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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

Ibogaine (flood dose) - First Time - Into The Flood

Hey, thanks man. :) I already have it as a Word document on my PC, I printed it out and gave it to my new girl to read while she was away on a trip. I also gave it to my therapist to read in that format.

I could paint a cover myself possibly, but it would also be cool to get a friend to make a cover. That's a good idea to publish it, I didn't realize Amazon had a self-publishing site. Thanks for that!

Just checked it out, wow that could be a great opportunity.

I'm getting pretty pumped about this now to be honest, seriously thanks for the suggestion! I'm gonna do it. Just need to proofread it a couple of more times. There are still a few typos/etc. Plus the cover. And maybe I'll make a few paintings to insert throughout as pictures, plus then my art would be out there as well.
 
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Totally! You can self-publish an e-book even and charge just a few bucks, however it is permanently in google's cache which I didn't think of before lol

Shoulda posted the word doc, I never had enough time to spend reading it so I kept losing my place! I know I've read several parts twice, but sending your boss that fucked up email always makes me smile
 
Yeah it makes me smile now too, even though at the time it was pretty intense. =D
 
I love this trip report! I skimmed over parts of it but I'll go back when I have more time. I thought about using ibogaine for my addiction, since I can't seem to stay sober for the life of me, but I don't currently have an active opioid dependence, I just use for a few days once every few weeks and I don't suffer from withdrawal when not taking anything. Yet I still feel like I can't just PUT DOWN the drug, any drug, put down the compulsion to take something, anything. But I'm too scared to trip like that. My last LSD trips were not pleasant.

The thing that REALLY made me sad (I was actually crying) is that your wife left you. My husband just served me with papers for divorce on monday. It's my fault because he told me the last time I relapsed that he would divorce me if I relapsed a third and final time and I did. I'm 34, been married for nearly ten years, and I feel like my life is over. I even prepared a "way out" of an OD of heroin, but I backed down from that. I've never touched needles and my deep depression tells me now's the time to start. I haven't yet...I honestly don't know if I will. Life feels unlivable. So I know exactly how you must've felt at that point in time: desperate to get better, yet chained to a drug that's not doing you any favors.

Fantastic read. I really "lived" through it with you!
 
Thank you. :) My ibogaine trip was not like any other trip I've had, there was no opportunity for fear. I wasn't "there" like you are with LSD, I was somewhere else, existing in some other way, and it was all I knew, so I couldn't be scared, it just WAS. But I understand the fear for sure, I was so terrified going into it, more scared than I have ever been to take a drug.

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. :( It's tough, yes. In my situation, I realized pretty quickly that it was a good thing for me, that the relationship had not been a good thing for a long time. It was slowly killing us both. We'd been together for 12 years though so I couldn't imagine life without her. But life goes on, and now my life is about as close to perfect as it's ever been, I'm way happier than I could have imagined I ever would be again. I'm dating someone else and so far she seems to be a much better match for me than my wife was, I guess time will tell, but the most important lesson I've learned about that is that you do not need someone else to be happy or to live your life. I understand how traumatic it is to end a long relationship/marriage, but just know that you'll recover and you'll move on, and you'll be happy again. We all have the capacity to be happy just in ourselves, without anyone else. <3 Even if you feel that your relationship wasn't a bad thing for you, you will still recover, move on, and find new happiness.

On a related note, I'd say that if you were given such an ultimatum and you still relapsed (I'm guessing even though you wanted to stay away), that you're an opiate addict, even if you aren't physically addicted. I hope you feel lucky you've avoided physical addiction because the physical part rewires your brain basically and makes the whole thing SO much worse. Ibogaine may be able to help you, in fact I'm nearly sure it would, but I kind of consider it a last-ditch effort because of how extreme and potentially dangerous it is. Have you ever considered therapy or NA? I didn't jive with the NA meeting I went to but if I hadn't done ibogaine I would have given it an honest try for sure... I just didn't try it til after ibogaine and I realized I didn't need it anyway.
 
I'm sure other people have said this but you truly are an amazing writer. I was captivated and have spent the better part of three hours reading your report. What an amazing and beautiful journey. I feel blessed to have the privilege of having this glimpse into your experience, and am very impressed with the way you described everything in such detail, while keeping things flowing smoothly enough for the reader to follow. Which is actually notable simply because it seems like it would be so hard to explain on a basic level. This seriously needs to be expanded into a book!
 
I had a free minute, so I sat down and read the whole thing...and holy smokes :O I'm speechless!

Xorkoth, thank you for documenting your experience. You've no doubt lived through something more intense than most will ever fathom. You write extremely well, by the way. Keep honing your writing skills, as this was far and away the most engaging trip report I've ever read. After Aldous Huxley wrote Doors of Perception, I believe someone said to him "you are the most eloquent guinea pig one could hope to engage" - I feel that holds true here :D

Several parts of this sound far more reminiscent of a dissociative hole, or even full blown delirium, than that of classical psychedelics. You have some outstanding resolve (or perhaps just dumb luck) to have remained (more or less) out of trouble after your 3 day vision quest. And props on kicking the opes too man...it's been a while since the ibogaine and you seem to be doing great re: addiction, keep it up man!

I wish I could say more, but what do you even say after a report like that? My favorite part was the redose at the end, that sounds so fucking enjoyable! I've yet to try iboga but I had a similar experience on a receptor-saturation dose of 4-aco-dmt = big ole intergalactic festival/carnival type thing, with stuff beyond your wildest dreams. I may try iboga one day, the way you describe it makes it sound super unique. Never read a TR like this in my life.

You da real MVP Xorkoth, you seem like the type of guy I'd love to have a beer (or bump of MXE) with. Keep being awesome :)
 
That's high praise (in a Nic Cage voice). :) Thanks man.

I really do consider ibogaine more of a dissociative than a psychedelic; really it's kinda like both wrapped into one, but also completely distinct from anything else I've tried. I want to do it again one day... well I'd like to obtain some TA extract and use lower doses like those of my redose periodically (like maybe twice a year) because I feel it would be beneficial and also enjoyable, but I'd also like to do the flood once more in my life, sometime in the future, either if I find myself in a place I can't seem to shake out of, or maybe, if that never happens again, just to go back there. Of course I would be more prepared the next time.

I'm actually in the best period of my life right now... opiates are a memory I am far removed from at this point and I fixed the issues in my life. Every day is exciting and fun and I am following my passions. I recently started playing music again... I had 11 years of classical piano training from age 8 to 19, and then quit playing at all for 12 years. Just over a month ago I started playing on a cheap keyboard with my friends and a week and a half ago I randomly met this guitar player (who's incredible) and we jammed, and my and my good friend the bass player got asked to join his band to replace some members who weren't working out... or in my case, to add a new instrument (keyboards) that was never in the band before. We joined with a show coming up in a week... that was on Wednesday, and we rocked it so hard that we got a gig in Albany, NY, we got a gig playing an afterparty for Papadosio, and we got a gig playing a local festival in June. That and some other circumstances have all lined up and I can see the future unfolding in a beautiful way. :) It all started with ibogaine too, it provided me the push to change my life around and started me on the road to getting over my suffocating relationship. Now life is a beautiful trip again, instead of unending drudgery. I'm the busiest I've ever been but it's a wonderful thing. :)
 
Xorkoth I know you're respected here but can I be honest? This report seemed contrived. It smacks of fiction, like you were writing a story about the ultimate iboga trip.
 
Anabasis said:
Xorkoth I know you're respected here but can I be honest? This report seemed contrived. It smacks of fiction, like you were writing a story about the ultimate iboga trip.
Click to expand...

I decided to write it in a narrative format so that it wouldn't just be a report, but an entertaining story/piece of literature. It's a true story though, it's what I experienced. I mean it didn't have the coherence at the time, it was just happening and it was very confusing whenever I would fade back in. I experienced it as a series of disjointed dreams that happened as I described, but experiencing it didn't feel like it feels reading this... it's not possible to communicate what it was like through writing or words. This is my attempt to distill the experience into something tangible and continuous. I mean when you dream, and then write down that dream, you're not communicating it just like it was to experience it, because dreams are often abstract and discontinuous. Obviously I had to process it a lot before I got the complete picture, and writing it helped me a lot with that. And when I wrote it, I was communicating the way I felt about it directly afterwards, during/after processing. I made the decision to write it in this sort of style because it felt like what I should do, and it was how I felt about it afterwards when I was able to overview the whole thing from my normal observer perspective. And I wanted to try to commemorate it into the most artistic writing I could, because I love writing and I like to use the inspiration from things to produce something beautiful, which I hope I accomplished with this.

I did pretty much have the idea iboga experience, and it did change my life, and it was that crazy. Dunno what else to say. :)
 
I enjoyed your report thanks for sharing.. I have to say I was a little dissapointed when you said you were taking methylone and 3mmc. That just seemed like asking for trouble because your brain was still adjusting to not relying on drugs for energy and happiness. Opiate PAWS and Stim comedowns are no fun. At least you'd you've been able to overcome the opiates in the end though which is a huge accomplishment. Do you still use Stims and other drugs?

I'm a little confused about the Ibogain trip. Is there a good portion of it where your basically having an OBE or experiencing other dimensions? Do you go into other astral dream states only when sleeping or did you get sucked into these places during the peak of the trip?
 
I was also disappointed in myself, I guess I was just in a pretty manic place and I have a tendency to flippantly take drugs, especially in the past, to "make this great day even better". I do still use other drugs, marijuana, alcohol, very occasionally stimulants, and psychedelics. I don't feel that these things are a detriment to my life, in fact I have no plans to ever quit psychedelics entirely. I never intended on stopping them even going into the experience, anyway, I needed to get off opiates which has been my only addiction. Well, I mean I have an addictive personality but I've been able to have enough oversight of myself to understand when any of my use of drugs has started to become a little inappropriate since then.

The experience was exactly like having really, really intense and vivid dreams. They were the most consistent during the night when I was laying down, but they were also happening when I was awake, mingling with what I was actually seeing. I'd have periods of not dreaming while awake, especially in the middle of the day, but I could never be sure because I was unaware what I was experiencing wasn't reality at any given time. From what I've read, my experience was probably not very typical.
 
I give you major props for taking out the time to put such a post together. Now I didnot read the whole thing but I know exactly what your talking about, I did a flood dose. SO HEALING! To relive the past, its intense and I didn't want to bother writing anything because I though people would think I am crazy. So thank you!!!!!
 
I'm glad it helped you too. :) I actually didn't relive my past at all, I had a bunch of strange dreams that weren't actually part of my real life at all, but that ended up being deeply healing and abstractly instructional. In talking with and reading a lot of experiences from others, I think my experience was very unusual. It sure worked though.
 
How did you get the Ibogaine if you could clarify more. Great trip and best of luck!
 
Can't talk about that on Bluelight, sorry.
 
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