Slave to drugs - SO OVER IT

[Estar]

My whole life is revolved around drugs, I started using Ice (Meth) and GHB a few years ago and of course it got completely out of control where I couldn't be without G for longer than 1/2 hour. My fingers and toes were so swollen and the pins and needle were so bad that I would have a charge waiting for me when I would slowly come to so then the pain could go away and I could start smoking ICE. Spending over $1000 a day on my drugs of choice, I basically had to sell my soul to the devil to make sure I had enough money. This meant that I could never be without GHB and ICE and Xanax when sleeping. Being so broken and fucked, bruised all over my body, I was fortuned enough to be placed in a rehab for 9 months. In Rehab of course I kept hearing about Heroin and I don't know what an addiction is until I'm hanging out. So of course It got the best of me and I left to have a shot.. Then used it about 9 times in two weeks. Feeling so shit from the smack I went back to my drugs of choice, then stupidly mixed heroin in there a couple of times as well... No I'm completely fucked once again, cannot move unless I use Ice or G. Need to go back to REHAB am so over using drugs, there not fun!!! and if anyone thinks its a game please be careful..

ANY advise?

 

[realtalkloc]

quit everything, never look back. It's not as complicated as you make it, very simple. quit everything don't look back, find new hobbies and focus on your work family and friends, life is too short.

 

[Estar]

Does anyone understand??

Thanks for the reply. I wish it was that easy. Have you been addicted before? The only way I can make it through the days without using any drug, is to go to detox or back into Rehab.. Withdrawals are way to painful and unfortunately, once I put a drug in my system I loose all my morals and believes to get on.. Also, my using now has been cut with NA, (Narcotics Anonymous) which means I almost need to use harder to stop the pain that I feel... I'm totally using against my will, and all I wish for, is to be sober.

Does anyone know what I mean??

 

[OntarioGuy]

quit everything, never look back. It's not as complicated as you make it, very simple. quit everything don't look back, find new hobbies and focus on your work family and friends, life is too short.

if it were that easy there wouldnt be a drug ADDICT alive (I'm sure recreational use would continue but nobody enjoys being dependant on drugs)

It is probably best u go to an inpatient facility like detox and long term rehab. To tell him to simply quit taking GHB Heroin and I'm assuming he's using xanax again is terrible advice. Depending on his dose he could have life threatening withdrawal symptoms.I think methamphetamine has more of a mental withdrawal with some physical aspects.like nicotine withdrawal times 1000

 

[Estar]

(I'm a girl lol)

Thanks heaps for your reply, Its really nice you understand.. I guess a lot of people don't understand the withdrawal process.. Not only is it extremely painful and you can dead set not even move from your bed to even go to the toilet, stopping cold turkey would be death knocking at the front door... I'm trying so hard to get into Rehab again, however my parents have really spent a fortune sending me privately for 9 months, so after relapsing once again they have cut all strings and I'm trying to organise it myself.. The shit thing is, that Melbourne's public rehabs have a waiting list for at least 2 months... (I've even tried NSW - Sydney) its all the same..

I seriously fucking hate myself for getting back to this same horrible place, Would love nothing more to be sober and try live a normal life..

 

[The Doc.]

I know what you mean were here for you I've been in and out of detox close to ten times now and I know its a rough fucking battle I've been fighting for a decade and its all on me this is the life I chose now I got to play these cards.
You can quit though my friend although its not as easy as the above poster makes it sound like its possible for drug addicts to be in recovery

 

[The Doc.]

Have you called the rehab you we're win previously and explained the situation I mean relapses happen I've gone right back in to a detox or rehab I was just in after a relapse phone them tell them how desperate you are I mean they should be used to it cause its all part of the process the journey to recovery is not an easy and quick one it takes many do overs you usually never get it right the first time.

It totally understand where your at in life
the first time I ever took a Percocet at age 14 or so i felt like i could do anything like i was superman , no more pain, no anger, no sorrow , no bad thoughts at all. i knew right then and there i was in a world of shit by trying this drug.

i was right almost ten years later im still on opiates and i haven't quit chasing the high to the gates of insanity.
The more I think about it the more I realize
theres no fun in the dope game anymore its all pain and hurt to me now. ive dam near lost my kidneys, my liver, my mind, ive got stomach issues, and most of all lost my spirit my will to live and zest for life.

But there's a reason we continue we chase that high we fell in love with and can't seem to forget I suppose that's why I continue to kill myself your mind only remembers the good stuff about the drugs when sober
Like the saying from the movie trainspotting

"People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid."

suboxone saved me for now but its only covering up the problem that still lies beneath.

 

[angeleyes]

Hey Estar.

I saw just above you mentioned Melbourne, having lived there I know temptation would have been absolutely everywhere for you especially with how much of a role ice and GHB plays there. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It's really good that you want to get better, it's great if anything and I know how hard it is to refrain from using.

What's your current daily/weekly dosages looking like now? Have you tried to taper down each day? There's nothing wrong with tapering so long as you have a clear goal and try your best.


Really wishing you all the best on this one.

 

[realtalkloc]

if it were that easy there wouldnt be a drug ADDICT alive

Yeah but you know there are a lot of drug addicts who have quit this way? sometimes we make things more complicated than they actually are. There are many other alternatives to quitting I was just suggesting one.

 

[Wasted_talent]

Sorry I didn't read all the posts, just your original.
Ice has never been a factor in my life, meth is really hard to come by in the UK even though it can be created with under the kitchen sink techniques, even in a plastic bottle if needbe.
Dex with emphasis on the D-isomer has been used to the point of abuse, but not in conjunction with ghb which I see is now available in some form of gel.
I read so much on ghb or gbl before using. Things did go wrong and ended up in the back of an ambulance several times. It's a very strange substance, take too little, nothing, too much unconsciousness, the unsweet spot of being paralysed like sleep paralysis is terrifying.
Mixing and matching leaves so many unknowns.
If you got strong friendships, good family; go straight. Messing with the brain should always be a last resort and will eventually lead to self-demise.
Best for you and the future.
Ste

 

[Allein]

(I'm a girl lol) I seriously fucking hate myself for getting back to this same horrible place, Would love nothing more to be sober and try live a normal life..

I don't have any answers for you, I don't really think you are expecting and epiphanies from an internet forum.

But all the time you hate yourself you're unlikely to move forward. Just because you've done some dark shit to get your drugs doesnt mean you are a bad person, you've just done some bad things ......who hasnt ?

I know it sounds superficial but you already know about rehab and all that goes with it and I suspect we arent even in the same country so my advice around that would be useless.

Stop being that person you hate, it's not you it's someone you constructed to deal with the dark shit you got yourself into. You are as beautiful and pure as the day you were born, just a bit wiser and more savy

 

[OntarioGuy]

Yeah but you know there are a lot of drug addicts who have quit this way? sometimes we make things more complicated than they actually are. There are many other alternatives to quitting I was just suggesting one.

ur certainly right.but for a lot of us we simply can't cold turkey from GABAergic drugs since it is quite dangerous.also many ppl simply are not ready to "quit". Sorry if I came off dickish. I shoulda worded my post better

 

[GettingClean]

I really wish it were that easy to just quit and move on with life. Sounds great! I've quit and relapsed on opiates more times than I will admit. Hopefully this last time is THE LAST TIME for me...but one thing I've learned is never to make any promises in early recovery. Self loathing just makes the whole process suck more. Sometimes I have to go one minute at a time. Good luck!!

 

[Maya]

Exactly! Enough is enough!!! I had been a slave to it too for a so long and I don't want it anymore, i have replaced my addiction with working out so I guess that's a better addiction in a sense that it benefits my health and mindfulness.

 

[legalizeall]

Fuck rehab. If you have already been there, nothing new is there for you on your next return. You know what to do, just do it. If you dont want to be sober, then dont be. But if you want it, you will do the steps to get and remain sober, rehab or not.

Ive been to rehab 4 times and if i get all twisted up and down again, i can tell you i wont ever step back in there again. Had enough of that shit. Its the same message ive heard before that im gonna either choose to listen to or not.

 

[herbavore]

Stop being that person you hate, it's not you it's someone you constructed to deal with the dark shit you got yourself into. You are as beautiful and pure as the day you were born, just a bit wiser and more savy

Really good words, there.

 

[herbavore]

Estar, does your name refer to the Spanish verb "to be"? If so, I think you are on the right track. It is a long and winding path for some of us, but eventually when we can learn to still our minds from all the negative chatter, it becomes smoother sailing.

oops, sorry for the double post--too lazy to edit it right now.

 

[legalizeall]

Exactly! Enough is enough!!! I had been a slave to it too for a so long and I don't want it anymore, i have replaced my addiction with working out so I guess that's a better addiction in a sense that it benefits my health and mindfulness.

THe issue i see with that tho is its only temporary and its only a matter of time, especially with a beast like addiction, before work isnt enough. Sure it might be a long temporary but you haven't got to the core of the problem and fixed it. It takes a hard look at yourself and figuring out the why of it all. Its like a weed. You can chop it down but unless you get the root, its just gonna grow back.

 

[Maya]

^I think I have a solid foundation for the past year or so and this fear of acquiring more health problems which is why I am working hard on staying away from it. You do have a point though but I think that if you set your priorities and your future you can slowly let go of the habit.