Razkal, I know exactly how you feel, same shit for me basically (btw your 50!?). I'm from Western MA originally (pitt, Lenox) but recently moved to South shore area to get clean, two years ago. I sectioned 35 myself, I was homeless for a long time, off an on 5-6 years, just hustling dope and coke to maintain my habits, and during the coldest nights of the year I was trying to get into detox and got arrested shooting dope and coke in the hospital bathroom. This was two January's ago. Then a couple nights later I got held hostage and stripped naked and beat up by some LK's in my area and they took my phone cause they thought they were gonna Rob me and take my dope, little do they know I just middle shit/run shit for my people. Anyways I was beat down, tired, sick of it all so I went to the court and asked to go to MATC (I had it written on a piece of paper I could barely talk I was so dopesick from. Not having my phone to hustle). I went there for 60 days, and then went on to further treatment, and did the halfway house, sober house thing for. About a year. Now I have a car, good job, some safety, and comfortablity in my life. A couple good friends, stuff I really needed I wasn't getting when all I was doing was using. Its really hard in the beginning, you have to totally retrain your brain, sometimes to just chill and not DO anything, I learned to take naps and sleep when the stress gets too much or I'm thinking about using too much. Anyways good luck to you bro much love, I've checked your reviews of the Holyoke dope on here a couple times to decide what to buy lol! ( I relapsed after two years, but I kept my jobs, car, I just got on methadone and only use once in a while). Hit me up if you ever wanna talk. Peace