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Who here has attempted suicide?

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i would say at least 12 times since the age of 13 i am now 31. about 8 attempts i ended up in hospital 6 out of 8 straight to intensive care. various methods used. still here today i like to think for a reason.but i dont have any regrets in what i have done. i just dont look back at it like that. i have scars to remind me.which can be awkward in social situations, normally not for me but for the person who notices them. i have thoughts often however the use of certain drugs fast track my thought process eg cocaine and any strong stimulant mixed with a bad relationship, these are the kind i always seem to end up in. when i am not suicidal i am just your average jo, however i am slowly coming to realise that my past and experience can help others a great deal, so far that has been a good reason to share and to live. am i ever going to try again? i could not give you a concrete answer on that. but for the moment i feel great who knows what the next 24hrs have in hand
 
Myself... Some months after that my girlfriend died in a car crash accident..


Still alive, I won't do it again, I was just so sad about her death... Life goes on :)
 
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when I was 17 I tried ODD

as I waited to die,about half hour into it, the fact that I am going to die made me panic,I felt unbearble terror... so I told my mom and she drove me to hospital where I drank shitload of charcoal

reasons,both my mother nor father never paid single dollarof alimony...... my mother is chronic depression mess and father is bipolar asshole.I live with my grandparents, grandmother have bipolar asshole episodes just not as often and grandfather is asshole too with no empathy becose he grew in orphan shelter after his mother gave him grenade to play with and it tore off his hand............. living with bunch of mentaly sick,stupid ppl made me so miserable I just wanted to die,I am not depreseed becose I am sick unlike my mother,when things are right I am super happy
 
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Some days I struggle with the thought that the 'attempts' I've made were even an attempt at all. A healthy mind, which I think we're all capable of regardless of the endless comments I'd probably receive for thinking such a thing, doesn't go against logic. Logically speaking we want to survive. Sometimes the good may seem to out weigh the bad and the sick mind may see a chance of gaining more help by an associated attempt on it's life to acquire such help.

I think if I had to answer right now though, I'd say there was one time I probably tried, obviously did not succeed, and am very lucky for it. I've only gained introspection from such event but I do struggle with the fact that I may have really tried. I dare you all to really look at your attempts and learn what you were really trying to tell yourself. Only then can we get the help we need.

-dp
 
I dare you all to really look at your attempts and learn what you were really trying to tell yourself. Only then can we get the help we need.

-dp

I love "what you are trying tell yourself". That is worth exploring. You could even say, "What do you need to hear that your deepest self is trying to tell you?"

Lately I have been inundated with lots of other people's thoughts and experiences around death. Several of my friends, along with my husband, are dealing with cancer right now. I have a very good friend that is suicidal and another that has been given a matter of months to live.Here on Bluelight, I talk to so many people who life has exhausted, people that are so close to giving up. It is fascinating to me how we all have different relationships to the idea of death throughout our lives. When truly faced with our own mortality there are many gifts--whether it comes in the form of a near-death experience or sitting in a doctor's office as he struggles to find the right way to say you have only a brief time left to be you. Death is an idea until it is a reality and then thinking about it becomes moot.:\ But we do think about it and we dance with those thoughts right up to the moment of extinction. We have a hard time accepting our impermanence. I know I do. I talked about it as if I understood and accepted it when I was young. Now that I am on the down-slide of my years I have a different relationship with this gift that has been and continues to be, my life. Sometimes it almost feels like a greediness for life. As a very disconnected and unhappy 17 year old, I could never have imagined that this would be how I could feel.

To everyone that feels that death is the only release for pain, I wish you the luxury of time and the unfolding of possibility in your own imagination.<3
 
yes a few times been sectioned twice for it spent most of this last year fighting the urge to kill myself still not sure if i will make it to the next day but at least i am now trying to get through this
 
I would never commit suicide no matter how tough my life will always be. The only time i might consider is if i was on life supprt and have no chance of getting out of a vegetative state or if the suffering of an illness such as cancer etc will only give me so much pain then i would consider suicide. When it comes to other problems such as emotional, money, relationships etc it's not worth to end your life for someone or something for that matter.
 
It doesnt mean your crazy or insane. Everyone reaches a point where they can't take it anymore. Its human nature. The only reason people live is because they dont want to be cowards and take the easy way out. You'll always be down and sometimes you might be up. Death there is no pain or suffering. But I'd rather put up with life than have my family attend my funeral. enjoy the ride before it ends. Because when your gone the worldwill just keep spinning.
 
Not as a result of drug use or abuse, but there have definitely been times where I have considered it. I've been clinically depressed for many years, but have only recently been diagnosed. Although I've never actually made any actual attempts to kill myself there were times when I would do rather foolish things because I just "didn't give a fuck". None of these things were attempts at killing myself, but at times I just did not care about anything enough to not do truly idiotic things which I will not describe in detail due to the moderator's warning.
 
Never have, but it seems like an easy way to get rid of any burden. Doubt I will ever feel the urge, there's so much more to life than it seems.
 
I've tried with every intention of succeeding 8 times.
First two times when I was 14.

My seventh attempt last year almost did me in. It would not have happened if I hadn't tried to trip on a huge dose of dont mention specific drugs which has deliriant effects. I had delusions and hallucinations that something tragic had happened and did not remember using any drugs, so it was completely real to me. I was really getting suicidal before this and experiencing irrational fears and thought people were keeping things from me to keep me from getting more depressed so I would not kill myself - I was not in a condition to trip on anything let alone that. I woke on a respirator. My blood pressure was 50/36 when the ambulance arrived.

Earlier this year, I overdosed on 2 other meds.

I have done things that could have caused death, including injecting very nasty, disgusting things into my body - not in veins because I did not want to have a stroke from particles entering my brain. I'd likely have to live with brain damage because I'd be taken to the hospital and treatment for the infection would start early. I could not hide stroke symptoms but I could pretend to be less sick that I really was so I would have advanced septicaemia and be going into shock by the time I was forced to go to the ER. At least 90% of patients with septic shock die. Inflicting pain and general self destruction was the purpose of that, but I knew the statistics of what severe infection could do (I have only done this once in maybe 2 years).
 
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I've tried unsuccessfully 7 times. felt extremely trapped with opiates and didn't know a way out until i surrendered and went to rehab.

6 times with a concuction of tablets (always thought it was the easiest way to go) and once by alcohol. 3 ended me up in the ICU for day to a week. very traumatic periods of my life frankly

obviously still have a different type of drug problem now but hopefully its the lesser of two evils anyway fingers crossed.

a certain mod (herbivore) has helped me a great deal through my struggles frankly, stopped me from going 1 step over many a time.

but each time i tried i think it was more a cry for help.
 
Since I've been diagnosed with an incurable disease, I can totally understand why people would commit suicide. It's the last thing I think about when I pass out, and the first thing I think of when I wake up. It will probably hang over the rest of my life like a specter and that's a pretty terrifying thought.

Yeah, it would be "the easy way out", but there's no heroism in suffering, especially not from something as random and unremarkable as an illness.
 
i attempted about 2 years ago after my best friends funeral,then OD'd twice by accident,second time landed me in the hospital (2-6-14) and spent a few months after convincing everyone is was accidental...sometimes i still wish i hadnt woken up in that hospital bed..
 
I made many, many attempts in my mid twenties. After I got out of the military. Always the same method, always the same result...a visit to the hospital, many times in ICU. The worst one ended in moderate brain damage, I was so different "weird and uncomfortable to be around" said by friends I had had for 10 years. They all evenualy stopped talking to me all together and I was left with feelings of abandonment and lower than low self esteem.

I've never fully recovered from those loses. How can I trust anyone to be there for me when my best friends could do it? I have only made one attempt in 6-7? years. Pretty good in my book, but I won't become friends with new people and have become a shut in. I'm very kind, caring and will literally give the shirt off my back for someone I barely know. I do have one person who has stuck by me through all these years and oddly enough it's my ex wife. Due to my low self esteem I am completely conviced that no one would want to be around me, I don't even want to be around me. My ex consistently reminds me that every person I meet loves me and thinks I'm a very calm, collected (although a little spacey) guy but I can't allow them to know me in fear that they will find out what I'm truly like. A self loathing ball of hurting flesh.

I still go through long bouts of suicidal idiation where all I can do is lay in bed, face down, in the dark, with a loud fan on to drown out my thoughts...it can last days to weeks. I go to the psychiatrist (I'm medicated) and therapist and group therapy, but nothing seems to make a difference. There's always a voice in the back of my head telling me how nice it would be not to exists or feel anymore. End the cycle of emotional pain.

The ONLY things that holds me back are my children. They have saved my life over and over. How could I leave them like that and emotionally scar them so much that they may end up feeling that way too someday...I live for them. I don't live for myself.

I have no religion or spirituality of any form. I can only hope that when I do eventually pass on that this human life is all that exsists, a complex series of chemical reactions. I died once in ICU and was in a coma for a few days...if was the most peace I have ever felt...nothingness. I saw no light or anything of the sort. Just nothing. That thought is very comforting to me, that once this life is over it's over. I can only hope that I never make another attempt, but it's a constant fear.

Thanks for listening...
 
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i attempted about 2 years ago after my best friends funeral,then OD'd twice by accident,second time landed me in the hospital (2-6-14) and spent a few months after convincing everyone is was accidental...sometimes i still wish i hadnt woken up in that hospital bed..

Many years ago I also had an accidental OD and landed in hospital. Spent 2 days in intensive care and for years people thought it was not accidental. No matter what I said, nothing changed. With time though, I was sober, working and with my best behavior. This incident / accident is now part of my past and with time people realized that it was really what it was, an accident.
 
spent most of last week tiring to get the guts up to do by overdosing just end up getting high in stead
 
That´s very dangerous + you´ll never know what happens next. When I woke up after my 2 days in Intensive Care, I could not speak for almost 5 days. Not one sound.
 
That´s very dangerous + you´ll never know what happens next. When I woke up after my 2 days in Intensive Care, I could not speak for almost 5 days. Not one sound.

were you fully aware of your surroundings? could you open your eyes, etc? I'm just curious what it felt like..
 
I tried a few years ago. Tried 3 times that year. I was going through personal hell and instead of asking someone for help, I took a bunch of pills. On my 3rd attempt, the worst and last, I took everything I had left and sat on the edge of my bed. In that moment I was overcome by calm, then the moment of "what did I just do, I dont want this. I dont want to die". I woke up 3 days later. The pain was intense, I couldnt walk, and there was this incredible urge for sweet.
I rolled off my bed, and after about 10 minutes, managed to crawl to the kitchen where I could reach a case of soda on the floor. I spent 2 days there. Thankful to be alive. Ive never allowed myself to go there again.
 
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