17th Issue General Heroin Discussion v. Perfect Day

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There's a range of hippies like anything else. True, the typical "flower child" doesn't have the heart or the patience for hunting. But some of the old heads I've met (especially the more hands-on, Type A personalities) transformed their "hippie" attitude into a more mountain-man/farmer type of existence, and hunting is a wonderful extension of being self-sufficient (since raising large livestock is expensive compared to chickens, but everybody likes a steak sometimes).

Oh I'm just joking around, not really overly surprised by it. Just playing to the generalization, not really buying into it.
 
I smoked rock with my dope everyday for years, it's way different than shooting speedballs....the key for me is to only pick up like a 20-40 of rock with the dope...If I'm not completely sick I'll do a hit of the rock before my first shot....then, after the first shot I'll just finish the rest of the rock in about an hour or so and then do the rest of my dope...

It worked most of the time, but there were many nights when I went to grab more rock, and had to get more dope just to be able to do it....

tomatilli, what was it three days ago you were talking about the guy giving you a free one...now you know why!
 
Exactly. It's well worth it for a dealer to give you a free rock once in a while to get you to fiend out and empty out your bank account on more. Ha. Fuckers.
 
omgim about to fucking stab this bitch. fucking hate bitches who gotta come to grab shit and ask like a million fuckin questions. lost her earring somewhere in the car and wont shut the fuck up about it for like 15 mins.

fuck I do the most obnoxious shit for dope sometimes if I werent high none of this would make sense

You can go back through the last edition and just see the literal highs and lows

may seem like a decent ratio of high/low, but only becaise I cant curse all these stereltypical heroin using fucks in one post.

god damn I feel like the only one who I know who uses dope that isnt a fucking idiot sometimes
 
she finally did her shot and dipped out in the front seat, had to push her against the window so I could actually drive

I fucking hate this chick more than just about any other female Ive ever met. annoying ass voice and she never shuts the fuck up unless shes unconcious

she could be fucking ODing right now and I wouldn even be able to tell because im enjoying so peace and quiet

I fucking hate the people you gotta deal with in this shit
 
You have good reason to feel the way you do,get some help,your goin down hard,good luck!
 
haha. thats how I got into this board. I would just read while JAMMMED out of my face all day. this board has actually helped me A TON. I never really had any intention on staying clean but being here, listening to others, and blogging how somehow helped my recovery. I try to keep up w/ the blogging in order to track my recovery stages and see how I am doing every 2 weeks or so. so far, so good. it's funny cuz I read my first blog going back over 3 months ago and it has to do w/ me using and being miserable and having no shot. then I read my last and it's me saying this is easy and I am happy it can be done.

I know MANY have said this.. but if I COULD DO IT.. ANYONE COULD DO IT! I was a straight junked out piece of shit. I took advantage of my GF who would do ANYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR ME, took advantage of my family who WOULD DIE FOR ME and caused more problems than you could possibly imagine.

quick story -- one day I am half nodded out due to blasting away in the bedroom and swallowing enough xanny to kill a baby. now I am talking legit barely walking type nod. my neighbor knocks on my door and tells me I have to move MY GIRLS CAR cuz she is having a party in the backyard and needs space. so w/o thinking I grab the car and ATTEMPT to move. she sees me wobbling down the stairs and asks if im OK.. of course I say yes (I dont remember). anyway, I get in the car and attempt to back on.. on that attempt I hit my neighbors car, my neighbors husbands car and completely roll over a kids bike (9 year old kid at the backyard BBQ she was having and I smashed his bike and probably almost him into pieces). from there I get OUT OF THE CAR, I supposed say "IM SORRY.." and I walk back in the house and KEEP THE CAR ON TOP OF THE KIDS BIKE! from there my neighbor moves the car and parks it right and I went on back to bed and nodded out. my GF came home that night going NUTS and I had NO CLUE WHY. I dont remember ONE THING THAT HAPPENED that day; she could tell I was junked out. I felt so bad I went down to the neighbor and said sorry; had to PAY THEM 1k so they dont go through insurance (1k from my family gave me) and had to buy the kid a new bike (again, family paid for my mistake). the more I think about what I did the more it makes me SICK. my neighbor had like 20 people in the yard along w/ kids and here I am blacked OUT and driving a car and smashing shit infront of everyone. not only that but I just get out of the car and leave it running? why on earth. I legit dont even have a CLUE why or WHAT happened. I can kinda remember NOW but had NO IDEA at the time.

sad and crazy, huh?
 
Shit you are some damb lucky,anyone would have called the police anytime there is an accident,you would got dui,and leavin the scene,and a bunch of other stuff,for a bad incident you sure got,lucky.
 
no shit. I got lucky as fuck. would have been my 2nd DUI and also would have added MORE to my recorded which already sucks and has distribution charges on it from 04. a DUI esp. would have sucked for just backing your car up in a driveway, ha.

luckily, my neighbor seemed to be a little whacked out herself. she was a past cancer patient and is still on certain types of meds. I also had a brain tumor back years ago now and her and I would talk about it often because she was also affected. I told her it was the type of medication they gave me and it's what caused the incident. she could relate and let things play out. I am just lucky nothing else happened that day. it was truly a blessing in disguise. and this is just ONE OF MANY fucked UP things I've done during my junked out days.

another problem I had is I'd NOD OUT when shooting at home (I always shot high dosage if I knew I wasnt going out or had nothing to worry about or do) and my girlfriend would come home to me half dead on the couch w/ needles on the ground. she used to always think I OD'd or was dead and was scream and cry because of the needles and bags that would just be laid out around me as I laid there half dead.

makes me sick thinking of what I've done.
 
Weve all done stuff we are ashamed of...i was once completely gone from benzos and dope and i got behind the wheel and ended up tailgating a car, i was lucky enough to not hurt anyome and to have a cop there who just wanted me to go to the hospital instead of giving me a duo bc he could tell i was way to high which was good bc i ended up overdosing, i felt like shit for putting my family and friends througj that. I also am sickened by the fact that when i originally started doing dope and benzos i used to use at my friends house and theyd watch me layin there on the couch half dead like you with your gf. The saddest part is after all that im still getting high and choose to not be with my friends so i can stay home and be as high as i want.
 
i felt like shit for putting my family and friends througj that. I also am sickened by the fact that when i originally started doing dope and benzos i used to use at my friends house and theyd watch me layin there on the couch half dead like you with your gf. The saddest part is after all that im still getting high and choose to not be with my friends so i can stay home and be as high as i want.

same here. my BEST FRIEND had a baby over the summer and we were there seeing the baby and celebrating. I was on the couch whacked out and nodded off infront of HIS friends, HIS family and others. total embarrassment.

I was supposed to be the godfather of the child but was never asked due to my addiction. he said it upfront that if I am still dirty come time that I would not be the godfather. just sickening, huh? not only did I have a problem at the time of birth but I nodded out the first time seeing the kid. my friend was a past user himself but never dope and never shooting. he still takes percs (5MG's ones) to this day and he understands addiction but just not at the level I represent/was at.

since being clean I've been hanging out w/ the boys more and been treated as a NORMAL person. same goes for the family. my friend has yet to even name a godfather for the child so who knows. not that I am DYING to get a godfather or anything but it was just an embarrassment for someone to say that to me and for me to NOD the first time seeing the baby.

one last story since tomorrow is thanksgiving. this is a real quick one.. ready!?

last year I nodded out face first INTO my DISH at my GF's house. once again I blamed it on the medication I was on at the time for a brain tumor; but it was really just dope and xanny shots in the bathroom of her mothers house.

sickens me knowing I've done all this. makes me realize how big of a piece of trash I was. I am shocked this girl stayed w/ me and I ENDED UP LEAVING HER! I just needed to focus on myself being clean and needed to leave. its been working so far and hope it stays this way but I wish NOTHING but the best for her; she's been through HELL cuz of me.
 
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Hang in there Bbt. your on the right track now and that was the past,dont let it,guilt you to death but remember it to push u forward.ps. Im a huge red Sox and Celtic fan,even though im from Chicago land.
 
thanks, man. it's what has been keeping me clean. I try NOT to think about the past often but sometimes I need to think/talk about it just to realize how lucky I am nowadays and how great I've been doing. things surly have changed and I thank it all to an OD.. and of course doctors, family, friends and others... but esp. myself for keeping on a steady/right track.

SOX dominate! Celtic's are in trouble right now but it was expected. I am actually hoping we trade rondo. I'd like to see us get a top draft choice next year. PATS are what I am all about here in Boston. Brady CRUSHED Manning this past weekend; was great to see that comeback. although, Manning sucked throughout the game and it was really the Pas who put themselves in that hole... and lastly, the Bruins have done great over the past few years! I've never been a HUGE Hockey fan but still gotta respect the home team.
 
sad and crazy, huh?

Jesus. That's a fuckin story. Good thing you were able to use that to get better.
When I was real depressed I'd use op+benzo to just black out and not deal with things, and my friend was once like, "Hey, remember that Immortal Technique show where you were so fucked up you kept falling forward into me?" Me: "No." (This was a year later, had to be completely reminded I'd even gone to show, I was so fucked up on 2 old OC30s and 3 bars that I couldn't even stand without my whole body leaning forward...) Glad I was able to get out of that funk and now I can enjoy opiates without having to be completely incoherent practically comatose.
 
pretty laid back there, man. not a life that I could live but for some, like yourself, seems like it would be great.
It's my gal. She's all country. Me, I'm a city dude. I'd rather be living in a condo in Manhattan than on a hobby farm Upstate. But hey, the things we do for love.

how long were you on the dope for? youre lucky you got to retire and still have a life.
I rolled into NYC in 1981 or so. Was wandering around Alphabet City (Ave. A through D for those who don't know) and saw open air sales for the first time in my life. I got in line along with the rest of the (mostly) white folks, handed the kid $10 or $20, got a couple bags of "Poison" and the rest was history. I really didn't know what exactly I was buying, but I figured if it was good enough for a dozen or more folks standing in line, it would be good enough for me. After a ten year run in NYC I find myself in a rehab Upstate and then clean for almost 20 years "thanks to NA and the company that I kept" as they say. So in sort, my dope run went for about 10 years, until I was 35 years old.

As for being a hippy and hunting, I was never one of those "flower child" hippies. That was before my time. And truthfully I've never fired my shotgun at anything living. Not that I wouldn't like to fill my freezer with some venison, mind you. I hunt exclusively from my tree stand which is just a few hundred yards from my house. I've only seen 4 or 5 deer in the 5 or so years that I've been sitting up there and they've never been within shooting range. Mostly I sit there and drink in the peace and quiet. After an hour or 2, I get bored, climb down, and head back to the house where my girl has the coffee brewing.

must be cold in that dear stand right now, no? or is it closed in? cant be, right? so you go up there and just shoot at dear? pretty cool. wouldnt mind trying that for a day. but you are solo all day?
Cold, yes. But I've got the gear to keep me warm. And again, a buck would have to be pretty stupid to get close enough for me to shoot it. I've only seen does since I've been hunting and I legally cant shoot a doe. And I'm never in my stand all day. After a couple of hours, I'm ready for the comforts of home.

I've read your posts BostonBrown where you share about some of the things you've done under the influence. All I can say is that you are not alone and you deserve the good things that recovery brings. Keep up the good work.
 
^damn, that's crazy. I love hearing stories of the old open air markets, especially NYC in the 70s and 80s.. urban decay on an epic scale, and I lived in Manhattan (Union Sq/NYU area) for a year and half so it's close to home how a neighborhood can change so drastically.
 
Since friday one of my dealers has give me a full b and a half for free and another dealer gave me 3 for waiting, so ive basically gotten 2 bs for free in the past 6 days which is fucken awesome. The guy who gave me a dime of hard for free is actually not the guy who i usually get hard from but it got me fiendin nonetheless. My hard dealer is such a fuckin asshole hes your sterotypical douche bag cocky dealer he was callin me dumb and swearin at me and shit because i didnt realize which car he was in bc hes in a different car almost every time and add that with it being dark and rainning outside its kinda hard to see into cars..he always has such a bad attitude on the phone too. My two main d boys are the complete opposite from that as im sure u guys can tell from some of my previous posts about free shit and tradin shit bags for fire, if im like 10$ off from a full b theyll let it slide and not make me pay it back, but the other guy im probably gonna stop seeing cus hes a complete asshole and always makes me wait and usually in sketchy places

@oldhippytony - i agree with monk that is crazy how they just had a line to get dope, were there just no cops around? How was the quality a opposed to today?
 
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