Ive had a very bad past few days, started last friday, I only had a very small amount of dope left, and I thought I was getting a $250 check on in the day, of course I was going to use $150. on H, rest on cellphone bill and some other small things, well, turns out I was wrong about the hours I had worked, I only had a $37. check coming...not really enough money for me to get dope and pay the cell bill.
I started to panic, the person I can usually get some quick cash from was out of town, so I got some crazy thoughts in my head, and decided I was DONE, decided to commit suicide...so at about 6 that night, I got a large bag of charcoal, fired up the grill in my small bedroom,sealed all the doors with tape and lit the charcoal, it took about 45 minutes for the fire to die out and the coals to turn grey (if anyone didnt know, the lead singer from the band 'Boston' killed himself this way years ago, this is how I learned of it, basically death from carbon monoxide.
After the coals turned grey and fire was out I closed the window and laid down, about 40 minutes later, the room got SOOO hot, I could barely touch the walls, they were extremely hot to the touch, then I started hearing this weird sound, like a 'che, che, che', kind of a like a lawnmower blade turning, but in very slow motion, that type of sound, it kept getting louder and louder and appeared to be coming from the area my pillow was in, I saw a flash of light go across the room by my bed, it went very fast, and had no real shape, about that time, my dad called my cell phone, he was just up the street and letting me know he was coming by to get the electric bill, I didnt know what to do, so i answered it and broke down, told him what I was doing, the problem I was having with heroin, Looking back, I was not feeling normal, I could barely stand up, felt lightheaded and weird.
We ended up talking for an hour or so, after I put the remaining coals out and let all the windows open in my room, he took me to the ER, I was honest with them about everything, they were going to admit me to the mental health unit, but turns out my insurance would not cover this type of thing, so they cut me loose with a script for Phenegren, for nausea for dope withdrawl, and referred me to a local mental health counseling place, I havent done any dope since that night, and starting to feel somewhat better, but still cant sleep at all, RLS is very bad, headache, body aches, but not as bad as Ive had in the past.
Right now, I really want to go out and cop, but Im scared of getting in that same state of mine once I run out again, I think I came VERY close to death that night and still wondering what that noise and flash of light was, think my dad coming out unplanned right then and there was something greater than me intervening.
The other strange thing, everyone I told about how hot the surfaces were in my room, told me i was wrong and charcoal burning would NOT get the entire room hot enough for that to happen...again, Im not religious, but Im wondering if I was at Hells doorstep that night, and THAT was the heat..?? Im not sure what it was, but I think the sounds and flash of light was probably due to the carbon monoxide fucking with my head, but who knows, Im curious what you all think?
I started to panic, the person I can usually get some quick cash from was out of town, so I got some crazy thoughts in my head, and decided I was DONE, decided to commit suicide...so at about 6 that night, I got a large bag of charcoal, fired up the grill in my small bedroom,sealed all the doors with tape and lit the charcoal, it took about 45 minutes for the fire to die out and the coals to turn grey (if anyone didnt know, the lead singer from the band 'Boston' killed himself this way years ago, this is how I learned of it, basically death from carbon monoxide.
After the coals turned grey and fire was out I closed the window and laid down, about 40 minutes later, the room got SOOO hot, I could barely touch the walls, they were extremely hot to the touch, then I started hearing this weird sound, like a 'che, che, che', kind of a like a lawnmower blade turning, but in very slow motion, that type of sound, it kept getting louder and louder and appeared to be coming from the area my pillow was in, I saw a flash of light go across the room by my bed, it went very fast, and had no real shape, about that time, my dad called my cell phone, he was just up the street and letting me know he was coming by to get the electric bill, I didnt know what to do, so i answered it and broke down, told him what I was doing, the problem I was having with heroin, Looking back, I was not feeling normal, I could barely stand up, felt lightheaded and weird.
We ended up talking for an hour or so, after I put the remaining coals out and let all the windows open in my room, he took me to the ER, I was honest with them about everything, they were going to admit me to the mental health unit, but turns out my insurance would not cover this type of thing, so they cut me loose with a script for Phenegren, for nausea for dope withdrawl, and referred me to a local mental health counseling place, I havent done any dope since that night, and starting to feel somewhat better, but still cant sleep at all, RLS is very bad, headache, body aches, but not as bad as Ive had in the past.
Right now, I really want to go out and cop, but Im scared of getting in that same state of mine once I run out again, I think I came VERY close to death that night and still wondering what that noise and flash of light was, think my dad coming out unplanned right then and there was something greater than me intervening.
The other strange thing, everyone I told about how hot the surfaces were in my room, told me i was wrong and charcoal burning would NOT get the entire room hot enough for that to happen...again, Im not religious, but Im wondering if I was at Hells doorstep that night, and THAT was the heat..?? Im not sure what it was, but I think the sounds and flash of light was probably due to the carbon monoxide fucking with my head, but who knows, Im curious what you all think?
