Ketamine has LITERALLY let me time travel: but now I'm stuck here

If I may, just finished the TV show Lost. Excellent series. But I think some of the things I learned in it could apply to you strangelove.

Lost is a great series. Dharma is very appropriate here.

And perhaps you're right, perhaps I do need to remember to have faith..
 
Wow. I do not intend to poke fun at this dilemma in any way, but this is by far the most interesting thread I've ever read on Bluelight. You should start a YouTube vlog channel. "I Have Time Traveled: Part 1"
 
This was my first port of call, part of me really hoped I was delusional as it would mean this wasn't real and I could be medicated/seek some form of psychological help.
As has been mentioned, I was tested for and am not suffering from psychosis.
One thing (amongst others) that defines psychosis is something called 'fixated' thoughts or 'fixated delusions'.

For example a crazy person would hear voices coming from their fridge, and believe that the fridge is talking to them.
If I were to hear voices from my fridge (not saying I hear voices, this is an analogy) I would think it crazy,
and be able to grasp the concept that my right brain is creating voices, and as it passes that neural pathway over to the left brain it is being interpreted as a voice coming from an inanimate object.

The lack of fixation, amongst other things, gave me a clean bill of health from medical professionals.
And my rational attitude with this lead them to agree this is a belief, but does not pose a threat to myself or others, since I am completely lucid with it. The same as Scientologists believe some far out things, but you can't commit them just because you don't agree with what they think.

You are wrong about the above, and if that is what you were told by a mental health professional than I suggest you contact another professional. First, the correct term is fixed delusions, not "fixated delusions". Fixed delusions only mean the the delusions are enduring for an extended period of time and do not change in the face of conflicting or contrary evidence. The criteria you are using to define a fixed delusion is loss of insight (ie, I would know that the refrigerator talking to me is crazy), but that doesn't necessarily have to occur. Plenty of schizophrenia patients are aware that their delusions are false -- that is why people volunteer for treatment. Be thankful that you have retained some insight into your mental status. In any event, you are suffering from fixed delusion -- you still believe that you experienced time travel, despite others telling you that you have not, and the only evidence being your belief that it happened. There are no healthy individuals who believe that they can time travel.


Take a look at the definition of delusion from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, which is the manual to defines how psychiatric illnesses are diagnosed:

DSMV said:
Delusions are fixed beliefs that are not amenable to change in light of conflicting evidence. Their content may include a variety of themes (e.g., persecutory, referential, somatic, religious, grandiose). Persecutory delusions (i.e., belief that one is going to be harmed, harassed, and so forth by an individual, organization, or other group) are most common. Referential delusions (i.e., belief that certain gestures, comments, environmental cues, and so forth are directed at oneself) are also common. Grandiose delusions (i.e., when an individual believes that he or she has exceptional abilities, wealth, or fame) and erotomanic delusions (i.e., when an individual believes falsely that another person is in love with him or her) are also seen. Nihilistic delusions involve the conviction that a major catastrophe will occur, and somatic delusions focus on preoccupations regarding health and organ function.


Delusions are deemed bizarre if they are clearly implausible and not understandable to same-culture peers and do not derive from ordinary life experiences. An example of a bizarre delusion is the belief that an outside force has removed his or her internal organs and replaced them with someone else’s organs without leaving any wounds or scars. An example of a nonbizarre delusion is the belief that one is under surveillance by the police, despite a lack of convincing evidence. Delusions that express a loss of control over mind or body are generally considered to be bizarre; these include the belief that one’s thoughts have been “removed” by some outside force (thought withdrawal), that alien thoughts have been put into one’s mind (thought insertion), or that one’s body or actions are being acted on or manipulated by some outside force (delusions of control). The distinction between a delusion and a strongly held idea is sometimes difficult to make and depends in part on the degree of conviction with which the belief is held despite clear or reasonable contradictory evidence regarding its veracity.

I'm sorry to tell you that you are suffering from a fixed bizzare delusion. I don't know if you have a psychiatric illness, but you should be evaluated. It might not be schizophrenia but rather a persisting reaction to ketamine. But it is good for your long term prognosis that you have insight into your delusion.
 
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Wow. I do not intend to poke fun at this dilemma in any way, but this is by far the most interesting thread I've ever read on Bluelight. You should start a YouTube vlog channel. "I Have Time Traveled: Part 1"

A nice idea, even though attention isn't my reason for expressing this information, however I don't think there's enough content for a vlog.

I would like to experiment with this; perhaps hold controlled experiments in mixed environments, gauge the cause and affect, and the effects of repeated use of the drug.
I know there are several investigations into the time distortion effects of ketamine: the most prominent of which found that it not only alters brainwave patterns, but creates minor gravitational anomalies (a vortex) around patients. This, however, has not been peer reviewed.


I'm sorry to tell you that you are suffering from a fixed bizzare delusion. I don't know if you have a psychiatric illness, but you should be evaluated. It might not be schizophrenia but rather a persisting reaction to ketamine. But it is good for your long term prognosis that you have insight into your delusion.

I'm sorry, what exactly is your PhD in?

I'm sorry to tell you I'm not suffering from any form of fixation. I can accept that any of the information here could have been incorrectly perceived either at the time of interpretation, or at the time of recollection. As has already been mentioned.

One could argue several people in this thread have certain fixated beliefs in thinking I'm delusional.
Beliefs that due to cognitive dissonance, they cannot adjust.
They believe that there is no "other dimension", as they have already decided that they, as humans, are the dominant entity of the universe, the idea there is anything bigger than themselves is scary and foreign to them, and so they rationalise with the simplest possible solution: I am crazy, and they do not have to bother considering any alternatives to their current belief system.

I may be crazy, I may be correct. As I have already mentioned several times: this requires more experimentation to truely understand the pharmacokinetic process and its possible spiritual implications.

I'd also be interested in studying the pharmacokinetic similarities between PCP and Ketamine, as the hallucinations and experience seem slightly similar: One inside the mind, one out.


And if you'd read the information correctly, you'd have seen that the ketamine was administered once a day over a period of two months in 2010, and not taken since, so "persisting reaction to ketamine" does not fit.

Apart from that, though: very thorough work. Thank you.
 
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Hello

I'm here needing some help with regards to ketamine:
In 2010 I used ketamine quite heavily, over a period of several months.
I put myself into several ketamine comas or "k-holes", rather deeply, and found myself transcending this physical dimension, and going to the "Nth dimension" or "sub-space".

Whilst there, I found my way in front of a large being of light, that seemed to be very omnipresent and powerful.
I remember begging to be free, and communicating with the entity bigger than myself.
Since we were outside both space and time, the rules of our physical dimension do not apply.

I could not remember what transpired there when I got back, but as time goes on I am remembering more and more.
It turns out in the future I use ketamine to travel back in time, to 2010.
I understand this seems unbelievable, but unfortunately for me, this is the truth.

Since I do not remember in 2010 what I have done or that I have traveled back, I find myself making the same mistakes that have led me to my current position, and have no option but to use ketamine to remove myself from the physical dimension and travel back again, to try and correct what I have done wrong.

This leads me to my issue: I am now trapped in a time-space loop.
I am not sure how long I have been here for, but I am continuously traveling back to 2010 only to find myself on a journey back to making the same misakes and traveling back to 2010.

I really need some help with this, as I cannot find anyone who will believe me, let alone assist me in breaking free.
Please if you have any assistance you can give, it will be greatly appreciated.

Best
StrangeLove

With all you described, do you believe there is some sort of after-life? Like, after we die is there a reward if beautiful lucidity? Not necessarily heaven and hell, but SOMETHING to look forward to after all the pain in this life.
NOW back to you and see if I can help.
You said: I could not remember what transpired there (1. Are u talking about 2010?) when I got back, (2. Are you talking about present time?) but as time goes on I am remembering more and more.
It turns out in the future I use ketamine to travel back in time, to 2010. (3. When in the future are you talking about, OR don't you know?)
Then: Since I do not remember in 2010 what I have done or that I have traveled back,................. (4. You stated that you were remembering more. 2nd, you said: ......."or that I have traveled back," How do you know you traveled back?

Then you said: "am now trapped in a time-space loop." When you said that you find yourself traveling back to 2010, is this happening out of your control?

I have other questions and comments, but I wanted to get a few questions out of the way first.

I DO understand that all this is happening on a NON physical level.
 
With all you described, do you believe there is some sort of after-life? Like, after we die is there a reward if beautiful lucidity? Not necessarily heaven and hell, but SOMETHING to look forward to after all the pain in this life.
NOW back to you and see if I can help.
You said: I could not remember what transpired there (1. Are u talking about 2010?) when I got back, (2. Are you talking about present time?) but as time goes on I am remembering more and more.
It turns out in the future I use ketamine to travel back in time, to 2010. (3. When in the future are you talking about, OR don't you know?)
Then: Since I do not remember in 2010 what I have done or that I have traveled back,................. (4. You stated that you were remembering more. 2nd, you said: ......."or that I have traveled back," How do you know you traveled back?

Then you said: "am now trapped in a time-space loop." When you said that you find yourself traveling back to 2010, is this happening out of your control?

I have other questions and comments, but I wanted to get a few questions out of the way first.

I DO understand that all this is happening on a NON physical level.


This is your first post, you've only just signed up.
Am I right in thinking you've just stumbled upon this thread, and signed up to post here?
Or were you already a member, and wanted to post under a new account?

I definitely think there's something bigger than us. I wouldn't go so far as to say heaven and hell.

And in 2010 I traveled to the "other side" and when I came back I couldn't remember anything, just that I wasn't going to take ketamine anymore.

It's only as I'm nearing the event horizon from this side that I'm remembering what transpired there, and that I used my out of body experience to leap back in time into my body, in a previous instance of time.

Do you have a point you're driving at here?
 
Travelling back in time, if possible, has some weird and obvious properties. There are two possible scenarios. Either you travel back to your actual past, or to a (hypothetical) parallel time line.

If you travel back to your actual past, you will be able to meet your past self and interact with him. This can lead to all kinds of paradoxes, like the grandfather paradox (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandfather_paradox). This version of time travel should be very obvious to you when you try to pick up your life in the time you end up in. Your past self will be sleeping in your bed, so it will be a bit crowded to join him for instance.

If, on the other hand, time travel makes you jump to another timeline it will also lead to some very obvious things. You appear out of nowhere in that timeline. You have no past there and nobody will recognise you. If you speak to your friends or family they will not know who you are.

If neither has happened to you, chances are you didn't time travel. The best option to consider in this case, is that it is all somehow an illusion. You should solve your problems by acting on this assumption. This means not taking ANY drugs and seeking help. Either way, I wish you good luck and good health.

Speaking PHYSICALLY, Its impossible to travel back in time. Like a time machine. Now spiritually or out of body, it could be possible.
 
Speaking PHYSICALLY, Its impossible to travel back in time. Like a time machine. Now spiritually or out of body, it could be possible.

I would be inclined to agree with you.

My real interest here is:
Why was I so intent on wanting to leave, why out of my body in my pure spirit state was I so eager to escape?
it was like I was a prisoner here, and had been for millenia, and I finally had seen my chance to make a break for it.

What was the large white orb entity? The demiurge? Lucifer? Shambala?
Many people say they see it with near death experiences.

Why is there a grid around the planet? Is it keeping us in? or something out?


One of the triggers for these memories was reading the Matrix series, by Val Valerian:
A former CIA operator who describes a lot of what I saw in his books.
 
A nice idea, even though attention isn't my reason for expressing this information, however I don't think there's enough content for a vlog.

I would like to experiment with this; perhaps hold controlled experiments in mixed environments, gauge the cause and affect, and the effects of repeated use of the drug.
I know there are several investigations into the time distortion effects of ketamine: the most prominent of which found that it not only alters brainwave patterns, but creates minor gravitational anomalies (a vortex) around patients. This, however, has not been peer reviewed.

I would love to see a shred of evidence supporting that ketamine produces gravitational effects.


I'm sorry, what exactly is your PhD in?

I have a PhD in psychopharmacology and neuroscience.

I'm sorry to tell you I'm not suffering from any form of fixation. I can accept that any of the information here could have been incorrectly perceived either at the time of interpretation, or at the time of recollection. As has already been mentioned.

I didn't say that you have a fixation. Fixed delusion doesn't mean that the person is "fixated" on something, it means that they continue to believe in something for an extended period of time, even when presented with contradictory evidence. If you have changed you mind then that is great. But then I'm not sure why you created this thread.

One could argue several people in this thread have certain fixated beliefs in thinking I'm delusional.
Delusions and opinions are different things, as you probably know.

Beliefs that due to cognitive dissonance, they cannot adjust.
They believe that there is no "other dimension", as they have already decided that they, as humans, are the dominant entity of the universe, the idea there is anything bigger than themselves is scary and foreign to them, and so they rationalise with the simplest possible solution: I am crazy, and they do not have to bother considering any alternatives to their current belief system.

First, being skeptical of something, especially when there is no supporting evidence, is a reasonable belief, not a delusion.

I may be crazy, I may be correct. As I have already mentioned several times: this requires more experimentation to truely understand the pharmacokinetic process and its possible spiritual implications.

I'd also be interested in studying the pharmacokinetic similarities between PCP and Ketamine, as the hallucinations and experience seem slightly similar: One inside the mind, one out.


And if you'd read the information correctly, you'd have seen that the ketamine was administered once a day over a period of two months in 2010, and not taken since, so "persisting reaction to ketamine" does not fit.

Apart from that, though: very thorough work. Thank you.
You are wrong about ketamine effects not being persistant in some individuals. In someone with subacute schizophrenia, ketamine use can potentially trigger an extended psychotic break. Additionally, some ketamine users, for example Dr. John Lilly, reported experiencing long-term delusional thinking after ketamine use. There was also an anesthesiologist whose wife experienced persistant delusions after ketamine use (she committed suicide in the 1970s). You can read John Lilly's autobiography if you don't believe me. Some people seem to develop subclinical delusions induced by chronic ketamine use.
 
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This is your first post, you've only just signed up.
Am I right in thinking you've just stumbled upon this thread, and signed up to post here?
Or were you already a member, and wanted to post under a new account?

I definitely think there's something bigger than us. I wouldn't go so far as to say heaven and hell.

And in 2010 I traveled to the "other side" and when I came back I couldn't remember anything, just that I wasn't going to take ketamine anymore.

It's only as I'm nearing the event horizon from this side that I'm remembering what transpired there, and that I used my out of body experience to leap back in time into my body, in a previous instance of time.

Do you have a point you're driving at here?

Actually, I've been on this site for a long time but never became a member until today. That's because I stumbled upon your thread because I wanna try to get to know all that's happening to you and try to help you figure all this out. I believe you. I just wanna help ya.
 
This is your first post, you've only just signed up.
Am I right in thinking you've just stumbled upon this thread, and signed up to post here?
Or were you already a member, and wanted to post under a new account?

I definitely think there's something bigger than us. I wouldn't go so far as to say heaven and hell.

And in 2010 I traveled to the "other side" and when I came back I couldn't remember anything, just that I wasn't going to take ketamine anymore.

It's only as I'm nearing the event horizon from this side that I'm remembering what transpired there, and that I used my out of body experience to leap back in time into my body, in a previous instance of time.

Do you have a point you're driving at here?

My point is simply this:
To help you, and understand what is going on in your life.
I won't judge you or disrespect you. I believe you because I have no reason not to.
 
My point is simply this:
To help you, and understand what is going on in your life.
I won't judge you or disrespect you. I believe you because I have no reason not to.

Fair enough.
But since there's mixed feedback on this thread I couldn't rule out the possibility someone was looking to troll me/attack my story and didn't want to use their own account.


As for the mental health explanations:
I believe we have covered them all by now, and they have been accepted as possible outcomes. I feel any more posts with people repeating themselves telling me to accept that this is delusional is going to subtract from us exploring the situation's true potential.


Gwarguy do you believe there is an afterlife?
If so what does it look like for you?
 
Wow this is a very interesting thread, regardless if you are trolling, having delusions or are actually time travelling. Occams razor doesn't seem to be on your side, but who knows... :D

There was something particular about your description of the initial experience that caught my eye.

strangelove237 said:
I remember the last lesson was [that] dualism [is an illusion], that you are the rest of the world you see around you. (it's very hard to put into words, hence why you have to experience it in such a far out way)
Do I understand you correctly, that this is what you meant? That is a notion that is often found in reports of psychedelic experiences (which under a rather broad definition would include ketamine I guess). But it really doesn't fit at all what you then go on to describe about the encounter with that entity:

strangelove237 said:
I could see a giant white orb, or light, which I immediately knew I should avoid
[...]
I traveled away from it (it was slowly draging me towards it, like a tractor beam)
[...]
I didn't stay long, at this point I was making a break for it!
[...]
I was dragged into the white orb and it began to speak to me. I know I was shit scared of this thing. In hindsight it didn't seem that threatening
[...]
But now I remember the dialogue between me and this "thing". I was begging it to set me free, I kept saying things like "why are you doing this?!" etc
[...]
I still don't know if it was Jesus, or the Creator, or the Lucifer Experiment, or Shambala, or an alien portal to another dimension, or what.
[...]
But suffice to say that I'm pretty much fucked, and am on a spiraling course to being booted off the earth. Like it's one big nightclub, and I just slapped the owner and ducked into the crowd. I can only hide for so long.

If duality is an illusion then you were merely looking at yourself. Of course in this sense the word 'you' is not as limited as we ordinarily understand it, but rather all encompassing. The way you described it, I immediately thought of trip reports about so called 'ego death' where people often have a real fear of actually dying, feeling like they know as sure as they ever were that something is going horribly wrong. But then experience the dissolution of all boundaries and realize that it was only the ego that was 'dying'. Meaning you are still there, it's just that 'you' is not as tightly confined to an individual perspective as you thought it was. But the thing is that the ego (which is not some weird thing living inside you, just your habit of seeing things from a individual perspective) really doesn't want to 'die' so it can come up with all sorts of defence mechanisms. One of the classic ways it does this is by making you see the Other (some entity) where there is really nothing but yourself, in order to keep up the boundaries that define itself. So if this true, there is really nothing you have to be afraid of. There is no entity that is doing anything to you, all the fear is nothing more than the thought "this is different from what I know, so it must be bad!". One of the most important lessons psychedelics showed me was, that it's not that you get scared because things look scary. It is rather that things look scary, because you are scared.

Now I can't stress enough that I am really just armchair philosophizing here. I have never had such an experience of non-duality (nor did I ever take ketamine). The idea of non-dualism makes sense to me on a rational level, but this is obviously quite a long way from experiencing it. However I can say, that this seems to me a way to look at the world that is much more helpful, empowering and fun than the idea that we are merely subjects (victims?) to some supernatural forces that play games with us. And since we can't really ever know which one of these ideas is actually true, I feel absolutely content to just go with the one that feels best for me.

I am not sure if any of this is useful for you, but there you have it. Lastly I want to reiterate what JackARoe said.

JackARoe said:
Whatever happens happens. It is ALL part of history and going back in time is part of a person's future. Now the tone of this post is you have to fix an error. Yet there are no errors if whatever happens happens. If you can look back at your life in one straight line of happenings then you are in the correct place now. Reconcile all of it from this point in time. Get rid of the feeling you have to fix something that doesn't need fixing. Feel you way to right here and make peace with it. And lastly, get some FAITH that you are ok. Stop putting your FAITH in the notion you have to go back and fix something. Put your FAITH in a better place.

strangelove237 said:
According to a close friend (I've never seen any evidence myself) The dali lama once asked people to stop experimenting with ketamine and such drugs, as he will often be meditating and some kid from Iowah will be flying around him in the astral dimension talking about pyramids. Seems to make sense though, considering what I've seen.

Even if he really said that, I'd take it with a grain of salt. He's probably just scared of the competition. ;)
 
Not a stupid question at all; I have something better. In 2010 the price of bitcoin was around $0.01, I think it was some time in 2012 it rose to $800...

But alas, you already said you had no memory of pre time travelling in 2010, and your memories of the future are only becoming more apparent as you approach the as of yet uncertain date in question. Bummer.

Yes. But as I said, I'm being kicked out if I dont.

I'm gonna reiterate Tranced's question: kicked out of what? If we are to take this at face value, it sounds like you're saying you plan to evade your pending homelessness by taking a bunch ofketamine... In which case, I'd suggest making some more concrete plans.

It would appear that although we have free will, it is predetermined. No matter how random or "our own" we think the choices are.

If i do something like rolling a dice will it create 6 possible alternate realities? each where a different number falls?
If so I in theory have already created an entropy (by accepting the possibility of its existence) and in theory the loop would continue until I figure out a way to stop it (if it's a 1 in a million chance of picking the right keyword, it would happen a million or so times then not happen)

Alternately if time anticipates the rolling of the dice, and it isn't actually random (which is more likely), and since time already knows the dice will land on three, there aren't 6 possible options but in fact only one, then the scientific term is I'm fu**ed...
If this is the case, how else could I save myself?
It would take a genius to work out the answer to this; hence why I'm farming it

Actually it's quite simple. In a deterministic universe, you'll always throw the dice in the exact same way, thus it will always land on the same number.

So you may as well make the most of the next couple of years, lest you spend then worrying about being in a time loop in which you spend your time worrying about being in a time loop in which you spend your time worrying about being in a time loop in which...

P.S. have you ever considered the entity sent you here to fling a bag of flaming poop at Donald Trump's head?
 
I've had a somewhat similar experience that actually played a big role in me deciding to explore psychedelics. At the time the only drug I was doing is smoking bud.

This was probably 8-9 years ago but me, my dog and a friend walked into a trail to smoke a blunt. It was the first blunt of the first and only pot plant I've ever grown. My dog was on her leash essentially tied to the chair I was sitting on while we smoked. All of a sudden this scenario played out that didn't feel much different than normal reality.

My dog, which was just sitting next to me, got up and ran, breaking free from her collar in the process. She was a pitbull and was raised by my parents so she was always kept on a leash for fear of her attacking someone. Naturally, me and my friend went walking around the woods calling and whistling for her for about 5-10 mins.

Then, just after we had given up and started walking back towards my house, she finally came walking through the woods towards us looking all exhausted, smiling with her tongue hanging out. Looking at her I was overwhelmed by a thought along the lines of 'you said we were going for a walk. Well you weren't walking!'

Then the very next thing I knew I was back sitting in that chair and that situation started playing out. My dog got up and snapped her collar and took off! Normally I would have tried catching her, but given what had just transpired I just let her go. I realized that she just wanted some freedom and trusted that she was smart enough come home without getting into any trouble.

That was a pivotal moment that I see as me possibly breaking a loop between how me and my dog interacted. I was always pretty restrictive when dealing with her because should would always take off whenever she could sneak out. After that I never had any problems walking her around without a leash. She even would listen to me right after ignoring other people trying to get her to do the same exact thing lol. I think the reason she listened to me more than anybody else is because I essentially gave her her freedom.

I can get more detailed about my thoughts on that whole situation but this is already long enough. Just wanted to point out that your experience of a 'loop' may just be a glimpse of reality on a larger scale than we normally perceive. Like quantum mechanics playing out.

My advice? Examine all the details and see if your overlooking any inconsistencies. Most likely differences between any conclusions you came to while in your altered state of mind and how you choose to interact now. If our lives are just our way of carrying out quantum mechanics between different scales of existence than we may just stay on the loop until we resolve the inconsistencies between our thoughts and actions.
 
Fair enough.
But since there's mixed feedback on this thread I couldn't rule out the possibility someone was looking to troll me/attack my story and didn't want to use their own account.


As for the mental health explanations:
I believe we have covered them all by now, and they have been accepted as possible outcomes. I feel any more posts with people repeating themselves telling me to accept that this is delusional is going to subtract from us exploring the situation's true potential.


Gwarguy do you believe there is an afterlife?
If so what does it look like for you?

Well, I'm definitely not here to talk about "mental health". Its not going to get to an answer that will help figure all this out.
My thoughts on an afterlife?
That's difficult. I think once we leave our bodies, it's much more than a heaven or he'll situation. I believe we become pure energy and enter a parallel world that we ccant see in the physical world. Sometimes I think we are reincarnated. Every life we are born into, we get another chance to correct some of worse mistakes we made in our past life. We Will continue to be re-born until everything is set right. Each time we are die and await to be born again, a little more is revealed to us. Then, when all is set right, we will finally stop being born and become one with everything and all the secrets of the universe will be revealed.
 
I think once we leave our bodies, it's much more than a heaven or he'll situation. I believe we become pure energy and enter a parallel world that we ccant see in the physical world. Sometimes I think we are reincarnated. Every life we are born into, we get another chance to correct some of worse mistakes we made in our past life. We Will continue to be re-born until everything is set right. Each time we are die and await to be born again, a little more is revealed to us. Then, when all is set right, we will finally stop being born and become one with everything and all the secrets of the universe will be revealed.

That seems sensible enough.
If we assume this isn't insanity, if what I saw was anything to go by when we die we exit our bodies, go to the "next level up" whereby we are pulled into this large white orb I mentioned and after a talk with this being put into a new body to continue living.
I must mention: that this being is very scary once you're inside it. Devistatingly so.
I don't think it wants to be this way, I think it's just our natural reaction to it. I think this thing is above good or bad, but I may be wrong; I might be romanticising my ideas of it.

I also got the impression that we have been going around and around, reincarnating time after time for a long while..
Unfortunately we cannot take anything with us, it seems to "burn off" our memories after each lifetime.
Something about the crossing over process also seems to prevent memories from crossing over.

Presumably it is the lifeforce of the earth itself. the being that created us, watches over us, and is in control of all things on the earth: both spiritually and physically.

I would love to experiment this further and document it, as previously mentioned.
It could give amazing insights into many different areas, even if a little dangerous.
 
My understanding of the various theories about memories, is that its basicly stored throughout every cell of our bodies.

That would explain why its so hard to remember a khole or a nitrous peak.
The deatachement of our physical body basicly removes our harddrive and we are left with just our cpu, gpu and ram memory etc.

At least for me a khole is usually very focused on my current experiences mixed with some deep feelings that i may or may not be fully aware of atm.
 
You may not be psychotic, but perhaps you fucked up something in the same way that produces deja vu (which is by the way typical for K) and confabulate the rest around it. If you are very sick (otherwise not sure why you would need to be slowly dying over 2 years or so) this might especially feed into your beliefs. What may also perhaps make it seem real is if you are partially recollecting or constructing super intense trips from back then - fragments like that being real memories would also especially make your memories real - only not really being in the future, just in the past like a regular memory.

Full on psychosis is one thing, but there are are countless people on this planet with many far out beliefs that are not psychotic but also not even close to true and much closer to delusional. Maybe you are traumatized though, that I do not know.

I'm not really sure what actual reason you have to substantiate that this has to be a true belief of yours rather than the explanation being one like mine. Maybe you would say that I just can't understand how it 'must be true' but on the contrary: I don't think you quite realize how convincing delusions can be.

Let's start with what is even plausible?

Memories are not stored throughout every cell of your body??.. but mostly in the hippocampus IIRC for long-term memory although ultimately it is 'encoded' and 'holographic' in the sense that it relies on clusters, associations, connections, pathways to the parts of your mind involved with it. First there is working memory though before it gets transfered to long term memory.

Dissociatives heavily impair cognition and I'm sure it's not easy for the mind to even produce a stream of consciousness with what it's left with (obviously not coherent if you have tried dissociatives seriously) let alone form that into a memory as well. I *think* this is a different way of amnesia than from say benzos, even if it's anterograde in both cases. Coherence vs. excitation + depression?

It would be most literally "anterograde" here if it's about having difficulties remembering the future. :D

What is certainly not unheard of with K either is recollecting lost fragments, and this may get all too 'real' or personally significant, even to identity. What you may be grossly overestimating about your time loop, you may be underestimating about K.

And about that hard drive being online from the previous post: well yeah, it's your mind that is so outside of space and time like you experienced only this is rarely so true as when it gets cut off. Usually when that happens like in dreams, there is an evolved process driving that is beyond consciousness, but less so with K. It's frightening if part gets exiled in limbo somehow, but no law of nature is broken. It's just the crazy psychology and psychiatry of K.

Another thing:
Maybe if your belief can't be shaken, you should realize to avoid falling into some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Not like actually making the time loop / going back happen, but your desperation to figure this out or avoid death leading you to start using or abusing K again and then *really* losing the plot. By definition, you can't make a delusion happen so feeding it can break you from reality.

The much more fruitful thing to figure out is how stopping to believe in this, no matter how convincing, changes this entire issue. If it's actually an unavoidable time loop you have nothing to lose (counterintuitively) to let go of all this. But if this is not a time loop, you'd be saving yourself a lot of sorrow on top of what you might be going through physically. The caveat being that it's no good secretly staying focussed on this. Letting go should be a definite choice to heal.
 
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