certified_loon
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2016
- Messages
- 3
Just copying this over from my notes as they went from lucid to nonsensical in a matter of 3 to 5 minutes.
First the background:
I'm 42, a Scotsman in London bipolar but off meds for a few months as the combo drove me to a low-level psychotic episode. Been clear of aripiprazole, depakote and mertazipine (and an ever changing diet of benzos for day and night use) for 8 weeks now. This took place in my bed, lying down, alone but with phone ready for Kik and Whatsapp messages to those who support me with anxiety and depression.
With being off all meds, my daily 'ordinary' levels of generalised anxiety had begun to gradually increase over time and I thought I'd order the standard lorazepam 1 mg for use in a single or double use during the day and 20 mg of temazepam before bed. Approximately 8 hours earlier with the anxiety having me feeling like rubbing broken shards of glass over my face i took 2 mg of lorazepam, went to bed and slept for approximately 4 hours before getting back up and having dinner and about 300 ml of Marks and Spencer very weak (2%!) cider. Some TV and soft drinks then had me ready for bed a couple of hours later - just after 2 am BST.
I'd had this tiny package in my sock drawer unopened for a few days but for some unknown reason decided this was the night to try it out. When I bought my benzo supply, I was amazed at what else was available. I get bored easily and the descriptions of most substances dull as ditch-water until I stumbled across this: China White, described as 'more Oxy than Fentanyl'. Doing a little more research, I ordered a 250mg bag. I shall just refer to it as CW from here on in.
The event:
I begna round about 2.15 am. I took between 50 to 55 mg (knowing my scales accuracy/variability) of the very fine, white powder and cut 4 thin lines. I have a very sensitive nose since a serious (up to 5 g per day) coke habit lasting 3 months approximately 23 years ago, during one of my first bipolar high periods. This was before I was medicated. The lines went up easily with little odour, drip or taste. Within 2 to 3 minutes I noticed the sedation beginning, the heaviness starting in the extremities and also anxiety increasing. I'm not sure if this anxiety was as a direct result of the CW or my current level of anxiety mixed with trying something new.
Within 5 to 6 minutes, I could no longer type or use my phone or control my laptop, I could not read from further away than in inch or so in front of my eyes. I was able to lift my arms and legs but the effort was significant. The sedation was such that keeping my eyes open was incredibly difficult. I fought to stay awake though to see how I felt for as long as possible. The anxiety though had disappeared to be replaced by by all enveloping bubble of safety, positive physical (I have arthritis, and have come off the codeine and naproxen as part of the 'trying to fully detox') and mental wellbeing and a sense of incredible positivity - unusual for a dour, negative Scotsman.
I remained mostly conscious and ended up contacting a friend on Whatsapp at 2.52 am to find out if it was safe to give in and let sleep take me or if I needed to keep fighting against it taking over completely. It was still taking me an enormous amount of time to focus to use my phone an the sentences that were unedited are completely incoherent. Just a string of letters and spaces that i knew weren't right at the time, but I couldn't be bothered corrrecting. When it was a more important/interesting part of the discussion, I was able, with considerable effort, to make sentences, and send them, one or two words at a time. They weren't responses though, as I wasn't able to grasp the concept of a discussion. It was simply when he said something that triggered a thought in my mind that I wanted to get out, or i had a thought or feeling I wanted to express. The messages that I did manag to get through to him clearest of all though were about safety/sleep etc.
At 3.11 am I sent a final message and it would appear i fell asleep still sitting up in bed. I remember nothing between then and 5 am when I sent my next message to say I had been woken by my dog licking my face. On waking I was still intensely sleepy but the heaviness in my arms and legs had returned to usual, and the focus in my eyes was back to normal. I could type again, but hand eye co-orination was initialy very poor as it took me approximately 6 or 7 attempts to register here to post this. According to the email, the registration took place at 5.30 am and it is now 7.42 am. I appear to have drifted in and out of sleep over the past 2.5 hours with decreasing regularity and intensity. I know feel sleepy but more of the 'sleepy after a hard day at work' kind of thing rather than the intensity of before. Since waking at 5 am, I have had an incredible urge for sweet things. I have eaten a large bar of chocolate and piece of cheesecake and drunk approximately a litre and a half of freshly squeezed orange juice. I was able to walk downstairs and go out the back for a fag, though did need to steady myself on both the stairs and the level due to a sense of lack of balance and some physical shakiness. I cannot determine what degree of shakiness was down to the substance, having just woken, my slightly reduced mobility as a result of the arthritis or the fact htat the house was cold due to the time. The shakiness has now gone, the anxiety hasn't returned and I have now been awake for approximately 40 minutes without needing to force myself to stay awake.
The most obvious downside has been the nausea and then actual vomiting. The nausea began within 1 to 2 minutes of initially waking and intensified to include severe dizziness and headache. There have been 3 episodes of actual vomiting, all similar in nature. Each involved 3 actual stomach sqeezes, no after retching and no discomfort or pain in the stomach, chest, throat or mouth as is common after repeated vomiting. It was simply strightforward 'this is happening and then it is finished'. It was obvious after each 3 squeezes that it had ended. The nausea has now passed as has the dizziness. The mobility is now better than ever as I was able to run to the bathroom to vomit - there was no warning!
Now:
I'm left having found the experience overall positive. Yes, no-one likes throwing up or queasiness but the level of relaxation and wellbing were worth it. I do still have a slight headache at the front over the eyes and reading back throgh this, it does not appear to be a stream of mixed up letters with no logic or meaning. I am still a little slower, a little sleepy and still desperately craving sweet food and drink however i am back to being a functional person. Am I likely to use what is left in that little baggie? Yes but I have no craving to do so immediately, or even any time soon. Just when I feel like it, and I have other things going on that mean I know that won't be in the next two weeks or so. And next time, the dose will be smaller, perhaps half.
I hope this has been useful to others as it has to me. Though it would be good to know what I actually snorted!
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_heroin
substancecode_opiates
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_bodyload
roacode_nasal
First the background:
I'm 42, a Scotsman in London bipolar but off meds for a few months as the combo drove me to a low-level psychotic episode. Been clear of aripiprazole, depakote and mertazipine (and an ever changing diet of benzos for day and night use) for 8 weeks now. This took place in my bed, lying down, alone but with phone ready for Kik and Whatsapp messages to those who support me with anxiety and depression.
With being off all meds, my daily 'ordinary' levels of generalised anxiety had begun to gradually increase over time and I thought I'd order the standard lorazepam 1 mg for use in a single or double use during the day and 20 mg of temazepam before bed. Approximately 8 hours earlier with the anxiety having me feeling like rubbing broken shards of glass over my face i took 2 mg of lorazepam, went to bed and slept for approximately 4 hours before getting back up and having dinner and about 300 ml of Marks and Spencer very weak (2%!) cider. Some TV and soft drinks then had me ready for bed a couple of hours later - just after 2 am BST.
I'd had this tiny package in my sock drawer unopened for a few days but for some unknown reason decided this was the night to try it out. When I bought my benzo supply, I was amazed at what else was available. I get bored easily and the descriptions of most substances dull as ditch-water until I stumbled across this: China White, described as 'more Oxy than Fentanyl'. Doing a little more research, I ordered a 250mg bag. I shall just refer to it as CW from here on in.
The event:
I begna round about 2.15 am. I took between 50 to 55 mg (knowing my scales accuracy/variability) of the very fine, white powder and cut 4 thin lines. I have a very sensitive nose since a serious (up to 5 g per day) coke habit lasting 3 months approximately 23 years ago, during one of my first bipolar high periods. This was before I was medicated. The lines went up easily with little odour, drip or taste. Within 2 to 3 minutes I noticed the sedation beginning, the heaviness starting in the extremities and also anxiety increasing. I'm not sure if this anxiety was as a direct result of the CW or my current level of anxiety mixed with trying something new.
Within 5 to 6 minutes, I could no longer type or use my phone or control my laptop, I could not read from further away than in inch or so in front of my eyes. I was able to lift my arms and legs but the effort was significant. The sedation was such that keeping my eyes open was incredibly difficult. I fought to stay awake though to see how I felt for as long as possible. The anxiety though had disappeared to be replaced by by all enveloping bubble of safety, positive physical (I have arthritis, and have come off the codeine and naproxen as part of the 'trying to fully detox') and mental wellbeing and a sense of incredible positivity - unusual for a dour, negative Scotsman.
I remained mostly conscious and ended up contacting a friend on Whatsapp at 2.52 am to find out if it was safe to give in and let sleep take me or if I needed to keep fighting against it taking over completely. It was still taking me an enormous amount of time to focus to use my phone an the sentences that were unedited are completely incoherent. Just a string of letters and spaces that i knew weren't right at the time, but I couldn't be bothered corrrecting. When it was a more important/interesting part of the discussion, I was able, with considerable effort, to make sentences, and send them, one or two words at a time. They weren't responses though, as I wasn't able to grasp the concept of a discussion. It was simply when he said something that triggered a thought in my mind that I wanted to get out, or i had a thought or feeling I wanted to express. The messages that I did manag to get through to him clearest of all though were about safety/sleep etc.
At 3.11 am I sent a final message and it would appear i fell asleep still sitting up in bed. I remember nothing between then and 5 am when I sent my next message to say I had been woken by my dog licking my face. On waking I was still intensely sleepy but the heaviness in my arms and legs had returned to usual, and the focus in my eyes was back to normal. I could type again, but hand eye co-orination was initialy very poor as it took me approximately 6 or 7 attempts to register here to post this. According to the email, the registration took place at 5.30 am and it is now 7.42 am. I appear to have drifted in and out of sleep over the past 2.5 hours with decreasing regularity and intensity. I know feel sleepy but more of the 'sleepy after a hard day at work' kind of thing rather than the intensity of before. Since waking at 5 am, I have had an incredible urge for sweet things. I have eaten a large bar of chocolate and piece of cheesecake and drunk approximately a litre and a half of freshly squeezed orange juice. I was able to walk downstairs and go out the back for a fag, though did need to steady myself on both the stairs and the level due to a sense of lack of balance and some physical shakiness. I cannot determine what degree of shakiness was down to the substance, having just woken, my slightly reduced mobility as a result of the arthritis or the fact htat the house was cold due to the time. The shakiness has now gone, the anxiety hasn't returned and I have now been awake for approximately 40 minutes without needing to force myself to stay awake.
The most obvious downside has been the nausea and then actual vomiting. The nausea began within 1 to 2 minutes of initially waking and intensified to include severe dizziness and headache. There have been 3 episodes of actual vomiting, all similar in nature. Each involved 3 actual stomach sqeezes, no after retching and no discomfort or pain in the stomach, chest, throat or mouth as is common after repeated vomiting. It was simply strightforward 'this is happening and then it is finished'. It was obvious after each 3 squeezes that it had ended. The nausea has now passed as has the dizziness. The mobility is now better than ever as I was able to run to the bathroom to vomit - there was no warning!
Now:
I'm left having found the experience overall positive. Yes, no-one likes throwing up or queasiness but the level of relaxation and wellbing were worth it. I do still have a slight headache at the front over the eyes and reading back throgh this, it does not appear to be a stream of mixed up letters with no logic or meaning. I am still a little slower, a little sleepy and still desperately craving sweet food and drink however i am back to being a functional person. Am I likely to use what is left in that little baggie? Yes but I have no craving to do so immediately, or even any time soon. Just when I feel like it, and I have other things going on that mean I know that won't be in the next two weeks or so. And next time, the dose will be smaller, perhaps half.
I hope this has been useful to others as it has to me. Though it would be good to know what I actually snorted!
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_heroin
substancecode_opiates
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_bodyload
roacode_nasal
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