today i am feeling, that i have a chance to recover. i say that because i woke up this morning feeling better then i did the day before, and each day i wake up, i wake up feeling better then the day before. i know about myself today, i know when i start waking up without feeling gratitude then my alcoholism starts to tell me that 'hey man you feel like taking a drink today'? if i feel some type of way when i wake up then i call my sponsor, and share in a meeting about it.
i tell on my self, because today i work a program of honesty, and the more i tell on my addiction then the more help i receive.
i attended AA , CA, and NA meetings, and work an AA program with a man whom i call my friend and sponsor, that has been taking me through the twelve steps. we work by reading the book of alcoholics anonymous, and the twelve & twelve, along with a morning meditation book.
i wake up each morning and night i will read pages 86 & 87 in my 'big book', and at the end of the day i put pen to paper if i am dealing with any issues.
I also want to add that I am in a treatment program, yea I call it 'Big Book Boot Camp' because it's a state-ran AA rehab thats 6-9 months program, and all they teach from is from the 'Big Book of AA'. I'm in the part of the program called 'phase' and am about to start work on the 4th step.
Just saying, by no means do I have this program down, and I still ask tons of questions. I like to call it 'behavior modification', learning how to wake up again at 5:00am, (or sooner if i am working in the kitchen),laundry,sign in, and sign out.
'trust the processes' they say.
Just for today, I have the choice not to take that first drink or drug. Just for today