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Octsober, The october 14 gettn and stayn sober thread

neversickanymore

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
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Jan 23, 2013
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babysitting the argument in my head
This thread is for anyone who is trying to get sober for the first time, or has been sober for as much time as 1 day to 30 years. Everyone is welcome to post in this thread. Please adhere to the Bluelight User Agreement and Sober Living Forum Guidelines.

The Sept thread can be found by clicking >Here< ​
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BOO!

 
Haha! I was trying to think of something catchy for October --- ashamed to admit that I didn't even think of Octsober. lol I kept trying to find ways to make Octavarium work with it -- great Dream Theater album, by the way, with another piece of Mike Portnoy's BADASS saga of songs about his alcohol abuse.

I was practically sober for all of September, I think... Maybe after the first week? Ah well... Moving ahead with October!

Peace, everyone!
 
Octsober was actually the name of the original sobriety thread in TDS, 2009 if my memory serves me right. This is the month that started it all. :)

Hope everyone has an excellent month!
 
Finna make October my month :) I love fall too much to be wrapped up in this drug BS. I want to go buy some sweater dresses and cute knit hats and traipse around in my knee high black suede boots and get pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks and enjoy Walking Dead when it comes back soon, ect ect. Not just be focused on how much am I doing, is it too much, do I need to get more, this stuff isn't good... jesus what a boring life.
 
53 days off hydrocodone for me today. August was hell, September was difficult. I'm hoping October will be my turn-around month. BlueSaffron--I know October will be your month!
 
yes a new month in a life of sobriety.

we rule!

44 days allready, kind of starting to get used to it actually :)
got a social life now, a clean house, finishing off the finals of almost a full year therapy in wich i detoxed three times with august 18 being the last one for good :), feel stable, have my good days as well as some bad ones...im starting to sleep a little better finally.
Making arrangenments for outpatient care, social worker that ill talk to once a week or something.
Applied for voluntary work that will start soon.
Applied for a class that will make me ready to go back to school! > experience expert in addiction/psychiatry that starts next year, funded by my welfare.

All i know is you cant sit on your ass, you must have goals or getting sober is bound to fail, its one mistake ill never make, now i dont just quit, im moving forward, i want to be a succes!
 
I'm still doing well here and have been sober for 2 years 2 momths.

Yes I do get tempted like we all do but I'm only human. I do however realize that the temptation is only temporary, and that I do not have to give into it.

I have noticed something else though that I seem to focus a lot more on other people at times and their well-being, than my own at times.
 
Still clean! Lots of craziness and super busy in my life. Still going to lots of meetings and all of that.

I am also finding myself quite attracted to a girl which doesn't happen much in while using. Strange feeling for me and I find myself thinking about it a lot. I leave feeling really confident about it one day and then the next I am second guessing everything. Not sure what to make of it, she gave me her number and actually called me and all of that. But then at the same time my fucked up thinking goes often automatically towards "she is using you". Example: She calls me the night before, I see her the next day and walk away questioning if I am reading too much into the situation. I probably am. I just have to write this out I guess and I am talking about it with lots of people about it.

In all reality, I should probably just try to leave it alone. But then I also think that I am finally ready to be in an actual relationship that is more then about sex. I tend not to have a strong sex drive, however, I spent the last decade basically numbing myself. This is just an example of how much my use has stunted some of my growth in certain ways. I really do not know what I am doing when it comes to this stuff.

Going to go join a gym today. I need to start lifting again. When I get clean I can often get pretty big and in shape. Well "big" is relative because I tend to be quite skinny but putting on 10 pounds is noticeable.

And this ends your daily neurotic phactor update :\
 
Well, I had my first very good morning so far. A feeling of complete normalcy. For anyone who is reading this worrying that the bad feelings of withdrawal will never end just keep holding on and fighting. You will make it through this and you will feel better!
 
80 days sober. Relearning everything after a decade and a half of self inflicted spiritual/mental abuse. Tbh, not easy but nothing of worth is ever easy.
 
5 + weeks off Heroin, all opiates… and mind altering substances. I'm concerned about my watery eyes. It's been this long and they are still present, and having basic numbness of feeling, dizziness and lethargy etc --- but I can live with this -- it will pass. The fact that I have had NO anxiety and hardly any insomnia makes all the difference in the world compared to where I was at 2 weeks ago. Anxiety is a major stressor for me, so grateful it's gone. Yay! The roller coaster of addiction and withdrawal of navigating my way through the world through a substance and then lack of sleep for weeks is over! Paws is 'happening' but it's OK. It just IS, and nothing in comparison to withdrawal. Not that the cravings are not there. Oy!

Anyways, freedom from psychological distress and all the requirements addiction takes leaves me with lots of space to live again! It it easy? No -- Cos I have choice again, and am not guided by a drug. Such a relief but more work to do… with gentleness, humor ... love and respect… I beat myself up enough with using again for 2 years, time for kindness.. <3 :)
 
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56 days clean for me. Today, I'm going on a vacation that I planned as a distraction during the worst of my withdrawals back in August. I remember hoping that I would be strong enough to be able to actually go on the trip. I am! I still have fatigue, but I'm looking forward to some time at the beach, watching the ocean, and being thankful that I can enjoy it without the drug haze.
 
BlueSaffron said:
^nobody knows what they're doing when it comes to this stuff, don't let them tell you they do. We're all just winging it. :)


I say talk to the girl.
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Yeah I have been.

And the more I thought about it yesterday, its really nobody else's business at work. I am an intern (and so is she) there and while not trying to sound egotistical, am told that I am the best one they have and that they "need" me there. Keep in mind, I have been doing this stuff for 10 years and am there because its a requirement for my program. I am not sure if I have learned anything new beyond sticking up for myself and telling people to butt out of my business. But that is the type of stuff I do need to learn :D I am a worthy person today!

What goes on in my personal life is none of there business. I also do not need to tell the one lady that we talk outside of the internship and I don't really care what she thinks. Really, all of this was started was because one person suggested that the girl"wanted me to do her work" which isn't the case at all. This started because the girl and I were sitting next to each other while working and I was occasionally helping her with the legal sounding language that social work requires. Something that is second hand to me but totally new to her due to this being her first experience in a social work job. And as I write this out, I am realizing that the supervisor is the one who is looking kinda crazy in this situation.

But yes, like I said I have to be careful with this stuff. Its kinda crazy how I can go from talking for two hours on the phone the previous night (which we did) to the next day wondering if "she is using me" even though we spent the entire day together that day. I really think that is my disease talking right there. Because previously the thought would then be "Might as well go get high". Not today though.

Part of it is my self esteem. Which is a million times better now, so I guess when I start thinking all crazy like that I start to notice it more. Before, I thought that I was unworthy of everyone.

4 Months, 27 days clean today.
 
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neversickanymore said:
This thread is for anyone who is trying to get sober for the first time, or has been sober for as much time as 1 day to 30 years. Everyone is welcome to post in this thread.

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Ugh, I don't belong here... How.many threads have I posted in without making real.efforts towards sobriety?

Etizolam is.off.the.market,.Just picked that up.and.already on.an.inhealthy dose,.gotta drop.that quick.

Gained a lot of.weight and.need to.greatly reduce.my drinking.(also doctor's.orders). That hasn't happened. Tho.I haven't had.liquor in nearly 2months.

Finally might have to taper off.my mood.stabilizer and anti-psychotic, due to.insurance.terminating @the end of the year. Been thru those.withdrawls before and.couldn't survive them,.never made.it past a week.

Kinda worried I'll be dead.in a month or three. But still.going full throttle.for now,.ignoring what is.to come.

Still gotta maintain.my job, house and.fleet of.cars tho, deal.with family sh*t etc . Don't have much hope but if I.don't take.action.soon I'm.never gonna change.

Turn 30 in a fortnight. 13 years of drug abuse 8)
Quit X and oxy last year and cannabis this year but can't imagine coping with 100% sobriety.​
 
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Hey silverfeniks why is your insurance lapsing if you are still working, did you simply not renew it? So you are dealing with alcoholism and an etizolam habit on top of your psych meds? Is there anyway you can go see your doctor before your insurance ends and try to get a few extra months of meds to taper with? This situation isnt impossible but may require some proactivity on your part. Good luck
 
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