• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Tell A Shit Joke: Number 2

^ One of my all-time faves =D

In related oldie/goodie news...

How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin divers =D
 
Q. What's the difference between Ctrl-Alt-Delete and Alt-Right?

A. One"s a reboot, the other's a jackboot.
 
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel one night, when a small fire breaks out in each of their bedrooms.

The physicist, waking to the smell of smoke, begins a long series of calculations based on the specific heat capacity of water, the latent heat of steam, the enthalpy of combustion and the ignition temperature of the furnishings; and then pours onto the fire the exact amount of water required in order to extinguish it, yet evaporate completely from the residual heat, leaving the minimal amount of damage.

The engineer, waking to the crackle of flames, locates the seat of the fire, the sink and a suitable container; then begins pouring water on the fire, a bucket at a time, until it is out; then throws on as much water again, just to create a margin of safety.

The mathematician, waking to a sudden increase in temperature, notices that there is a sink in the room; turns on the tap to check the rate at which water is coming out of it; then, satisfied that a solution exists, leaves the rest as an exercise for the reader.
 
No offence intended to anyone by this but a dispatcher at work told me this one today and it was just in such monumental bad taste I had to tell it....

How do you make a gay guy have sex with a woman?

Take a shit in her cunt

Sorry :) :) :)
 
Count Dracula was walking in the Carpathian mountains when he was killed by an avalanche of assorted triangular sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, chicken drumsticks and mushroom vol-au-vents.


Turns out it was Buffet the vampire slayer...
 
Backfromthebrink said:
No offence intended to anyone by this but a dispatcher at work told me this one today and it was just in such monumental bad taste I had to tell it....

How do you make a gay guy have sex with a woman?

Take a shit in her cunt

Sorry :) :) :)
Click to expand...

:D



What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?












































Very Little. . .
 
I went into this grengrocer's shop in Sunderland and I said, I'd like three kilos of potatoes and half a kilo of onions, please.

The shopkeeper says, You're in Sunderland now, miss. It's pounds and ounces here!

So I said, O.K. then, I'll take three kilos of pounds and 500 grams of ounces, please!
 
What did little poverty stricken, foetal alcohol syndrome Johnny get for Christmas?

AIDS
 
Q. What's the definition of a blonde bombshell?

A. When you were expecting Ulrika Jonsson, but Hulk Hogan shows up!
 
What different personality types say about a half-litre glass containing 250 ml of water:

Optimist: Half full.
Pessimist: Half empty.
Accountant: Bigger than it needs to be, therefore more expensive.
Production Engineer: Cheaper than retooling if we're also going to sell 500ml glasses of water.
Engineer: A bit stingy with the margin of safety.
Junior Technician: Are you sure you wanted me to make it like this?
Physicist: It depends whether it was initially empty and you poured some water into it, or initially full and you poured some water out of it.
Mathematician: This is left as an exercise for the student.
 
Mr Heisenburg gets pulled over by plod one night.

Plod: Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenburg: Nope, but I know exactly where we are.
Plod: Well I can tell you that you were doing 85 in a 70 zone!
Heisenburg: Shit! Now we're both lost :!
 
"My wife's like a fine wine."

"Is that because she improves with age?"

"No, I've got her locked in the celler..."
 
If you're ever cold just stand in the corner for a. Bit.



They're usually about 90 degrees.
 
CAPITAL LETTERS

They're the difference between helping you Uncle Jack off a horse...

& your uncle jack off a horse....
 
Rastafarian and a Rabbi waiting at a bus stop.

Rastafarian says, "when's the next bus due?"

Rabbi says, "in about half an hour n**ger..."


Sorry.
 
As an aeroplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothes and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
 
I've heard there's another sequel to 'The Neverending Story' being released.

It's called 'Hillsborough, 28 years and fuckin counting...'
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top