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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. It's Fall! Again!

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This is another day 1 for me. Took some suboxone so I'd be able to work.
So tired of being a junkie, but so apprehensive to quit. Can't explain that.

It does feel good knowing I don't have to lie to those I love today, though.. That's a good way to put it, person above me.
 
This is another day 1 for me. Took some suboxone so I'd be able to work.
So tired of being a junkie, but so apprehensive to quit. Can't explain that.

It does feel good knowing I don't have to lie to those I love today, though.. That's a good way to put it, person above me.

Man, I've had so many Day 1's...we just gotta pick ourselves up and keep trying. It gets so frustrating. But that's why we're all here on SL. We fall; we get back up; and we keep trying.

I hope you have a good day today!
 
How the hell do people get past and overcome the cravings.

It's killing me right now... It's all I can think of, my mind only tries to think of how to get more shit.

I feel so helpless
 
^ I feel 'ya. Last time I was in detox, I had one of the best addiction therapists I've ever had. Here's some stuff from her handouts that was helpful to me in the beginning. I only have between 7-8 months, but I can tell you it becomes much, much easier as time passes and it just becomes a natural thing not to use. Hope this helps:

1. Visualization - picturing a lever or switch in your mind and imagining yourself moving it from on to off to stop the using thoughts. Have another mental picture ready to think about in place of those thoughts. You may need to change what you are doing to make this switch.

2. Snapping (I use this a lot) - wear a rubber band loosely on the wrist. Each time you become aware of using thoughts, snap the band and force yourself to think about another subject. Have a subject that is meaningful and interesting to you.

3. Relaxation/grounding - inhale deeply and exhale slowly three times. Clear your mind and do your best to be present in the moment. Feel and experience the surface you are sitting on, the smells around you. If you do this with your eyes open, take in your surroundings in detail. Be completely objective and do not let judgment creep into these thoughts. Instead of thinking, "that chair over there is dirty," just think, "there's a chair over there." Mentally describe an everyday activity in great detail like preparing a meal. Say a soothing phrase to yourself (the AA Serenity prayer works for me). The possibilities are endless.

4. Talking (this is the best and most effective for me) - CALL SOMEONE! There is a reason they pass around a piece of paper for phone lists whenever there is a newcomer at a twelve step meeting. Or if you don't have anyone to call, find a meeting nearby. If it isn't for a while (I've had to do this, too), break down the passing time in smaller chunks, "I won't use for the next 15 minutes." Then reset when that 15 is up.
 
Also wanted to add (also from the same therapist), the relapse process consists of four distinct stages: trigger --> thoughts --> craving --> use. It can take milliseconds or it can take weeks or maybe even months. The key is to stop the thoughts while they are just that. Once craving kicks in, that's a biological drive, much like hunger or thirst and it's more difficult to overcome. You can do it.
 
I'm struggling today but a lot less than I normally am. It is nice for a rough day to not be so bad.
 
Ahifl, thanks for the advice.. I will definitely refer back to that.

I fucked up and used. The cravings took control of me. I am a slave right now and it makes me feel so powerless and weak, therefore bad thoughts of self harm creep in, even though that's not my MO.

I got a sack fronted to me, so I have to see the dope man tomorrow to pay back..
. Fuck me..

I applaud those here that made it and are making it. I hope to join your ranks.. But goddamm, I'm not doing well.

Sorry to rain on this thread
 
That rubber band trick sounds like something that I could really use. By the way... Thanks for that and everything else
 
Sorry for the repeated posts here (probably against the rules, or at least the unwritten ones, sorry)

Captain... Are you clean, or using?
If clean, how long? If you don't mind me asking
 
Good Day, the same therapist (she was a very earthy, granola, Bohemian type) also suggested aromatherapy. I have it written down somewhere from one of the group therapy sessions the various scents that can be calming or stimulating, depending on the situation. I didn't really take it seriously until I started dating someone who was really into it. Shit really seems to work! We went on a short vacation last week and she would put some stuff in a diffuser over a candle before bed and I was OUT. A lot better than taking an Ativan.
 
Captain... I believe that you used to speak with my ex of 8 years on here, some time ago (3-4 years ago)

She posted mostly in The Dark Side forum (she wasn't doing too well mentally then)..

She had a good friend on here named Julian who was coming to the USA to visit her, but somewhere along the line he ended up taking his own life in NYC.
Idk the specifics, but it had something to do with another member here and after that she swore off the site.

We were together from 2005 to 2013 or so... But I had to break it off because her mental problems were taking a major toll on me.

She went by the handle Sconnie420.
Idk if you remember her or not, but I do recognize your name from some of your replies to her.
 
I am having trouble still, clearly.

I am really stressing the finances lately. I haven't paid the gas/electric in months, I overdrew my checking account about $350 or so last week, I owe over $200 to one of those shady cash advance places where every 2 weeks I pay about $70 and only a few bucks goes towards the balance owed :facepalm:
Plus I got 2 credit cards for (2,000 and $500 and maxed those out on cash advances, wtf)
I have a car payment that's thankfully up in like 5 months, and I owe $100 to a couple people, my ex mentioned above being one of them... Yet, I spend all my money on dope and stress about it, but can't seem to stop this.

If I were to spend all my money on my bills then I'd be able to get caught up relatively quickly, but I just can't seem to end this cycle.

I know it's just money, but it adds so much stress and makes me want to just end it all, but I know I can't because I owe it to my beautiful daughter to be a father to her for the rest of my life
 
Sorry for the repeated posts here (probably against the rules, or at least the unwritten ones, sorry)

Captain... Are you clean, or using?
If clean, how long? If you don't mind me asking

I have a little over 2 years off needles, suboxone

all I use now is shatter (cannabis extract), and occasionally alcohol (it's never been a problem for me)
 
Captain... I believe that you used to speak with my ex of 8 years on here, some time ago (3-4 years ago)

She posted mostly in The Dark Side forum (she wasn't doing too well mentally then)..

She had a good friend on here named Julian who was coming to the USA to visit her, but somewhere along the line he ended up taking his own life in NYC.
Idk the specifics, but it had something to do with another member here and after that she swore off the site.

We were together from 2005 to 2013 or so... But I had to break it off because her mental problems were taking a major toll on me.

She went by the handle Sconnie420.
Idk if you remember her or not, but I do recognize your name from some of your replies to her.

Sconnie420 sounds familiar... hmmm....

apparently posted a bit in TDS, is permanently banned now (I don't know why)
 
Hey, @It's a Good Day ... Just read your posts from yesterday. Sorry to hear you're feeling so overwhelmed. I can totally relate. I'm only 18 days clean (after god knows how many tries), but fwiw, I want to stress how helpful it's been for me to put really concrete interventions in place to keep me from caving. For example:
* I absolutely minimize how much time I spend alone. This goes against my personal preferences...I like being by myself. But for now, I realized that I'm too vulnerable then.
* I have a list of people on speed dial. I call at least one of them daily. And if I'm feeling shaky, I call several of them. Obviously, I'm very lucky to have such good people in my corner. But again, this is counter-intuitive to me; my preference is radio silence.
* When I find myself thinking about using, I stop what I'm doing and go elsewhere/switch tasks. Seriously changing what I'm seeing and doing is crucial here.

I mention these items only because they seem to be helping me. I find that after a couple weeks of seriously following these bullets, I feel my in control of my cravings than I did before. And for me, the cravings were just *awful.*

Best, best luck, Man. Just keep trying. Don't give up.
-Sim
 
Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

I am ashamed to say, I used today. (I got paid)

I can't blow this check on dope... Again...
So I really need to find the strength to not use tomorrow.
I will get me a rubber band and have the subs handy.
I can't keep having "day 1s".
I feel like such a fool coming here saying I'm done, only to turn around and do the same shit again.
I'm sure a lot of recovering addicts have done this before, but the fact that this is me I'm talking about makes it all the more... frustrating.

This has to end and I'm learning more every day, so I need to keep my daughter in mind from now on and actually put some effort in to this.
 
Hope everyone is doing well today.

@Its a good day - I hope your cravings are diminishing- they do get much ugh better with time.

@CH - hope you're feeling better.


I am nine days off of kratom and am feeling decent - just lazy and tired all the time. I am days off of cigarettes, though I have been trying to quit for a while but wasn't planning on trying again so soon... I just didn't feel well getting off of kratom and smoking was making me nauseous so I stopped. I'm going to go with it lol. My husband has also cut back considerably since I have stoped and he been very mindful about washing his hands and brushing his teeth when he does have one, which I do appreciate.

Haven't done much today - wil go out and vote later (for whatever that's worth). I will be glad for the election to be over...it's been very stressful I can't seem to get a break from it. Fingers crossed that the outcome is favorable for all of us (being intentionally vague, I won't discuss politics on this site as I don't want my personal political beliefs to interfere with connecting to other members).
 
I'm gonna get rid of all my gear here today...

It's so weird how when I've used I get so clear on how I need to quit, but once I wake up, autopilot kicks in and I can't control it.
What a terrible burden I've placed on myself and others.
I'd probably end it if I didn't have someone who needs a daddy... And that makes this so much worse on me knowing I'm letting her down.

This is it, you guys... I'm not gonna continue to do this. I'm gonna report in tomorrow having not used....
Thanks for your patience in replying to me and taking your time for that.
I truly appreciate it.
 
Hi folks, I just wanted to let you all know I won't be able to spend much time on BL for the next three weeks. I will try and check in each day to keep up with the daily grind, but I won't be able to spend as much time as I usually do around SL. If you would like to chat or contact me for any reason feel free to shoot me a pm and I will get back to you within 24hrs. I will be available off site to chat with a variety of chat engines if you need to talk.

Sincerely,

Your Resident toothpastedog :) <3
 
Well, my cat is out of the bag. I had to admit to my sister that I was an addict.
Something came up where I couldn't lie my way out of it this time, so I had to come clean.

I've been doing all this in private and I thought that getting it off my chest would make me feel better, but for some reason, it hasn't.

But... This is gonna have to be it now. I'm gonna have to get better.
This is likely the best thing to happen to me right now, though. This may be just what was needed.

So, I feel incredibly weird right now... Admitting to my problem to someone who isn't a stranger.

How did I let it get this far?
 
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