hydroazuanacaine
bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Messages
- 8,497
hi, people. has anyone attempted extreme moderation after abstinence? how did it go?
i feel like some of sobriety is built upon fear. like i hang onto to my "one year and X months" as part of my identity. it feels a bit like a charade, but i acknowledge that could be addiction talking. sometimes people break out a beer that they brewed themselves or some rare wine/liquor, and when i turn down a glass i'm not really sure what i'm doing. on an occasion, i am 100 percent certain i could drink a single glass of wine and not have another that night. when at a boat party or other drinking-based event, i'm sure i could have 2 - 3 beers and not drink 'til drunk. but does it spiral out of control again, like over the years? i'm not 100 percent sure what happens long term if i break my zero-drinking policy.
and with benzos, i don't know if i'm torturing myself out of fear. i feel like i can't breath (in a figurative sense). like a rag or rubber band that has been twisted way past the breaking point. before i switched to daily on doctors' recommendations, benzos were so helpful. what happens if i take 10 - 20mgs of valium once every few months? even if i just take it once to see? i sure do wonder.
i feel like some of sobriety is built upon fear. like i hang onto to my "one year and X months" as part of my identity. it feels a bit like a charade, but i acknowledge that could be addiction talking. sometimes people break out a beer that they brewed themselves or some rare wine/liquor, and when i turn down a glass i'm not really sure what i'm doing. on an occasion, i am 100 percent certain i could drink a single glass of wine and not have another that night. when at a boat party or other drinking-based event, i'm sure i could have 2 - 3 beers and not drink 'til drunk. but does it spiral out of control again, like over the years? i'm not 100 percent sure what happens long term if i break my zero-drinking policy.
and with benzos, i don't know if i'm torturing myself out of fear. i feel like i can't breath (in a figurative sense). like a rag or rubber band that has been twisted way past the breaking point. before i switched to daily on doctors' recommendations, benzos were so helpful. what happens if i take 10 - 20mgs of valium once every few months? even if i just take it once to see? i sure do wonder.
Last edited by a moderator: