A much overdue update on my experiment!
Background:
I'm a veteran dissociative user, having used NMDA antagonists fairly consistently for about 9 years now. Started with DXM then ketamine, then 4-MeO-PCP then MXE and dabbled with 3-MeO-PCP and 3-HO-PCP. My tolerance is fairly high, ketamine has lost most of it's magic which saddens me.
I've used memantine before, but in lower doses (max being 170mg). I like what the drug has to offer, and feel it is a very professional dissociative, and certainly not for the faint of heart. Going on a memantine journey requires a full day for the experience and a few days for recovery. There is also no reversing the effects, once you set forth you cannot end it if you dislike it.
For this experience I went on vacation down to National City, CA on 01/08 like planned but held off on dosing until 01/09. I was down to visit a friend in San Diego and go explore some popular tourist destinations.
The experience:
I had decided to split my 300mg dosage into two 150mg doses to allow me to go out and about during the coming up phase. First 150mg dose was taken at 8am. After getting ready, I decided to go out to a local breakfast diner and get some food. At around 10am, while waiting for my pigs-in-a-blanket, the effects started to kick in. The feeling was a cross between a confused dissociation from the events surrounding me, and an oddly paradoxical combination of stimulation and sedation.
The local news was there doing a fluff piece on the diner's popularity. It was certainly packed for a Thursday morning, I've honestly never seen so many people in a diner during a weekday. The camera man hovered around and cajoled with the patrons, and this made me a little anxious. I'm not sure if the effect of the memantine was enhancing my natural anxiety, or if I was simply anxious about being filmed. Either way he overlooked me and my waiting continued.
Now one of the things I noticed from this experience was that memantine does not completely block your perception of your body. All other dissociatives I've done have eradicated the sensation of hunger, sexual desire and even the need to urinate. On memantine, I remained completely aware of these things but in a passive manner. I could tell I was hungry, but I didn't FEEL hungry.
After eating I drove back to the hotel to retrieve a few personal items along with the remaining 150mg of memantine. At around 12pm, I headed off to a local attraction, a decommissioned aircraft carrier, the USS Midway. The carrier had been converted into a floating Navy museum. Lots of old planes and a great view of the harbor.
I took the 150mg and went to pay for admission. As I walked closer, a second wave of intensity hit me. I worried they would not allow me in due to my growing inebriation. I had no problem walking but I felt very drunk and felt like I could no longer hold a conversation fluidly.
The experience on the aircraft carrier was rather uneventful, the effects didn't really increase much during the hour or so I spent there. After leaving, I walked around a bit then got in my car and drove back to near my hotel. I decided I needed to get some more drinks and a bit of food from the grocery store before settling in for the night. I always buy and prepare my own food while staying at hotels, far cheaper.
Once shopping was complete (which was wholly uneventful) I came back and ate some food. The time was around 2pm. The effects started to increase at this point, things became a bit more confusing. I watched T.V. for a while, just zoning out.
The main thing I've noticed about memantine is that it really enhances your thoughts. I drifted through memories and everything felt lucid, yet physically - my body felt very sedated and stuck. In fact, I feel that I now understand the concept of getting "stuck" when it is mentioned about PCP. Physically I felt like it would take a great deal of concentration to stand up and do something. Yet mentally my brain was like a well oiled machine, it worked faster while thoughts and memories were recalled easier.
At around 4pm I wanted to watch some films. I pulled up Koyaanisqatsi, one of my favorite films for drug use. The film itself is not really traditional. There are no actors, there is no linear story or plot. I wouldn't even classify it as a documentary or art project. Koyaanisqatsi is an experience.
I've seen the film a number of times, always on drugs. It's rather difficult for me to watch it sober, it gets rather boring after a while and the message feels more elusive. On memantine, the film actually made sense. I was able to keep track of all the little nuances and make connections which I feel were intended by the director. Every scene, every score of music, was felt and internalized. I was aware of a great deal of emotion within myself, but it was very much distant.
The film ended almost as if it had just begun. Time is very much distorted by this drug. While it had felt like I had been watching it forever, it also felt like I had just started it not too long before it ended.
After this I began the movie Stalker (circa 1979). The film is an obscure Russian Sci-Fi from Soviet era sentiments. You can quite literally feel the stereotypical Soviet Russia while watching the film. It's based on a book, Roadside Picnic, and was the inspiration for the video game Stalker. Essentially the premise is that aliens came one night and left a bunch of things behind. To the advanced alien civilization, these things could have been random daily items (akin to plastic bags or old batteries). Yet their mysterious and powerful properties are coveted by the humans that find them. The government cordons off the area and only a select few researchers are allowed in. People still try to break through and take items to sell on the black market, and these people are called Stalkers.
Anyway, the film uses some very impressive visual techniques which are superior to modern digital special effects. I had forgotten the SRT (subtitle) file on another hard drive so I decided to watch it without any subtitles. This was the best decision I could have made.
There were a number of things I had always missed while watching this with the words added. Visual effects that had been lost on me were noticed and with more appreciation than I could have ever felt while sober. There was a sense of frustration towards the end, where the dialogue became more important to the emotional conflicts between the characters. Luckily I had seen the film a number of times prior so I knew what was going on, but I still felt like I was missing out.
The film ended, much in the same way that Koyaanisqatsi did, and I noticed I was exceptionally confused. I managed to turn off the computer and get the T.V. on, and also load up my oil vaporizer with cannabis shatter oil. After a few hits, the effects went into overdrive and I felt very disconnected and more stuck. The time was around 10pm. This was the point where I felt I was actually getting closer to a space that would be like a "hole". I feel that if I go a little higher in dose, maybe 400-500mg or take the dose all at once, and maybe throw in a little cannabis, I can get into a hole state with memantine.
A friend of mine called while on heroin wanting to talk, but I was too confused to really carry on a conversation. After this, I turned off the T.V. and attempted to relax into sleep. Interestingly, I actually managed to get some sleep! I was expecting a wholly sleepless night but I awoke with more vigor than I had the night before and without bags under my eyes (my telltale sign of a lack of quality rest).
Background:
I'm a veteran dissociative user, having used NMDA antagonists fairly consistently for about 9 years now. Started with DXM then ketamine, then 4-MeO-PCP then MXE and dabbled with 3-MeO-PCP and 3-HO-PCP. My tolerance is fairly high, ketamine has lost most of it's magic which saddens me.
I've used memantine before, but in lower doses (max being 170mg). I like what the drug has to offer, and feel it is a very professional dissociative, and certainly not for the faint of heart. Going on a memantine journey requires a full day for the experience and a few days for recovery. There is also no reversing the effects, once you set forth you cannot end it if you dislike it.
For this experience I went on vacation down to National City, CA on 01/08 like planned but held off on dosing until 01/09. I was down to visit a friend in San Diego and go explore some popular tourist destinations.
The experience:
I had decided to split my 300mg dosage into two 150mg doses to allow me to go out and about during the coming up phase. First 150mg dose was taken at 8am. After getting ready, I decided to go out to a local breakfast diner and get some food. At around 10am, while waiting for my pigs-in-a-blanket, the effects started to kick in. The feeling was a cross between a confused dissociation from the events surrounding me, and an oddly paradoxical combination of stimulation and sedation.
The local news was there doing a fluff piece on the diner's popularity. It was certainly packed for a Thursday morning, I've honestly never seen so many people in a diner during a weekday. The camera man hovered around and cajoled with the patrons, and this made me a little anxious. I'm not sure if the effect of the memantine was enhancing my natural anxiety, or if I was simply anxious about being filmed. Either way he overlooked me and my waiting continued.
Now one of the things I noticed from this experience was that memantine does not completely block your perception of your body. All other dissociatives I've done have eradicated the sensation of hunger, sexual desire and even the need to urinate. On memantine, I remained completely aware of these things but in a passive manner. I could tell I was hungry, but I didn't FEEL hungry.
After eating I drove back to the hotel to retrieve a few personal items along with the remaining 150mg of memantine. At around 12pm, I headed off to a local attraction, a decommissioned aircraft carrier, the USS Midway. The carrier had been converted into a floating Navy museum. Lots of old planes and a great view of the harbor.
I took the 150mg and went to pay for admission. As I walked closer, a second wave of intensity hit me. I worried they would not allow me in due to my growing inebriation. I had no problem walking but I felt very drunk and felt like I could no longer hold a conversation fluidly.
The experience on the aircraft carrier was rather uneventful, the effects didn't really increase much during the hour or so I spent there. After leaving, I walked around a bit then got in my car and drove back to near my hotel. I decided I needed to get some more drinks and a bit of food from the grocery store before settling in for the night. I always buy and prepare my own food while staying at hotels, far cheaper.
Once shopping was complete (which was wholly uneventful) I came back and ate some food. The time was around 2pm. The effects started to increase at this point, things became a bit more confusing. I watched T.V. for a while, just zoning out.
The main thing I've noticed about memantine is that it really enhances your thoughts. I drifted through memories and everything felt lucid, yet physically - my body felt very sedated and stuck. In fact, I feel that I now understand the concept of getting "stuck" when it is mentioned about PCP. Physically I felt like it would take a great deal of concentration to stand up and do something. Yet mentally my brain was like a well oiled machine, it worked faster while thoughts and memories were recalled easier.
At around 4pm I wanted to watch some films. I pulled up Koyaanisqatsi, one of my favorite films for drug use. The film itself is not really traditional. There are no actors, there is no linear story or plot. I wouldn't even classify it as a documentary or art project. Koyaanisqatsi is an experience.
I've seen the film a number of times, always on drugs. It's rather difficult for me to watch it sober, it gets rather boring after a while and the message feels more elusive. On memantine, the film actually made sense. I was able to keep track of all the little nuances and make connections which I feel were intended by the director. Every scene, every score of music, was felt and internalized. I was aware of a great deal of emotion within myself, but it was very much distant.
The film ended almost as if it had just begun. Time is very much distorted by this drug. While it had felt like I had been watching it forever, it also felt like I had just started it not too long before it ended.
After this I began the movie Stalker (circa 1979). The film is an obscure Russian Sci-Fi from Soviet era sentiments. You can quite literally feel the stereotypical Soviet Russia while watching the film. It's based on a book, Roadside Picnic, and was the inspiration for the video game Stalker. Essentially the premise is that aliens came one night and left a bunch of things behind. To the advanced alien civilization, these things could have been random daily items (akin to plastic bags or old batteries). Yet their mysterious and powerful properties are coveted by the humans that find them. The government cordons off the area and only a select few researchers are allowed in. People still try to break through and take items to sell on the black market, and these people are called Stalkers.
Anyway, the film uses some very impressive visual techniques which are superior to modern digital special effects. I had forgotten the SRT (subtitle) file on another hard drive so I decided to watch it without any subtitles. This was the best decision I could have made.
There were a number of things I had always missed while watching this with the words added. Visual effects that had been lost on me were noticed and with more appreciation than I could have ever felt while sober. There was a sense of frustration towards the end, where the dialogue became more important to the emotional conflicts between the characters. Luckily I had seen the film a number of times prior so I knew what was going on, but I still felt like I was missing out.
The film ended, much in the same way that Koyaanisqatsi did, and I noticed I was exceptionally confused. I managed to turn off the computer and get the T.V. on, and also load up my oil vaporizer with cannabis shatter oil. After a few hits, the effects went into overdrive and I felt very disconnected and more stuck. The time was around 10pm. This was the point where I felt I was actually getting closer to a space that would be like a "hole". I feel that if I go a little higher in dose, maybe 400-500mg or take the dose all at once, and maybe throw in a little cannabis, I can get into a hole state with memantine.
A friend of mine called while on heroin wanting to talk, but I was too confused to really carry on a conversation. After this, I turned off the T.V. and attempted to relax into sleep. Interestingly, I actually managed to get some sleep! I was expecting a wholly sleepless night but I awoke with more vigor than I had the night before and without bags under my eyes (my telltale sign of a lack of quality rest).
