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The Suicide Support Thread

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Ok i dont know why im doing that. Im a bad drug addict. I lost my home and car due to drugs and my son but now ive quit drugs methodone for 17 days now and now i see i messed his life up and mine. His mom left him two years ago. She like me had a bad addiction. Everytime i talk tohim i wanna die cause the guilt is horrible. He just needs me but my guilt doesnt allow me to forgive myself
 
I don't think there is a good or 'bad' drug addict… with addiction we lose these things… There is a lot of loss and grief that comes with being sober.
We are not responsible for illness but can take responsibility and make restitution by being available for our loved ones… This will diminish the guilt.
A movement from fear to love is usually the process, and takes time … but is worth it. Hang in there! <3
 
It's not your fault, addiction is an illness. Normal doesn't exist for humans, it's just a word that gives people something to compare themselves to ime, it's meant for science to measure things. Or a knob on a washing machine.
I'm sure your children love you no matter what… even if they get angry…. You are their dad and cannot be replaced, but you can turn it all around, it just might take time… NO ONE deserves to die. <3
 
No, you have not doomed them to anything yet but suicide certainly would doom them to a life without trust at the very deepest level. You can always change, always restore your relationships but it takes hard work. Kids don't want a new, "normal" dad. They want their dad, the one they know and love. If you are only 25, then your kids are very young. Please try to get into treatment and save yourself. Use your love for your kids as motivation and not as a weapon against yourself. You are not a bad person. You are not a failure--your life is a mess right now but that does not have to be forever. Do whatever it takes to get help. Don't beat yourself up--addiction really thrives on that.<3
 
Ok i dont know why im doing that. Im a bad drug addict. I lost my home and car due to drugs and my son but now ive quit drugs methodone for 17 days now and now i see i messed his life up and mine. His mom left him two years ago. She like me had a bad addiction. Everytime i talk tohim i wanna die cause the guilt is horrible. He just needs me but my guilt doesnt allow me to forgive myself

You know you'll get all those material things back. And as for guilt it will subside the more you make an effort to rectify it. Let go of beating yourself up over the bad stuff and work on the positives.
 
When feeling suicidal, call to God. Pray. It's worth a try.

I second that. It's just unfortunate that God doesn't talk to us audibly. Would make life a lot easier for us all if He just TALKED to us one-on-one. Maybe He just wants us to be more self-reliant. Whatever the reason may be we just need to know He's really there and really listens and really cares and really loves us and really does what He can for us. But then again if we really knew then what need would there be for faith.
 
Unfortunately you can never be sure. It could be way worse and irreversible..
Or waking up differently, with permanent damage..
I´m sorry you are going though this. Everything is life is a phase though..

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've wanted to die so many times and am glad I've never fully gone through with it. Life sucks, life is pain, but it's also what you make it. Your choice. Take control of your emotions or they'll enslave you. But most of us can't control the negative overpowering forces of inner darkness and so we try to escape it with more and more drugs. I am sad right now and in opiate withdrawal, but I know it's only temporary and I know it will pass and I will be at peace at some point. But peace too is only temporary and it will cycle up and down. That's life.
 
i'm pretty sure i can't kill myself like i'm not allowed to i've made so many serious attempts that medically i shouldn't have lived through so i gave up for two reasons. one is i don't think i would be able to no matter how hard i try which i can't explain but just seems that way and two the only important reason is i couldn't put my loved ones through that shit
 
Trying, trying, trying. But I can't be alone with myself and I'm not sure how long I can deal with it.
I'm putting off anything until my next appointment on the 29th, but after that, I'm not sure.

Stay strong guys.
 
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I'm really struggling today. I have stomach aches and I feel nauseous all the time and am afraid it could be a chronic pancreatitis, as I have those symptoms from time to time. But I'm afraid of going to the hospital, because I'm afraid my problems are not worse enough so they will send me away, if this makes sense. In addition I had a really really bad anxiety attack half the 8 hours I was working and my depression starts to crawl back :/. My girlfriend is not helping as she is going to the club tonight with this one particular guy I don't like being around her. I'm worried that she will drink tonight and loose control again. Idk if it's just me being overly jealous or not. If I was in her shoes I would not go to the club and instead skype with me, but I thinks that's to much to ask. She even said, that she doesn't really want to go to the club and that she is not friends with this one guy, who was/is attracted to her and with whom she cuddled in our first month when I was not around when we were just fuckbuddies. Even though she still goes to his party's and so on. I feel like I'm just too jealous but then...
I'm fucking depressed and I don't know what to do anymore :( Fml
 
i know how i'm going to die, suicide by cop

That won't work, they'll just injure you and throw your ass in jail and you'll be in hell wishing for death with no means of attaining it. If you're free then at least you have the power. Just be polite about it: don't make somebody else do it for you, don't leave a big traumatizing mess for someone to find.
 
The permanent nausea makes it hard to eat, but I have to, cause I have to work :/ I don't know if it's due to an illness or if it's just psychosomatic. I have no friends so I can't talk to someone about the problems with my girlfriend except my mother, but I don't want my mother to worrie about me :( I want to cry all the time, but I have to work 8 hours a day. Every time after work I break down and cry because I'm just so fucked up idk what to do anymore. Life is just hard atm :((
 
I am going to die, and I am tired of waiting.

Thank you all for seriously trying to help me

But I have accepted this and am ok with it. I love you all.
 
The wait is aweful. I truely understand that feeling. I've been playing with death for years. I just woke up from a night terror, damn Ptsd, again and came across this post. I want to say something positive, beautifully poetic and inspiring, that thing that will make you feel ready to face and dispell whatever terrors haunt you. But I have yet to figure out how to beat my demons, the ones that have me screaming at myself in nightmares to wake up. The ones that have me smoking a cigeratte and posting here instead of getting much needed rest. I guess the best I have is this...You are not alone. You can make it through another day, another week, another year, if you so choose. And if you do, if nothing else, life guarantees you one hell of a ride. Sending peace and light your way.
 
The wait is aweful. I truely understand that feeling. I've been playing with death for years. I just woke up from a night terror, damn Ptsd, again and came across this post. I want to say something positive, beautifully poetic and inspiring, that thing that will make you feel ready to face and dispell whatever terrors haunt you. But I have yet to figure out how to beat my demons, the ones that have me screaming at myself in nightmares to wake up. The ones that have me smoking a cigeratte and posting here instead of getting much needed rest. I guess the best I have is this...You are not alone. You can make it through another day, another week, another year, if you so choose. And if you do, if nothing else, life guarantees you one hell of a ride. Sending peace and light your way.

the writing of that, in the midst of your own hell, is poetry enough.<3
 
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