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NO-vember '14 -- SL Gettin & Stayin Sober Thread

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Congrats to you gotitforcheap!

When I quit Heroin I got all the otc I could find. I used subs once, then methadone for a while another time, but when I stopped those, I stocked up on L-Glutamine to slow down the system (really helps), it crosses the blood brain barrier.
Basically (L-Tyrosine, L-Glutamine and L-Lysine) and the B vitamins. Loperamide like you mentioned, cough medicine in daytime which helped keep the panic down believe it or not… and nighttime formula too.
Stock up on bananas also. :)
Good luck, I wish you had Clonidine… It really helped. Lots of Glutamine instead maybe… it can actually help regulate blood pressure. Take it with b6 for absorption.
 
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Can you just wear yourself the hell out? Like go run a bunch of miles or something
 
My dealer texted about an hour ago... I've been having cravings today - physically I'm fine but mentally I'm a bit down. Told him not today. Feel ok about it. Took 2mg sub this am, waiting til 6 pm to take 2 more and that's it for today. I mean I really want to take it now but there's no need to. I can wait 3 hours. For a couple hours I really wanted to use, but I just kept reminding myself that the high doesnt last that long, then after that I just feel sedated and not even that great, then I get sad and think about quitting. There's also the waking up with extreme anxiety and depression, not to mention risking each time I cop that it's bad dope (unlikely but always a possibility). Then I thought about what it would be like to be able to feel again, when there's something good to feel. Just because I'm down now is no reason to not see it through. And ect ect blah blah.


Straight up counting the minutes til I can take my other 2mg sub, but you know what? At least I didn't cop today.
 
thanks wezface. I'm glad I didn't cop. Dope will always be there, it's time to try something else.

I have a question for people who take subs - I was reading some website, either a rehab site or drug info site - my point is it was something semi official, not just someone talking on a forum, and it said that when you let the sub dissolve under your tongue, you shouldn't swallow, you should let the saliva build up in your mouth and keep it there for 15 mins. I don't understand how this is even possible? Not to be gross, but I'd have a mouthfull of spit. I thought you were just supposed to swallow normally when you had to swallow? That's how I've been doing it, but now I'm wondering if I'm doing it wrong. (Subs: You're Doing It Wrong).
 
I can't not swallow. To be honest before I knew what I was doing I swallowed them, and they still worked for me.
 
Today sucks.
I haven't been able to eat for two days. I haven't shot up since last Thursday but that's whatev.

Seriously... if I didn't do any opiates, right now, I would waste to nothing. I have about a week per month where I just sleep twenty hours per day and get up and stuff my face and sleep and stuff my face.

Other than that, I average maybe 400 calories and five hours of restless sleep per day. This is fibromyalgia as I experience it.
On the plus side the Cogentin seems to be helping.

I'm editing to continue to bitch. My anorexia (not nervosa; I WANT to eat, but when I think about food I gag. And often I vomit up nothing but bile) is really annoying. I'm physically hungry but it's like my brain says "hey, whoa now, we got enough shit to deal with just keeping your body going so digestion is maybe not priority right now". Digestion takes so much fucking energy. I literally cannot do anything after a meal. And my body works so hard to just exist (resting heart rate is around 120 just always) that I'm perpetually sympathetic, in fight or flight. And it gets goddamn exhausting.
I'm getting a few 100mg morphines tomorrow that I will shoot before I drive up to see my hubby Friday morning, and I will do some before thanksgiving so I can eat with my family.

Have I just screwed up my brain so badly that it will not ever exist normally without opiates? I was off methadone for almost two years when this shit started in earnest. And I've honestly considered going back on MMT for pain management and lying and just saying I'm still using every day, which I'm not. It feels pathetic to do that, like I shouldn't have to.
I have to accept that I will be in pain every day for the rest of my life. But my therapist says I need to work on immediacy and feeling things instead of analyzing them to tiny bits of nothing. I agree.

But you know what? Even though I'm sad right now, contemplating my situation (not self pity, just melancholy), I recognize that
a.) I am allowing myself to feel this sadness (which is a huge leap for me, not escaping from it) and
b.) I recognize that this is sadness, not depression. It is not the blackened existential ache of the missing, or the burning in my lungs like I'm drowning in a world that can't hear my screams. It is just sadness, and it is okay, and I have the right to be sad. And I might even cry a little.

And that's okay.

I'm drinking a Slim Fast just to get some nutrition in my body. I keep blacking out when I stand up. It's triggering for me, having had a pretty severe eating disorder at one time. I used to strive for that feeling. Due to GI upset and spinal nerve issues my bowels are completely empty.
I lost eight pounds. Today.
Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my dad who is a narcissist but I try to keep things light so he doesn't end up just screaming at me. And then I'm going to go get drugs and that will be nice. A few hours of feeling okay, let the pain slip up into the clouds and stars and let it blanket them for a while and allow me to fly free.
 
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I'm sorry you're going through that <3

Have you ever thought about blood pressure meds to lower your heart rate and calm down a little in general? I take metoprolol for a minor heart issue, I've been on the same small dose for 15 years now, and it helps a lot. I would have a rapid heartbeat for no reason, and other stuff. A resting heartrate of 120 is high... just an idea, it might slow you down a little.

As for whether the brain recovers - I think it does. Maybe there's a tiny minority who continue to have problems, but I think for most of us, we will get back to baseline.



O/T: I have 3 days clean as of a half hour from now :)
 
woot woot!

I actually have crazy fluctuating blood pressure due to orthostatic hypotention and pain making it shoot up at random intervals. So I'm not sure how BP medicine would work, if it could just stabilize it or if it has to raise it.
Three days was always my marker, like, it gets better after the third day. Stick with it!
 
That's a good question on the subs. Oy! I got the bupe from a pharmacist friend.. It came in plastic liquid vials measured out… not the usual under the tongue type. I know it sounds odd but it really worked. I heard it's supposed to be sublingual although many have trouble keeping it under the tongue. I even tried with the vials doing that and it was quite difficult.
 
I got 14 hours of sleep last night

Horrible nightmares (I was suicidal in the nightmares)

I am just hoping things improve for me soon
 
Had a pretty fucked up day, bad anxiety and was craving a lot..

It got to the point this morning i cancelled going to the animal shelter because i felt it would be too much. Felt a little guilty even though they were fine with it and its volunteer job.

The craving peaked two hours ago, i was really contemplating to buy alcohol, but i have such a negative sidethoughts, about the hangover, the nausea, how i want to be sober.
Anyways, i felt sorry for myself i think, wanted some peace of mind for a minute.

I do know that is not the solution. So i went outside

and walked right PASSED the liquor store, walked right passed the COFFEESHOP (where you can buy weed)...and i just kept walking, took a little extra turn here and there and an hour passed, now im back home, and i feel absolutely proud and happy..i didnt do it, even when i was close, i happily REJECTED drugs and alcohol.

103 days clean and sober!
 
I don't know what's going on with me … I have been craving stimulants like crazy and I've only used heroin the last couple years. Cocaine,crack, meth used to be my DOC 10 years ago. Yet I also was on Strattera for a long time. Luckily this is good cos of my job when I go into homes there are often bottles of prescription meds … benzos, sometimes some codeine in the bathroom on the shelves. Luckily I don't have a desire to use cns depressants only stimulants, since acute withdrawal was over in the first month. Very odd.

Last night I had a dream I was prescribed Adderall and it was in a huge bottle with 3 different colored pills in various sizes. I didn't have any instructions on the bottle. The doctor said, " this worked for me for a month it might help you right now " lol?

So I started taking all the different forms of pills in the bottle but couldn't feel anything. Then the horror that I took them and I might not sleep for day crept in … as well as considering if I would have to change my sobriety date.

Truly glad it's not real… I have a bottle of Provigil somewhere, maybe I should find it and throw it out, but have no idea where it is. It has similar properties to stimulants I think. I was prescribed it once for adhd long ago.
 
I am always craving for different things so that I don´t get so tired and frustrating with my work all the time.
If you have quit heroin for some time now I think your body lacks endorphin and it´s normal to feel like that imo.
Quite a relief to wake up from such dreams I suppose..
 
best of luck with this you lot wish i could join the party but that looks impossible
 
I still don't know if it's possible... but I'm trying to go on faith right now that it's the right thing to do. As a semi-former atheist it's kind of hard for me to take anything "on faith", but I am realizing sometimes you have to.
 
BlueSaffron said:
I still don't know if it's possible... but I'm trying to go on faith right now that it's the right thing to do. As a semi-former atheist it's kind of hard for me to take anything "on faith", but I am realizing sometimes you have to.
Click to expand...

I believe in some philosophical beliefs without being religious. I hope you find some beliefs that work for you dear <3
 
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