steady supply of Coke.

Believe me, most Coke that you buy from street dealers, unless you have the better kind of dealer mostly only find in the Netherlands and to some lesser extent in Belgium, but beyond those countries, Coke has gone through so many hands, that the effects you feel and overpowering the small amount of Coke still present in the stuff you buy are those from snorting caffeine powder - and you don't have to take my word for it, just test it out yourself: buy very cheap a batch of caffeine powder in an online smartshop, totally legal stuff sold by many if not most smartshops (and many other cuts as well) and snort a very tiny line of that caffeine, and I'm quite sure it feels just like the street coke you've been buying all this time spending the way to high average amount on that stuff - so you know what to do from now on if you don't have better sources: just buy caffeine powder very cheap in the smartshop and if needed throw in some other common psycho-active cuts in that batch of caffeine powder, like lidocaine for local numbing and drain it in some gasoline and let that shit dry and you probably have the stuff that you've been buying all this time, with the same smell and same over the top numbing as well now!

And you can't buy pure and uncut high quality stuff from your average street dealer for the average price, otherwise, which would be the bad and poor quality and cut up stuff? Get with it and come to see: that's that stuff!!! - real Coke you buy straight from the one to x amount of kilo bricks that have not been touched yet with a nice stamp on them, stating it's source and telling you: hey, this is that stuff you bought the other time, that's the only totally real stuff... Sorry if once again lots of people are going to be mad because they can't take the fact that they are not able to get any real stuff and probably most people never will not even once in their lives... Just fact... Wash your Coke with Acetone and see for yourself how little amount is left-over, which does not mean you now have lost any Coke, no, all the Coke is still right there, you just got rid off the huge amount of garbage, that's all.

Real high quality and uncut stuff comes with a price that is way higher than the average price, and comes with other prices to pay as well, but that's something you can only know if you are actually getting real stuff and not your average (which in NL is still very high for street Coke, up to 60% on average, 50% in Belgium, at least 20% less in other countries. But hey, don't take my word for it, just look up the official statistics, that's all, and please do so before making a huge effort to comment on my post once again. Thank you.

 

[keeping]

I am new to the site, though I've been reading forums on this site for a while now. Straight to the point..Im at the stage where I don't feel comfortable in my own skin without something in my system. But im not physically addicted to a certain drug. I've been depressed for the past few years due to numerous hardships in my life. Depression=drug cravings (for me). I love pills, all kinds but my favorite is adderall. Tried meth once and loved it. My problem is, I have tried cocaine and heroin a hand full of times (snorted) and it's not giving me the high that others around me seem to get. I just feel chill for about 5 minuites then nothing, on both. Each batch was from different dealer. Am I the only one??

sorry to hear you've been having a rough time mate.
the difference in effects could be due to your mood, perhaps you haven't been eating right or maybe you just don't like cocaine and heroin anymore.
ymmv: your mileage may vary... drug taking is a subjective experience and your body and brain can often outgrow certain things you liked before that you don't now.
for instance; i used to love MDMA and i took it sereral times a week for about two years. then i sobered up for a while but when i finally came back the taste of it made me gag, the high was dizzying and confusing and i found that the tingles i used to get up and down my spine had gone - i tried it a few more times but i never got back to that wonderful psychic bonfire of happiness in my mind. never took it again.
so what i'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that, no, you're not the only one man. have you considered going to a group like NA or its equivalent just to share - you'll soon see you're not the only one: there's bloody millions of us ahaha ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽
or, if you're not into the whole sittign around in a church hall drinking lukewarm coffee, we have our recovery support forums which are bloody amazing and can and wiill help you every step of the way - even if its just having some like-minded degenerates to have a chat to.
let me know if i can help you in any other way mate, welcome to Bluelight

 

[Mananas]

I've had the same thing happening with every drug, including alcohol, to me as well: having done it way too much, then quit and when after even quite a long time you use that drug again, thinking it once again will make you have that amazing feeling you have when you are new to a drug and immediately fall in love with it, however - with Coke and H being the exceptions, not one drug gave either any effect or not any effect that I was able to enjoy, on the contrary!

However the OP is new to both Coke and H...

 

[keeping]

However the OP is new to both Coke and H...

how lucky for him, that he need not destroy his life with them, he just doesn't like them innately! wonderful news ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Maybe, and that's a big maybe, that's true for the top level dealers mananas. Once the top level dealers break the bricks down it becomes a lot easier to mix the powder, if you can increase your profits by 20-50% by using a cheap cut why wouldn't you?

 

[IsWhatItIs95]

What forms of cocaine and heroin?

Did these others around you consume the same product FROM THE SAME BAG as you?

How well do you know these others? Sometimes if you don't know them too well or haven't known too long, they might play you in order to burn you...

You don't seem all too knowledgeable yet on these scenes (especially depending on location), so although I know my best advice will be ignored, I'll say it anyway- get out while you can (especially if you're receiving no benefit, what's the point?)....the social circles (and people associated with such substances- meth especially in my experience- and cocaine/heroin can and do have quite ugly circles as well) can be pretty rough- especially to rookies. Best to stick with the the lighter substances and easier circles...such as cannabis. Never had any issues whatsoever in that world.

-PA

Yes all the coke I tried was out the same bag as others with me..and I've realized that I was simply not doing enough H. I've been so scared to OD that I just wasn't doing enough, until last night I tried about double the amount and got a nice high.
Either the crowd I'm dealing with just has shitty coke, or Its just not my kind of high..
I appreciate your advice, it mostly confirmed what my conscience was telling me.

I think about wanting to get high, then tell my self no its not a good idea. Next thing I know I'm making a call and jumping in the car. I need to stop while I can.

I loved bud for about 2 years until it just didn't do the trick for me anymore. But I still smoke heavily.
Thank you for your answer

 

[IsWhatItIs95]

Also, I've lived with many drug addicts, dated a few, and my whole family is. It's always been all around me. I've just never been In the scene of it all. I wouls just give rides and listen to ppl talk about drugs 24/7. I was the only one doing nothing more than pills.
Sorry for writing so much.

 

[IsWhatItIs95]

Yes all the coke I tried was out the same bag as others with me..and I've realized that I was simply not doing enough H. I've been so scared to OD that I just wasn't doing enough, until last night I tried about double the amount and got a nice high.
Either the crowd I'm dealing with just has shitty coke, or Its just not my kind of high..
I appreciate your advice, it mostly confirmed what my conscience was telling me.

I think about wanting to get high, then tell my self no its not a good idea. Next thing I know I'm making a call and jumping in the car. I need to stop while I can.

I loved bud for about 2 years until it just didn't do the trick for me anymore. But I still smoke heavily.
Thank you for your answer

Also, I've lived with many drug addicts, dated a few, and my whole family is. It's always been all around me. I've just never been In the scene of it all. I wouls just give rides and listen to ppl talk about drugs 24/7. I was the only one doing nothing more than pills.
Sorry for writing so much.

 

[IsWhatItIs95]

Thanks for your advice that took me a few days to fully comprehend..lol. I've realized just how easy dope is to find around me and have tried multiple different kinds since I've posted this.
The past week I've found some good dope..the color was closer to a grey. It gave me energy and lasted a while after each dose. Today I got some from someone else and it's a way lighter color than the other, I almost didn't buy it because when i tried a bump it didn't taste as strong as the other I had. I said fuck it and got it anyway. Feels like a different high. Any advice on that? At this point I'm hooked and very disappointed in myself..but if I'm gonna do it I might as well know the good shit from the not so good.

 

[Mananas]

What looked grey, Coke or Heroin? Coke should not look grey, but as for Heroin the lighter the color the less cuts, usually - for Coke a not too intense smell is not a bad sign, for Heroin it is, as both H3 and H4 should have (definitely 4) a very distinctive smell...

 

[keeping]

What looked grey, Coke or Heroin? Coke should not look grey, but as for Heroin the lighter the color the less cuts, usually - for Coke a not too intense smell is not a bad sign, for Heroin it is, as both H3 and H4 should have (definitely 4) a very distinctive smell...

BL has a strict no drug ID rule - you should know this by now Mananas, please edit this post soon and avoid this topic in the future in the future, and that goes for everyone here.
??? ? ???

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey OP and welcome to Bluelight! We're happy to have you. I'm going to give you quite the revelation. Many of us here on Bluelight also struggle with addictive behaviors and tendencies . Part of what you should familiarize yourself with, as you're new, is finding the appropriate places for things, not only to help the forums operate more smoothly, but to help you get the most dedicated responses possible in a timely manner.

I am personally of the school of thought that the majority of those who become addicted to and dependent upon drugs struggle with some degree of depression and/or anxiety. I feel that there can be outside events in one's life that might catalyze their addiction, surgery -> Opioid prescription for instance, but I believe you have to want and need what the drugs offer in order to begin making sacrifices in your life to obtain more. "Normal" people can become addicted as well, of course, but I would bet good money that my theory is correct.

So, you're not alone in this. The way I always sum up my trajectory of addiction, is that I never felt good and the first time I experienced the level of contentment that drugs could bring, I didn't want to return to how things had always been before. I'd say that I was fully addicted in a psychological sense after my very first time getting intoxicated with Alcohol. I ultimately settled on Opioids as my drug of choice, but I am addicted to not experiencing reality, whatever that means, just like you are.

So, to conclude, I think that what you're going through couldn't be further from the truth. I think a lot of us went through a similar phase on our way to "full blown" addiction/dependence.

Basic Drug Discussion -> The Dark Side