just say know
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2015
- Messages
- 427
Hello everyone; my name is alex; if you want to contact me i'll send contact info in a pm, just pm me. i'd like to tell you a bit about myself. since this is a drug forum i'll write about the topic of drugs in regards to myself. then i will write more about myself in general
in regards to drugs: currently my future plans are to be a needle echange program administrator, MDMA therapist, and occasional drug user; using psychedelic and empathogenic/entactogenic drugs as a particular interest. i've only used Cannabis (experienced in smoking but not edibles) and LSA in the form of LSA containing seeds such as morning glory (twice) and hawain baby woodrose (many times). i hope to try drugs such as the 2 c series, MDMA, LSD, magic mushrooms, salvia, ketamine, DXM, Wild Dagga, Damania, Kratom, Nitrose Oxide, and possibly peyote or mescaline. i plan upon using in moderation all these drugs; as well as researching such drugs before use. i am also interested in smoking herbs like bay bean, prickly poppy, rock blooms, damania, blue lotus, wild dagga, california poppy, hops, and others that are calmative or etheogenic. i plan to mix with cannabis these herbs when i have gotten experience in them and plan on mixing and matching for a perfect herbal blend. i also plan upon using DMT and ayahuasca later on in life when i feel ready enough. i may use some stimulants like betal nut, mormons tea, yerba mate, and others; mostly natural stimulants.
i am also taking a liking to deleriants (amanita muscaria, benedryl; probably not any atropine or scolopamine any time soon), and dissasociatives like DXM or ketamine; my main interest is DXM: i have yet to try it and many drugs until i can recover from depression and anxiety. currently i'm taking celexa.
i've researched drugs since i was 16. i'd get "stuck" on drugs though. sometimes it'd be all i can talk about. you can get stuck on interests with Autism Spectrum Disorder; which i have. i am a strong supporter of Drug Reform and Legalization and Harm Reduction. i hope to donate money to this site, maps, erowid, and dmtnexus if possible. i may start with maps however. i don't want to use hard drugs particularly; though i do want to try coke just one time. i've also had two different Crisis situations while on drugs two different times while on high doses of LSA.
in regards to myself: i'm 19 years old and am on the Autism Spectrum Disorder. for more information about autism look up an Autism FAQ such as one from autism speaks. i also have Bipolar; which i was unaware of until recently. i also have ADHD as well.
in regards to interests i love anime, cartoons, science, harm reduction, drug information, writting, reading, public speaking, video games, food, and the internet.
Anime- (from most favorite to last favorite in english names) Beyond the boundary, Future Diary, Spirited Away, When they cry, tokyo ghoul, squid girl, jellyfish princess, inuyasha, case closed. that's all i can recall from memory but all are wonderful animes!
cartoons- Adventure Time with finn and jake, Invader zim, Courage the cowardly dog, Angry Beavers, Ahh real monsters, Chowder, Regular Show, super fuckers (youtube), bravest warriors (youtube), bee and puppycat (youtube), rocket dog (youtube), Pills berry toast boy (youtube), and Salad Fingers (youtube).
science- i am interested in psychology, sociology, neuroscience, pharmacology, physics, anatomy, and ecology.
writting- i like to write about personal experiences from the view of a character; usually centering around personal experiences and emotions. i also like to write about creative fiction and i also like writting for forums. i love writting! i also love collaborating.
Reading- i like the books "a dogs life: and autobiography of a stray", "watership down", "the forest of hands and teeth" (and the sequel "dead tossed waves"), any book by Khaled Houseinni, "harry potter", "a series of unfortunate events", "Sociology: a down to earth approach 8th edition", "the two princesses of brammare" (i think i spelled that right?), the "how to train your dragon" series, and various textbooks i haven't yet to read yet. i also have alot of books i'm hoping to explore and get into.
Video Games- Fable, Overlord, Skyrim, Oblivion, The Last of us, LSD: dream emulator, psychonauts, LIMBO, and World of Warcraft. i have a long time to play more videogames but those are probably my most favored and also i haven't played LSD: dream emulator but it looks extreemly interesting.
food- i love food. i love cooking food. i love healthy food like pommegranates, whole grains, fresh vegetables, and i love meals that i make myself. i'm not super culinary savy but i love food. it's like a passion to me i suppose; and i wish i could cook better lol; but i think as i cook more i'll get better at it. it takes time and patience and effort and creativity.
The Internet- Youtube, Erowid, DMTnexus, MAPS, Bluelight, Shroomery, facebook, www.thedea.org (the drug enthusiasts of america), and dreamjournal.org. i need to explore more; i think there are some cool websites out there but i don't know where to find them; and specifically one's that aren't just drug related.
my college plans are to go to be a computer networker so i can have a good job and then go to be a neuro-scientist and to study general science. i hope to make a difference in the world.
music- (there are too many songs to mention so i'm mentioning bands instead): flyleaf, flobots, Eminem, Tech n9ne, Cocorosie, Alt-j, Echosmith, Otep, Rise Against, babymetal, LAKE, AFI, Blue October, Gorillaz, A tribe called quest, Hopsin, Kimya Dawson, The uncluded, The moldy peaches, evil needle, XXYYXX, and many others as well as the website known as pandora; which introduces me to new music
sexual orientation: pansexual, amorphous, and bisexual. possibly demisexual as well.
life info when i was young i had a fairly enlightened attitude; and i was very socially intelligent: giving advice to my parents and having a good sense of common sense. when i was around 5 years old i started having violent mental breakdowns. sometimes these mental breakdowns would be triggered for unknown reasons. i got so violent that i had to be hospitalized. in center point i was traumatized by how they couldn't relate to me and how they were hateful to some of the children; how some of the children had sexual contact and no one did anything about it and how they drugged the crap out of me on ampetamines; causing anorexia and insomnia: this was to treat autism which amphetamines are highly ineffective in treating ASD.
with the onset of anorexia due to amphetamine use they threatened to force feed me; this scared me and i forced myself with the utmost willpower i could get to eat. when i would have a mental breakdown they would sedate me by sticking me with a needle in the ass. i would have such a violent mental breakdown that it would take a group of orderly's to simply subdue a 5 year old child; i'd throw desks and chairs and seriously hurt some people. unfortunately aggressiveness is punished and i was isolated in a plexiglass room with no one to calmly talk to me; this taught me bad things about how to communicate; that communication is about force. i think this is why i've lectured people more so than talking to them; something i'm also cutting down on. my dad and sister also didn't support the sedation; they even sedated me right in front of my family. my sister flipped her shit.
after i recieved that bullshit "dolphin" status i finally got to leave. good riddance to that fucked up place. that place that traumatized me. that place that might have ruined a long term trust with the system. in my experience mental hospitals aren't designed to treat the mentally ill or emotionally distraught; it is a holding place so that they don't hurt themselves or anyone; but it's more of a holding pen than a hospital.
as i grew up i found that although i had troubles in math and in socializing and staying out of fights with other kids i was extreemly intelligent, creative, and deep down a very nice, polite, and "good" person. but with mental breakdowns and bipolar and adhd and ASD it's like you're out of control of your own life. it's like you see yourself as a person but not everyone does because of the angry outbursts. i was also bullied by the neighborhood kids. they would beat the crap out of me (sometimes very violently like beating me with metal pipes) and although i could descently beat the crap out of them as well there were more of them than there were of me. my father also had violent tendencies. i think our society makes it too "normal" for males to be aggressive; which is why i choose not to be aggressive today as my chemical dysfunction has leveled out and i have much more control over my emotions.
eventually my father had a mental breakdown, threatened suicide and threatened to kill my mother. this lead to divorce and a seperation of parents. my mother wouldn't let me talk to my father; who needed help: not isolation particularly. i remember that eventually i wanted to move in with my father; my mom allowed it. for years i spent alone in the middle of nowhere where i would compensate playing videogames for sociolization. in school i was a "freak" because i wanted to start an anti-bullying gang and because i didn't comb my hair and let it grow really long and never washed it.
eventually i went to live with my mothers who also had a new husband. i was okay with this; but i didn't treat the man like my father. at first it was great getting to know my step family. but when i told them that my father let me try cannabis they didn't let me live with him anymore. i had a mental breakdown; told my mother i wished she was dead and distanced myself from my step family. because i had told my mother that i wished she was dead (which i would later regret saying) my step father harbored bitterness toward me. the emotional abuse was gradual. as the years it got worse.
for four years of my life the emotional abuse from my step father would eventually escalate into low self of steam, poor hygiene, depression, PTSD, and anxiety. the arguing between us would eventually push my mother into attempting suicide; i had to stop her: this is when the PTSD officially began with witnessing and being involved in a traumatic event.
this was when we finally decided it was time for me to move back in with my father. at first i stayed with my half sister for a couple months. i made friends at school, had a healthy social environment, and used cannabis to help the PTSD; which i was PTSD naive but now that i look back on the times i would constantly look around anxiously with panic and fear of groups of people and the softness in my speaking; i was going through some serious emotions.
then i moved into isolation with my father; in the middle of nowhere. i started to feel lonely; cannabis still helped substantially reduce stress and anxiety and panic from the PTSD. soon my sister moved in and i was much less lonely. i also went to school which allowed me to socialize. soon i made a friend who i fell in love with; they didn't love me back which i was fine with. this was around when i was 16 and using LSA for recreation and therapy. the theraputic qualities were very helpful in treating PTSD; empathy, breaking down social barriers, entactogenesis, etc.
two very personal crisis situations taught me the value of being more careful about psychedelic use. it taught me that psychedelics can cause serious reactions in higher doses and very theraputic reactions in lower doses. in higher doses i would like to sit on the couch with my eyes closed self reflecting and letting my mind wander. i would end the trip refreshed and almost born anew. it was beautiful.
but this new friend i had made me worry; they were suicidal and self harmers. i even cried and constantly worried about them and tried my hardest to make them feel accepted and loved and happy. it turns out that they had PTSD. soon though i had a mental breakdown; a non violent one where i became very detached from others. this caused me to flip out and strip naked and ruin the entire relationship; upsetting their PTSD which was very hard for them.
today i'm on medication; abilify and celexa. they help substantially. many people (including myself) are biased about pharmacutical medication; but they should be more concerned with the doctor in question. i got a good psychaitrist who prescribed me the best anti-depressant he had; no cheap stuff. he even has given me three different thousand dollar samples because i can't afford the medication.
now i'm continuing my chapter in life; trying to make the most out of it that i can: living to the fullest. i want to read, write, drug forum, talk, open up, love, laugh, smile, cry, be upset, but never ever be numbed like i can be when i've escaped through video games and through my own head. i will continue to update this as it come's along. i wish everyone else on this website a good life; i have had a hard one that has taught me alot. life is sometimes unfair but those who have an agenda will make sure that fairness is a thing. with love, peace, and respect - me.
(will be ongoing) to be continued....
in regards to drugs: currently my future plans are to be a needle echange program administrator, MDMA therapist, and occasional drug user; using psychedelic and empathogenic/entactogenic drugs as a particular interest. i've only used Cannabis (experienced in smoking but not edibles) and LSA in the form of LSA containing seeds such as morning glory (twice) and hawain baby woodrose (many times). i hope to try drugs such as the 2 c series, MDMA, LSD, magic mushrooms, salvia, ketamine, DXM, Wild Dagga, Damania, Kratom, Nitrose Oxide, and possibly peyote or mescaline. i plan upon using in moderation all these drugs; as well as researching such drugs before use. i am also interested in smoking herbs like bay bean, prickly poppy, rock blooms, damania, blue lotus, wild dagga, california poppy, hops, and others that are calmative or etheogenic. i plan to mix with cannabis these herbs when i have gotten experience in them and plan on mixing and matching for a perfect herbal blend. i also plan upon using DMT and ayahuasca later on in life when i feel ready enough. i may use some stimulants like betal nut, mormons tea, yerba mate, and others; mostly natural stimulants.
i am also taking a liking to deleriants (amanita muscaria, benedryl; probably not any atropine or scolopamine any time soon), and dissasociatives like DXM or ketamine; my main interest is DXM: i have yet to try it and many drugs until i can recover from depression and anxiety. currently i'm taking celexa.
i've researched drugs since i was 16. i'd get "stuck" on drugs though. sometimes it'd be all i can talk about. you can get stuck on interests with Autism Spectrum Disorder; which i have. i am a strong supporter of Drug Reform and Legalization and Harm Reduction. i hope to donate money to this site, maps, erowid, and dmtnexus if possible. i may start with maps however. i don't want to use hard drugs particularly; though i do want to try coke just one time. i've also had two different Crisis situations while on drugs two different times while on high doses of LSA.
in regards to myself: i'm 19 years old and am on the Autism Spectrum Disorder. for more information about autism look up an Autism FAQ such as one from autism speaks. i also have Bipolar; which i was unaware of until recently. i also have ADHD as well.
in regards to interests i love anime, cartoons, science, harm reduction, drug information, writting, reading, public speaking, video games, food, and the internet.
Anime- (from most favorite to last favorite in english names) Beyond the boundary, Future Diary, Spirited Away, When they cry, tokyo ghoul, squid girl, jellyfish princess, inuyasha, case closed. that's all i can recall from memory but all are wonderful animes!
cartoons- Adventure Time with finn and jake, Invader zim, Courage the cowardly dog, Angry Beavers, Ahh real monsters, Chowder, Regular Show, super fuckers (youtube), bravest warriors (youtube), bee and puppycat (youtube), rocket dog (youtube), Pills berry toast boy (youtube), and Salad Fingers (youtube).
science- i am interested in psychology, sociology, neuroscience, pharmacology, physics, anatomy, and ecology.
writting- i like to write about personal experiences from the view of a character; usually centering around personal experiences and emotions. i also like to write about creative fiction and i also like writting for forums. i love writting! i also love collaborating.
Reading- i like the books "a dogs life: and autobiography of a stray", "watership down", "the forest of hands and teeth" (and the sequel "dead tossed waves"), any book by Khaled Houseinni, "harry potter", "a series of unfortunate events", "Sociology: a down to earth approach 8th edition", "the two princesses of brammare" (i think i spelled that right?), the "how to train your dragon" series, and various textbooks i haven't yet to read yet. i also have alot of books i'm hoping to explore and get into.
Video Games- Fable, Overlord, Skyrim, Oblivion, The Last of us, LSD: dream emulator, psychonauts, LIMBO, and World of Warcraft. i have a long time to play more videogames but those are probably my most favored and also i haven't played LSD: dream emulator but it looks extreemly interesting.
food- i love food. i love cooking food. i love healthy food like pommegranates, whole grains, fresh vegetables, and i love meals that i make myself. i'm not super culinary savy but i love food. it's like a passion to me i suppose; and i wish i could cook better lol; but i think as i cook more i'll get better at it. it takes time and patience and effort and creativity.
The Internet- Youtube, Erowid, DMTnexus, MAPS, Bluelight, Shroomery, facebook, www.thedea.org (the drug enthusiasts of america), and dreamjournal.org. i need to explore more; i think there are some cool websites out there but i don't know where to find them; and specifically one's that aren't just drug related.
my college plans are to go to be a computer networker so i can have a good job and then go to be a neuro-scientist and to study general science. i hope to make a difference in the world.
music- (there are too many songs to mention so i'm mentioning bands instead): flyleaf, flobots, Eminem, Tech n9ne, Cocorosie, Alt-j, Echosmith, Otep, Rise Against, babymetal, LAKE, AFI, Blue October, Gorillaz, A tribe called quest, Hopsin, Kimya Dawson, The uncluded, The moldy peaches, evil needle, XXYYXX, and many others as well as the website known as pandora; which introduces me to new music
sexual orientation: pansexual, amorphous, and bisexual. possibly demisexual as well.
life info when i was young i had a fairly enlightened attitude; and i was very socially intelligent: giving advice to my parents and having a good sense of common sense. when i was around 5 years old i started having violent mental breakdowns. sometimes these mental breakdowns would be triggered for unknown reasons. i got so violent that i had to be hospitalized. in center point i was traumatized by how they couldn't relate to me and how they were hateful to some of the children; how some of the children had sexual contact and no one did anything about it and how they drugged the crap out of me on ampetamines; causing anorexia and insomnia: this was to treat autism which amphetamines are highly ineffective in treating ASD.
with the onset of anorexia due to amphetamine use they threatened to force feed me; this scared me and i forced myself with the utmost willpower i could get to eat. when i would have a mental breakdown they would sedate me by sticking me with a needle in the ass. i would have such a violent mental breakdown that it would take a group of orderly's to simply subdue a 5 year old child; i'd throw desks and chairs and seriously hurt some people. unfortunately aggressiveness is punished and i was isolated in a plexiglass room with no one to calmly talk to me; this taught me bad things about how to communicate; that communication is about force. i think this is why i've lectured people more so than talking to them; something i'm also cutting down on. my dad and sister also didn't support the sedation; they even sedated me right in front of my family. my sister flipped her shit.
after i recieved that bullshit "dolphin" status i finally got to leave. good riddance to that fucked up place. that place that traumatized me. that place that might have ruined a long term trust with the system. in my experience mental hospitals aren't designed to treat the mentally ill or emotionally distraught; it is a holding place so that they don't hurt themselves or anyone; but it's more of a holding pen than a hospital.
as i grew up i found that although i had troubles in math and in socializing and staying out of fights with other kids i was extreemly intelligent, creative, and deep down a very nice, polite, and "good" person. but with mental breakdowns and bipolar and adhd and ASD it's like you're out of control of your own life. it's like you see yourself as a person but not everyone does because of the angry outbursts. i was also bullied by the neighborhood kids. they would beat the crap out of me (sometimes very violently like beating me with metal pipes) and although i could descently beat the crap out of them as well there were more of them than there were of me. my father also had violent tendencies. i think our society makes it too "normal" for males to be aggressive; which is why i choose not to be aggressive today as my chemical dysfunction has leveled out and i have much more control over my emotions.
eventually my father had a mental breakdown, threatened suicide and threatened to kill my mother. this lead to divorce and a seperation of parents. my mother wouldn't let me talk to my father; who needed help: not isolation particularly. i remember that eventually i wanted to move in with my father; my mom allowed it. for years i spent alone in the middle of nowhere where i would compensate playing videogames for sociolization. in school i was a "freak" because i wanted to start an anti-bullying gang and because i didn't comb my hair and let it grow really long and never washed it.
eventually i went to live with my mothers who also had a new husband. i was okay with this; but i didn't treat the man like my father. at first it was great getting to know my step family. but when i told them that my father let me try cannabis they didn't let me live with him anymore. i had a mental breakdown; told my mother i wished she was dead and distanced myself from my step family. because i had told my mother that i wished she was dead (which i would later regret saying) my step father harbored bitterness toward me. the emotional abuse was gradual. as the years it got worse.
for four years of my life the emotional abuse from my step father would eventually escalate into low self of steam, poor hygiene, depression, PTSD, and anxiety. the arguing between us would eventually push my mother into attempting suicide; i had to stop her: this is when the PTSD officially began with witnessing and being involved in a traumatic event.
this was when we finally decided it was time for me to move back in with my father. at first i stayed with my half sister for a couple months. i made friends at school, had a healthy social environment, and used cannabis to help the PTSD; which i was PTSD naive but now that i look back on the times i would constantly look around anxiously with panic and fear of groups of people and the softness in my speaking; i was going through some serious emotions.
then i moved into isolation with my father; in the middle of nowhere. i started to feel lonely; cannabis still helped substantially reduce stress and anxiety and panic from the PTSD. soon my sister moved in and i was much less lonely. i also went to school which allowed me to socialize. soon i made a friend who i fell in love with; they didn't love me back which i was fine with. this was around when i was 16 and using LSA for recreation and therapy. the theraputic qualities were very helpful in treating PTSD; empathy, breaking down social barriers, entactogenesis, etc.
two very personal crisis situations taught me the value of being more careful about psychedelic use. it taught me that psychedelics can cause serious reactions in higher doses and very theraputic reactions in lower doses. in higher doses i would like to sit on the couch with my eyes closed self reflecting and letting my mind wander. i would end the trip refreshed and almost born anew. it was beautiful.
but this new friend i had made me worry; they were suicidal and self harmers. i even cried and constantly worried about them and tried my hardest to make them feel accepted and loved and happy. it turns out that they had PTSD. soon though i had a mental breakdown; a non violent one where i became very detached from others. this caused me to flip out and strip naked and ruin the entire relationship; upsetting their PTSD which was very hard for them.
today i'm on medication; abilify and celexa. they help substantially. many people (including myself) are biased about pharmacutical medication; but they should be more concerned with the doctor in question. i got a good psychaitrist who prescribed me the best anti-depressant he had; no cheap stuff. he even has given me three different thousand dollar samples because i can't afford the medication.
now i'm continuing my chapter in life; trying to make the most out of it that i can: living to the fullest. i want to read, write, drug forum, talk, open up, love, laugh, smile, cry, be upset, but never ever be numbed like i can be when i've escaped through video games and through my own head. i will continue to update this as it come's along. i wish everyone else on this website a good life; i have had a hard one that has taught me alot. life is sometimes unfair but those who have an agenda will make sure that fairness is a thing. with love, peace, and respect - me.
(will be ongoing) to be continued....
Last edited:
