• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

rest in peace bardeaux

What the fuck dude WHAT THE FUCK? Why? WHY THE FUCK ?

dammit... This wasn't supposed to happen.
 
RIP YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK

you were actually smart, you were so much more than us. so much more than me a stupid worker grunt

you were a beautiful young man. I feel horrible for interjecting myself in this, but 1st Fluffy now him?? I can't even do this man WTF

someDandyWarholsSong.MP3... not even gonna look one up for you right now, I told you you were to soft for this shit



<3

...kytnism...:|
 
thanks for that story... :(

he wasn't meant for the stupid shit of this world, and unlike me he couldn't stomach it

you grabbed those student loans man. it makes me smile that the government will never see a dime of that money. haha! fuck them, I only wish you could have taken more out

Claire is shocked and she equally brings her condolences to everyone around. she said that no matter what B never had a bad word to say about anyone. not even during a break up, not even when I'm pretty sure he wanted me off Staff, not even ever
 
Oh fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.

RIP brother. You were one of the very best.
This hurts. Jesus Christ.

Cryin. :(
 
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the worst thing about this is that a beautiful mind was completely fucking wasted :(

RIP man. I shoulda said something. done something. I told you what was up though you stupid bitch

The majority of addicts have the most beautiful minds and empathy like no other. They are intelligent, creative, so much more... We don't waste our minds we only try to drown out the machinery. He is indeed in a better place now, free of the bullshit in this world.
 
i wanted to post moar but they contained our parents with us etc. and want to respectfully retain their privacy. I'm still totally struggling for words and in that horrible state of numbing shock. speaking with johns parents, oh gosh. i can't believe my best friend and first true love is gone?

i feel like i have to say something to you all as for the past seven years you all have been a huge part of our lives and then when we separated; our solo lives. john was an amazing man. it wasn't a huge argument or even an ugly separation between us, once he had returned to the USA for the final time he asked me to marry him and i said no. its not because i didn't want to, i just knew we were both so sick and tired of living between the two countries and fighting the odds to be together and that we needed it to end. so i ended it.

the past six months we had been in intimate personal contact as he was really struggling with addiction. it killed me. i even told him i felt partially responsible as it was our final separation that seemed to trigger him to self destruct and he assured me that while yes it killed him too, he was responsible for his actions. we spoke about so many things and I'm so grateful to have had that opportunity, and I'm also so glad that he got to meet his half sister as i knew it was something he'd always wanted to do.

john was truly a free spirit, and heres something bluelight wouldn't have known. he wasn't meant for this world. he wasn't just a communist by belief, he genuinely couldn't understand why he was forced to go to school, then should have had a full time job, gone to college and spent his lifetime paying for it. he always questioned why he was supposed to conform to a system that he thought was ridiculous. he always said he was going to break free of the system before he had to resign to it and be imprisoned by it. he went through a plethora of part time jobs and when he had had enough of one, he simply didn't arrive to the next shift and instead sat at home reading, writing and researching and compiling data on topics of interest to him. this frustrated me to no end as he was so intelligent and i always questioned why are you selling yourself short? when in reality i admired his tenacity in constantly saying no to conforming. he stayed true to his word to the bitter end. he had a bunch of student loans and used school as a way to further bide time and increase his knowledge on people, the environment and life; but both he and i knew (because we spoke about it alot) that the government was never going to see a penny of that money back and that he was simply enjoying and giggling at the prospect of having a free ride at THEIR expense.

regardless of what anyone says or rumor has it, john was not a tragic drug addict. he had vices that he used to cope and find an escape from the anxiety of living within a society he peacefully resented. he had never even seen or toyed with the idea of heroin or fentanyl during our union. it was only when migrating home to his family that had returned to michigan that he considered the notion (being surrounded by it). he always had a propensity towards opiates of the gentle kind. he was a control freak. he loved psychedelics and weed but hated their negative effects over his mind and yearned to just feel peaceful, and found that equilibrium in opiates. he could be in control of how inituative and introverted he was without completely cutting himself off from humanity. even where drug deals were concerned he'd rather privately order something online than deal with people and potential dangers. he didn't like dealing with negative situations or people, he simply wanted to get what he wanted and to feel what he wanted hassle free and without bothering anyone.

if its any consolation to anyone john knew exactly what he was doing. he never planned on living a long life and doing things the way others did. he wanted to endulge in what he wanted to, learn about human existence and things relevant to his personal interests then politely bow his hat, say "thanks for the experience" and leave. <3

again, I'm so sorry to everyone he loved. i sincerely meant it when i say he loved you guys and the happiness/oneness you all bought to him. bluelight was the one place he felt he could truly be himself and connect with like minded people. we spoke about you all alot when living together and if any of you was going through anything he'd be the first to reach out and make sure noone was feeling alone.

I'm still in disbelief and am scared when reality sets in and i have to face the fact that my best friend, and your friend is no longer with us. <3

rest in peace babe. you beat them all. <3

...kytnism...:|

This made me cry and I haven't cried in a long time.
 
To kyt and those who were close to and loved him, i am so very sorry. I had never even spoken to him but his name is a stand out to me on bluelight. <3
 
[video=youtube_share;EXh2H0s50v0]http://youtu.be/EXh2H0s50v0[/video]

I'm really gutted by this news.
Bardeaux was one BLer i always planned to meet.
A man with a great mind, knowledge, taste (in music, politics, you name it) as well patience, dignity and humour.
Someone i always held in really high regard and had a lot of respect for.

This is a really massive loss.
 
Rip

MV5BMTUyNzIyNzc0MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTM5ODg1OA@@._V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_.jpg


I first got to know the guy when we were F&TV mods at the same time a long while back, I got to know him better through TC.
Dude was one of the good ones.
Much love.......
 
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Love you kyt.. hopefilly time will work its magic and you will find comfort in the fact you knew hom so well and got the chance to spend time with him. Good memiries outlast anything and he will live on through you and his friends.

SJ: Love you.
 
Such a good guy. We pm'd a couple times and it was always a positive experience. Between the pictures kyt posted and her long post, I felt sorrow. But it pales in comparison to the sorrow kyt and the people who actually knew him must feel. I'm only a pm away, kyt.
 
i thought he had cleaned up. he told me he did, very recently. i can't believe this.
 
I thought about hanging out with him at the park. He told me he's met bmxxx.
 
i wanted to post moar but they contained our parents with us etc. and want to respectfully retain their privacy. I'm still totally struggling for words and in that horrible state of numbing shock. speaking with johns parents, oh gosh. i can't believe my best friend and first true love is gone?

i feel like i have to say something to you all as for the past seven years you all have been a huge part of our lives and then when we separated; our solo lives. john was an amazing man. it wasn't a huge argument or even an ugly separation between us, once he had returned to the USA for the final time he asked me to marry him and i said no. its not because i didn't want to, i just knew we were both so sick and tired of living between the two countries and fighting the odds to be together and that we needed it to end. so i ended it.

the past six months we had been in intimate personal contact as he was really struggling with addiction. it killed me. i even told him i felt partially responsible as it was our final separation that seemed to trigger him to self destruct and he assured me that while yes it killed him too, he was responsible for his actions. we spoke about so many things and I'm so grateful to have had that opportunity, and I'm also so glad that he got to meet his half sister as i knew it was something he'd always wanted to do.

john was truly a free spirit, and heres something bluelight wouldn't have known. he wasn't meant for this world. he wasn't just a communist by belief, he genuinely couldn't understand why he was forced to go to school, then should have had a full time job, gone to college and spent his lifetime paying for it. he always questioned why he was supposed to conform to a system that he thought was ridiculous. he always said he was going to break free of the system before he had to resign to it and be imprisoned by it. he went through a plethora of part time jobs and when he had had enough of one, he simply didn't arrive to the next shift and instead sat at home reading, writing and researching and compiling data on topics of interest to him. this frustrated me to no end as he was so intelligent and i always questioned why are you selling yourself short? when in reality i admired his tenacity in constantly saying no to conforming. he stayed true to his word to the bitter end. he had a bunch of student loans and used school as a way to further bide time and increase his knowledge on people, the environment and life; but both he and i knew (because we spoke about it alot) that the government was never going to see a penny of that money back and that he was simply enjoying and giggling at the prospect of having a free ride at THEIR expense.

regardless of what anyone says or rumor has it, john was not a tragic drug addict. he had vices that he used to cope and find an escape from the anxiety of living within a society he peacefully resented. he had never even seen or toyed with the idea of heroin or fentanyl during our union. it was only when migrating home to his family that had returned to michigan that he considered the notion (being surrounded by it). he always had a propensity towards opiates of the gentle kind. he was a control freak. he loved psychedelics and weed but hated their negative effects over his mind and yearned to just feel peaceful, and found that equilibrium in opiates. he could be in control of how inituative and introverted he was without completely cutting himself off from humanity. even where drug deals were concerned he'd rather privately order something online than deal with people and potential dangers. he didn't like dealing with negative situations or people, he simply wanted to get what he wanted and to feel what he wanted hassle free and without bothering anyone.

if its any consolation to anyone john knew exactly what he was doing. he never planned on living a long life and doing things the way others did. he wanted to endulge in what he wanted to, learn about human existence and things relevant to his personal interests then politely bow his hat, say "thanks for the experience" and leave. <3

again, I'm so sorry to everyone he loved. i sincerely meant it when i say he loved you guys and the happiness/oneness you all bought to him. bluelight was the one place he felt he could truly be himself and connect with like minded people. we spoke about you all alot when living together and if any of you was going through anything he'd be the first to reach out and make sure noone was feeling alone.

I'm still in disbelief and am scared when reality sets in and i have to face the fact that my best friend, and your friend is no longer with us. <3

rest in peace babe. you beat them all. <3

...kytnism...:|

Beautiful post.
 
One of the best man. And we barely spoke. Just shared a couple of unpopular political opinions we both wished were more popular.

Fucking bad one. Really fucking bad one.

RIP fellow commie bastard. <3
 
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