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You Right Now.......

For most people, ideally the answer would be both would it not?
 
waiting till i come down to fuck. got the gummy worm lol. lockjaw like a muhhh lol. bumping hardwelll
 
When the time is right you will Julie - are you not telling them to protect them or yourself? Are you afraid of rejection or hurting or even the fear of disappointing them?
I am most afraid that they will see it as somehow their fault, that they have somehow let me down. And it so isn't their, or anybody's fault.

I suppose in the best case, they have long been assuming I was somewhere beneath the Rainbow Umbrella (they must surely have some suspicions in that area .....), and there will be enough of a sense of relief to take the edge of the shock.
I know it is non of my business - I'm just curious after thinking the same way about myself for so many years.
Sometimes people need a little push. It's something I've got at least to think about, sooner rather than later.
 
Blegh, hangovers. Do not remember coming home last night, but I certainly didn't seem to bring my jacket with me. At least I waited till the last day of the course before making an arse of myself! 8)
 
Having the last crack session before a break at least until Christmas. Yeah Yeah, heard it all before. Have taken the necessary steps to prevent access ie tell the man that I'm deleting his number & not to serve me for at least a month & tell people that could give me the number not to give it to me & deleted all traces. He's sound enough to understand & not tempt & it's a half hour drive away & I would never just turn up. This has been needed for months but I've only just felt ready to do it (It's easy to feel ready with a pipe in your hand, but I'd made the decision before I scored yesterday) Crack now, fireworks later!
 
Having the last crack session before a break at least until Christmas. Yeah Yeah, heard it all before. Have taken the necessary steps to prevent access ie tell the man that I'm deleting his number & not to serve me for at least a month & tell people that could give me the number not to give it to me & deleted all traces. He's sound enough to understand & not tempt & it's a half hour drive away & I would never just turn up. This has been needed for months but I've only just felt ready to do it (It's easy to feel ready with a pipe in your hand, but I'd made the decision before I scored yesterday) Crack now, fireworks later!

Yeh right. You'll be back tomorrow...
 
Yeh right. You'll be back tomorrow...
I won't - there'll still be some left tomorrow hehe (I bought coke & am washing it up in stages & opportunities)...the last sorry scrapings will be done by the evening I estimate, and then....things will not be accessible and I have waited far longer than was sensible/sane to halt, but I haven't been ready until now, and now I am and we'll just have to see what happens...
 
But...right now, I've been to a firework display with friends & fam, had impromptu fireworks back at friends and invented a new cocktail....back home to crackle & pop
 
I found crack a major bitch to quit. Was still finding excuses to get a lift into town with a few hundred in my pocket borrowed from parents to pay off "debts" for weeks after I left the town I was living in at the height of my addictions. Taking advantage of long-suffering parents even as I neared my third decade to continue sucking on the pipe and hitting the veins I'd long since stopped really feeling remains a great reminder of why I did (eventually) quit the stuff. Still crave the white waaaaay more than the brown all these years later :\

But ignore my failings - best of luck, Coach Vacationer <3
 
I found crack a major bitch to quit. Was still finding excuses to get a lift into town with a few hundred in my pocket borrowed from parents to pay off "debts" for weeks after I left the town I was living in at the height of my addictions. Taking advantage of long-suffering parents even as I neared my third decade to continue sucking on the pipe and hitting the veins I'd long since stopped really feeling remains a great reminder of why I did (eventually) quit the stuff. Still crave the white waaaaay more than the brown all these years later :\

But ignore my failings - best of luck, Coach Vacationer
Ha cheers. I've been in this position a couple of times before over the past 20 or so years (& just typed a whole post for it to disappear - that'll teach me to 'go advanced') and I'm fine when access (crackcess?) is denied. I've managed the last few years with occasional treats after a previous couple of problematic episodes and apart from the occasional devastating crack dream (waking just as the rock is melting & I'm about to inhale) that comes when I first stop, it's all good. Luckily I have absolutely no desire for brown any more at all; I only enjoyed it when I had a habit & it made me feel normal, hated the actual effects duh!
I'll be fine
 
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sat watching ufc must get a few more hours after this main as poker is today where dreams are made and usually crushed for me . i guess with age i have become what we call boring :(
 
I've had crack a few times because Jess likes it; but to be honest it's never really rung my bell, and I'd just as soon leave it as take it..
 
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