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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Tell A Shit Joke: Number 2

steewith2ees

steewith2ees

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
5,575
** Previous version here **

F.U.B.A.R. said:
Einstein's girlfriend approached him one day:

"Albert, I feel our relationship is breaking down. There are two things I want from you. Basically, I need more time and space."

Einstein looked up at her and said:

"Ok my dear; and what's the second thing?"
Click to expand...

That's not shit - it is both amusing and educational. Comeduction (as in Com - education, not Come Duction)?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A man walks into a cafe and asks "could I have a latte but without the milk?". The waiter replies "I'm sorry, sir but we don't have any milk. Would you like a latte without cream?"
 
Apologies beforehand...


Why can't male photons have threesomes?

If they see two slits, their function collapses.


(Sorry)
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Apologies beforehand...


Why can't male photons have threesomes?

If they see two slits, their function collapses.


(Sorry)
Click to expand...

Why the apology? That one tops the lot and now we have total coverage, from relativity to quanti'.

AA*
 
steewith2ees said:
Why the apology? That one tops the lot and now we have total coverage, from relativity to quanti'.

AA*
Click to expand...

Heh, thanks Stee - that was off the top of me head and I felt it could be refined further, possibly including a reference to the large hardon, or summat...
 
During the war Winston Churchill went to an asylum, during his visit he got talking to a guy building a wall. Winston asked him how he ended up there and the guy replied "I don't know really" and Winston said "I'll have a word with the doctors because you seem fine to me". As Winston was leaving he was struck by a housebrick on the back of the head. He staggered round and the guy building the wall said "Don't forget".

That's the first joke I ever remember - must've been about 8 when I heard it. It was made especially funny by having it told to me by an older guy I really liked who had a beautiful sense of humour.
 
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him, and says "For you, no charge
 
BehindtheShadow said:
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him, and says "For you, no charge
Click to expand...

=D quality quality quality. It's joyfully encouraging to see the amount of comedic clever clogs - es contributing. Strong team ygm?!!!!!
 
Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."
 
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes -- so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it know?"
 
Why did the dark matter particle keep getting beaten up?




Because he was a wimp...
 
A photon walks up to the reception desk at a hotel. Have you got a room for the night?
The clerk on the desk looks in the book and says, Room 30 is free. Do you need any help with your bags?
No, thanks, says the photon, I'm travelling light!
 
Why was the shy electron bombarded with X-rays?


To bring him out of his shell...
 
Keep these coming =D and we can anthologise them for money, make one of those crimbo stocking filler little books aimed at nerdy scientists who need to laugh more
 
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?




Anyone can roast beef

(Sorry to lower the joke intelligence level - I just got that one off a joke bog roll!)
 
Policeman: "Right Mr.Heisenburg - can you tell me where exactly you were at 9pm 25th July 1927?"


Werner: "Um, I can't be certain..."
 
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