Listening
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2009
- Messages
- 806
Held 70mg MXM under the tongue for about 5 minutes before swallowing.
Start to feel good at T+40m. All of a sudden, I find myself more talkative. My wife knows that the experiment is on, but she herself is pregnant, so she hasn't partaken. Nevertheless, she finds herself with a contact high right away. We're talking about stuff we've not talked about before. I feel free to discuss topics that would otherwise feel loaded with too much baggage. I've had the same experience on MXE and I'm extremely happy to find it here as well.
I feel real good and decide to smoke some Jack Herer at T+1h. Now things are psychedelic. We watch a bit of a movie. For the spans that I can manage to concentrate on, it's great, but I'm finding it hard to not drift off into my own world of thoughts. Maybe if I hadn't been starting off in a tired state (which I was), this would be different, but I felt simultaneously high and physically very tired.
At T+1h30, nearing the time when I knew my wife would want to go to bed (she was exhausted), I had a momentary selfish thought, wishing that she could do more for me. In a flash, I managed to turn the thought upside down and realized that my ideal self really wanted to give love, rather than needing so much for myself as if I were greedy and poor. Despite being tired, I randomly started to give my wife an awesome (if brief) massage whilst I fell into a sort of trance. I felt great about it and ecstatic to let go of my normal selfishness. Wife went to sleep at that point.
At about T+2h I watched some porn, and orgasm was awesome. I spent the next thirty minutes just cleaning up after myself (putting away and cleaning up everything I had taken out and used during the night). I thought about all the time it took to get my stuff ready for the start of the night and then all the time it took to clean everything up and get things back to par, after climax. It seemed really funny to me, especially given the short duration of MXM, but also healthy. Normally I'm embarrassed at all the hoo-ha that goes into making pleasurable experiences happen. Instead, I want the experiences to happen "naturally". However, this is not always realistic and often results in unconsciously motivated rationalizations for otherwise irrational or unexamined behavior. Far better to know what you want and to run with it, if there's no reason not to. My obsessive cleaning up of my own mess may be motivated by an unconscious wish to see myself as having no worldly needs: If there is no evidence that I was here, then I can imagine that my needs have had zero impact, and I can once again pretend to be needless. However, this whole situation can be flipped on its head just by recognizing the unconscious motivation for the activity. In this case the activity is no longer about denial, but is instead another living of my truth and a full embrace of reality. I can unashamedly smoke pot, listen to music, masturbate, and then I can unashamedly clean up my mess to perfection, knowing full well how much energy I needed to expend just to take care of myself. I can see my selfishness and neediness as human, even whilst I acknowledge and examine my wish to be free of it. As with many areas of psychology, acceptance is a necessary (if insufficient) step towards change.
At T+2h30 I'm exhausted, but I'm scared that I won't be able to sleep so I decide to take 1mg of Etizolam since I really do need the sleep. In retrospect I wish I hadn't taken the etizolam, just to find out if I would have been able to sleep without it... As it was, I conked pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow.
One thing worth mentioning: I had a cold going into this, which may be why I felt so tired. Obviously that's not a good occasion to get high, but my opportunities are limited. With a 2 1/2 year old kid and another baby soon to be born, I will shortly have very few opportunities indeed.
Overall I found the MXM experience to be short, but highly enjoyable. I feel like pot is probably a must (for me at least), as is a good set and setting. As other people have said, this stuff is not MXE, but from my first real experiment with it, it seems worthwhile for what it is.
Start to feel good at T+40m. All of a sudden, I find myself more talkative. My wife knows that the experiment is on, but she herself is pregnant, so she hasn't partaken. Nevertheless, she finds herself with a contact high right away. We're talking about stuff we've not talked about before. I feel free to discuss topics that would otherwise feel loaded with too much baggage. I've had the same experience on MXE and I'm extremely happy to find it here as well.
I feel real good and decide to smoke some Jack Herer at T+1h. Now things are psychedelic. We watch a bit of a movie. For the spans that I can manage to concentrate on, it's great, but I'm finding it hard to not drift off into my own world of thoughts. Maybe if I hadn't been starting off in a tired state (which I was), this would be different, but I felt simultaneously high and physically very tired.
At T+1h30, nearing the time when I knew my wife would want to go to bed (she was exhausted), I had a momentary selfish thought, wishing that she could do more for me. In a flash, I managed to turn the thought upside down and realized that my ideal self really wanted to give love, rather than needing so much for myself as if I were greedy and poor. Despite being tired, I randomly started to give my wife an awesome (if brief) massage whilst I fell into a sort of trance. I felt great about it and ecstatic to let go of my normal selfishness. Wife went to sleep at that point.
At about T+2h I watched some porn, and orgasm was awesome. I spent the next thirty minutes just cleaning up after myself (putting away and cleaning up everything I had taken out and used during the night). I thought about all the time it took to get my stuff ready for the start of the night and then all the time it took to clean everything up and get things back to par, after climax. It seemed really funny to me, especially given the short duration of MXM, but also healthy. Normally I'm embarrassed at all the hoo-ha that goes into making pleasurable experiences happen. Instead, I want the experiences to happen "naturally". However, this is not always realistic and often results in unconsciously motivated rationalizations for otherwise irrational or unexamined behavior. Far better to know what you want and to run with it, if there's no reason not to. My obsessive cleaning up of my own mess may be motivated by an unconscious wish to see myself as having no worldly needs: If there is no evidence that I was here, then I can imagine that my needs have had zero impact, and I can once again pretend to be needless. However, this whole situation can be flipped on its head just by recognizing the unconscious motivation for the activity. In this case the activity is no longer about denial, but is instead another living of my truth and a full embrace of reality. I can unashamedly smoke pot, listen to music, masturbate, and then I can unashamedly clean up my mess to perfection, knowing full well how much energy I needed to expend just to take care of myself. I can see my selfishness and neediness as human, even whilst I acknowledge and examine my wish to be free of it. As with many areas of psychology, acceptance is a necessary (if insufficient) step towards change.
At T+2h30 I'm exhausted, but I'm scared that I won't be able to sleep so I decide to take 1mg of Etizolam since I really do need the sleep. In retrospect I wish I hadn't taken the etizolam, just to find out if I would have been able to sleep without it... As it was, I conked pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow.
One thing worth mentioning: I had a cold going into this, which may be why I felt so tired. Obviously that's not a good occasion to get high, but my opportunities are limited. With a 2 1/2 year old kid and another baby soon to be born, I will shortly have very few opportunities indeed.
Overall I found the MXM experience to be short, but highly enjoyable. I feel like pot is probably a must (for me at least), as is a good set and setting. As other people have said, this stuff is not MXE, but from my first real experiment with it, it seems worthwhile for what it is.
Thanks. I really enjoy MXM aswell, and I don't understand why it hasn't become more popular. Maybe some of the MXM that's been sold has been cut or other chems misrepresented as MXM, who knows.