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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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In the middle of both opiate and benzo withdrawal and last night my gf (5years) dumped me in a very bad way while drunk in front of 2 buddies of mine, while she was hitting on one of them the whole night. Probably the worst night of my life. Drank nearly a bottle of whisky just to get some sleep (4-5hours). have to get a new place to live and everything.. thinking of ending this misery
 
Hang on sPHERE, that is a shitstorm of trouble for sure every one of the circumstances, as horrific as they are to get through, are temporary. And as for that girlfriend? Hopefully last night's behavior showed you a side of her that will make it easier to move on. I'm really sorry. PM if you just need an ear.
 
Hello.

I am gratefull for this forum, as I can see, I am not the only one with this feelings.
Death has always attracted me, and I can`t wait to die... I would kill myself, but I dont want to hurt my family..
I havent find the meaning in life... And its hard to find it...
My thougts are with all of you..
 
Juki, you are certainly not alone with these feelings. Maybe life does not need meaning. Sometimes the only thing to do is to try to hold close what you love about the world. Maybe it is music, maybe it is someone in your family, maybe it is reading. Maybe just one small thing that you love can carry you.<3
 
I felt like ending my life when I was going through a very tough withdraw from fentanyl many years ago.

I guess I know what you are feeling. But that will get better with time. It shall pass.

I guess the moment gets such a importance and intense meaning and that makes us think it's unbearable.
As Herbavore says, find something you enjoy doing for a while.

All th best,
Erik
 
Thnx Capt, I do love reading when I have a book im interested in, its just hard to sit still sometimes, although I have never really tried. I took a tiny piece of suboxone last night, just to take the edge off. I havnt taken suboxone regularly in over a month (besides last night), but I did H for three days straight, so im hoping that I can just make it through these next couple days now.
Just keep trying D! Sounds like you still have a chance :) :)
 
I felt like ending my life when I was going through a very tough withdraw from fentanyl many years ago.

I guess I know what you are feeling. But that will get better with time. It shall pass.

I guess the moment gets such a importance and intense meaning and that makes us think it's unbearable.
As Herbavore says, find something you enjoy doing for a while.

All th best,
Erik
Man, I too thought about suicide a lot this last month as I came down to 60 mg morph (from 75-100). This slow taper made me pay back every 10mg. I guess it's the mood disorder that comes with opiate withdrawal that makes us act panicky. I finally drank after 1.25 years sober last week. That went poorly as I blacked out and acted crazy 8(. Back to acting right now. Morph habit crept up again though, but sticking to plugging (which is so degrading imo). We are in this together ladies and dobermans
 
i'm ok.... sorry.... was very high. I am truly sorry if i alarmed anyone <3
 
I've really up and down this past week. I am being admitted to the Menninger Clinic on Monday morning for a medication detox. Basically I take 9 meds so they are going to try and get me down to two meds in two weeks. I can purchase more time if I need it. After that I'll be admitting at Austen Riggs for psychotherapy. I always get really down before hospitalizations, I'm hard on myself about needing treatment. I feel shitty about leaving my dog with my parents and sister. All I ever wanted was to be a good sibling and have a relationship of some sorts. Idk it gets me down. I've definitely wanted to die some of the past few days. I just want to be free of all this torment I subject myself to. I hate myself sometimes. I never planned on living this long and now I don't know what to do with myself. I mean I'll get better with the quality of care I'll be receiving at Menninger and Austen Riggs, but right now I'm sad and wish this would all end peacefully.
 
^^^ hang in there.

I can identify with your worries about family relationships and the dreaded self loathing, I bet you ever hate yourself for hating yourself ?? I do that one and it's tough to shake off.

I'm sure your family just want you to be you and would be devastated if you ended it all whilst thinking they didn't value you.

At times of crisis I believe it is time to talk about these things with the people involved, I know its hard but I believe you should try and talk to your family about how you feel whilst telling them how much they mean to you.

In my life and family too many things are left unsaid, as if we should all just assume them or it's too hard to have these real conversations. We are all on a ticking timer, wait for yours to run it's true course and make the best of every day.

Hoping this post finds you in better spirits <3
 
I've really up and down this past week. I am being admitted to the Menninger Clinic on Monday morning for a medication detox. Basically I take 9 meds so they are going to try and get me down to two meds in two weeks. I can purchase more time if I need it. After that I'll be admitting at Austen Riggs for psychotherapy. I always get really down before hospitalizations, I'm hard on myself about needing treatment. I feel shitty about leaving my dog with my parents and sister. All I ever wanted was to be a good sibling and have a relationship of some sorts. Idk it gets me down. I've definitely wanted to die some of the past few days. I just want to be free of all this torment I subject myself to. I hate myself sometimes. I never planned on living this long and now I don't know what to do with myself. I mean I'll get better with the quality of care I'll be receiving at Menninger and Austen Riggs, but right now I'm sad and wish this would all end peacefully.

hang in there <3
 
Feeling really depressed. Nonexistent lovelife ... still in agony from the one who dumped me years ago, can't put myself out there again ... health problems ... now my family member is in jail and I can't help. I just want to eat a bullet (don't worry I have no plans). Don't even really want to talk to anyone. Hard to sit through these feelings. Don't know what to do.
 
"Dont give up the fight to stay alive and even if you have to, find the reason of another's pain if they lose you. If not for yourself then those around who care like I do. One day you'll see the clear blue."
Beyond the Grey sky by 311
 
I'll talk frankly and this isn't directed at anyone in particular. Feeling suicidal is no different than holding a gun up to your own head to get what you want. In most cases it's what you want from yourself, not from others. Others around you can cry out in horror, they can try to talk you down, they can offer you alternatives, etc but it can often turn to noise because you are the one that has to live with this.

Let's just consider for a second what you would you say to yourself to talk yourself out of a suicide, assuming you could separate yourself from the situation just a second? You know yourself better than anyone else. In spite of the confusion depression brings, what part of yourself is so unbearable, so insufferable so flawed that you have to point a gun to its head to get it to behave or get resolution? Now, put yourself in the position of the bystander, show sympathy to the person holding the gun, and talk them through it. The alternative is to wallow at your suicidal predicament while forgetting that you are the one holding the gun to your head in the first place. Only a small fraction of your operating system is behaving in this flawed way, but it's bogging down the whole system. You owe it to yourself to keep investigating. Obviously, easier said than done, but you get better at it. You need to do anything you can to support your healing. Medication, therapy and anything else to break and weaken the pattern. One day you'll have the luxury of looking back and saying thank God I didn't do something like that over such a simple misunderstanding, but until that day, it needs to be afforded the proper respect. I feel for your suffering and pray you'll see the light of day again. Anything I can do to help, let me know.
 
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