Alright, folks...I'm a mod in this forum and I will NOT be outdone!!! So prepeare for the wrath that is "Radar's lightning Round of movie spoilers!!!"
It actually WAS a snuff film, and Nicholas Cage kills everyone who had anything to do with it.
Tetsuo is reborn as a trancendental being with the aid of Akira.
The kid reporter gets his interview with Sweetwater, makes friends with the guitarist, and gets the girl.
Eddie Furlong is ironicly shot in the bathroom by the black kid after learning that racism is bad. Edward Norton freaks out.
The creepy kid's homophobic dad shoots Kevin Spacey in the head.
Bruce Willis sacrifices himself to destroy the asteroid so Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler can get married.
Austin Powers stops the nuclear bomb drill and gets Elizabeth Hurley but Dr. Evil gets away.
Austin Powers stops the Moon Laser and gets Heather Graham but Dr. Evil and Mini-me get away. Fat Bastard learns to love.
The Beers win the big game and Coop gets with Carmen Electra while Reamer gets with Jenny McCarthy.
Kurt Russel kills Lao Pan and blows off Gracie, and the scary monster is actually hiding on his truck.
Wesley Snipes kills Steven Dorph using his liquid vampire killer stuff, and then goes to kill vamps in Moscow.
Decker kills the replicants, but might actually be a replicant himself.
All three kids are killed by the Blair Witch.
Half of the tour group is killed by what they think is the Blair Witch, but just turns out to be themselves going psycho.
Cecil B. Demented convinces whats-her-name to sacrifice herself for celluloid and she lights herself on fire.
J-Lo pulls the killer into her brain to kill him and Vince Vaughn finds the chick in the nick of time. J-Lo gets killer's dog.
Cheech & Chong play a great show because everyone gets stoned from the flaming weedmobile. Stacy Keech gets stoned as well.
Rosebud was his fucking sled.
Li Mu Bai dies, but he kills the Jade Fox so it's all good. His girlfriend gets the Green Destiny and the other chick gets her guy.
Reese Witherspoon exposes Sarah Michelle Gellar's coke addiction, right after she and Ryan Phillipe fall in love and he dies.
Kiefer Sutherland helps John to beat the aliens. John meets Jennifer Connely all over again and finally finds Shell Beach.
Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek find out that Bucho is his brother and kill him and all his friends. The kid lives.
Norm MacDonald beats the evil real estate guy at his own game with the help of the people from the apartment. He gets Hedy Burgess.
God comes down in the form of Alanis Morisette and she kills Ben Affleck. That chick is pregnant and Silent Bob says something.
Kyle McLachlan beats the Baron and Sting, the Fremen win, it rains, and it turns out the he IS the Quisach Haderach.
El Mariachi beats all the Mexican bad guys and only gets a bit part in his own sequel.
Ash almost beats the deadites but passes out and is attacked and ends up in a puddle.
Ash opens a portal to suck all the deadites out but is himself sucked in, along with his Buick, and is teleported to midevil england.
Ash goes back to his own time and kills a deadite at S-Mart, and gets a hot chick.
(Alternatively) Ash goes ahead too far in time, and the world is demolished.
Arthur kills Mordred, the sword is cast back into the lake, and Arthur dies himself from wounds inflicted by Mordred.
Ferris gets home and almost gets caught by Ed Rooney, but his sister covers for him and Rooney is forced to take the schoolbus home.
Mila Jovovich and Bruce Willis save the world, fall in love, and screw in that UV tube.
Flash Gordon crashes the ship into Ming's wedding and kills him with it. Timothy Dalton becomes the new ruler. They don't make it home.
Ice Cube kicks the shit out of Deebo.
George Clooney and whats-her-name kill all the vampires by shooting holes in the walls so sulight can come in. Everyone else dies.
Joker kills the sniper that's been shooting at his platoon and freaks us all out with his stare.
The guys make it out of Vegas but the british one gets shot in the arm when he comes home, the bitchy chick gets hit by a car, and the gay guys get asked to sell Amway. (that's a lot of words, but there were three stories in that movie)
Nicholas Cage almost gets the last car but not quite so he saves Giovanni Ribisi by killing the bad guy. The cop lets him go.
Henry Hill gets busted by the DEA and rats out all the other mobsters, then has to go into the witness protection program.
Steve McQueen is one of the only escappees not to be killed by the Nazis when he's caught, and Charles Bronson is one of the only ones to get away.
Tom Hanks kills John Coffee, but is nearly immortal because John Coffee grabbed his crotch. Mr. Jangles lives forever too.
Te rave ends and someone makes a dumb comment to John Digweed. The gay guys dance on the beach, everyone else goes to an after-party.
The hackers win and the bad guy gets caught on the plane. Johhny Lee Miller and Angelina Jolie hook up.
They beat Solomon with the help of Jerry Garcia's ghost, get Kenny out of jail, and Thurogood gives up pot for the girl.
Jimmy Hoffa gets shot in the car by unknown asailants. Danny Devito does, too.
Jip and Lulu hook up and he's able to maintain an erection.
Lestat is hiding in Christian Slater's car and kills him.
Pam Grier gets the money, lures Sam Jackson to the bail bonds place, and basically tricks Michael Keaton into killing him.
Keanu Reeves gets his memory back and helps Ice-T to send out the cure for the sickness everyone has. The bad guys die.
Zoe helps Eric Stoltz get out of the bank after all the other robbers die. He manages to sneak a bar of gold with him.
Tom Cruise kills the Devil with the unicorn horn, restores the horn to the unicorns, and finds Mia Sara's ring in the water.
Jean Reno is shot by Gary Oldman but kills himself and Gary with a grenade. Natalie Portman goes back to the reform school.
Adam Sandler beats his demon brothers and gets Patricia Arquette. They have a baby. He shoots fire.
TS gets Gwen, Banky gets Shannon Doherty, Ben Affleck gets arrested for statutory rape, and Silent Bob says something.
Singing kills the martians so people blare music and Natalie Portman give the kid that figured it out a medal or something.
Just as King Arthur and his army are about the get the grail from the castle of Aaaaaggggghhh, the cops pull up and arrest them.
Micky and Mallory kill Robert Downey Jr. and get away.
Jack Skellington rescues Santa Claus from the Boogie man, and Santa fixes Christmas.
Milton gets the money and burns down Initech, and any incriminating evidence with it. Peter gets a job as a construction worker.
Damien actually is the antichrist but the cops shoot Thorne before he can kill him.
Jack Nicholson gets a lobotomy so the Chief smothers him and escapes the asylum by throwing a water fountain through the window.
Vin Diesel helps them get off of the planet with the scary monsters.
Wesley lets Humperdink live and he and Buttercup kiss. Domingo Montoya kills the six fingered man.
Sam Jackson won't give Tim Roth the briefcase, and he and John Travolta make it out of the diner just fine. Also, Bruce Willis saves Ving Rhames' life so he lets him go.
Everybody finds out the Christian Slater WAS the pirate DJ, and he and Samantha Mathis let themselves get arrested.
Dr. Frank-n-furter is killed by Riff Raff and Magenta, Rocky grabs his body, and the whole mansion blasts off leaving Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott behind.
Mani gets the bag with the money and gives it to the dealer, but Lola won $50,000 anyways.
Sid Vicious kills Nancy, and dies a while later.
The Headless Horseman kills the psycho stepmom, and Johnny Depp hooks up with Christina Ricci.
Kenny comes back from hell to help restore the world, and Cartman kills things by swearing at them.
They catch the brain bug, and fascism marches on.
The guys let Christopher Walken go, but he finds out that the girl's boyfriend and her faked the kidnapping, so he and Dennis Leary kill them.
Ice-T survives being hunted by Rutger Hauer and all them.
Travis Bickle kills Jodie Foster's pimp and everyone else. Her parents thank him, and the paper runs stories on how cool he is.
Laura Palmer's dad actually killed her. He and Bob are one in the same. Or something.
Kevin Costner catches Al Capone on tax evasion. Sean Connery dies.
Kevin Costner builds the baseball field, and "they" do, in fact, come. He plays ball with the ghost of his dad.
All the virgins kill themselves on the same night, and so does Kirsten Dunst, who is actually quite slutty.
It turns out that Neve Campbell duped everyone, and the whole thing was her idea. She's actually alive, gets the money, and wins.
The X-Men defeat Magneto, and he's placed in a jail cell made of plasic.
I think that's a total of 82 films...but i could be wrong...my brain feels pretty fried after all that....
