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Beginning of Ascension: Some of my perceptions

This book has been very helpful specifically the journal. Things I was not wanting to discuss here because they were just a bit out there, she discusses so I feel a whole lot less insane. It helps that again I'm experiencing it before finding a name for it.

I have been able to create and remove psychosomatic skin reactions. Basically I can (occasionally) cause a rapidly advancing rash on my skin then stop and reverse it. Not 100% on starting it luckily still 100% on removing it. Just a mental thing but again pushing past previous events. It seems everytime I dismantle some previous limiting beliefs I find results just that quickly.

http://ourlightbody.com/index.php/book2
 
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^ That sounds/looks like a good read. I'll have to check it out when my cognitive functions aren't so dulled.
 
Through meditation I was able to trigger several out of body experiences last night. So I guess I'm answering my own question here. haha. I was mainly dealing with focus control. Keeping my focus centered (as a light in the center of my brain). This TEDx video gives a good example of how to do that, whether you're a beginner at meditation or just hoping to find new tricks when it comes to meditation: https://youtu.be/4O2JK_94g3Y

It seems that whenever I pull my focus to my navel is when the OBE really intensifies. Throughout the night I had tried both 'not trying to influence it' and relaxing further (I was only able to successfully further relax once and that didn't really affect the OBE). The real 'progress' or intensity I should say came from when I felt the OBE coming on - the second time - and my higher self or intuition guided me by telling me to pull energy down like a vortex inside a hollow column (down the inside of my body). This made the OBE last for what felt like several minutes; while a force of gravity seemed to pull my soul upwards and out of my body, energy I was pulling down was working against that flow but not totally. The sensations were as if the two different forces were somehow mutually dependent - at least when it came to prolonging the OBE. I found myself running into problems, though, because the downward flow became uneven or asymmetrical and at points it felt like the two forces - the one I could control and the one pulling my soul upwards - were too powerful for me to influence.

The last OBE of the night was not much worth mentioning (not that much of the rest of this is either, haha), but this is when I started to direct the 'pull' that I felt to my navel, just like in my earlier post. This created what felt like a cyclic flow of my soul or whatever you want to call it... *astral spirit* maybe...

I'm going to attempt to initiate another Out-of-Body Experience today/tonight and see if there's anything else specific that triggers it... for those who might be interested in trying it for themselves.
 
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I dozed off two times this afternoon and both times I woke up I could hear music coming from the inside. I don't know, maybe I'm going to die soon? Or are my inner senses really beginning to open.
 
I dozed off two times this afternoon and both times I woke up I could hear music coming from the inside. I don't know, maybe I'm going to die soon? Or are my inner senses really beginning to open.
Tell me more about this music. Could you control the tones or sounds? Was it good music (did it make you feel empowered or make you feel joy, sadness...)?
 
I haven't tried to do any things like OBE etc just to see where the experience is taking me. It seems a lot more applicable or functional skills are coming to light. I don't really think of them as abilities outside the normal range, just at strengths that seem above average.

Really these last few weeks have been spent in meditative reflection. This process began almost 40 years ago for me and in reality, I've just exited my long dark night at the start of 2016, It just lasted nearly 40 years. I had given up all hope so long ago, it has taken me a year for my internal story teller to get my story right enough that I can see it.

At this point I can't help but think how much time I've lost because I've been born into a sleeping western society. Our educational system denies or plays down the existence of anything spiritual as opposed to teaching basic understanding. I can see how, in our capitalistic society, those that know, don't want to teach anyone else. Still I'm encouraged by the number of people that are waking up. Maybe we can get to co-operation before we get to genocide.
 
I read somewhere that Mother Theresa was in the Dark Night of the Soul for decades! - that is to say, just before she died, she found her way out of it.
 
Today was a good Holiday. Spent the day away from my family. I felt I needed it for spiritual growth.

My ego is almost completely dead, it seems. At least that's what I see in my third eye. It started as the foundations of the ego cracking (like a shell) and now my soul is emerging from this shell triumphantly. This is one of the more difficult experiences of my life. I suppose subconsciously I have attachments to ego and need to take this time for spiritual work. Perhaps that involves diving into traumatic memories in an attempt to let go of stagnant energies, giving strength to my soul in the process. Honestly, I don't know what will come of this. Hope for the best, expect the worst.

I am at the end of a long journey and a new one begins soon.
 
So here I am once again approaching a place I was at before before I hit the Dark Night of the Soul. Not sure what to expect but I am simply just going to negate my fear, dispel my anxiety and focus on creating good vibes for myself through my heart. If I hit the thousand petaled lotus again that would be awesome. Either way, I'm pretty strong now, but I feel like there's still more to come anyway. I essentially have to get through all these phases just like when I first climbed up to this point in my initial kundalini awakening [peak]. I know that doesn't tell you much, but I also don't know how anyone else would experience this... I have just this narrow perspective on that issue. I could go into lengthy detail describing what all these phases entail but people still might have no clue.

Basically, it all boils down to the transpersonal chakras, ascension, communicating with star beings, angels, spirit guides (or what I like to refer to as the Ally), accessing the akashic records. All that kind of stuff is in these phases I'm dealing with.
 
The inner music I heard was a kind of twinkling, like a music box. You're clairaudient in your sleep, but that time it was still switched on when I was awake.
 
I can definitely agree with that - being clairaudient when you sleep... I can usually read minds pretty well when I'm really close to sleep.
 
I've run into a mental wall and I'm stuck. While I can see exactly where my mental state is failing to hold place and allow the next piece of my experience, I can't discard all the blocks as some seem to be supporting my belief in reality. The next step appears to leave me on no footing at all.

If I take this next position I will be in a constant state of insanity again, when I first woke up it felt like insanity for about 6 months. I think the clarity of perspective was so foreign to me it took a long time to realize just how completely clouded my world view was. The first round of what felt like insanity was very emotional, since then I don't get emotional unless I choose to.

When I refer to myself in a state of insanity I want to clarify it for people that don't consider what their mental state of consciousness actually is. I doubt my use of the word is correct, I call having no solution to life, insanity. While rethinking who I am and other large questions, it became apparent I had no clue, all I had done was accept a story told to me by someone else, handed down since someone first experienced or imagined it. When huge pieces of that story simply fail my world view is in a state of insanity, anything could be possible, as I try to find footing that holds with my experience of reality I look at as many options as possible and ignore any old belief. While attempting to rebuild a story and gain sanity I keep doing the same pieces in the same places, this keeps me far too close to my old beliefs and I don't progress.

I haven't experienced fear in this sense for a while, I find myself fearing a possible long term lose of sanity to the point of avoiding progress. When I lose sanity, I'll still function publicly people around don't seem to notice or it simply isn't visible. I do tend to be a positive happy person regardless so that gets me through life in the easy lane. This next step requires me to lose agency, that's just too easy as an addict, so I fear going there. I am having trouble believing in myself enough to let go of agency.

Any thoughts?
 
When you say "agency", what are you referring to?
 
Motivation to do anything beyond experience.

My current spiritual belief doesn't require me to apostalize or "do" any specific acts, I'm not religious but I associate myself with the religious community as our paths are close enough for me, if I don't share my heretical viewpoint I'm close enough for them as well. I'm practical when it comes to belief, it must benefit humanity or it is foolishness. To be of benefit to humanity my belief requires that I do act on that when the opportunity presents. This outward action is what I refer to as agency.

To move forward I need to only take agency when it is my path, to allow the hurt I could turn aside take its path and not influence the outcome.
 
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I have some thoughts on using my third eye. When I look at something the visual data is projected onto the screen in my mind we all call vision. When I sleep my dreams, which are purely imagination, are also projected onto this same mental screen. When I open my third eye there is a huge visual that is played across my vision, then I have a massive increase in perception but my mind does not organize it and display it the same as sight. Everything past the initial visual is mental perception.

Am I missing some way of projecting onto my vision? I can imagine what is in front of me and produce an imaginary image mentally but it does not display on the same visual screen in my mind. It appears my imagination has no direct access to my vision unless I'm asleep. The only offender to this is the intense visual display I get from meditation, I'm most likely not seeing something wrong with my mental state. Just looking for counter thoughts and opinions but at this point is it something I can Learn? Does it matter?

I feel the increased perception and can function well without any visuals at all but I am considering what advantage or disadvantage is there if I can project from my imagination while awake?
 
Over this past year I've been replacing a vast amount of my belief system while experiencing an ongoing awakening. It seemed to me that it was helpful to spend a lot of this last year in meditation. After carefully looking at my core beliefs, I realized my personality and a lot of my habits still had religious remnants of belief under them. For example I considered my work ethic and realized the word protestant was still there in my mind and I was being nice to people out of a childhood reasoning that may as well have hinged on Santa.

Gutting these beliefs was leaving me a bit less grounded but it really only took a couple days to do it and I have not gone insane with mental conflict, it's a much more refreshing mental place when you aren't harbouring some childhood beliefs about God that I should have ripped out long ago. Because I was doing good things I had allowed the wrong reasons to still exist, I didn't realize how important this step was.
 
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