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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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While the mental portion does play a role its not that simple as "100% mental" or "100% physical"

its probably a combination where the issue begins physically and by stressing it becomes both. You throw your body even further from homeostasis by stressing. DP/DR is well known to be linked to hpa axis issues (regardless of drugs). Its a nasty infinite loop where the messed up physiology creates these psychological issues and vice versa.
 
Just thought I would give people an update on my situation since it has been a few weeks! As of right now I only have a few symptoms that are bothering me, but I am getting used to them I guess...

1. Random awareness of heartbeat
2. Random PVC's when im doing random things, bending over/working out (probably just normal PVC's but I notice them because of anxiety)
3. Being generally ancy and uncomfortable being in one place for too long (not that big of a deal)

But as you can see ^^^ that is not terrible WHATSOEVER compared to what I was dealing with previously. I went through everything you guys had. I can now drink energy drinks which is insane to me since I couldn't even look at caffeine before. And I also accomplished something HUGE. I traveled for the first time in 6 months and flew down to coachella and drank and partied and didn't worry about dying to panicking at all. Talk about amazing. Like everyone has mentioned, we are a small groupd of people that has experienced this stuff, but everything happens for a reason in my eyes and if I didn't experience this LTC, god knows what I would have done down the road. If you are depressed, stop comparing who you are now to the person you were. That was the worst for me. If you think something is physically wrong with you, get checked out, if nothing, then blame the mdma, not yourself. I went from feeling 80% better a few weeks ago to about 85% and I am hoping in another couple months I will be able to put this weird time in my life behind me and learn from the experience!
 
Hey guys just saying hi to everyone here. I am not doing so good as my symptoms are unique and very strange and debilitating. I am dealing with what I call weird scalp sensations with pressure in the middle of the head with a pressure also on the eyes . I have been to everyone doctor they don't see nothing. I am officially done with my life and I cannot see any way this can go away at 27 months. Just wanted to say you guys were a big support and I hope for you guys the best. Peace and warn people of this.
 
Head pressure is a classic symptom of this stuff. I am doing better mentally but I still have this but it gets better when my physiology is in a better state. So please go to a naturopath or alternative medicine physician and get checked.

I also had the weird tingling scalp sensation by the way
 
Well head pressure is a classic symptom but not in the way you are describing it Trulyblessed. Besides you already said your symptoms are unique and therefore maybe not directly related to your M abuse. To me it seems like you are severely depressed atm which is not strange, because you lost hope due to your horror symptoms.

If your in this dark place right now, you should meet a psychiatrist asap and get yourself some hardcore ADs and maybe some benzo's if needed. You can do this.
 
Hello all!
So I'm in month 14 now of this amazingly fun part of my life. Well this is where I am at the moment:
- Muscle twitching still going strong and driving me nuts, I timed it for a bit and I average 1 muscle twitch every 5 seconds, ridiculous
- Pressure, pain and constant twitching in one of my eyes / behind my nose. No idea what this one is, been cleared for sinus infections and the like. Possibly may have something to do with the time I snorted a line of EPH and my nose bled (of all the things I regret right now)
- Palpitations, quite rare now, maybe the odd PAC is all
- I get sudden episodes of derealization lasting maybe 5 secs, they come very suddenly and out of the blue though

I'm still taking tianeptine but I'm a bit frustrated with it. It's a bit of a rollercoaster ride with dosing so it causes anxiety in terms of suddenly feeling shit when it wears off. Still considering an SSRI. Hmm. I've been taking Xanax roughly once every 2 weeks just as I feel like sometimes I need to remember what it feels like to be physically and mentally relaxed, it's kind of like a reset button.

Ro4eva I wonder, after you got better, do you feel totally like 'secure' now physically and mentally? Or do you still think back to that period of suffering and get worried by it. I keep thinking back to those weeks where I was suffering severe tachycardia etc and it scares the shit out of me to think about what that felt like and that I don't really have a clear explanation as to why it happened.
 
Hey guys just saying hi to everyone here. I am not doing so good as my symptoms are unique and very strange and debilitating. I am dealing with what I call weird scalp sensations with pressure in the middle of the head with a pressure also on the eyes . I have been to everyone doctor they don't see nothing. I am officially done with my life and I cannot see any way this can go away at 27 months. Just wanted to say you guys were a big support and I hope for you guys the best. Peace and warn people of this.
Blessed please don't do anything stupid. I haven't read all of your posts, what exactly are your symptoms right now?
 
Don't do it. One was enough. We will all go through this thing, together. You might not think you are but with all your post and courage you inspire others and newcommers to keep hoping. Lots of people here are done with their life, but ending it takes all the chances of it getting better. Stay strong. We're all here for you man. Do it for me at least please.
 
After a year im feeling really shit again, head pressure, killer anxiety, feel off and not myself, talking is weird, everything seems pointless.

This really fucking sucks, life became good for abit
 
How often were you taking the Xanax?

My case is nearly the same, daily Sertraline (150mg), daily Wellbutrin XL, daily Clonazepam (0.5mg).

The only major issues so far are some emotional blunting, and that the Sertraline causes some erectile dysfunction.

Hey buddy, I sincerely apologize for taking so long to respond. Was away for the weekend and only had a brief amount of time to browse Bluelight.

Re. Xanax - I was Rx'd 0.5mg TID.

By "emotional blunting," do you mean "apathy?" I recall being very apathetic for the first 3 or 4 months on Zoloft. I found it very difficult to cry, but also to laugh at just about anything. And my reproductive organs were a lot less sensitive to stimuli than usual (thankfully it went away after I stopped the Zoloft). And on the contrary, once I was on Wellbutrin XL, I was very... horny.
 
Hi! thanks for such a great and technical post! You LTC was terrible, and makes mine sound like a walk in the park. I'm really happy that you are recovered, even if it took medication and lots of time!

I have a question regarding this... one of things that I have, and I did not know it might be related to this comedown, is like a dizziness that I sometimes get. I don't feel that I'm going to lose balance, but it's like my head starts spinning around. It lasts a couple of seconds, and then I'm OK. My boyfriend suffers from the same, he's been to doctors, and they can't pinpoint the cause, he's taking some medication now. He consumed MDMA for almost 10 years, without any issues (no LCT). My question is: could this be related? what is the name for this? It's not a headache, is it vertigo? Or how can I call it?

Hello nightElf. Please forgive me for not responding. I was away for the weekend.

Just want you to know that I will PM you soon in detail regarding your post. Hopefully your mailbox isn't full? Anyways, I promise I'll get back to you.

I hope you're doing well, and I wish you all the best :)
 
Hey guys just saying hi to everyone here. I am not doing so good as my symptoms are unique and very strange and debilitating. I am dealing with what I call weird scalp sensations with pressure in the middle of the head with a pressure also on the eyes . I have been to everyone doctor they don't see nothing. I am officially done with my life and I cannot see any way this can go away at 27 months. Just wanted to say you guys were a big support and I hope for you guys the best. Peace and warn people of this.

Yo tried messaging you but your box is full. I had head pressure. I can promise you 100% it goes away. It does take a long time, but it passes. When I finally realized it was gone, I couldn't remember the last time I felt it.

Like your alias handle says, we're truly blessed to be here on earth. There's so much beauty in the small things. Take a deep breath. Reframe. Go watch your favorite movie or something. Like everyone else has said, don't do something stupid, it gets better, and we're in this together. <3
 
Hi gang,

Does anyone ever "crash"? It is hard to explain but it can occur sometimes (has happened to me 3 times totally these 5 months of LTC) after being occupied with lots of things to do for some days.

It feels like one second, you are your self (with the LTC, so not 100%) and then just BAM and you can't think correctly, you experience difficulties keeping eye contact and basically you get thrown back a few weeks in your LTC.

Anyone? I am really worried. Its my fifth month and I am tired of having these relapses...
 
Hi! thanks for such a great and technical post! You LTC was terrible, and makes mine sound like a walk in the park. I'm really happy that you are recovered, even if it took medication and lots of time!

I have a question regarding this... one of things that I have, and I did not know it might be related to this comedown, is like a dizziness that I sometimes get. I don't feel that I'm going to lose balance, but it's like my head starts spinning around. It lasts a couple of seconds, and then I'm OK. My boyfriend suffers from the same, he's been to doctors, and they can't pinpoint the cause, he's taking some medication now. He consumed MDMA for almost 10 years, without any issues (no LCT). My question is: could this be related? what is the name for this? It's not a headache, is it vertigo? Or how can I call it?

Hey nightELF :)

How's WoW nowadays? Haven't played regularly since 2011 - thinking of starting again, but I digress.

A quick warning: I talk too much, and this reply to your question admittedly is far longer than it should have been. I sincerely apologize for this in advance, and have tried to include ample spacing in between sub-parts/subsections of what I'm blabbering about.

Here we go:

I believe I know exactly what you're talking about, because I also used to get it.

Out of nowhere, for no reason, at a completely random time, I would occasionally and suddenly begin to feel extremely dizzy. And the dizziness was so severe that vertigo would also accompany it a split second later.

It was as if someone had just - out of the blue - walloped me over the back of my head, and a concussion had just made its presence known.

That said, in contrast to an actual concussion, which I've experienced at least twice in my life, this sudden extreme dizziness and vertigo would always vanish after a couple of seconds. It was always the same (to the best of my knowledge).

I will never forget them. Very unique experience; very scary too when you're already anxious and prone to absolutely massive - completely meltdown mode - panic attacks.

The first few times I experienced them, I remember being so unsettled and so unprepared that I immediately freaked out to the point that I ended up having panic attacks soon afterwards. And as time passed, I guess I could say that I never really got used to immediately shrugging them off and moving on, because they were all so extreme. But at least I did remind myself - both in a journal I kept and in my head - to expect them to return at any moment and without warning.

It should be noted that these sudden but very brief bouts of extreme dizziness accompanied by moderately severe vertigo only began to manifest themselves after I became ill with this so called 'Long Term Comedown.'

Unfortunately, I don't know what caused them, but rather only that they eventually subsided in frequency as I slowly managed to mend after starting with the medications. And thank God that they're gone now, because I don't think I'd ever be able to get used to them - they're that severe.

I did notify my family physician, psychiatrist, as well as my neurologist about them.

As a result, over the course of ~4 years right after becoming sick with 'LTC' symptoms, I ended up - according to a very thick copy of my chart from my former family physician who retired in 2011 - having 4 X-Rays, 2 CT Scans (1 with dye present in my bloodstream), and 2 MRIs of my brain done to check for absolutely anything abnormal, yet still nothing was found.

And so I must say that a total of 8 medical images of my brain using 3 different techniques finding nothing wrong is rather puzzling because I frequent MDMA-related abstracts on Publisher Medical, and have read on there that long term, frequent, and heavy MDMA use has been shown to result in the appearance of noticeable brain lesions on medical imaging tests.

But considering that before becoming sick I had ingested well over 1,000 untested ecstasy pills over the course of a few years (which I'm not proud of at all), I wonder how in the world were no lesions found? All three doctors knew that I had used a shitload of ecstasy, and so they really tried to find any abnormalities, yet still failed to do so. And at least 2 X-Rays, 1 CT Scan, and 1 MRI was done before I even started using the Rx meds which helped me to recover - they too showed no abnormalities; no lesions; no damage of any kind.

Afterwards, all three of my doctors were pissed off at me when I thought they would be happy.

My neurologist claimed I was wasting her time. My psychiatrist said I made him look like a fool since he apparently preached to my neurologist about the brain damaging effects of ecstasy. And my family physician stopped believing I had even used any ecstasy to begin with! It honestly felt like a soap opera TV episode.

In the end (at present), I am left with the following speculations (and possible conclusions) in relation to the fundamental cause or source of the manifestation of 'LTC' symptoms:

- The diagnostic imaging tests performed on me weren't sensitive enough to detect any brain damage, and only a PET scan would have sufficed (highly doubtful).
- The Bluelighters on here who state that 'LTC' symptoms were "all in [my] head" are in fact correct (the mind indeed can, under the right/wrong conditions, play some extremely powerful life altering tricks on itself and its host body).
- The source of whatever caused 'LTC' symptoms to manifest themselves (at least in my case) was due to another vital part of the body (adrenal glands maybe?).
- My 'LTC' symptoms were actually due to a viral or bacterial infection (highly unlikely).
- My 'LTC' symptoms were a result of my body's natural defenses attacking healthy tissues/organs/glands/etc. (e.g. a type of autoimmune disorder perhaps).

In other words, all the research I've done over the past 10 years (minus a few months) appear to have left me with more questions than answers. Thank God that I'm not sick anymore - it's made all the difference in the world, even if I can't figure out exactly by what mechanism I became ill nearly 10 years ago.

P.S. Sorry for the long reply nightELF. I know I tend to overdo it, but I find myself unable to fully close this chapter of my life and to move on for good because of being unable to figure out just what exactly took place inside my body which gave rise to 'LTC' symptoms. And on top of that, the fact that people like yourself are also dealing with the same seemingly mystery illness and are severely suffering with something I know the pain of all too well makes the issue of not knowing much more important to get to the bottom of.

Hopefully that makes sense and answers your question, but if not, or if you wanna chat some more, feel free to PM me anytime. Take care serah :)
 
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Another potential reason is due to epigenitics. Its possible that for whatever reason it altered something there or something subtle we dont and wont really know
 
I think it's alot about perspective too. I was in arizona for a trip with my family and I was anxious most days about being far from hostpitals if I ever needed to go (weird I know). But since I came back home, I feel 10x better than before. When I get a little chest pain I am able to ignore it to 95%. Pretty cool, felt like sharing.
 
I don't know what's happened to me

Hi all

I've joined this forum because I need to get advice.

On the 9th April I dropped MDMA with 3 other mates, I cannot specify the dosage all I can tell is we bought a gram and a half and it was a brown colour and I rolled about a third of it maybe. I made my bomb fatter as I am more experienced but after this experience I won't be going near any drug again. On the night I had the time of my life. I was however sweating buckets and I was breathing very heavily and talking a lot of sh*t obviously. My friends were looking after me though it was all good.

Comedown the day after was very mild, unusually mild. Felt a bit down but I stayed in my friends house and we hung out and ate food/drank coffee etc so it was all good. My friend said he felt quite down but nothing more then the usual comedown. Didn't think twice about it just got on with it, went back to college and assumed it was because I was a veteran that I was having no comedown.

Fast forward to the 20th April. I woke up in the middle of the night having a very intense panic attack, I felt like a different person. This lasted about an hour. I managed to get back to sleep and go into college. Going into college that morning I felt strange, like my environment had changed or something. It wasn't too bad, just thought I was in shock from the panic attack. I thought to myself, I have a doctors appointment on the 22nd April so if I don't feel better it'll be grand.

It got worse, much worse, I was experiencing feelings of intense panic, derealisation and depersonalisation. the 22nd April was the peak, I felt like killing myself to end the nightmare. I went to the doctor and she referred me to a psychiatric ward. As I was being assessed that sot of calmed me down so the situation didn't seem so bad to the doctor. She said look you've had a bit too much fun partying and your body is having a late reaction to the drugs, I'll prescribe you some Seroquel(anti-psychotic) pills that'll help you sleep and think clearly, and feel less panicky.

It is now the 28th April, things don't feel as bad but I'm by no means better, I still have this lingering feeling of doom and that my parents are someone elses parents stuff like that. Although it's not as intense I'm still having that "is this nightmare ever going to end?" feeling. It doesn't fluctuate, it's constant from the second I wake up to the moment I fall asleep.
 
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