September Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v It's Fall Again / The Sky is Falling

[somnilicious]

Wow! Hang in there Aihfl. I was really thinking about you during the storm. You can read about it in my recovery log but a giant oak tree almost crushed my house. Did you suffer any damages? I am really white knuckling it with the booze this evening myself. I am not the type to drink everyday but I am a total binge drinker. I hit it hard and fast when I do.

Sorry about all the stolen gear. Especially the dive equipment. I know that was a hobby you have been pursuing and that hurts. Hope you feel better. If you ever need to vent PM me and I will shoot you my #...

Somni

 

[aihfl]

Wow! Hang in there Aihfl. I was really thinking about you during the storm. You can read about it in my recovery log but a giant oak tree almost crushed my house. Did you suffer any damages? I am really white knuckling it with the booze this evening myself. I am not the type to drink everyday but I am a total binge drinker. I hit it hard in fast when I do.

Sorry about all the stolen gear. Especially the dive equipment. I know that was a hobby you have been pursuing and that hurts. Hope you feel better. If you ever need to vent PM me and I will shoot you my #...

Somni

Mobile site isn't letting me PM you. I'll do it in the morning. It sounds like we could both use a friend this week

 

[aihfl]

Mobile site isn't letting me PM you. I'll do it in the morning. It sounds like we could both use a friend this week

Hey Somni. Pretty much a sleepless night. Lots of glutamate still kicking around up there. I took extra gabapentin (1200mg I think) 100mg of Vistaril and 1mg of Ativan and none of it kept me out for more than about two hours. I'll sleep when I'm able. I should remember what it was like before I was trying to recover - I'd regularly be up for 60-80 hours straight. Anyway PM'd you my phone number. Like I said it sounds like we both need a friend this week.

Sorry to hear about your house. My condo building had a door blown off to the entrance stairway but it wasn't on my end and my ex wife nearly had a giant limb from her camphor tree come crashing into her TV room and it was just dumb luck she didn't sustain any major damage, just a big ass mess. At my condo development though, we are going through a pricey reconstruction and I'm interested in knowing at the next meeting just how far we've been set back. My hope is that some of the previous "code violations" can now be "insurance casualties" so that it lessens the amount of money unit owners have to fork over.

 

[Lamurion]

I've injured my hands (tendinitis) so no piano basically sitting in front of youtube. today I slept 12h because I thought life is boring without creating.

but all in all it's ok.
windy here, I can't image how a hurricane must be (I live in Germany)

 

[aihfl]

I've injured my hands (tendinitis) so no piano basically sitting in front of youtube. today I slept 12h because I thought life is boring without creating.

but all in all it's ok.
windy here, I can't image how a hurricane must be (I live in Germany)

What are you working on? I was a symphony orchestra musician for many years but of course we all have to have some level of keyboard proficiency to graduate. I am working through the Bach Well Tempered Clavier Preludes right now. The fugues are much too difficult for me right now. Maybe after doing the Sinfonias (3 Part Inventions), the fugues will be more accessible.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've injured my hands (tendinitis) so no piano basically sitting in front of youtube. today I slept 12h because I thought life is boring without creating.

but all in all it's ok.
windy here, I can't image how a hurricane must be (I live in Germany)

What are you working on? I was a symphony orchestra musician for many years but of course we all have to have some level of keyboard proficiency to graduate. I am working through the Bach Well Tempered Clavier Preludes right now. The fugues are much too difficult for me right now. Maybe after doing the Sinfonias (3 Part Inventions), the fugues will be more accessible.

Do either of you have any suggestions for someone who absolutely loves Dvorak's Symphony #9? Sometimes I'll just make a playlist where that runs through two or three times when I feel stressed out at bedtime, and I just let it carry me away

I definitely need more recommendations as I know shit all about classical music. But I want to! Please

 

[aihfl]

Do either of you have any suggestions for someone who absolutely loves Dvorak's Symphony #9? Sometimes I'll just make a playlist where that runs through two or three times when I feel stressed out at bedtime, and I just let it carry me away

I definitely need more recommendations as I know shit all about classical music. But I want to! Please

Oh man, you've gotten me started!!!
All Dvorak's Symphonies are lovely. My favorite of the New World is a really old one with the Chicago Symphony (where I trained) with conductor Fritz Reiner who was one of the harshest taskmasters of all times. The recordings Reiner made with the Chicago Symphony, along with the old recordings George Szell made with the Cleveland Orchestra have a level of sharp clarity that I find lacking in a lot of new recordings. And think about this - these recordings were made on magnetic tape, so there's not much manipulation that can take place. What you hear is what was played. I would not be put off my old Reiner/Szell recordings at all because of their age. To the contrary, I think that is some of the best playing the world has ever heard.

I don't have a favorite recording of Dvorak's 8th Symphony in G major, but I'm sure there's many out there. The seventh symphony in D minor is lovely as well, and I have a favorite recording of the Sixth made by Christoph Von Dohnyanyi and the Cleveland Orchestra.

I enjoy European orchestras, but we play differently and are trained differently here, so my bias is toward North American orchestras. Not saying it's better, just different.

EDIT: The New World recording I was thinking of was actually conducted by Rafael Kubelik, but those old Chicago recordings...man...

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have to check that out! I have been listening to a Viennese copy from the late 80's I think. What I really need is a hifi/lossless setup to really enjoy this stuff with. Luckily I made a hifi friend last night and we spent a couple hours comparing all our different setups

If only I have a couple grand to spend on new equipment! It is so cool how far the technology has come, even just in my lifetime.

 

[aihfl]

I wanted to make sure it wasn't a figment of my imagination, but there is a great recording of Symphony No. 7 that was made by the LA Philharmonic in the late 1980s conducted by Andre Previn.

 

[simco]

What are you working on? I was a symphony orchestra musician for many years but of course we all have to have some level of keyboard proficiency to graduate. I am working through the Bach Well Tempered Clavier Preludes right now. The fugues are much too difficult for me right now. Maybe after doing the Sinfonias (3 Part Inventions), the fugues will be more accessible.

Well-tempered Claiver is one of my absolute favorites, particularly some of the fugues in Book II. I'm *very* impressed to hear that you're working through that stuff...I'm not a classically trained musician, but it strikes me as especially demanding from a technical standpoint.

In an only-slightly-related vein, I've been listening to Bach during the infusions that comprised the ketamine therapy I'm currently undergoing. 'Art of the Fugue' and Cello Suites have been especially good.

 

[Lamurion]

I also played something from well tempered clavier I guess. hazy memory regarding piano pieces.

I worked on chopain op7no2. and also I adore grieg so after the first popular melody (folkevise), I want to play the second piece with the same title. before I played at your feet.

 

[Lamurion]

I have the first part at home and have maybe played something, but looks difficult to me. have played for ten years, but not very intense and with some breaks

 

[Erikmen]

I never really played anything. I am probably the only one in my family who has never played well. Some say talent jumps one generation. I am pretty sure that wasn't the reason. I do love music, orchestras and have always wanted to be a singer though.

 

[somnilicious]

What are you working on? I was a symphony orchestra musician for many years but of course we all have to have some level of keyboard proficiency to graduate. I am working through the Bach Well Tempered Clavier Preludes right now. The fugues are much too difficult for me right now. Maybe after doing the Sinfonias (3 Part Inventions), the fugues will be more accessible.

I am a big fan of orchestra but I have to admit that my interest are totally pop influenced... Think Fantasia and other popularly known renditions. My first love was a first chair flute and piccolo player that is what got me into orchestra.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I have a few baroque pieces I composed for my first noise album. I excel at arranging pieces, though composing is also a source of great joy too. I can also play a few instruments.

 

[aihfl]

While I'm waiting on the all clear at work, I've got to rant about a conversation I had with my mom, who still thinks I am fleeing my career as a musician because of the stigma of addiction. It's just so absurd I don't even really humor it anymore. I was far from the only one tippling on the job (one sadly died of liver failure sometime over New Years - no one's even sure exactly when he died), but there's a ton of potheads, crackheads and those who enjoy hitting the slopes, sometimes on the job. In fact, the ONLY drug I've never heard of a classical musician abusing is meth, but I'm sure that person is out there. No I don't want to be a musician anymore because musicians are among the shittiest people I've met. Since my tenuous toehold into sobriety that was begun by court ordered therapy, the Reducation Comrade therapist continuously hammered at me that I was not a good person with a disease, I was a shitty person that drank. Then it got me to thinking about all the addicts I've known over my years of playing in symphony and opera orchestras. Musicians as a whole (yes even classical ones) tend to be emotionally stunted people with a whole list of possible undesirable character traits: scheming, selling out, etc. I could spend a whole page on this alone. So I've arrived at a location in my mind that it MAKES SENSE that there are a disproportionate number of fucked up people in my former profession. I think it would be counterproductive to everything I'm trying to do with my life now to walk back into that snakepit.

Now that said, unbeknownst to my mother (because the less she knows about my bidness, the better; for Christssakes she's the reason I HAVE PTSD) I bought a "lot" of instruments at a former mentor from Chicago's estate sale, copies of historical instruments. It is my dream, starting small, to put on authentic performances using these historical instruments. Like actually playing Mozart on the kind of violin Mozart might have actually played. What an idea huh? No assholes need apply.

 

[simco]

While I'm waiting on the all clear at work, I've got to rant about a conversation I had with my mom, who still thinks I am fleeing my career as a musician because of the stigma of addiction. It's just so absurd I don't even really humor it anymore. I was far from the only one tippling on the job (one sadly died of liver failure sometime over New Years - no one's even sure exactly when he died), but there's a ton of potheads, crackheads and those who enjoy hitting the slopes, sometimes on the job. In fact, the ONLY drug I've never heard of a classical musician abusing is meth, but I'm sure that person is out there. No I don't want to be a musician anymore because musicians are among the shittiest people I've met. Since my tenuous toehold into sobriety that was begun by court ordered therapy, the Reducation Comrade therapist continuously hammered at me that I was not a good person with a disease, I was a shitty person that drank. Then it got me to thinking about all the addicts I've known over my years of playing in symphony and opera orchestras. Musicians as a whole (yes even classical ones) tend to be emotionally stunted people with a whole list of possible undesirable character traits: scheming, selling out, etc. I could spend a whole page on this alone. So I've arrived at a location in my mind that it MAKES SENSE that there are a disproportionate number of fucked up people in my former profession. I think it would be counterproductive to everything I'm trying to do with my life now to walk back into that snakepit.

Now that said, unbeknownst to my mother (because the less she knows about my bidness, the better; for Christssakes she's the reason I HAVE PTSD) I bought a "lot" of instruments at a former mentor from Chicago's estate sale, copies of historical instruments. It is my dream, starting small, to put on authentic performances using these historical instruments. Like actually playing Mozart on the kind of violin Mozart might have actually played. What an idea huh? No assholes need apply.

I saw a beautiful performance of Haydn (don't recall the pieces) on period instruments in the Ste Chapelle in Paris a few years back. It was gorgeous on many levels. I hope you get to stage that, man.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

What's your next plan? Are you going to try and do something diffrent?

i have no idea. i don't know how this is going to work. i'm not really willing to say never again. last time i got so far without saying that. right now i'm not gonna use and stack up the days -- hopefully months and then years.

i did learn from last time. if i can get to the point where i have a more defined plan, i now know to start screaming help when i'm seriously considering "just once."

9 days sober.

 

[aihfl]

i have no idea. i don't know how this is going to work. i'm not really willing to say never again. last time i got so far without saying that. right now i'm not gonna use and stack up the days -- hopefully months and then years.

i did learn from last time. if i can get to the point where i have a more defined plan, i now know to start screaming help when i'm seriously considering "just once."

9 days sober.

I had an IOP therapist that even with 27 years always said, "I'll probably never drink again." I don't know that any of us really can say "never again." Never is a very long time, however today, or even just this hour is manageable. My ex wife and I still have a joint Costco credit card and she kicked me off it after I was using it to purchase large quantities of alcohol during a relapse. She put me back on it, but asked, "How will I know you won't do this again?" I told her honestly, I don't know that I won't do this again. I can say honestly I don't want to do it again, but what we want and what we end up doing are sometimes at odds.

My insomnia seems to be catching up with me. I found myself fatigued but anxious at the same time and really craving a drink. I'm glad I can now recognize why that's not an option: I can't drink "enough" anymore; I can't even black out on a completely unreasonable quantity of alcohol; it has to be insanely unreasonable. Plus, I have to help my ex wife pick up a generator tomorrow morning. She may be on the channel 6 news in Orlando tomorrow. My power in Orlando was back on 6-12 hours after Irma blew through but she lives in Winter Park and there are still downed power lines and it looks like the storm blew through yesterday so she and a bunch of her neighbors called channel 6. It only came to light today that the City of Winter Park Electric Utility only asked for emergency crews from Georgia YESTERDAY so I'm betting she's not going to have power for another five days at least which is ridiculous given that Winter Park fancies itself the rich suburb; our answer to Beverly Hills. The only way in which I ever noticed my expensive Winter Park property taxes dollars at work was in police harassment. So someone is loaning her a generator and window unit A/C which is a relief because I really thought she was going to come camped out with me. I wouldn't have liked it, but it would have been the only right thing to do otherwise. On the other hand here in my somewhat ghetto section of O-town, the lights have long been on and the section of my road that winds around a lake that was washed out has already been filled, resurfaced and repainted.

Thank you all for letting me ramble on this thread. I really should start my own recovery journal thread but again, what we should do and what we do...

 

[somnilicious]

I just wanted to say that I love everybody in SL right now.. We have a good thing going at the moment.. Let's of veterans to the forum and lot's of newbies making great progress. Some fall, some try again and again, some are putting up big numbers, and some are our anchors but we are all doing this together and help, advice, support or a lesson can come from the oldest to the newest member.



Yaaaaa!! Everyone keep fighting the good fight Somni