It's been a few since I've got to chill with any of my favorite ArylCyclo's - but in a beautiful way, I've finally found a Love and a couple Hobbies equivalent to Narcotics - Music and Song Writing / Poetry. I happened to write a random Poem tonight about my first meeting with Ms. Mexxy and since we're waxing a bit nostalgic, thought some of my fellow Disco Cats might enjoy it if that's your thing...I know I type / write out Poetry in a weird way - it tells me where the rhymes are so I pay attention. My apologies if that bugs you. This was pretty pure stream of consciousness, so I know it doesn't have perfect flow or rhymes throughout, but it made me smile writing it - so I thought maybe it would help someone else do the same. Cheers.
I got Lost Outside, of Time and Space, The Galaxies of the Mind, My refuge of Disguise, from our Race, So Human, what is this Life, Our Society, Where is my Place, long ago deemed Incongruous, My Variety, known to daydream inside our Consciousness, seclusion since young once Forced, became a dysfunctional Choice, consumed by Anxiety, Unfortunately got lost in the Vastness, on the last Trip, Attempting to Locate, all the puzzle pieces of My Humanity, to try and assemble Myself, into an acceptable Man, most my existence, didn't know the man in the Mirror, my only Understanding, unwanted by Family, deemed Useless, Inferior, "I" non existent, always called Myself "We", spent longer than Admitted, viewing my life from an external Dreamscape, unaware my Psyche, was in a fractured Condition, taught to please Others, to be good Natured, unfortunately I undervalued what I might Be, fell victim to Self Hatred, how can you love Yourself, when most days you wonder if you're a Human Being, I had no reason for Believing, for years "We" found peace in "Me" walking thru Life...
Waking Dreaming, dreaming while Awake, some miss the forest for the Trees, I missed the whole Galaxy, showed up late to Reality, and never realized my home is Outer Space, an Alien in a Human Suit, posing in Clothing, I tried to relate to other Life Forms, but was greeted time and again with Hate, by so much of our Humanity, I seceded from our Race, felt Disgraced, Unwanted, so I made my own special Place, my only peace came from Inside my Mind, I became my own Confidant, my only Best Friend, my growth had been Stunted, until I discovered a Universe Within, there's so much pain in Our shared versions of Reality, so I lived Internally, where I could Play and Pretend, I don't know when I withdrew Mentally, for the first Time, but I know my Kind and for years was my only loyal Friend, free and Alone, for most of this Life, this story is not to incite Pity, quite Contrary, I hope I don't cause anyone Fear, if I'd never left this body and possibly this planet to Astrotravel, I don't know if I'd still be Here. But I am and I'm here to Stay.
I had a wife long Ago, I gave all I had in hopes of a true Companion, unfortunately when she moved on in the End, all I had left was an Opiate Addiction, if psychedelics open your Consciousness, the Poppy is white water rapids pulling your Soul under again and Again, with a hand on your Throat, trying to make sure you Drown, with a Sadistik fucking Grin, hoping you're weak and forfeit your Existence, I lived 10 Years, barely even Alive, so confused by what we mutually call Life, couldn't dig the vibes or the Hype, I was so dead Inside, no one left behind My Eyes, so lost in my own Body, it was no longer even Mine, but one Day, somehow, this I'll never Understand, into the Rapids,to my rescue came an Angelic Hand, not a woman or a Man, a being of Light, a universal Teacher, sent to be my human Guide, of Chemistry or Insanity, only you can Decide, but this story is my poetic Truth, seen thru and with my own Three Eyes, without this Rescuing, I doubt I would've Survived, I was a human Shell, with fractured pieces of my Soul and Mind, shattered and strewn all over my Universe Inside...
The first words I Heard, were "Please relax and just Listen", "Your worth and value goes so far beyond this Destructive Addiction", "I'm here to remind You of the man you've Always Been", "And to teach you, to help you, learn to pick up the pieces of the puzzle of your Personality", "And reassemble them as you Wish", "Your spirit is too kind to suffer any longer in this Prison", "The fight will be long, most won't ever Understand, but if you learn the True Nature of Yourself", "And the strength you have Within", "You friend will become an amazing Human Being", "And an empathetic helper and Defender", "Of suffering women and Men"...
I had no Clue what to Think or Do, this was as real as any life experience I'd Had or lived Thru, all I knew was this felt so Right, and those Opiates were Bad Fucking News, so I followed my Guts, my Instincts, my Heart, because everything else I listened To, had self interests from the Start, my dick was out for self Pleasure, my brain only interested in drugs and docile dopey Distractions, maybe I'm forever a Fool, following my Instincts and an uplifting Voice, but from that day Forward, I started changing my life Daily, and began to discover the Power of My Own Voice, Thank You my sweet Mexxy, you saved a man from Drowning, in the rapids of opiates that ceaselessly keep on Pounding.
Thanks if you checked it out. I had a quick question for the Mods - I have a music track that is related to MXE that I was wondering if that's OK to post a link to in this thread. Next year January 1st, 2019 is 3 years that I've been clean off of Buperenorphine (Subutex) and almost 5 years since I used Heroin.
I started writing daily for the first time in My Life after the first time I tried MXE. At first it was just philosophy and some trippy concepts, ideas, random thoughts on saving the universe type stuff - but within the first year of my use, I was starting to write a wide variety of Poetry styles, as well as songs - mainly Conscious Hip Hop, albeit my variety of the genre. Now 7 years, almost 8 since I first tried MXE, I taught myself how to Freestyle and Free Write, and am hoping to finish up Myself and my DJ's first LP in the next 5-6 months depending on a few variables. The reason I'm asking - one of the tracks I'm putting on the LP that's we're finishing up production on currently is called mS....Mexxy. It's psychedelic hip hop/with an almost D n B style and tempo mixed in. I'd like to post it once it's ready if that's cool with the Mods. No worries if not.
Have fun and stay safe during the Holiday's Disco Cats.
