Breathe
Bluelighter
Greetings, brothers and sisters.
I hope to help as many people as possible, with the forthcoming posts.
In that we are all human and share a very specific weakness,
I love you all. That weakness, however, could become a diamond-like strength,
if you were to so choose.
This is information I have been meaning to post for quite some time now.
It is a sort of journal, detailing the things I have done and still do in order to repair
myself after many long years of IV drug use. This includes meditation, supplements,
spirituality, and exercise. I am not implying that other drug users or even simply normie
people can't benefit from this - I think anyone and everyone should have this information
given to them simply for the sake of health!
EVERYONE CAN BENEFIT FROM THIS - DRUG USERS, DRINKERS, SMOKERS, GAMBLERS, SEX ADDICTS,
CODEPENDENTS, OCD PEOPLE, FOOD ADDICT, EATING DISORDER PEOPLE, TOBACCO USERS, WHEAT SMONKERS, AND EVEN NORMIES.
Be warned: I have a damn near photographic memory, so
I always write in detail. I'll try to be more concise.
I have been a hard drug user for a very long time, and after many years
of rehab, jail, homelessness, turmoil, ecstasy, and torture,
it finally became a lifestyle I could no longer sustain.
I didn't WANT it, anymore - and I still don't.
Bio:
You need to know about me in order to understand how any of this worked for me.
I am 36 years old right now.
I've been using drugs since I was 12 years old.
I was addicted to morphine when I was 12, during a hospital stay for surgery.
I will never forget the profound obsession I developed for morphine because of that experience.
Compared to young people these days, I've done a moderate amount of hallucinogens
including LSD, Mescaline, MDMA, MDA, Mushrooms, Marijuana, Ketamine, many 2-C's,
and a smattering of strange RCs - all before I was 25.
I always loved opiate pills and Adderall, and was addicted by 23.
When the pills ran out, I switched to Heroin (BTH).
I smoked it irregularly for 6 months, and then one day my dealer left 2 prepackaged
unopened syringes in my car. I stared at them for 2 weeks, refusing to throw them away
for some reason. I had started getting bored with H, and so I printed out an injection
guide, and tried slamming for the first time. In the seconds following that first shot,
I knew - as deeply and resolutely as I knew that the sky was blue - I "knew" I had found
my long lost love, my muse, my life source and longing, in that moment.
In other words, I was hopelessly addicted from the first 10 seconds of the rush.
I managed to live a functional life with schooling and a career in the medical field for years,
but then I got caught by members of my band at the time, intervened on, and sent to rehab.
When I came back, all bets were off and I didn't care if I would have to sleep
in my car or steal to get it - I got sloppy.
Then, when the H high started getting boring, I added IV Meth (refused to smoke it).
For the last 12 years or so, I was slamming these drugs (including Molly occasionally),
with the exception of, let's say, 3 years *cumulatively*, sober overall.
I've been through and completed 7 rehabs, and some 15 stays in jail (all drug related).
During my entire drug using career, I did a lot of research into damage prevention, as well as
biological and neurological repair.
If and when I was "functional", I was taking certain supplements WHILE I was strung out,
in an attempt to prevent or lessen the damage I was doing to myself.
The following is a culmination of roughly 17 years of personal research
into methods of repairing myself -and- to hopefully make myself better than I ever was.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Remember... Life is an active thing, in and of itself.
Even in its conceptual form, it is purely active.
Death is decay, and as such can be interpreted as inaction.
Nothing will come to you in life without you taking action, first.
If you want to repair yourself, and better yet - get off drugs and be happy, you have to SEEK this.
All the meditation, supplements, and exercise in the world will utterly fail you if you do not truly want to be free.
A few years back, I spent 2 years off all drugs: exercising, being active in recovery, working, etc...
and yet in the end, when I chose to start using again, I realized that I didn't really know what I was doing, because, inside, I had actually wanted to use again. All. Along.
That's when I started getting weird. I failed to recognize that I went into rehab and sober living with a LIE
embedded in me - the lie that I "wanted" to stay clean.
I didn't! I truly did not.
I was lying to everyone and myself, in a way. It wasn't until I faced my true desires,
which were to get fucked up 24/7, that I started to make progress.
I realized this while laying on my solid iron bunk, with a paper-thin "mattress pad",
kicking H and Meth for the millionth fucking time... miserable, hurting, sad, lonely...
in a "tank" filled with 70 dudes in the Orange County Main jail.
Kicking in an environment where everyone is aggressive and just plain ugly in every sense
is a pretty bad place to kick. I had to fight people on numerous occasions, mainly because they were aggressive, bored, and nitpicking my behavior.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
So, please be honest with yourself.
Do you want to get better?
Don't know? It's okay to not know!
But reach out and talk to someone whose opinion you respect.
Bring that shit you have on the inside, RIGHT ON OUT to the outside
by talking to someone - and sort it out. You will be so glad you did.
You CAN fucking do this!
First, I'll start with:
______________
MENTAL HYGIENE
~~~~~~~~~~~
This may sound weird - but it made a HUGE difference for me.
I stopped listening to heavy, emotional music. This was weird because I am a musician
and music is my passion - how could I not listen to my favorite groups?
Well - I knew that the last thing I needed to be subjecting myself to, was anything
that carried any emotion, whatsoever. Nothing. I needed to clean the slate.
No more violent music for a while. No TV shows, only certain movies. Avoid tension
of any kind. No sketchy vibes.
No actively/purposely thinking about drugs, but if it came up, I would talk to someone about it
in a healthy way - not glorifying. If some memory kept coming up, I would seek someone
out and let it out. "This happened" and "I felt this way" and "It was crazy" etc... Letting it out
in a controlled, non-glorifying manner made a huge difference.
I listened to meditative music, all day. In my room in rehab, I had soft, gentle
music with no words and no rhythm playing 24/7. It drastically changed my room - my sanctuary.
I felt calm and peaceful in my room - not chaotic. I truly rested for the first time in over a year.
No "bitches/money/drugs/crime" gangster rap - which I can't stand anyways, but still.
It seems like I'm always surrounded by early-20's white kids blasting gangster rap and acting like
fucking animals. That whole scene bleeds animalistic behavior and ideas - avoid avoid avoid!
If it was being played around me, I asked for it to be turned down or off. If they didn't want to, I left.
Straight up walked away, casually, from situations that made me feel even remotely gross/sketch.
I ruthlessly removed violence, heavy sexuality, heavy emotionality, and drama from my existence (ironic).
My existence for the first 8 months of being clean was this way. No entertaining ideas of girls or hooking up.
Spoke to my parents often.
I completely and utterly cut out every single person whose existence gave me anything less than genuine happiness. That left only positive acquaintances, close friends, and family.
No social media for me for 5 months, by choice. When I came back on the grid,
I unfriended/unfollowed every single person who was anything less than a real friend.
Try it - you have nothing to lose. Literally.
Because I made these temporary changes to my life, I was able to observe myself as all these strange
beliefs and ideas I used to have about myself, life, the world..just faded and faded and what was left was
just ME. It was like some kind of psychological/emotional chemical process whereby you remove some
component from the mixture and slowly but surely, all the garbage and "personality" and "identity" that I
was so sure defined me, faded away, leaving the true me behind, minus all the ridiculous nonsense
I had taken on for the 35 years of my existence til then. It was amazing. I felt back in touch with myself
in a way I could not remember having felt since I was a happy, joyful CHILD.
Next..
__________
MEDITATION
~~~~~~~~
I have always felt that meditation would be an excellent method of acquiring
peace of mind, serenity, and oneness. The problem is, I couldn't get myself to do it.
I just couldn't. I could even sit there, in a meditative pose, debating in my head
whether I should try it or not, for like 2 hours, and afterwards realize I could have been
trying it for that long instead of debating it! Damnit!
Well, I finally tried it successfully, and I legit could not understand why I hadn't done it before.
My Method of Meditation:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*HAND MUDRAS*
~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll keep this simple - in what we collectively refer to as "Yoga", there are hand positions that
are utilized in order to achieve some effect. These are called Hand Mudras, and you can look them up easily on Google.
The most common one we all think of, is the Gyan Mudra, where your index finger and thumb are touching at the
tips on both hands. Make sense? Mudras.
SO. The way I use hand mudras, is as an adjunct to my meditation practice.
They're not necessary - but they make such a noticeable difference that
I can't imagine meditating without them anymore.
I learned the yogic system of mudras,
which attributes certain elements to each finger, as follows:
Thumb - FIRE
Index - AIR
Middle - SPIRIT/ETHER
Ring - EARTH
Little - WATER
FASEW
Thumb FIRE is the active force that nourishes and encourages the others.
So to touch the tip of Thumb FIRE to, say, the Middle finger (SPIRIT)
is to nourish and encourage the SPIRIT element.
When I meditate, I use a relatively firm, upright chair, or sit indian-style.
Sit in such a way that your spine in straight yet does not require your active muscular
support to keep it upright. You need to be relaxed, but not sleepy-relaxed.
You MUST have a peaceful environment. Do what you need to do to get this.
I start by putting on some very soft music with no percussion or vocals.
My favorite is Earth Energy by Anjey Satori which contains
only a minute of soft chanting at the beginning and at the end: it's 1 hour long - perfect time.
https://youtu.be/B3M0d5IP3aI
Sit down, close your eyes, and relax..
Close your eyes and hear only the music
or only the sound of your breathing..
Take one SLOW, DEEP breath into your belly,
and let it SLOWLY drift out.. Repeat a few more times
and you will feel a softness come over you..
Bring your awareness to your breath. Feel it.
Relax. Breathe. You're okay. You are okay right now.
I then bring my hands into my desired mudra postion.
I then allow my mind to do what it needs to do - objectively.
When I have a thought, I acknowledge it and let it pass. I do not engage it.
If feelings come up, do not engage them actively. Observe them, and let them pass.
It works if you just let them pass - even if they are intense and seem more real
than anything else on earth - they WILL PASS - and if you maintain your willpower
through it, when they do pass, you will feel the meaning of true power and confidence.
And your mind will have learned a new trick. Suddenly, things that once made you cringe
or flee in fear whether mentally or physically, will not phase you. Try it.
All human power begins in the mind.
The tricky part is convincing yourself that it's going to be okay - that this actually
works. If you can get past your own false conviction that it doesn't work,
then it WILL work! The fact is, that you are alive and able to read this, therefore
you're able to meditate to whatever degree you choose.
Stay in your sense of being and your personal power. You've got this. Hang in there.
Helpful Tip: If you don't mind singing, you can even just
softly sing the basic OM chant to yourself. Or a mantra of your making! Or just hum!
I AM OKAY. LOVE IS HERE.
I recommend looking up the names and types of Hand Mudras - and their effects.
So when you do meditate, you have a reference in front of you on how to do them.
Create your own mudra sequences!
I like to use the APAN VAYU Mudra most generally,
for the most immediate and relaxing effects.
It is called the Heart Mudra because it purportedly helps people with heart issues - and not just physically..
Okay - Meditation down, and you can always come back and reference this whenever you want.
If you have any questions, please PM me and ask. I will answer.
Coming UP - SUPPLEMENTS for repairing yourself, easing withdrawal, and detoxing your body of
the gross shit you put in it!
I hope to help as many people as possible, with the forthcoming posts.
In that we are all human and share a very specific weakness,
I love you all. That weakness, however, could become a diamond-like strength,
if you were to so choose.
This is information I have been meaning to post for quite some time now.
It is a sort of journal, detailing the things I have done and still do in order to repair
myself after many long years of IV drug use. This includes meditation, supplements,
spirituality, and exercise. I am not implying that other drug users or even simply normie
people can't benefit from this - I think anyone and everyone should have this information
given to them simply for the sake of health!
EVERYONE CAN BENEFIT FROM THIS - DRUG USERS, DRINKERS, SMOKERS, GAMBLERS, SEX ADDICTS,
CODEPENDENTS, OCD PEOPLE, FOOD ADDICT, EATING DISORDER PEOPLE, TOBACCO USERS, WHEAT SMONKERS, AND EVEN NORMIES.
Be warned: I have a damn near photographic memory, so
I always write in detail. I'll try to be more concise.
I have been a hard drug user for a very long time, and after many years
of rehab, jail, homelessness, turmoil, ecstasy, and torture,
it finally became a lifestyle I could no longer sustain.
I didn't WANT it, anymore - and I still don't.
Bio:
You need to know about me in order to understand how any of this worked for me.
I am 36 years old right now.
I've been using drugs since I was 12 years old.
I was addicted to morphine when I was 12, during a hospital stay for surgery.
I will never forget the profound obsession I developed for morphine because of that experience.
Compared to young people these days, I've done a moderate amount of hallucinogens
including LSD, Mescaline, MDMA, MDA, Mushrooms, Marijuana, Ketamine, many 2-C's,
and a smattering of strange RCs - all before I was 25.
I always loved opiate pills and Adderall, and was addicted by 23.
When the pills ran out, I switched to Heroin (BTH).
I smoked it irregularly for 6 months, and then one day my dealer left 2 prepackaged
unopened syringes in my car. I stared at them for 2 weeks, refusing to throw them away
for some reason. I had started getting bored with H, and so I printed out an injection
guide, and tried slamming for the first time. In the seconds following that first shot,
I knew - as deeply and resolutely as I knew that the sky was blue - I "knew" I had found
my long lost love, my muse, my life source and longing, in that moment.
In other words, I was hopelessly addicted from the first 10 seconds of the rush.
I managed to live a functional life with schooling and a career in the medical field for years,
but then I got caught by members of my band at the time, intervened on, and sent to rehab.
When I came back, all bets were off and I didn't care if I would have to sleep
in my car or steal to get it - I got sloppy.
Then, when the H high started getting boring, I added IV Meth (refused to smoke it).
For the last 12 years or so, I was slamming these drugs (including Molly occasionally),
with the exception of, let's say, 3 years *cumulatively*, sober overall.
I've been through and completed 7 rehabs, and some 15 stays in jail (all drug related).
During my entire drug using career, I did a lot of research into damage prevention, as well as
biological and neurological repair.
If and when I was "functional", I was taking certain supplements WHILE I was strung out,
in an attempt to prevent or lessen the damage I was doing to myself.
The following is a culmination of roughly 17 years of personal research
into methods of repairing myself -and- to hopefully make myself better than I ever was.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Remember... Life is an active thing, in and of itself.
Even in its conceptual form, it is purely active.
Death is decay, and as such can be interpreted as inaction.
Nothing will come to you in life without you taking action, first.
If you want to repair yourself, and better yet - get off drugs and be happy, you have to SEEK this.
All the meditation, supplements, and exercise in the world will utterly fail you if you do not truly want to be free.
A few years back, I spent 2 years off all drugs: exercising, being active in recovery, working, etc...
and yet in the end, when I chose to start using again, I realized that I didn't really know what I was doing, because, inside, I had actually wanted to use again. All. Along.
That's when I started getting weird. I failed to recognize that I went into rehab and sober living with a LIE
embedded in me - the lie that I "wanted" to stay clean.
I didn't! I truly did not.
I was lying to everyone and myself, in a way. It wasn't until I faced my true desires,
which were to get fucked up 24/7, that I started to make progress.
I realized this while laying on my solid iron bunk, with a paper-thin "mattress pad",
kicking H and Meth for the millionth fucking time... miserable, hurting, sad, lonely...
in a "tank" filled with 70 dudes in the Orange County Main jail.
Kicking in an environment where everyone is aggressive and just plain ugly in every sense
is a pretty bad place to kick. I had to fight people on numerous occasions, mainly because they were aggressive, bored, and nitpicking my behavior.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
So, please be honest with yourself.
Do you want to get better?
Don't know? It's okay to not know!
But reach out and talk to someone whose opinion you respect.
Bring that shit you have on the inside, RIGHT ON OUT to the outside
by talking to someone - and sort it out. You will be so glad you did.
You CAN fucking do this!
First, I'll start with:
______________
MENTAL HYGIENE
~~~~~~~~~~~
This may sound weird - but it made a HUGE difference for me.
I stopped listening to heavy, emotional music. This was weird because I am a musician
and music is my passion - how could I not listen to my favorite groups?
Well - I knew that the last thing I needed to be subjecting myself to, was anything
that carried any emotion, whatsoever. Nothing. I needed to clean the slate.
No more violent music for a while. No TV shows, only certain movies. Avoid tension
of any kind. No sketchy vibes.
No actively/purposely thinking about drugs, but if it came up, I would talk to someone about it
in a healthy way - not glorifying. If some memory kept coming up, I would seek someone
out and let it out. "This happened" and "I felt this way" and "It was crazy" etc... Letting it out
in a controlled, non-glorifying manner made a huge difference.
I listened to meditative music, all day. In my room in rehab, I had soft, gentle
music with no words and no rhythm playing 24/7. It drastically changed my room - my sanctuary.
I felt calm and peaceful in my room - not chaotic. I truly rested for the first time in over a year.
No "bitches/money/drugs/crime" gangster rap - which I can't stand anyways, but still.
It seems like I'm always surrounded by early-20's white kids blasting gangster rap and acting like
fucking animals. That whole scene bleeds animalistic behavior and ideas - avoid avoid avoid!
If it was being played around me, I asked for it to be turned down or off. If they didn't want to, I left.
Straight up walked away, casually, from situations that made me feel even remotely gross/sketch.
I ruthlessly removed violence, heavy sexuality, heavy emotionality, and drama from my existence (ironic).
My existence for the first 8 months of being clean was this way. No entertaining ideas of girls or hooking up.
Spoke to my parents often.
I completely and utterly cut out every single person whose existence gave me anything less than genuine happiness. That left only positive acquaintances, close friends, and family.
No social media for me for 5 months, by choice. When I came back on the grid,
I unfriended/unfollowed every single person who was anything less than a real friend.
Try it - you have nothing to lose. Literally.
Because I made these temporary changes to my life, I was able to observe myself as all these strange
beliefs and ideas I used to have about myself, life, the world..just faded and faded and what was left was
just ME. It was like some kind of psychological/emotional chemical process whereby you remove some
component from the mixture and slowly but surely, all the garbage and "personality" and "identity" that I
was so sure defined me, faded away, leaving the true me behind, minus all the ridiculous nonsense
I had taken on for the 35 years of my existence til then. It was amazing. I felt back in touch with myself
in a way I could not remember having felt since I was a happy, joyful CHILD.
Next..
__________
MEDITATION
~~~~~~~~
I have always felt that meditation would be an excellent method of acquiring
peace of mind, serenity, and oneness. The problem is, I couldn't get myself to do it.
I just couldn't. I could even sit there, in a meditative pose, debating in my head
whether I should try it or not, for like 2 hours, and afterwards realize I could have been
trying it for that long instead of debating it! Damnit!
Well, I finally tried it successfully, and I legit could not understand why I hadn't done it before.
My Method of Meditation:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*HAND MUDRAS*
~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll keep this simple - in what we collectively refer to as "Yoga", there are hand positions that
are utilized in order to achieve some effect. These are called Hand Mudras, and you can look them up easily on Google.
The most common one we all think of, is the Gyan Mudra, where your index finger and thumb are touching at the
tips on both hands. Make sense? Mudras.
SO. The way I use hand mudras, is as an adjunct to my meditation practice.
They're not necessary - but they make such a noticeable difference that
I can't imagine meditating without them anymore.
I learned the yogic system of mudras,
which attributes certain elements to each finger, as follows:
Thumb - FIRE
Index - AIR
Middle - SPIRIT/ETHER
Ring - EARTH
Little - WATER
FASEW
Thumb FIRE is the active force that nourishes and encourages the others.
So to touch the tip of Thumb FIRE to, say, the Middle finger (SPIRIT)
is to nourish and encourage the SPIRIT element.
When I meditate, I use a relatively firm, upright chair, or sit indian-style.
Sit in such a way that your spine in straight yet does not require your active muscular
support to keep it upright. You need to be relaxed, but not sleepy-relaxed.
You MUST have a peaceful environment. Do what you need to do to get this.
I start by putting on some very soft music with no percussion or vocals.
My favorite is Earth Energy by Anjey Satori which contains
only a minute of soft chanting at the beginning and at the end: it's 1 hour long - perfect time.
https://youtu.be/B3M0d5IP3aI
Sit down, close your eyes, and relax..
Close your eyes and hear only the music
or only the sound of your breathing..
Take one SLOW, DEEP breath into your belly,
and let it SLOWLY drift out.. Repeat a few more times
and you will feel a softness come over you..
Bring your awareness to your breath. Feel it.
Relax. Breathe. You're okay. You are okay right now.
I then bring my hands into my desired mudra postion.
I then allow my mind to do what it needs to do - objectively.
When I have a thought, I acknowledge it and let it pass. I do not engage it.
If feelings come up, do not engage them actively. Observe them, and let them pass.
It works if you just let them pass - even if they are intense and seem more real
than anything else on earth - they WILL PASS - and if you maintain your willpower
through it, when they do pass, you will feel the meaning of true power and confidence.
And your mind will have learned a new trick. Suddenly, things that once made you cringe
or flee in fear whether mentally or physically, will not phase you. Try it.
All human power begins in the mind.
The tricky part is convincing yourself that it's going to be okay - that this actually
works. If you can get past your own false conviction that it doesn't work,
then it WILL work! The fact is, that you are alive and able to read this, therefore
you're able to meditate to whatever degree you choose.
Stay in your sense of being and your personal power. You've got this. Hang in there.
Helpful Tip: If you don't mind singing, you can even just
softly sing the basic OM chant to yourself. Or a mantra of your making! Or just hum!
I AM OKAY. LOVE IS HERE.
I recommend looking up the names and types of Hand Mudras - and their effects.
So when you do meditate, you have a reference in front of you on how to do them.
Create your own mudra sequences!
I like to use the APAN VAYU Mudra most generally,
for the most immediate and relaxing effects.
It is called the Heart Mudra because it purportedly helps people with heart issues - and not just physically..
Okay - Meditation down, and you can always come back and reference this whenever you want.
If you have any questions, please PM me and ask. I will answer.
Coming UP - SUPPLEMENTS for repairing yourself, easing withdrawal, and detoxing your body of
the gross shit you put in it!
Last edited:
