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Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷

Brief Backround
I messed around with pills here and there (kpins, speed, and tramadol) but always here and there (as I was broke more often then not...) My lack of money and general self-hatred fueled a phycological addiction to inhalants, that I still struggle with today.

Substance(s)

Mixed inhalants, but mostly dust-off.

Duration of addiction/dependence

Months... I think it was five or six when it got out of control... (time flies when one is in the fog)

Adverse effects

I've got to have permanent brain-damage, and my family doesn't trust me within a mile of rubber cement or computer duster. Also, all in all, I lost half a year of my life, a lot of friends, and a lot of money.

Warnings and Advice

It's embarrassing.
It's harmful.
And I want to do it every second of every say.
I'd say steer clear of inhalants if I were you. Nitrous is the only SAFE inhalant, but all the other ones are total bunk! I mean, you'll rationalize it with "Oh boy, at $8 a can, and it being legal and all, it's got to be better then like weed, or speed, right?" Answer is NO! sure, for a while one 8 dollar can will last you a day or two. Then you'll need two to get through the day. Then 3. Then 4. Then you stop doing anything, and all your doing is huffing duster because when you're not high all you want to do is get high. I mean, it's not Heroin, or Meth. You won't spend 200-300$ a day on it, you won't get arrested. But you will be looked down on, Huffing is the lowest point one can get stuck at, and while my case was much more severe then most, it still proves it's possible. Maybe you'll be lucky, you'll use it everyday then randomly stop with no damage, and no desire to do It again. OR maybe not. Be smart. If you wanna get high, do Acid, Smoke some weed, or take in some nitrous. But for god sakes don't huff rubber cement and duster, it isn't safer, it isn't non addictive, and it won't make you cool. I mean, it isn't physically addictive, but mentally, you'll want it so bad, you'll think about it constantly. When you're sad, all you'll want is one hit. Or more...
 
My Brief Introduction

Brief History: I was born to hippy/musician/pot smoking parents who had a very hands off approach to raising and teaching me things. They seperated when i was 2, and I was passed back and forth between them. I remember lots of partying and drinking and moving into new places as my mom went through her many boyfriends. When i was 4, my mom and I were in a car accident in which my head impacted the dash-board, peeling much of my scalp back from the forehead to about midway back. Doctors said i was lucky to have survived, but it left forehead scarred and somewhat mis-shapen. It didnt bother me much until i started to become more self aware around the time i was entering middle school. I recieved a great many stares and emberassing questions about my deformity. I dreaded going to school. The social anxiety was real. I did have a couple of friends though, and around 12y/o we discovered that many of our parents had pot we could steal. We smoked as often as we could and logged a great many hours playing various immersive video games. By about 15 i tried acid. I was much too intense, and i think i only enjoyed maybe 2 of the aprx14 times i tripped. I put that habit away easily. This was the mid 90s when there were still many underground raves in my area, and one of my buddies got me to go and drop some X and holy moley i was impressed. I followed that path for a few years but got scared to do it anymore after i had an allergic reaction and my face swelled up and hives and all that. Smoked weed and drank for the next couple years. The around 20y/o i first tried opiates. Thats where my life changed. Snorted oxys and heroin for a while, then about a year later decited to make the most of the bag i had bought by asking my dope buddy for my first needle, and BAM! I was like, "no wonder you use needles, amazing"! The next 15 years were a littany of binges(averaging about 7-8 months) and brief periods of sobriety(about 4 months) when i ran out of money. I've lost count of how many times I've cold turkey'd (luckily my mom has a place out in the woods far from civilization that i frequently use to rehab), and its always difficult. It always takes about about 7 days for me to start feeling somewhat normal again. I usually smoke a lot of weed during the acute wds. I dont really notice and buzz or good feeling from it, but it makes me hungry, and food makes you feel better quicker. I read about the thomas recipe for quiting a year or so ago, which led me to research DLPA for wds. This last binge i was on i was smoking/shooting fentynal and build up quite an addiction very quickly. After my toe randomly became numb i decided i needed to quit, and once again begged my mom to let me come rehab at her place, and she obliged. I ordered a couple ounces of kratom and dosed down a bit when i got there. I had some DLPA that i had ordered before the kratom got there, but i wasnt motivated to try it until a couple days after the kratom ran out. About 30 min after i took a 750mg dlpa on day 2 of my WDs, i felt about 80% of my WDs lifted away. This shit is amazing. Ive never had WDs last less than 6 days, but this put them away on day 2!? Crazy. I took it with B6 and C on an empty stomach as instructed. Really was like an insta-cure. I had some sneezing that lasted a couple more days, but it wasnt painful sneezing. All the sweating, yawning, lethargy was pretty much gone instantly. Makes stretching feel good again, stuff like that. Highly recomend adding this to your detox plan.
Substances: (in cronological order) Weed, acid/microdots, alcohol, x, cigs, shrooms, coke, opiates...

Addiction duration: about 25 years of using drugs, 15 years(off and on) using IV opiates.

Adverse effects: Through proper diet and exercise i feel pretty stable. I did collapse one of the larget veins in my arm about 10 years ago. It plagues me to this day. I cant sleep on it at all for fear that it wil turn into a cold dying pice of meat that i cant control or move(this has happened more times than i can count). I reckon it will probably have to be amputated eventually if i make it to old age. (Dont be stupid with your needles kids!)

Warnings:
I have tried using "just once" many times and it almost always( aprx 95% of the time) snowballs into a world shattering addiction monkey. Ive had a couple of significant stretches of sobriety where i got addicted to excercise and stretching. With a proper diet, excercise and stretching (and limiting exposure to stressful people/situations) you can feel "high" pretty much all the time. Sorry for my rambling communication style. Been a while since ive written anything. Good luck to anyone trying to get off drugs and change their life for the better. You can( most likely) feel happy again if you quit and get youself addicted to your body's endogenous drugs(your body is basically a pharma-factory, you just have to learn how to hack it).
 
i'm new to this website, so i'm not 100% sure if this is how/where i type to share my story, but i definitely think it's a story to be shared. Almost a decade ago, in highschool, a friend of mine found some 30mg oxycodone pills in her parents' bathroom, and took a couple for each of us. It seemed exciting/fun/harmless to my 17 year old, underdeveloped brain. From that day forward, at first we did them "socially" at least once a week, until we found a local dealer. From there, every few days, then every other day, then everyday, then twice a day, eventually taking them to get through a day without WDs. In my area, pills cost about $1/mg, so we all quickly ran out of money. This is when my friend stole thousands of dollars of my mother's jewelry to pawn, to support her habit. This is also when I got $11,000 due to a medical malpractice case. In retrospect, that was the beginning of the end.... At this point I had already moved on to heroin, and now had the means to support my habit.

i was going to school in NYC, unsupervised, with what felt like unlimited cash. I was using ~2-4 bags per day. The constant snorting + smoking nearly a pack per day took a SERIOUS toll on my physical wellbeing. I developed v serious asthma, and got pneumonia a few times. Any addict you find will justify their addiction however they can. I justified mine by saying that i just needed to complete my senior year, and as soon as I was done, I would check into a rehab facility. It was that April when I told my parents about my problem, and they tried to support me in any way they could. I left that May with one final exam incomplete, planning to get my shit together and take it in the fall. Two days after I moved back home, I died of an asthma attack. My brain went without oxygen for 15 minutes.

I was in a coma for 3 months before I woke up and was transferred to a rehab facility. The part of the brain that is most susceptible to oxygen deprivation is the part of the brain that governs movement. It took 6 months to relearn how to wipe my own ass. I still can't cut up my own food because I lack the fine motor coordination. I am finally out of a wheel chair, but I walk like a penguin. I can't get around outside of my house independently, so I am a prisoner in my own home.

I am not writing this post to seek pity. I just wonder, if I had read a post like this earlier into my addiction, would I have been strong/brave/smart enough to stop?? I really hope so. And I truly hope that someone reads this, at a time where they aren't too far down the rabbit hole of addiction, and maybe gathers the courage to live a better life than I did.

I still think about and crave the high literally every single day, despite how it has ruined my life. I lost my fiance, my freedom, and happiness due to my addiction, and I still crave it. Please stop now, before it's too late. I've known 100 drug addicts, and none of them could control their drug use. I was a high-functioning addict with a 4.1 GPA in an Ivy league university, and couldn't control it.

it's. Not. Worth. It.
 
I wanted to thank everyone who has thus far contributed to this amazing thread. Admittedly, I have not been able to read every single post. I have been in minor withdrawal and reading these stories has been very uplifting and turned around an otherwise very bad day.

I do plan to post my own story in due time. Thank you again to all who were brave enough to share their story.
 
Brief Background
I know I made a thread in 2013 but my stories changed now, quite a bit in fact, I think we left off not long after a poly drug addiction of alcohol and once I was drunk basically whatever I could get my hands on

Substance(s)
This will be a list of all the substances I've ever used, not just the addictive ones
Alcohol, weed, dxm, dph, 2c-b, peyote, e(pills),molly(caps), speed, dextroamphetamine, LSA, LSD, shrooms,yopo snuff (5-meo-dmt mostly), 4-aco-dmt,zopiclone, Ativan, temazepam, clonazepam, alprazolam, etizolam, codeine, kratom,morphine,hydromorphone ir and xr, oxycodone ir and xr, and last but definitely not least the almighty H

What substances were/are you abusing.
In the new part of my story it was all of the opiates, benzos and dextroamphetamine

Duration of Addiction/Dependence
I had an addiction for half a year before going to rehab, just hydros and oxys, relapsed after 3 months of being out of rehab addiction carried on another half a year or so, this time with the addition of the benzos and dex, it seemed wonderful during my rushes at work just pop a pill and be full of energy to finish the day while everyone else could barely stand but sure enough it paid it's price and became more expensive after the rush, due to less hours at work, regardless I decided to try suboxone this time instead of rehab and it's worked a lot better, allowing me to stay at work while getting clean instead of taking time off and having a hard time going back to work once I'm clean(sort of what caused the relapse) i'm 10 months clean and although it still crosses my mind and although I still dabble in psyches and even trying mdma again for the first time in 5+ years, I feel confident that I'll never touch opiates again, but some days I'm still nervous of substituting one addiction for another

How long were you addicted or dependent on the drugs that you were consuming?

I feel like I answered this in the last section7

Adverse Effects

I now have very week stomach and have to spend at least an hour or the toilet every morning , sometimes I get unbearable stomach pains aswell, not to mention the insomnia.

Warnings and Advice

Stay far away from opiates, opioids and benzos

Do you have any advice or warnings that you would like to share to those suffering from addiction or are playing with fire?

In the program we try not to say good luck because it's not luck at all, it's a matter of how bad you want to get clean and if you stay strong and really want it, it IS achievable! Find healthy ways to substitute the time you used.to designate for using, keep busy, and don't bite off more the you can handle. For those detoxing right now, I know it might be tough but go outside and go for a walk, even if it's only 10 minutes, start low and work your way up, it'll help you sleep better.
 
Drug-pills to heroin
Time period: age 15 to 25
Rehabs- 16
Halfway houses- 3
Recovery houses- 12
Relapses- unknown
Jail stints- once, 13 months- Delaware county for violating probation for an attempted burglary of beer from a home while drunk by getting arrested for copping heroin in philly. After being sentenced to 6months house arrest and 45 weekends I'm jail.
Places moved to- all over pa, Bel air Maryland, Boca Raton Florida
Bridges burnt- too many to count
Friends lost- all
Trust lost- all
Sobriety stints- 14 1/2 months, 15months, and then a bunch under 90days
I slept in Kensington philly, pa for several nights on the sidewalks, slept in Harrisburg PA on the streets, homeless in Lebanon pa- went to a church mission center
My family never gave up on me thank God
And I believe that God never gave up on me.


A few years later I'm living with my family and I've relapsed again, but on Yay, not opiates. I've been on sub maintence for over a year. I have a full time job, a car, and I'm living at home

God has had my back.

My advice is never take from loved ones and never ever do opiates. Never steal, never trust a stranger. Don't pull all your eggs in one basket. Have faith. Pray if u need to. Ask for help. And don't ever take shit from anyone.
 
Hi, i have really related to many posts on here,
A bit about me, i was codiene dependent for 2 years and only just recently came clean thanks to a one week stay at a detox clinic, the 1st 3 days were a nightmare, constant vomiting, tremurs, sweating, hot cold flushes etc, so severe that i swore i would never put myself in that situation again.
I got ajusted to 24 mg of suboxone but after two days of visiting the clinic after discharge it freaked me out too much and i choose not too continue, this was the second day out of detox, although continuing to drink and smoke pot i did feel a lot more healthier of the codiene.

After about 6 days cold turky i started getting really bad restless leg syndrome and anxiety which cause a 24 hour relapse although i only took about 100 mg of codiene in a 24 hour period, that was 2 days ago and i havent taken codiene since.

Im fighting hard but it seems this anxiety /agitation is just not going to go away.

I was after some advice to find out weather this is withdrawals from the codiene or suboxone (but i was only using subs for 8 days).

As im only 24 i wanna nip this in the bud before it completly destroys me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated
✌✌✌
 
Brief Background

I am a twenty five year old male. I was first introduced to drugs through marijuana, which I first bought to sell. Of course I smoked it one day and was in love. My source on that began selling me xanax, oxys and heroin occasionally.

Substance(s)

Once more it started with weed, soon I'd take a couple ecstasy and perhaps a couple lines of soft coke. Next I tried crack, I snorted some heroin a couple times, and ended up shooting Oxycontin for the first time at 14 years old.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

From the first time I tried oxy, I was hooked psychologically. I emptied my bank account (had about 3k) and spent it all on my new love. I started getting sick once that money ran out. That's when I started to IV.

Adverse Effects

I've spent the better part of the last 3 years in jails and institutions. I also had a daughter 3 years ago so I've missed most of her life. I got hepatitis, I've had pretty much every STD. I have sold everything I owned, stolen from every family member I have. All my friends have overdosed and have been dead for quite some time.

Warnings and Advice

My warning is this, if you must continue using I urge you to not steal from others. Stealing and lying have gotten me nowhere. Only once I was honest was my family willing to help me..... Be honest with your loved ones...earn your own money, hurt only yourself and minimize that pain through harm reduction. And know that getting clean is possible.

Miscellaneous

When I sat in a jail cell being interrogated for a murder I did not commit, I remember thinking what the hell happened to me? Where is the smart innocent young man I once was? And I realized I sold that person, just like I sold everything else. Don't give up on yourself.....
 
Brief history:
I am 42 a year old female who is addicted to mainly opiates. I started using alcohol at age 11, and moved on to weed and freebasing soon after. Also got heavy into lsd during my teen years. I started taking percocet and Vicodin then also. After a bad back injury at age 22, I was prescribed an escalating dose of OxyContin. I also supplemented my medication with iv fentanyl and any other opiates I could find at my job in the anesthesia department. Eventually, I was in a car accident, and unable to work and reach my supply of iv drugs, I turned to heroin. I started selling the drugs to support my habit, which grew exponentially. I ended up homeless, with many health problems from my bad speed all problem. I lost everything: my job, house, marriage, health. I now take methadone and dilaudid for chronic pain, which I still take inappropriately. I live on lope in between refills. It is a rough life, but at least I'm not shooting up.

Substances:
Alcohol, weed, coke, pills, iv opiates, heroin, lsd

Duration of Addiction/Dependence:
From age 11



Adverse Effects:
I lost everything. Had to start my life over. I have severe vascular problems, with recurring blood clots- even after 11 years off iv drugs. I get non-healing wounds from the vascular problems. I nearly died from pulmonary embolism twice and had endocarditis and mrsa sepsis. Severe health issues still after years of not using iv.

Warnings and Advice:
Do not pick up the needle. I thought because I was intelligent and well educated that I could manage "medicating" myself with stolen drugs. Bad idea. Ruined my life and health forever. Never get it back.
 
Massive respect/thumbsup

background
i'm 32. When i was 12, i decided drugs sounded interesting and decided to try everything (in later years have realized that "everything" is stupid. There are drugs whose effects i do not prefer, and things like bath salts, fake weed, and krokodil seem stupid.) i decided to research amd seek out drugs. My first experience was inhaling solvents etc- bc it said "harmful or fatal if inhaled." i was depressed and wanting to die. It did something else though, which i liked. Next was weed, but that was just because that's what i found next. If i had run i to heroin, coke, crack, meth first, i would have done it.

Substances
inhalants (12), weed(13), alcohol(13), prescription speed of various types (14), lsd (15), opiate pills (15), mdma (17), cocaine (17), mushrooms (eighteen), nitrous oxide (eighteen), ketamine (eighteen), salvia (eighteen) methamphetamine (19), dxm (20), 5meo-amt (21), soma (21), heroin (first tried at 21 but was unimpressed. Started playing around with it out of boredom at 24 since my roommates were using it for a while, got hooked at 25), dipt (24), benzodiazipines (25, they just put me to sleep so use for withdrawal or putting myself to sleep.) wow, i haven't tried anything new in a long time.

Duration of dependence
i huffed solvents for about nine months. Smoked weed weekly at most for a while, put it down for years after finding other drugs, then was once or twice per year after age 20, in the past couple of years smoke socially- ranges from a few times per week to monthly. In high school i was upset by the social stigma of drugs and wanted to prove you could keep your life together and not be addicted, so chose to use drugs 3 days per month, drew the dates out of a bowl.. Didn't have many druggie friends so used alone at school for the most part. After high school, got into raves. Used drugs between a couple times a week to once per month. Then found meth, did that a few days every week or so for a couple of months until a friend died off of drugs he got from me. I couldnt deal, got on it full time for about 9 months til i suddenly went from wanting it constantly unless way high, to not wanting it at all. Did it a few times after that, got sick of it after a day each time. Then did it once in 2011(9 years later) and it was ok, once more a year later- made me violently ill with side effects lingering for days. Yuck.
Just before turning 22, while my drugs were mostly psychedelics and alcohol, occasionally opiates, i took a month off, then another. Decided i liked it, and that i would have 4 "drug months" per year. That worked out well for a while. In 2007, my roommates were experimenting with heroin, i did it out of boredom and also helped me throw up (i was bulimic)a few days or so per week. I smoked it. Tried shooting after 2 months. Had someone else do it for me but needles no biggie bc i'd done im ketamine for a couple of years by then. Second shot od'd me. After the hospital, i stopped a few months- it had made me gain weight anyway. Got a junkie boyfriend, did lots of acid & k with him. Started doing heroin after a few months. Few days weekly to weeks long binges.. We moved to vegas. He was so different when we were alone, i had no friends or job and felt so alone, depressed, and that i'd lost my identity since i wasn't selling drugs anymore. Found solace in dope and it was an easy one call away. Did it when i could afford to, but the binges got longer and time off got shorter. I got a little sick after binges... This is what i thought dope sickness was.. Not great, but not terrible. Thought junkies were just whiners, i was a "strong person" like everyone said. I could stop when i wanted, and the sickness my bf got was just an extreme case from a long habit and methadone. After a 12 week binge, i got real dopesickness for my first time- a different animal. For a couple of years, i was very divided. I hated being on it, hated being off it too. Tried to quit every 6-8 weeks, usually by knocking myself out on benzos for a weekend, but used by monday night and back to mornings too within a week. Went cold turkey at burning man 2009, 7 days off it- my longest since being hooked. (haven't been back to burning man since either.) also have gone up to five days without on methadone or suboxone. Prefer suboxone as methadone makes me lazy and self pitying, and with suboxone or subutex (like that better even tho i just use it sublingually) i stop caring if i get dope after about 2 days. About 3 years ago, i was gong to quit- have a friend mail me some suboxone. As time went on, found more reasons to stop. But it took her over 2 months to get it to me. By then, i found most of my "reasons" were adverse effects of laziness, not necessarily drugs, and just had to try. I kept my life mostly together after that for a while, but i now haven't had a job or school in over a year (ran out of federal loan $) but i still accept and am at peace with my habit. It keeps me from doing other things like self mutilation and eating disorders and keeps my moods much more even.

Adverse effects
meth made me exhausted and depressed after a while.
Heroin- definitely laziness and oversleeping.. Takes your natural bad tendencies and amplifies them. The not giving a fuck goes too far. I was prone to od (not fatal or requiring hospital tho except the first) for a couple of years. Then it stopped. The laziness and oversleeping led to being suspended a year from school after mostly not going my 2009-10 year.. I've lost most jobs from excessive tardiness, but on dope, i lose them much faster. I'm much worse at forgetting what isn't in front of me and am bad at keeping in contact with friend and family (also mom found needles during xmas09 visit, said it was for k, but 2 "friends" outed me in 2011 and not allowed to go there now.) i've become very unsocial, which i did on and off before, but now a homebody with nearly no friends after living here 7 years. Even times i could afford to explore what vegas has to offer, i'd rather get a latte, order food, get extra drugs as not to have to worry about getting drug $ for a while. I have gained massive weight from even slower metabolism, inactivity, and a sweet tooth. I have cavities from sugar and forgetting to brush my teeth. Wretched fights and resentment in my prior relationship, a bad situation i stayed in even almost 2 years after breaking up. I'd still live there if he hadn't gotten us evicted. After so many years with no real break, i average 3/4 gram per day in 3 shots, pretty much maintenance user. The sickness is horrible. Veins- started out crappy and gotten worse. Killed neck years ago. Currently on torso. Lots of abscesses, scars, bumps, bruises, permanent dark marks and track scars. Vein searches can take up to a couple of hours and 20+ mins is common. It is much worse while sick- it hurts and i twitch. I turn into a huge titty baby when i cant hit, whether sick or not. Oh lots of paying rent and bills late.
Stuff i've done for money- lost bank accounts with empty envelopes, pawning everything of value, medical research, consumer research, middlemanning, odd jobs, stealing and return scams (got civil charge against me at walmart for 200$ now), begging with a sign by the highway (which i have a warrant for not paying the fine now), prostitution. Didn't get emotionally scarred from sex work, accepted it fast. Even enjoyed myself in many situations. What i don't like- the flakes and all the bs to find a client online, fear of running into a bad client or law enforcement, having to take cheapskates sometimes just to get drug money. Having to rely on the unreliable. Actually, the emotional effects kinda went opposite- not sure how to ever have casual sex in the future? Would feel like something is missing and getting jipped if money wasn't involved. If i hadn't just fallen into my current relationship or if it ends, i'm clueless as to how to get past that whole sex without pay thing. That's about all i can think of. *oh wait- my hands randomly and relatively easily fall asleep now. Sometimes my feet. (circulation.)

warnings and advice
you are not "stronger than" a biological change in your body. No one is. Keep on top of your life and very aware of where you're slipping, you have to keep consistent effort and foresight if you want to keep your life semi stable. Quit while you're ahead. If you're going to iv, learn and practice hr techniques, don't learn off some long term user whos way past caring bc then it will be too late when you want to save your veins. Always budget for needles and order them offline if you have to. Choose some lines you won't cross bc once you do it once, the next time is easier and eventually the lines aren't even there. Also- it doesn't happen overnight or anything close, but does sneak up on you pretty easily. My mistake was in expecting "dope sick lite" to be what i'd get every time i stopped.

Misc
after all of this, i can't believe that i still have drug snobbery inside of me. Like "at least junkies quit scamming once they get their dope, unlike tweekers." "filthy crackhead." "stupid e-tard." etc. Haha
*and while i have come to accept myself being an addict and the life that revolves around it, most people do not. Don't expect to end up ok with it, or to end up cool with prostitution either (not that most people could imagine themselves do n it - i couldn't either til it happened.) i may be lucky or unlucky in self acceptance. I am a "take things in stride" person anyway. Most addicts hate themselves for it and it's a mighty struggle with lasting damage.
i read all the life-reports and while i could see myself in many, feel so much with many, you eyelick-your post really really touched me!!! You are a gifted writer too,very good read.wish you only the best!!!
If u wrote a book i'd buy it for sure! Its also not on the line of"i wish there were no op."cause in a world without, thered be so much pain.
Good luck?
 
TRL-you think he might be mossad?
Dont want to judge him cause IMO
those Kids in Israel get pretty brainwashed in the army plus i heard its really tough to escape Service down there. Hell,wasnt easy for me here in Europe,just got lucky.
Regards, Mo
 
I had no idea Temgesic was used in the UK, we usually have meds the UK do, here in Canada.

You realize that this is the ingredient in Subutex/Suboxone so people stop shooting up if they really want to, it works. But man the smallest pill is not 0.2mg, it's 2mg. And 2mg is a tapering away dose, I'm on 12mg a day since august 2013. I have all my takehomes so I have a week's worth of bupe with me but unfortunately, since my dose is never really 12mg except the one I have to take and open my mouth in a humiliating way to the pharmacist or pharm tech to prove the pill is dissolved, I can't leave otherwise, the boss lets me leave, but the young women, obviously, with a stick up their ass about rules and such..if I have a dry mouth it can be a 20 minute thing of just walking around in the service area while I do everything to make them smaller, chew them away etc.

Anyway....hope you realize that if you can't stop by yourself, you have one less option (I think the UK removed their compassionate and ahead of its time heroin maintenance program with pure pharma heroin, and anyway, for some on bupe....I gotta say that it's easier to reduce Methadone dose, of course since it's a larger number, I would go down 2-3mg a month and then got on buprenorphine cos methadone unfortunately made me obese and get gynecomastia, it's fucking shit, unlucky as can be....but when I was dropping a bit faster from 49 to 44 then to 39 each month, I was doing fine, and actually enjoyed getting back some intellectual capacities when at only 39mg, but then one day I had to be off the 'done for 48 hours and they gave me 4mg of sublingual "temgesic" with naloxone added to it, for some reason, I think the Naloxone is to blame for all the pressure headaches I get, it may be a tiny dose, but having some constantly is sure to do something. And I laugh at Targins. You know, the OP/OxyNeo like pill that has added Naloxone "to help with constipation". I wish that was true, I have to eat tons of fibre, drink constantly (not alcohol), and use 2 or 3 meds (one is a rescue stimulant that makes one whole intestines go into spasms, bisacodyl, you need to have taken your emollients first or your dump is going to be incredibly painful and could be dangerous, had blood on the TP more than few times, just a little, but, now that i take more emmolients I'm fine (Relaxa(polythylene glycol, thankfully it tastes nothing so I can just drop the 37g dosed spoonful right in a glass of anything, unlike PegLyte with all the electrolytes, made anything taste horrendous. I'm speaking of this because as a bupe addict, even if it's "just" Temgesic, you most likely noticed the extreme constipation just taking 2-4mg a day can give someone.

It's sad as fuck that I'm there, still in pain, cannot go back to methadone, docs wont allow it because of the side effects I had, even though I'm on treatment since a year and a half for low testosterone and finally my T is in the okay range, when the doc added the anti-estrogens things got better, gynecomastia almost all gone, no more painful bumps, there is a mass though that isn't cancerous or anything under my left nipple (I don't know how they can determine it's not cancerous without a biopsy but there you go...I'm seeing my GP on friday so I'll discuss this. I also got rid of an endocrinologist who almost killed me with her Cortef script, because the blood tests that showed I had low T were also a general check up of my blood for many things. She told me I had low cortisol levels which is bad because it can make you it easier to catch colds and worse, but she asked for a list of medication. Of course somebody taking clonidine everyday (varies between 0.1mg to 0.3mg), I'm allowed to to take up to 3 a day, it helps with anxiety a bit and with sweating, a lot, and when on 'done I didn't sweat at all, while on bupe, I'm a sweat factory, I put antiperspirant cream (Rx) on 80% of my body during the summer since where I live, the city is an island, it creates it's own awful bubble of humidity that you can see driving towards it, literally ends where the bridges reach the northern and southern burbs.

All this because a specialist retired on me who had me on an opiate regimen (albeit not very strong) for a jaw condition that he wouldn't do surgery on (4% chance that he'd mess up and injure the nerve that allows one to close an eye....4% isn't much but he was really not wanting to do it. So he put me on Codeine Contins 150mg (200mg later the strongest) twice a day every 12 hours, with meloxicam (nsaid), a Percodan 5mg if I had pain that went through it, and that's all I wanted, I didn't use recreationally, (that came later, and I already explained how and why and anyway at those doses I was feeling really awesome all day and not sleepy at all, could go to college, could do homework no problem) and some cortisone injections sometimes, although I find them to be totally useless. And I don't enjoy taking cortisone, as I was saying, a Cortef script almost killed me, and I wasn't at the dose where she wanted me to be yet. Ever had a feeling like your whole chest and back is being sliced by tiny internal shrapnels, piercing you from within and then the pain concentrates on each side of your upper trunk (lungs/liver area) and then move to the upper back and then the pain would go away very slowly. When it hit it was enough to make you pause anything you did. Checked my pulse and breathing and all was fine...I think Cortef didn't mix with clonidine in particular, and that would be the external cause of why I have lower than normal but not dramatically lower levels of cortisol. I don't know what it was, but it never happened again when I tapered away from the Cortef. And hell, I took much stronger steroidal anti-inflammatories before, Cortef at that dose wasn't even anti-inflammatory. I was put on Prednisolone (stronger than prednisone, no pro-drug like prednisone is) by my lung doctor (with some antibiotics, good ones, not the crap they gave me at the ER (first Biaxin XL, I reacted so badly with the diarrhea, that hospital says I'm allergic to it, then fucking Avelox, which I took only 3 days and then had my emergency appointment with the lung doc, I had pneumonia big time, so instead of those pieces of shit, I was given Cefzil (a really good antibiotic if there is one, ER docs are trained to toss the strongest shit and not necesssarily the most efficient shit for bronchitis and pneumonia.., Hydrocodone syrup 5mg/5ml, 12oz, now that works and doesn't make me feel weird at all, prednisolone for a month and a half, first going higher and higher in dose, reaching a plateau then tapering away, that stuff gave me back some energy those 3 weeks of hell while I was withdrawing from the rather large dose of codeine and a small dose of oxycodone through the Percodan (5mg), seems laughable now, but it was really efficient when I had a sudden jolt of pain going over the codeine where i felt like someone took an icepick and pushed it in my ear as hard as it could. 400mg of codeine a day on contin release and 5mg every 3 days of oxycodone, I was scripted a 30 Percodans a month but didn't take them everyday, the doc was good enough to understand that there could be days I might need 2, so the script was take 1 or 2 prn, then I fell into a really awful withdrawal, different than when I was taking IR codeine pills for a month straight, that was bearable, and I would be scripted a 30mg/300mg Empracet codeine/apap every 4 hours before for a skateboard accident and I did abuse it slightly, taking 200-300mg doses, not higher, and it was a bit shitty when the script and the 2 renewals ended, but just smoking weed made me forget it. C-Contins at 400 mg a day acted different, they seem to think that getting off XR medication is easier but I find that it's not, it's a lot more insidious and your body is expoded all the time.

But anyway, I would have never stopped the treatment if I could have had my medical dossier from him, but his office closed, phone's dead, no proof of anything...I was so fucked. Only pharmacists could back me up and only one really helped me. And that's why although I hang in there and have a job that doesnt require moving my ass at all, becoming obese because of methadone, 10 pounds per month for 11 months, it's madness.

But I'd give a shot at taking methadone if the bupe makes your life hell, you wont have to run after dealers and such and will be given probably a low dose, highest I went was 60mg, you already take something that completely sits on your mu receptors and doesn't budge at all from injected heroin and such, only crazy stuff like fentanyl and maybe ketobemidone can dislodge it fast in case of an injury or needing surgery.

To others, think twice before using bupe for fun, hurt yourself or need surgery and you'll have to admit you illegally take bupe in whatever form you get it, and first they won't believe you or will do a blood test to detect it before even giving you anything for your pain, even if you were in a car crash and lost your legs while they burned while your car was burning over you legs and your body is stuck on the ground cos you went through the window....hypothetical situation, but i know somebody who was run over by an ambulance while on bupe, hit the shotgun seat area, at about 160 km/h, car had an explosion, fell on its side, 2 of his friends burned alive while his legs burned to ashes before they got to him, that was in 2007 before I knew much at all about opiates and only cared for weed and psyx. I asked my friend's dad what happened to him and he said "Suboxone happened to me" before telling me the whole story drinking beer and smoking hash with my friend and his dad.

As for the RLS My-Life-Back, I find Mirapax really works well, half a 0.25mg pill and script for hydroxyzine or cyclizine (its legal in the UK so better go with it) for the nausea, ondansetron if its really awful.

To me bupe withdrawal is different. It's extreme diarrhea and sweating buckets and insomnia that necessitates double doses of valium when I have been out of bupe for 5-6 days...I can endure days without it longer than you since the dose is so much larger in Suboxone/Subutex.

Could be worse, Americans can be scripted 0.3mg ampoules of Buprenex for IM, where they do the injections themselves at home. It's often scripted by veterinarians for cats and dogs who have something broken or painful arthritis heh. But we don't have it here.

You could find your way out by getting a BuTrans patch, it's for low to moderate pain, it releases what's in temgesic, either at 5 microgram an hour, 10 or 20. My grandma wore a 20 patch for a while, but not anymore, but I laughed when I saw this. Apparently it works well for pain that is constant and taking handfulls of tylenol and destroy your liver with time or handfuls of advils and fuck up your stomach. Although, being over 40 is almost a requirement for that BuTrans patch, it's probably available in the UK though, I guess wearing 2-3 20ug patches could help one go through a temgesic withdrawal, i dont know how much you take everyday, if it's in the Subutex/xone doses, ouch. But you should see a doc regardless for the mirapax and hydroxyzine and maybe BuTrans if you have anywhere that hurts moderately and prevents you from doing your job 100% then maybe you could get some. All of these things are dirt cheap btw, generic for mirapax and hydroxyzine or promethazine are, BuTrans patches aren't very expensive either. A month's worth is cheaper than a generic oxycontin 60mg 120 count bottle in my country I'd say.
Man, you really went through a lot too! I can only recommend low dose aromatase inhibitors for gyno when on done cause this causes low T more than other opies afaik.Temgesic does come in 0,2mg,
got a whole pack in fridge as Backup,bupe was never my thing tho. Wish you best! :)
 
Well GREAT if you know that already, some people might not! You still young (20?) I guess.Correct?
 
Read a post which went like: moving to xx next week, need sumone to help me out" Sourcing? I think so! But I wont snitch for sure, dont understand you Not MODS(!)for search-pouncing on everyone who makes mistake! Sure, dumb Post, but SNITCHING AINT MY NATURE
 
Do you want to help others by sharing your stories about past or even present addictions that you suffered? Do you feel that your experiences could help just one individual stray from a destructive lifestyle?

If so, PM one of the Other Drugs moderators with your tale of addiction if you wish to remain anonymous. But please utilize the format that is on the second post in order to maintain some sense of organization if you choose to post in this thread.

Write as little as you want or write a novella, just as long as you feel that your story may help someone along the way.

This thread will remained closely monitored any off topic posts will be unapproved. Those that are interested can perhaps avoid the devastating disease of addiction that too many of us have suffered through.

Please do not post in here unless you've shared your personal story of addiction, your posts are likely to be UA'd due to the above stated reason.

13 years of hell.
 
Lessons Learned By a 20-year-old Heroin Addict

Brief Background



I've had a long history of depression and I've also had a long history of trying just about every antidepressant out there, to no avail. I remember when I was first prescribed Adderall for my ADHD, it was like a magic pill. When I took adderall, suddenly I felt motivated, I enjoyed activities, I had energy: I was living life rather than moping about it. However, before long, even with occassional dosage increases, the adderall just wasn't cutting it anymore. I began to seek out a new "magic pill," or maybe even something better. Besides weed and alcohol, I was new to the world of drugs and knew what I knew only from the things I'd heard in movies or in books or on TV. I talked to a friend about my desire to try to find a new miracle drug, and althought he, like me, was a total drug newbie, he suggested heroin. He said if we were going to do this, we might as well do it all the way. Even though I knew how extremely dangerous of a drug heroin is, I agreed. So he got the stuff and a week later, we tried it.


One hit of that smack and I felt like a fool for ever thinking adderall was anything special. This, THIS was the miracle drug I'd been looking for!


My friend and I agreed, however, that we'd only use it on special occasions so as not to become addicted. Although I agreed with him then, pretty soon I couldn't stop thinking about it and soon enough, I got more of it without him.


Shooting up once a week became once a day, and pretty soon I was shooting up all day every day; everytime I felt it leaving my system, I needed more more more!


This pattern kept up for a good while, but eventually my tolerance grew so much that I'd inject an entire gram at once and feel nothing at all. I couldn't afford my growing tolerance so I resorted to other, cheaper stuff. Fentanyl, meth, cocaine, you name it, I found a way to get my hands on it and inject it into my body.


After living through the vicious cycle of highs and lows and tolerance and withdrawals more times than I can count, and after numerous trips to the ER, and after I'd run out of money, and after my boyfriend had had enough and fallen out of love with me, I got into a car accident.


Long story short, I shot up in a parking lot and thought I was fine to drive, but whatever shit I had injected into my body had made me absolutely delusional and completely unable to drive. I ended up hitting several parked (lucky, no one was hurt) cars. I was arrested at my own apartment complex in front of all my neighbors.


This is what my life had become. After that night, something changed inside of me and I knew I needed to get clean no matter what it took.


I wasn't able to miraculously put the drugs down for good that day; I did relapse a few times, but since then, it has been my goal to get clean and that's what I've been working on. As of right now, I've been clean without relapse for about four months.


Substance(s)


Anything I could get my hands on, but my drug of choice was definitely heroin


Duration of Addiction/Dependence


I was actively addicted for about a year and a half.


Adverse Effects


The love of my life left me because of my drug use and that's the number one thing I will never be able to forgive myself for. I know I'll never get him back and it hurts every day knowing it's all my own fault.


I've lost the trust and respect of my own family. They know how quick I can be to steal money right out from under their noses when I need a fix, and I can only hope to one day regain at least some of the trust and respect we once had for one another.


I now have a DUI on my record and no driver's license for the next year, which means living at home with my parents because I'm unable to find a job.


I overdosed several times while I was actively addicted. I didn't care what or how much of anything I was putting into my body; I was just so desperate to get high. I've had to make several trips to the emergency room; once I passed out and stopped breathing and turned blue and my then-boyfriend had to drive me to the ER; once I started coughing up blood (it turned out to be pneumonia caused by IV drug use); several times my then-boyfriend has had to slap me in the face just to make sure I was still alive.


I now have drug addiction listed in my medical history, which causes harsh judgment from almost every single doctor I've been to since. I'll probably never be able to visit a doctor again without having him being either skeptical about my intentions or just plain rude and disagreeable because of my addiction history.


Warnings and Advice


To those who are currently suffering from addiction: You can do it. You can get clean. Don't let it get so bad, like I did, before you realize you CAN turn your life around. Start making the right choices NOW, and if you're unable to do that alone, get help. There ARE people who are willing to help you, but you have to be the one to reach out. You have to want it.


To those who are not (yet) addicted: Don't try hard drugs. If you're looking to just have some fun or take your mind off some things and are interested in the world of drugs, try something more mild like weed, alcohol, acid or other psychedelics. But there's just no reason to try hard drugs like heroin, cocaine, meth, etc. Everyone says they're not going to do it enough to get addicted, but guess what? That's how everyone starts out. Learn from those around you who have already had to go through all the bad shit it puts you through. Don't make a choice that will end up ruining your entire life. Take it from me, if I could go back in time and decide to never touch heroin, I 100% would. Even knowing how good it's made me feel in the past, it's simply not worth it. I lost everything. Even if you think you've got nothing to lose, trust me, you don't want to find out the hard way what you're forgetting.


Miscellaneous


I'm extremely lucky in that I have a very supportive family and friends who I know are always there for me despite my history of drug addiction. That being said, I still wish I never had to go through any of this at all. That decision to do heroin the first time (and the next time and the next time) was the stupidest decision I've ever, EVER made. Don't wait until you're too far gone to realize this for yourself; don't do it in the first place. I hope my story could help some people or at least make some people feel a little bit less alone.
 
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