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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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And people get the same symptoms?

Actually yes. They get they exact same symptoms. Go to dpselfhelp.com. dudes from a near death drowning experience get the exact same symptoms for example as those who dropped acid as those who smoked weed.
 
TPChan85 - that is a very interesting hypothesis. I am of the very strong belief that my LTC was all anxiety. I have no idea if the anxiety was caused by me working myself up over fears of brain damage or by an actual chemical change in my brain brought on by drug use. I think its likely a combo of both... Time did cure me 100%.

What I don't get is how anxiety can cause vision issues like DR and visual snow. But apparently it's possible.
 
Until there is some major study done on the likes of people like us, there are going to be no definitive answers as to what happened to us and our brains from using MDMA. Obviously, that study is not going to be done either because there is no money in it. I'm not talking about the normal MDMA users studies or even abusers. I'm talking about MDMA use no matter how little or great that caused our sicknesses with all of us having very similar symptoms that seemingly don't show up on any sort of tests. But, I think there are some basic facts that we all can agree on.

1) Something changed within our brains after using MDMA that is atypical of a normal comedown or even a bad comedown. Whether it's "brain damage" or not, something changed for the worse.
2) The anxiety it produces as one of the symptoms is not something that you can just "wish away" or ignore.
3) Time is needed for healing. Sometimes a lot more time than we're willing to accept.
4) Some choose to use medications like ssri's as I did and most find relief from the symptoms after it kicks in. I was much sicker for two weeks and then started to improve daily.
5) People like Dresden who posted above are ignorant fools. There is nothing "in our heads" about this. I almost want to wish you to experience it, but it's hell on earth and I couldn't do that to my worst enemy. Just know that you are wrong and have no clue what you are saying.

FYI, not only did I not have any adverse effects last night from doing some coke, I feel perfectly fine today. No hangover whatsoever.

Not that I am advocating any drug use. I am just excited that I have proven to myself in a fucked up kind of way that I am healed. I know as little as two months ago there was no way in hell I could have survived doing it without severe consequences. I would also highly suggest not touching even alcohol until you get to a point where you feel like you have pretty much healed.
 
TPChan85 - that is a very interesting hypothesis. I am of the very strong belief that my LTC was all anxiety. I have no idea if the anxiety was caused by me working myself up over fears of brain damage or by an actual chemical change in my brain brought on by drug use. I think its likely a combo of both... Time did cure me 100%.

Yes, an interesting hypothesis and another "guess" as to what has happened to people with LTC's. But, you always post your opinion that it was ALL anxiety. Well, your own reasoning doesn't always make sense to me. Why did you have any fears of "brain damage" in the first place? Isn't a chemical change in your brain brought on by drug use "brain damage" on some level? You can say that the symptoms of your LTC were largely anxiety related, but you have no clue as to the exact cause other than if followed MDMA use.

I mean, I've had anxiety and panic attacks years before and every single time it was drug related (excessive weed usage back then), but I don't have a history of any continuous bad anxiety or panic attacks. None whatsoever. In fact, I'm a pretty chilled person. And, during those times, it was nothing like what I experienced this time including symptoms unrelated like severe severe headaches. The first day I experienced the symptoms I had a headache unlike anything I've felt before in my life that ended up lasting weeks. That was what initially clued me into the fact that something was not right whatsoever. The anxiety and panic that ensued was also not anything typical of a "normal" panic or anxiety attack. It was much more severe and consistent. I also don't think DP/DR is consistent with any normal level of anxiety.

My personal opinion is that I somehow "damaged" my brain to the point that my brain chemicals were all fucked up for months. It's pretty much undeniable. But, acknowledging this doesn't mean that it's permanent or something that can't heal over time. I'm proof of that and so are you!

For those that are curious and/or don't know, I started feeling much better around 6 months. I decided to start Paxil around that time to deal with any lingering symptoms and because I should probably be on ssri's anyway although I don't like it. Paxil made me sicker for two weeks and then I started feeling better on a daily basis to where at 8 months I feel damn near fully healed.
 
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You know Ro its not even that I need to use pills again. I never wanne touch the stuff again. But I miss the raving so much. I don't even need the pills I just wanne dance man I miss it so bad. I can't even listen to my music anymore. I really hope I can get the anxiety out of the way completely so I can drink and go to bed late again. But pills, never again. No worries haha.

You sir, do never need to explain yourself to me, as I have no right to judge you in any way. And if my previous comment(s) came across as judgemental in any way whatsoever, then I sincerely ask for forgiveness.

Whatever you decide to do, I will always support you. And I apologize if that sounds like a pick up line.

The thing is, even though we may not know each other, I still want what's best for you. Again though, don't worry, I don't secretly have a crush on you, nor am I trying to act like I'm your father.

If you ever do decide that you wanna use MDMA again, please let me know via PM (if you want to), because I can help you with respect to harm reduction. And if a mod is reading this, I am not implying that I'm gonna help him with respect to a good source (and I'm sure it's possible to see to it that I keep my word). I just don't want the guy to get needlessly hurt because some greedy asshole who doesn't value human life wants to make money selling dangerous bunk.

Take care coderbrah imabicycle - PLUR (you too coderbrah - thanks for letting me know about my typo).

P.S. - I totally understand what you mean when you say that you miss raving, as I felt exactly the same way while recovering. And this is the reason why a few months after I recovered, I went raving again and very carefully consumed a sensible amount of some very expensive, but high purity MDMA. And I didn't get sick again, so it was amazing. I'll never forget that night - my first rave and MDMA use after recovering. Edit - This doesn't necessarily mean however that someone else who has recovered will also be able to rave and roll again without getting another nasty long term comedown (it may, or it may not), so please be careful.
 
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Well, I am probably having the best night of the year tonight!!! Why? Well, as many in here know, I've been out of work this entire LTC and I've been doing side jobs to keep me afloat. So, I went to get paid and the dude said I can give you all cash or you can get a gram of some really good coke and some cash. I was real skeptical at first and almost said I need the cash. Then, the little devil on my shoulder told me that this would be the perfect test to see how much I've healed from whatever it is that happened to my brain. I mean I keep claiming to be 99% or so recovered even though, yes, I take ssri's now. Note: I will never do MDMA again, but this I thought is my favorite drug and it would tell me how far I've come. Then he sealed it by saying, this isn't the racy cut shit it's the good stuff.

Well, I feel fucking fantastic. What a nice fucking buzz! No anxiety. No adverse effects whatsoever. His gf came home and we proceeded to chat, do a line here and there, and then the holy grail. He handed me an ice cold Stella bottle and I felt like I was drinking holy water. I haven't had a beer in 8 months! Never has a beer tasted so good in my life!

Cheers everybody!!! You WILL get better!!!

Hey rphilli,

I'm very happy to hear of your progress. Although some people may not agree with me, I think you are well on your way to a full recovery, and eventually you will be able to stop using all prescription medications for good, and the LTC won't come back.

With respect to the blow + booze - I hope you are feeling okay after the comedown.

Please keep us updated how you're feeling if you wish, thank you and take care.
 
Hi Everyone,

I am new here, and unlike some of you, only had one MDMA experience. I took what must have had MDMA it about two weeks ago. Everyone around me was fine, but I got crazy cold (it was 80 Degrees outside) had a headache, weird jaw pain, and overall felt like shit. I went home the next morning and noticed that my eyes looked messed up. One was not focusing. I now know that this is something called ocular clonus, a symptom of serotonin syndrome. A few days later I had sever brain fog, and then the anxiety started. I have been sleeping like shit, and can't believe that one dose of this has fucked me up so badly. I am pretty freaked out. I have also been having weird chest pain, in my shoulder and armpit too. This has subsided somewhat, but seems related to the anxiety.

I took cordyceps for the anxiety, but this backfired and kept me from sleeping. I am eating mostly raw, vegan, smoothies, drinking tons of water, exercising, and praying that I start to feel like myself again. I finally took a xanax tonight, and that seemed to help. Has anyone ever had this happen from one dose?

Any insight appreciated.

E
 
I actually find it so annoying that I can have no problem smoking weed again (like every day for the past week), and still have this issue of not feeling connected to my emotions and music. I just wanna put on some Seven Lions and feel that wub wub of the bass like I used to. Just venting. All else is good. I just hate not feeling as connected. Its such an annoyingly slow progress. But its still happening.
 
Hi Everyone,

I am new here, and unlike some of you, only had one MDMA experience. I took what must have had MDMA it about two weeks ago. Everyone around me was fine, but I got crazy cold (it was 80 Degrees outside) had a headache, weird jaw pain, and overall felt like shit. I went home the next morning and noticed that my eyes looked messed up. One was not focusing. I now know that this is something called ocular clonus, a symptom of serotonin syndrome. A few days later I had sever brain fog, and then the anxiety started. I have been sleeping like shit, and can't believe that one dose of this has fucked me up so badly. I am pretty freaked out. I have also been having weird chest pain, in my shoulder and armpit too. This has subsided somewhat, but seems related to the anxiety.

I took cordyceps for the anxiety, but this backfired and kept me from sleeping. I am eating mostly raw, vegan, smoothies, drinking tons of water, exercising, and praying that I start to feel like myself again. I finally took a xanax tonight, and that seemed to help. Has anyone ever had this happen from one dose?

Any insight appreciated.

E


Hey man,
welcome to BL. Seems like you discovered similiar things like all of us here. I took MDMA(nearly sure it was none afterall) just once and have a bunch of symptoms that started a few days after taking it, just like you.
The good point is, you havent Serotonin Syndrome, if you had, you would be in ER. Another good point is you arent permanent damaged.
To be honest, there are a lots of people which were sick because of a dirty pill or powder and the recovery time is as different as the dosages responsible for this.
The originally thread starter recovered after about 4 weeks, a friend of mine took 2 month.
You arent fucked permanent, but you have to be patient! The way you act is very good, exercising, eating healty, get much sleep and be patient!
Always remember you are not permafried. Trust me. Others here will confirm.
About the medication:
Some of us try to get rid/milder their symptoms with SSRIs. If you havent any problems with taking meds its maybe worth a try. But be ware. the initial weeks (1-3) can be very nasty and you probably will feel worse then before.
Ive heard Xanax is a good help here and there, but dont overdo it.
I think too much of it wont help your recovery.

@pmz: Im a big fan of Seven Lions, too. Fortunately i feel still emotions when hearing music, but i cant smoke pott with it :'( :D
 
I guess it's gonna take a while before I get all my feelings back. I remember when this all started I had one symptom no one else seemed to describe, which was a massive black hole feeling in my chest. Like depression all in my chest standing on me weighing 500 lbs. It finally went away. But I'm still left feeling a bit numb.
 
Do you feel all your emotions in general then?
Hm I dont know, I think so. Especially bad ones when Im in a setback. I can laugh and love and enjoy things but its still very limited though.
Initially I had the feelings of not loving my girlfreind anymore, or not feeling it, even if I knew I did - sounds strange, I know.
Got better!(My girlfriend left me cause of this whole thing admitedly but I know it got better :D)
 
Hm I dont know, I think so. Especially bad ones when Im in a setback. I can laugh and love and enjoy things but its still very limited though.
Initially I had the feelings of not loving my girlfreind anymore, or not feeling it, even if I knew I did - sounds strange, I know.
Got better!(My girlfriend left me cause of this whole thing admitedly but I know it got better :D)

Yeah it sounds like it really,improved for you then. Cause I can relate to the girlfriend thing. Ugh. Shits taking way too long for me. I'm at a loss of what to do. I've had enough of patience. Fuck man. It's do annoying to not feel as connected to things that I once used to. Like that feeling getting inspired when you hear something amazing. Things just don't stick to me even though I know it's cool.
 
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