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The Suicide Support Thread

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I love both versions and I was reading the Johnny cash version if you look at the lyrics you can tell, the NIN version says I wear this crown of shit, not thorns, etc. and just other I guess subtle things.

I've been playing both on repeat a LOT lately......
 
Flowers hit me up, you have got to talk to me and I have got to talk to you. Why are you being taken off your meds? This is what I want to know off Bluelight.
 
I love both versions and I was reading the Johnny cash version if you look at the lyrics you can tell, the NIN version says I wear this crown of shit, not thorns, etc. and just other I guess subtle things.

"The line "crown of shit" was changed to "crown of thorns", not only removing profanity from the lyrics, but also more directly referencing Christ and Cash's devout Christianity. "

Even Reznor came out and said that he preferred Cash's cover.

Trent said:
I pop the video in, and wow... Tears welling, silence, goose-bumps... Wow. [I felt like] I just lost my girlfriend, because that song isn't mine anymore... It really made me think about how powerful music is as a medium and art form. I wrote some words and music in my bedroom as a way of staying sane, about a bleak and desperate place I was in, totally isolated and alone. [Somehow] that winds up reinterpreted by a music legend from a radically different era/genre and still retains sincerity and meaning — different, but every bit as pure

It always gets to me when I remember that both Johnny and June died within 7 months of filming the clip.
 
Why do I torture myself? Why do I keep myself in this fresh hell? My loved ones have asked me this so many times. Like why do I not take my pain killers until I'm in full blown withdrawal? Why do I torture myself by taking on the worlds problems so that I never have to face my own? Why do I literally hurt myself, with a scalpel or a needle? Why do I try so hard to make sure I suffer? I know what I would say: because you fucking deserve it and you can never go back in time to fix the things you cannot stop thinking about ever? Why do I find comfort in the concept of dying alone when every waking moment, my depression keeps me so so sick and the thought process in my head, I bet would have half of the earths population blowing their brains out like I want to so bad? Why? If I spend every second hating myself for choosing substance abuse over my one shot at a fucking perfect life. I had it all. And I threw it all away for fucking what?!?! It's like if I were an IV dope fiend I could maybe understand but I hadn't thought of slamming anything in a long long time, my habits were not severe, but I did enough opioids for me to lose the intimacy that sparked my relationship with the soul mate who now considers me as good as dead anyways; if I'm dead to her I'm dead to me so why not fucking save myself a few years of misery!? I don't think ill live another 12 months unless this person who has hurt me in ways I cannot and will not divulge, comes back to me and apologizes and I don't even fucking care If we weren't in love anymore I just need to fucking tell her all the things she never allowed me to fucking say. She made sure I couldn't respond to anything she said (while spun and drunk).

I just can't fucking take this much longer the only reason I'm not in the shrine right now is that suicide would destroy my already fucking shattered family, and because I'm praying to everyone and everything that if/when Znegative and his GF get here, that suddenly life will have meaning again. I am living to die, and am dying to live.

Addiction has officially taken from me 99% of the people and things I once stood for, lived for, and would die for. It KILLS me to see the front page of OD and see all the new to drugs posters and I just wish there was a better way of showing people just how destructive what they're doing is. For me, the first time meth and opiate users bring the most pain to the table. Methamp addiction is just.... Once you're hooked that's it. I can count on one hand the number of people I know who have overcome their addictions to it. I've lost more than half my friends to it. And opiates, everyone knows just how fast a habit turns from hydrocodone to heroin.

I just don't know about anything anymore, besides that sooner rather than later something drastic is going to happen and I don't know what this will be.
 
Hi everybody. I haven't posted here in a while but I guess now would be a good time to... So in the last 6 months my life managed to get great, to the worst its been. I got a job, lost it, I am no longer shipping out into the military (My ship date was this month too) and now I literally have nothing. I'm 20 I can't seem to even keep a minimum wage job, I no longer have a future and I have less than I did 6 months ago....I don't excel at anything and have no skills or education past a high school diploma...So yeah I wish I could just blow my brains out past few weeks. Can't even get a new job because I have an assault charge on my record for a bar fight. I literally go to bed wishing I didn't wake up every night.
 
wait you got a felony over a bar fight what'd you break a bottle over his head and try to shank him with it i'm sorry you can't find work keep ya head up
 
Not even, I got it in the 3rd degree which is just a misdemeanor but that's enough to not get hired. actually had an interview 2 months ago for a great job (great by my standards, considering all I can really get is min wage mostly) and obviously didn't get it after the background check.
 
Ylear, my friend, you are 20 years old. When I was 20,i felt really old, mature and like you, that I should have my shit together.
The other day I was lamenting that as I approach fifty, I still don't have my shit together. However I still have choices as do you. The other day I heard that the headmaster of my old school had retired and reinvented himself as a real estate salesman. At age 70.
So mate, 20 is fuck all you have many decisions to make ahead of you, and plenty of time to wipe slates clean. Even if you spend the next ten years setting yourself up to succeed, age thirty you're good to go.
So start tomorrow, forget what can't be undone and look forward to the future.
Best of luck
 
^ great post....

for a brief, however intensely, chemically induced, and oh.... so sleep derived moment, I feel chill. I actually enjoyed myself when I went crop dusting n burnt black ~12 gallons of diesel cruising earlier outta town with a friend and finally got around to meeting a client and oh yeah, a (gorgeous) friend of mine finally paid me back the $20 she has owed me for a longgggg longggg time, which I shot immediately into the ATM and paid off some of my AmEx so the interest won't be like DWAAAAMNNNNN. As I was at the bank, as the machine was eating my rolled up $20 bill, it unrolled in the most incredible way and I didn't even notice until right then and there that it was wrapped around some MMJ that has really helped lift my mood after a very stressful day working with my client from earlier. And I feel better today than I have in a while, I don't fully understand as I'm on antipsychotics which I usually cannot stand and THC AND in full blown opioid withdrawals..... I still feel the pain of course, its much worse than ever but mentally I feel a bit better, whatever temporary relief I get at this point, I'm damned grateful for.
 
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^I can relate to the whole unable to find work on account of a felony I got years ago during the epitomeh of my going full retard with drugs.... Makes me horribly depressed to think about not having steady income and just relying on my social network* / friends and friends of friends, for finding random ways of making money (*NOT FACEBOOK OR ANY OF THAT BULLSHIT I MEAN FACE TO FACE RELATIONSHIPS)


Oh and I wanted to add, for those of you who are like me and who's living arrangements don't allow them the space needed for a happy service canine, but still want that feeling of something that to quote johnny cash and trent reznor, "everyone I know, goes away, in the end..." well, if you can't get pets, get PLANTS. Gardening passes a shitload of time and takes your mind off of things, giving you like, a brief sensation that you're in a rowboat in the middle of a monsoon in the Indian Ocean, but the storm stops for a while.


And depending on what you're cultivating, your level of interest and motivation in such a task may bring you senses of accomplishment and rewards of fruition one day from something you helped grow from when what was once a seed or seedling, becomes a fully mature plant, there are tons of plants that are really easy or eventually gets easier as you get wiser and learn new things, plants are just fun to cultivate and not illegal, and there are studies that show plant interaction helps for depression, and that getting more sunshine (and if you're a bit of a tweaker like me even when though you don't tweak on crystal anymore) moonshine :) if you spend long hours into the nights taking care of my plants in an almost, quasi-paternal way, but more like just they're friends who are noninvasive but are on your property all of the time hahahaha. But there are also research studies that have been performed out there that show talking to your plants or even playing music helps them so long as you maintain positive and beneficial thought processes.
 
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all i look forward to is the next high how can my life revolve around one single thing i even think my love for those who deserve it comes second to getting high
 
Same for me...

well man as chronic pain patients you and I both have to get our act together one day, or do you want your son to be shooting up with you one day? Might as well start now and try and find more meaning in life. I mean there has to be something that does it for us, I mean one of the things that makes me depressed is being around or witnessing all the happy people who get off on the little things in life, things we may have either forgotten or just the drugs helped us block out everything besides the drugs so no wonder we aren't happy with the lives we're living. It's like every day may be a different toilet, but it's still shit even the highs aren't so high anymore no matter what the dose is. So might as well try and get on as low a dose as you can and I hope I'm not out of line, but I really wish you would stop injecting drugs mrflowers, I know this isn't enough to get people off the needle, I've tried with many and failed with most. But I mean seriously any reduction in the amount of pain killers you take, I sure as hell am not ready for abstinence yet but I am working hard on taking my meds strictly via the oral ROA and never as an escape for mental pain. There isn't a pill strong enough in the end to fix my emotional pain, think about the number of pills you needed last time we were talking a lot, just to get off. And how many other drugs you (and me too) found yourself taking. I don't know what triggered YOUR suicidal ideation mr.flowers but I know that this advice is still universal/applicable. yarramean?
 
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tri i want to not suffer yaddaimean but i can't see myself stopping the drugs it's what makes me happy... at least while i have them your a good friend we should kick it soon you a good friend and we haven't even met in person yet
 
We are destined to chill. And CH, TY kiddo.

And destined to find a non synthetic reason to love life.
 
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^One day we'll all have a regular life and oddly look fondly back on the things we've accomplished <3 don't you worry! <3
 
^One day we'll all have a regular life and oddly look fondly back on the things we've accomplished <3 don't you worry! <3

MotivationalPenguin_zps0dd20e05.gif
 
I'm thinking about making a second "serious attempt" at getting off of Suboxone.

All you have to remember is how awesome you are guys. <3
 
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