• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Recovery Journal

Really cool of you to come back to update!

Great journal. I'm really happy you're doing well. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't so sure you were going to get through it. You seemed super happy, and I was hoping youd be able to keep that energy, enthusiasm and drive up - when it got tough. When all the joking, and cleverness stops, you know shit just got real.

I'm glad you powered through it. Well doneFlux.
 
So true. Reading back through, it feels very manic and... strange. Overly optimistic almost. But somehow, I?m still here and still clean. The last two years have been incredible yet also heartbreaking. All of the change, growth and success have made me realize how I wasted 14 years. Nothing I can do to get that time back though, so I?m focused on making the most of the present and future. Thanks for replying.

I have to reiterate how big fitness and exercise have been in staying clean. Let?s be honest, an addict is an addict. It helps to find something to get addicted to that is good for you. I know that advice is often met with skepticism (replacing one addiction for another, etc.), but it worked for me.
 
I have to reiterate how big fitness and exercise have been in staying clean. Let?s be honest, an addict is an addict. It helps to find something to get addicted to that is good for you. I know that advice is often met with skepticism (replacing one addiction for another, etc.), but it worked for me.

I totally agree with this. A person with an addictive personality will always have that to deal with. However some addictions can be healthy. Mine is music... I got back into music once I got off opiates and I spend almost all my free time pursuing it. I practice a lot and I'm in 2 bands and as a result of my focus I have gotten so much better and my life is trending towards where I've always wished I could be. Sometimes non-musicians tell me I spend too much time on it but I disagree. it makes me happy and it's a healthy pursuit, and it's my greatest passion. But, for a while last year my band was slowly fizzling down to much less active so I had tons of free time to be bored... and when I'm bored with nowhere to put that energy, that's when I tend to turn to self-destructive addictions. For me, it's very important to stay busy. Of course I believe that's important for anyone. Most of the most miserable people I know have very little that they do with their time other than work/etc, besides distractions (TV, drugs, video games, social media, etc).
 
Flux-

You're making things up to your wife and son by getting and staying clean. That shows sincerity, honesty, integrity. Awesome job!

I agree about working out. It's such a mood elevator. Better addicted to the gym than drugs. You're wife, I'm sure is so proud of you.
 
Thanks, 10. :) yeah our relationship is finally what it should?ve been all along. I realize how very one-sided it had been and how much she sacrificed for me. The most amazing part to me is that she rarely holds it against me and instead just accepts the positive change without resentment. That would be really hard for me. So I got lucky in more ways than one.

Just found out my old dealer died in his sleep too (RIP. As is so often the case, he was a beautiful person with demons. Nothing more).... but I can?t help but think how I would?ve most certainly had my hands on whatever it was that killed him. A surreal and weird thought to know you?ve evaded an almost certain and instant death. I could?ve easily relapsed at any point, including this week, and never woke up.
 
Hi friends. Just dropping by to say hello and spread some vibes.

I’m a little disappointed that no one has reached out to chat :( I sense a lot of isolation in the forum these days and just want people to be aware that I’m still here. I still check notifications and I still get emails.

I’m here to talk if you want. Much love.
 
recovery is so good
and the flowers in the sun and the garden ???
you did so well
and feels very wonderful
it does
 
Top