• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

December Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Hello Holidaze

I'm so exhausted. I can't wait for a break!!! :|

Hope everyone is having a better day than I am.
 
I'm so exhausted. I can't wait for a break!!! :|

Hope everyone is having a better day than I am.

You gonna get a break over the holidays? Or are the holidays what you need a break from? :\

I hope you get some relief soon, man!
 
You gonna get a break over the holidays? Or are the holidays what you need a break from? :\

I hope you get some relief soon, man!

I may not have something to do every day, but I have a lot of things to get done between now and less than 2 months from now. :(

I hate being out of money too. Really doesn't help anything.
 
I think I'm beginning to sense what my "triggers" were for using, as time goes on. Having to go out and do things was a huge trigger.

I no longer feel cravings or miss buprenorphine, but I still have suicidal ideation, anxiety, depression. I see why I was using. Mental disorders are no fun. I think I've began to cope with feeling suicidal a lot of the time but I still wish I could be happy most of the time. Probably a pipe dream.
 
^^It's amazing how little we know about mental disorders, much less treating them. However, you might be aware that there is a DNA swab that can determine which ADs are good candidates for you instead of hit-and-miss. I've heard great things about it. Can I ask what kind of treatment you're getting, CH?
 
^^It's amazing how little we know about mental disorders, much less treating them. However, you might be aware that there is a DNA swab that can determine which ADs are good candidates for you instead of hit-and-miss. I've heard great things about it. Can I ask what kind of treatment you're getting, CH?

None, I just self-medicate with cannabis extracts.

Link to this DNA swab for antidepressants? Sounds interesting.
 
Hey all, I just wanted to chime in quickly with my experience on antidepressants. I've dealt with severe depression for several years (well before I ever even began using opiates) and I've been on every med out there and every med combo it seems they could come up with. Some meds would work for maybe 6 months or so but then I'd be back to where I started, in a deep depression. I've been through many inpatient psych stays and many rounds of ECT. For me the only psych med that has worked for long periods of time has been Parnate, which is an MAOI. Yes, that class of meds comes with dietary restrictions and such, but for me the benefits outweighed all other considerations. As we all know psych meds aren't an exact science and what works for one person won't necessarily work for another. I just wanted to share what has helped me, partly because I know MAOIs get a bad rap a lot of the time, and partly wanted to share just to let you know I understand what you're going through and how frustrating that whole psych med process can be. Take care and hang in there - keep at it and eventually you'll find a med/med combo that's best for you!
 
When using MAOIs, the user must be careful to avoid various other substances and a number of commonly consumed food products that cause interactions with the medication.
 
^^CH- I picked this one because it's not corporate. Let me know if you have problems with the link.
 
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p450 like the liver enzyme?

That just says which antidepressants would be good for lasting "round the clock" and not metabolized before the next dosage tomorrow. That's not to say the pharmacological profile will be an effective match.
 
^^ CH
Yes like the liver enzyme, although technically it's in other places.
Actually they are saying that by looking at the unique profile of genetic variants you possess that both dosage (due to metabolic rate) and optimization of medication type can be determined.
They're also using this type of test for ADHD and something I forgot.
It's important to distinguish between the class of p450 enzymes ~50+ as opposed to genetic variance, which is different in different people.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cyp450-test/basics/definition/prc-20013543
 
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^^ I don't like to talk about empirical evidence, but I know several people who got this test and they feel they are on the right meds with correct dosing, with some tweaks.
 
^^ I don't like to talk about empirical evidence, but I know several people who got this test and they feel they are on the right meds with correct dosing, with some tweaks.

Why don't you like empirical evidence? That's my favorite kind of evidence ;).

(Maybe you meant anecdotal evidence?)
 
Nope I meant empirical :D Too many people believe that what they experience or what they observe their relative or neighbor does is what everyone experiences.
I don't truck with anecdotal. No sir.
Conversely, research focuses on what most people experience (e.g. 98.6 is not everyone's optimal temperature. It's an average.)
So basically we're screwed!
 
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Thank god.

Its hard! I mean shit, how does one deal with things such as tremendous heartbreak. I feel like im experiencing the seat of a child.
I dont want to bore you guys but want you to know what going on to understand what I post from time to Time... I have a gf of 4 years. We raised a son together. She became pregnant as a result of rape. This beautiful boy was given the world. I was there be for he was born, at his birth and every step of the way. He became more attached to me (outwardly). But... this girl is crazy. She lost custody of him due to drug use and homelessness. He is in fostercare. She sees him weekly and refuses me visits.

I have no rights. I am not his bio mom. I am not her wife. I never adopted him. How the fuck is this okay? I didnt do anything wrong here. SHE lost her job, apartment, relapsed and got kicked out of the homeless shelter... she called ME to take him then. Cps took him From ME the following day.

Im having a hard time staying clean without him. I have seen him in 2mos. My heart is broken.
 
Hey everyone :) I'm back after my last relapse, thankfully it didn't go on for too long. I'm halfway into day three now... pretty much cold turkey this time. I've only taken one Zubsolv tablet total over the past few days (5.7 mg of bupe for those who don't know). It might as well be cold turkey, shit. This is THE WORST WITHDRAWAL I have EVER HAD. I spent all night last night throwing up and tossing and turning. I have other symptoms that I've never had in previous quitting attempts. It fucking sucks. But somehow, I've made it three days... mostly, I think, because the thought of all the work it would take to even use at this point (and the thought of going through this AGAIN) gives my brain an immediate "hell no fuck that" reaction whenever I consider it. So that's good. Anyway, I'm halfway through day three... I'm almost over the 72 hour hump and then things will start getting better. As it is, this is the first time I've managed to do something other than lay around in my bed, moaning and kicking and tossing and turning and absolutely hating life and wondering who the fuck decided opiates were ever a good idea to unleash onto humanity. My girlfriend is at a detox facility, so hopefully she's having a slightly better time than me lol.

Anyway I just wanted to check in.. it's good to see all the familiar faces (screen names?) are still here and clean :) Sorry if this post made no sense. I think my brain is kinda broken right now lol. Will write more later when I'm feeling better!

Much love to all <3
 
Thanks CH <3

I hate to be back here after having close to two weeks clean last time, but I don't believe in berating oneself for relapsing. If anything, I guess this last relapse showed me how truly fed up I am with this shit. The last 6-7 years have been an endless, exhausting cycle of torment and hell. I know it's been self-medicating to a degree, even if I feel like I've grown a lot because (and in spite of) it all. If I learned anything from this last relapse, it's that life doesn't automatically become all roses and sunshine just because you have some clean time. Fucked up shit can and will still happen, and I need to learn how to cope with that stuff without defaulting back to heroin to get me through it. I'm not on the streets anymore, and I have a place lined up for after the holidays if I can get the money together... which, given the fact that I was spending 2 grand a month on drugs, should be doable. But I'm still very much aware now that life can blindside you and knock you on your ass whether drugs are involved or not. I never really respected that notion before. I always had the idea that "Once I get clean, everything will immediately get better"... yeah, not so much anymore. If anything, being an addict is easy. It's hard and it sucks, but it's a simple existence, in a way. Learning to meet life on life's terms is the really challenging part.

I'm probably babbling lol oh well...

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, CH. I hope things get better for you.
 
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