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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

LSD (1000+ug) - Experienced - The worst nightmare of my life

Lucyfer

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Joined
Dec 17, 2012
Messages
11
This trip took place 7 months ago.
NOTE: I did not have a tolerance to LSD at the time.

It was a typical Saturday afternoon. A week prior, I had made plans with 3 of my friends to trip on some EXTREMELY potent liquid LSD we had picked up recently. I was given a serious warning from my dealer not to consume more than 3 drops. He sincerely claimed that the vial needed to have a warning label on it. His source had driven several hours to another city just to obtain the acid, because it was such a wicked batch. It was supposedly "barely diluted". Being my usual skeptical self, I decided I was going to ignore his advice and go balls deep to see what beautiful places my mind could take me to. My friends were very inexperienced with LSD for the most part; 1 friend (who will be called JAM) had tripped a total of 7 or so times, another (D) a single time (actually 2 days before this trip), and the other (KA) was dropping for his first time for his birthday. The day seemed all too perfect for anything to mess up, despite the fact that during this time in my life, I had had a myriad of personal issues and insecurities (that could possibly lead to bad experiences, but I didn't completely take that into account).


I'm honestly starting to get slightly uneasy even thinking about the experience I am about to describe.

Around 3:30 P.M., my friend (KY, he was sober) picked me up from my house. He was with D and KA, who were minutes away from consuming their acid. We drove to my other friend's house, where my personal stash of acid was sitting in the freezer. The LSD was dropped onto sugar cubes. Our plan was to drive to our friend JAC's house and enjoy the ride in a safe setting, while the people that opted not to trip smoked marijuana.

I walked into his house and saw a couple of my friends there. We briefly conversed and smoked a bowl of top-quality CBD-rich Sativa marijuana (an anti-psychotic chemical in marijuana that reduces anxiety) for a few minutes as a "way to ease me into my trip" (haha, yeah right, I believe this is what made the come-up so overwhelmingly fast). I pulled a whopping five sugar cubes out of the freezer and shoved them in my mouth, then licked a bunch of sugar crumbles off the foil which came from the edges of the 11 sugar cubes I had in my stash. My friends were a bit shocked I was willing to go that far, but they sort of already were used to my tendency to consume large quantities of psychedelic drugs. I talked with them for another 10 minutes or so, then I went back to the car. On my way to the car, I noticed I was starting to feel increasingly disoriented. It wasn't that euphoric, confusing sort of disorientation, it was more of a "I'm losing fucking my mind" sort of thing. I felt slightly anxious, but I assumed the negative feelings would pass as soon as the acid took full effect. A couple minutes after I got in the car, D ate 2 sugar cubes, and KA ate 1.

I suspect this was easily at least 1000 micrograms. I have consumed 100+ ug blotter that did not compare at all to this liquid. On a separate occasion, taking two of these was enough for a level 4 experience (hallucinations, ESP, OOBES)
The experience was about to get very, very ugly.

To give you guys a little perspective on the unfathomable effects of 1000 mic doses, here is a quote from the nobel prize winning chemist Kary Mullis that ingested 1000 micrograms for his first dose:

"When you take 1000 micrograms of LSD, you don't know you've taken anything. It just feels like that's the way it is. You might suddenly find yourself sitting on a building in Egypt three thousand years ago, watching boats on the Nile."

Yes, it is THAT FUCKING CRAZY.

Ten minutes into the car ride and twenty minutes after eating the sugar cubes, I was rapidly losing all touch with reality. I started wondering what the fuck was going on around me, and why I was feeling so uncomfortable. I started telling my friends I was really scared, and the intense anxiety was gripping every single fiber of my body. I thought I was going die and that this trip was going to last until the end of eternity. By the minute, I was starting to panic more. This was only the beginning of an unimaginable nightmare that would show me the "evil" side of LSD and completely change my opinion about the drug in general.

25 minutes after taking the sugar cubes, we arrived at JAC's house. By that time, I was stumbling all over the place and I was already having severe visual distortion. All movements were followed by strobing trails composed of detailed patterns, kaleidoscopes, and rainbows. These visuals that I would have usually considered beautiful were now viewed as a reminder that I was in the middle of a trip that I so desperately wanted to end.

When I got inside his house, I saw a few more of my friends sitting on the couch. My body temperature had elevated to the point I thought I was burning alive. I was completely out of my body and almost felt like I was on a high dose of ketamine. I felt embarrassed because I obviously looked like I couldn't handle my shit; maybe this was just an extreme amplification of my general self-esteem issues. Their faces were assuming demonic forms. I fled to JAC's room. I was already starting to experience ego loss. I was going in and out of consciousness.

This is the point where I lost track of time, so there is no point of trying to estimate anything....

JAC followed me to his room and did his best to comfort me and talk me out of my bad trip. It was a completely ineffective attempt. A couple minutes later, I started crying hysterically. Everything was getting darker. I fell into the most depressive state of my life, combined with the most acute sense of panic I've ever experienced. The floor was covered in spiraling kaleidoscopes that were rapidly shifting colors. I heard thousands of voices call me names like "pussy" and "bitch". The room wreaked of sewage and feces. This was the most negative emotion a human being could ever fathom. I so desperately wanted to kill myself but I was immobilized and unable to move. I realized that the voices were of all of the people I resented in my life the most. Cartoon blood was all over the ceiling and the walls. My vision seemed to stretch off into infinity. I was hallucinating so much I couldn't fucking believe it. I could see many different events of my life playing out as if it was waking reality. Try and imagine being inside of a Saw movie first hand, but a thousand times more horrifying and traumatic. There was a moment in which my mind would shoot out of my body two feet in front of me and then return into my body, and this looped over and over again for what felt like FOREVER at an impossible speed. Time was non-existent, and a second felt like FOREVER. Not hours, not days, but an infinite amount of time.

I kept hearing this bizarre futuristic noise that sounded like a computer glitching. The whole room was flashing as if something was flicking the on switch for a lamp up and down repeatedly. My jaw was rapidly vibrating like I had taken 300 mg of MDMA (I always get major jaw clenching from acid). I had full-blown synaethsia. Everything was one, everything was infinitely interconnected. I would look at the walls and become the walls. I would look at the floor and then become the floor, looking back at my body in a dissociative fashion. I was unable to differentiate any part of the outside world from my own physical body. The concept of "I" was now a mere construct of my mind, and "I" was nothing more than a complex bundle of atoms and molecules.

The floor started to wither away and die. It was as if it had human emotions and was feeling every bit of suffering I was going through at the time. Everything started to turn blood-red. I was going straight to the depths of hell. Matrix numbers were literally exploding out of the ground and shooting up and down the walls. I felt like I was on DMT, only it was a thousand times more intense.



Somehow, just a little while after this part of the trip, I regained some degree of consciousness. I stumbled to his backyard, where a group of 8 or so people were sitting and I was watching the sky and everything in my external environment turning black and red. I could barely see anything, my vision was almost completely shot. I forget that I even had a body at this point and I had absolutely no control over my muscular movements. I was in this "survival mode" where my mind was on autopilot and and I had no idea that I was on drugs. I lost balance and fell backward onto the ground. I continued to see more incredible vortexes of matrix- style numbers and letters spurt out from every direction.

During my friends' attempts to help restore me to sanity, they asked if I knew what time it was. I responded with "8:00 A.M." when it was late in the afternoon. That was quite enough of a response to prove I was completely and utterly going nuts and there was no real way to help me.


Once night fell, I was full-on peaking in JAC's room. I began to literally have no idea who I was, where I was, or what drug I was on (or what drugs were in the first place). I knew that I was going to die and nothing could be done to stop it. At some point at the beginning of the peak, I realized that I could not recognize the room I was in. Suddenly, I started seeing several cop cars pull into the room and put their sirens on. Yellow caution tape magically appeared around them as well. This was one of my worst nightmares coming to life before my very eyes. There was a line of already-arrested criminals in handcuffs next to the cop cars, and they were all complaining that I had snitched on them for some unspecified reason. I knew I was in for absolute hell. Before I could see what was going to happen next, everything started fading to white. I could see nothing but burning white light, like I was looking directly at the sun from 100 feet away. What I saw was.....the ultimate truth. The answer to every question. The reason reality is the way that it is. I existed within the past, present, and future simultaneously. I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. I dissolved into infinity. I was existing in an infinite number of dimensions, living an infinite number of lives simultaneously for an infinite amount time. Though my memory of this is hazy, I believe I re-lived every event of my entire life during the peak. I could fit our entire universe into a period at the end of a sentence. Time was a point of nothingness. I was everything, yet I was nothing. I was in pure ecstasy. I felt the unconditional love of the universe penetrating every pore of my body. If only this could have lasted forever. I suppose this was a taste of the beautiful part of ego death, but my stay in this ineffable place was cut short when I was suddenly catapulted into hyperspace, where I experienced every ounce of pain any human being could ever possibly experience at one time. The love rapidly shifted to evil in its purest definition. I saw many miserable people I had seen throughout my life, including the homeless and starving. My brain's sensory filter was gone; every last bit of information that could physically be processed at once was flowing through my head at light speed.

I was dropped out of hyperspace directly into a hallucinatory prison facility. I saw hundreds of pitbulls, white supremacists, and naked black men running around. It was a state of sheer pandemonium. I have never been so unbelievably horrified in my entire life. I was now sure that this is where I would die. I was taken to the showers where I was bitten repeatedly by pitbulls and raped by the white supremacists and black men simultaneously. I was sobbing hysterically screaming for it stop. It was physical and emotional torture beyond your wildest dreams. I felt every single sensation, including their penises in my anus and the razor-sharp teeth of the vicious dogs.

Who knows how long this actually went on for, but eventually this torture ended and I was back in JAC's room. I saw all of my friend's faces covered in knife wounds and deep, bleeding cuts. Puddles of blood were all over the room. My joints were still in severe pain from the physical torture I had just experienced.

I looked at the clock, and it read 9:00 P.M. (or something along those lines).

Minutes after I came back to earth, I realized that the purpose for human existence was to love. Love is our higher purpose. I now understood that the ego I had developed my entire life was an illusion all along. Our egos push us away from our ability to feel compassion towards others. As your ego fades away, you slowly dissolve into pure unadulterated LOVE. The illusion of separation created by our egos has been the root cause of suffering all across our planet, and sadly this is the reason the majority of the world kills each other for absurd purposes like religion and resources. Religions like Christianity hide behind the idea that there is an afterlife because they are afraid of death. There is nothing to fear, because when you die there is no “you” to fear anything. THE ONLY THING THAT SEPARATES US FROM OTHER FORMS OF LIFE IS OUR ABILITY TO THINK. Our ego is composed of our thoughts. When we stop relying on our ego, we cannot experience negative emotions. When we stop thinking, our ego ceases to exist, and then we can live a life of pure love, peace, and prosperity. The more we rely on our ego, the more we push ourselves away from the moment which is all. Nothing outside the moment we are in right now will ever exist. Yesterday never is, and tomorrow will never be. Time is infinite. The past, present, and future are all occurring simultaneously. We are merely observers. Free will is an illusion.

This was by far the most profound experience of my entire life.

I quickly forgot all of these things within 15 minutes of the peak ending. I didn't fully understand the lessons I learned for until months had passed after the trip.


The next day was easily the worst day of my life (excluding the trip). I felt so self-conscious about myself that suicide was all I could think about. I was thoroughly convinced that I had ruined my life permanently. During ego death, I became aware of the severity of my many mental disorders. I realized that throughout my entire life, I had been looked down upon as the "special kid". I had not been aware of this until that moment. I felt like the most inferior form of life on the face of the earth.

After I got home I burst into tears. I even thought my family felt sorry for me and had pitied me my whole life because they thought I was a moron.

I had a psychotic break for weeks afterward. This was easily the most traumatic thing I have ever gone through in my entire life and has left a lasting mark on me that I carry to this day. It's been over 6 months now and I think about this trip every day of my life. It's nothing any human being ever deserves to go through and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

Over time this trip has had a profound impact on all areas of my life, in both positive and negative ways.

Positive: I have very close friends now and rather than the "special kid", many people now view me as a very insightful and intelligent person. Before this experience, I had very, very few friends. I wasn't close friends with the ones mentioned in this report, but we chilled every once in a while. I now know what true friendship is. I meet new people all the time. I suspect I used to have a mild form of autism and this trip literally eradicated it. My entire family has mentioned multiple times that I'm a transformed person. I have fully developed social skills. I truly believe LSD is able to cure mental disorders and the scientific community needs to conduct research on this. I act normally now. I view everyone I meet as a part of my own consciousness, which lets me act much more empathetically. I've earned excellent grades at my community college and have grown tremendously - multiple people have commented that I'm an entirely different person. I've taken up buddhism and adopted a very spiritual lifestyle.

Negative: Several months ago, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I suspect I was already pre-disposed to this condition and the trip brought it out. I still have mental flashbacks nearly every day and have been scarred by experience. I frequently have nightmares about this trip. My thoughts can be very scattered and clouded at times. My thinking is very impaired on some days, but it's very sporadic. I've learned how fucked up our world is, and sometimes I feel that ignorance is bliss. Our society disgusts me. I think that the human race is a joke.


I am going say one thing: DO NOT take a high dose of acid unless you have a proper set and setting or it can turn into the worst nightmare of your entire life. 300 micrograms is more than enough to have a spiritual experience. 1000+ micrograms does not provide a near-death experience, it provides a BEYOND-death experience.


Heed my warning. Don’t make the mistakes I did. YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE. LSD is a seriously powerful drug and it has the ability to FUCK you like nothing you could ever conceive of. In fact, after this experience I firmly believe it is the most powerful drug known to the human race. I've smoked 150 mg~(approx) of DMT at once (7 consecutive enormous hits) and the intensity could not come close to what I described in this trip report.

Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_experienced
exptype_negative
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_bodyload
exptype_difficult
exptype_disaster
roacode_sublingual
 
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wow - this sounds absolutely horrifying.

i've never wanted to take LSD or hallucinogens personally but this should act as a message to people who want to take large doses of LSD.

how long (guessing) do you think the trip lasted?

were you diagnosed with bi-polar disorder after taking the LSD? what meds have you been put on to control it (if any)? i'm sorry about your terrible experience. i hope things get better for you.

very detailed and insightful - i thank you for the report and detail you went into.
 
I've never really experienced what I'd call a bad trip. I wouldn't even consider yours bad. I mean you learned stuff about yourself and the world around you. I consider that good...even if part of your experience did take some bad turns. It can be a scary thing sometimes. I haven't taken acid except for once in the last twenty year and that was very weak, but when I was young I had many trips where I took way more than 1,000 mics (it wasn't even uncommon for me) and on one occasion I took somewhere around 120 hits of really good potent liquid. What I think I'm getting at is an lsd experience doesn't seem to me to be dose dependent...or at least when you're taking more than you're used to taking it doesn't. Also imo after a certain point set and setting doesn't matter much. I think you're gonna' have the experience you're gonna' have either way. You're mind has a way of creating it's own set and setting. I think it's really only important at lower doses or for people new to the experience. Im sure there's some around here who've done way more than me who will hopefully confirm or dispute this but that was my experience.
 
Great report man, thank you for sharing..

"When you take 1000 micrograms of LSD, you don't know you've taken anything. It just feels like that's the way it is. You might suddenly find yourself sitting on a building in Egypt three thousand years ago, watching boats on the Nile."

I had experience the EXACT same situation one time, in 2008 i believe, after consuming 8 hits of LSD and then smoking DMT (and being on various opiates/benzos as well.. ridiculous) at a certain festival in West Virginia. Easily the most insane experience I have ever had. Caused me to black out.

I found myself sitting in an ancient style boat, floating down the Nile, watching the Pyramids and the Sphyinx being built at warp speed, meanwhile interacting with variious 'entities' from the ancient world.
 
Great report man, thank you for sharing..



I had experience the EXACT same situation one time, in 2008 i believe, after consuming 8 hits of LSD and then smoking DMT (and being on various opiates/benzos as well.. ridiculous) at a certain festival in West Virginia. Easily the most insane experience I have ever had. Caused me to black out.

I found myself sitting in an ancient style boat, floating down the Nile, watching the Pyramids and the Sphyinx being built at warp speed, meanwhile interacting with variious 'entities' from the ancient world.

Would love to see your trip report on that if you could write one. :)

Sounds like an amazing experience.
 
Wow. Great report and amazing detailed experience. One of the best Ive read. Im happy you took some postive things out of this trip.
 
If you ever find yourself having a bad trip on shrooms or lsd or hallucinogens, it's been a studied result that taking an SSRI (antidepressant ie Celexa or Zoloft) can greatly reduce the effect of said hallucinogen. That being said, I don't know the safety of taking this combination but from what I have read, it seems that the general opinion is that taking an SSRI may help you out of a bad trip. and THAT being said, always go to the hospital or seek medical help if you feel the situation is bad and out of your control.

IT HAS NEVER BEEN PROVED THAT SSRI'S WILL DO ANYTHING BUT COMPLICATE A BAD TRIP. I'M NOT EDITING THIS JUST ADDING A DISCLAIMER. THIS IS BAD ADVICE. THINK OR RESEARCH BEFORE TAKING IT. -THOU
 
Dude.

Never take an SSRI on a bad trip are nuts?

Where has this been studied? Are you citing sources?

The only SAFE thing to take (and nothing is SAFE mind you, just least harmful) is benzos if you can tolerate them.

Or just don't a fucking ten strip.

I'm not bashing you op... I've eaten 5 dried grams and 5 blotters and 25mg 2cb and 100mg ketamine bumps and smoked dmt on the peak in under 4 hours, and that was heavy.

But I had valium when it got a little too rough.

Thanks for the report though... And reaper think before you speak I'm editing your post.
 
Thou said:
Or just don't a fucking ten strip.

Agreed. Not unless your environments are correct and you are very experienced. Less is often more, especially regarding psychedelics.

I always found that a difficult trip can turn into a positive one in the time it takes for an added chemical to take effect.

No SSRIs, though. Ever.
 
oh, i'm aware that SSRIs wouldn't help whatsoever.

trazadone is a GREAT way to end a trip by the way.

i've quit psychedelics and all drugs at this point anyway so it's a mood point *shrugs* I can't smoke weed anymore because I get gnarly flashbacks from this trip. weed makes me trip balls every time i smoke it so it's no longer enjoyable

also agreed on the notion that high doses shouldn't be taken in a bad set/setting. this was my 17th time tripping on acid ever, and it was my 5th dose that was over 200 ug. i rushed into it because I wanted change in my life.....and boy did i get it.... LMAO
 
The only SAFE thing to take (and nothing is SAFE mind you, just least harmful) is benzos if you can tolerate them.
Would anti-psychotics be okay? I've heard of them taking people of bad trips fairly quickly, but never actually read any accounts of someone using them for that purpose. It seems like it'd work in theory, but I'm not so sure in practice.
 
Would anti-psychotics be okay? I've heard of them taking people of bad trips fairly quickly, but never actually read any accounts of someone using them for that purpose. It seems like it'd work in theory, but I'm not so sure in practice.


I've also heard of them being used to make a bad trip more manageable, but personally I'd agree with the above statements regarding only using benzos. Ideally nothing would be used at all other than someone very experienced with hallucinogens to guide you. Most likely if your trip is turning bad you've got stuff you need to work through.
 
Would anti-psychotics be okay? I've heard of them taking people of bad trips fairly quickly, but never actually read any accounts of someone using them for that purpose. It seems like it'd work in theory, but I'm not so sure in practice.


I've also heard of them being used to make a bad trip more manageable, but personally I'd agree with the above statements regarding only using benzos. Ideally nothing would be used at all other than someone very experienced with hallucinogens to guide you. Most likely if your trip is turning bad you've got stuff you need to work through.
 
I would not recommend adding more drugs to equation that aren't benzos that you've taken before, in small doses (titrating up as always) and just meditating, and riding it out. Set and setting - never forget these wonderful two words. They are your lifelines.

Also - as has been previously stated - large doses are unnecessary and wasteful - unless you've a considerable tolerance to psychs - imo something that ruins them and their psychiatric nature.

Smoke pot everyday if you need a daily kick is what I would do. These are of course my two cent on these last two points, but the first stands from a medical and harm reduction standpoint.

Even HAVING a valium or klonopin in your pocket, is enough to ward off a bad trip. You know, "In case of emergency, break open glass" kind of thing. I never go into a psychedelic experience without at least 2mg of xanax, klonopin, or 20 mg of valium. In this way, I find that I seldom need them, even at high doses (5 dried grams etc).

I'd take a break and realize you'll get more from your psychedelics (particularly indole tryptamines) if you use them sparingly no more than once every two weeks, or a few days a row every month. At MOST.

Thou
 
GREAT report!

had a similar experience with lsd (4-500mcg). lsd can bring you to actual(!) hell. I tried to snap myself out of that state with n2o and also met the light and also did I fall and looked in the face of pure evil.
up to this day I am grateful that I managed to go to the medics tent (it was on a festival) and make them inject me with risperidone. I'm convinced this prevented me from getting full on psychotic. nevertheless I was extremely unstable for weeks after that, learned that derealization/depersonalisation is probably one of the worst mental issues (major depression is light and bearable in comparison), abused enough drugs of all kinds to put a veil of anamnesia over the events and and slowly, slowly recovered - but I feel that I'm still in the learning process regarding this trip. it's getting increasingly fruitful and decreasingly painful...[the bigger the distance to the event, the better your perspective. trips like this need an appropriate scale to be fully integrated in..]

I will never ingest lsd again. there is an evil force that only lsd can bring up. some things cannot be unseen...
@OP: time will heal those wounds. experiences like this make people stronger in the long run. more mature. (maybe give serotonergic substances like 6-apb or aMT a try. they helped me overcome "the fear". :) )
 
Thanks for your report. It reads like an archetypal major bummer. You described ego death and the concept of all being one really articulately. I'm glad you got through it and feel like you are a better person for it. LSD led me on a similar journey, but in smaller intervals instead of all at once.
 
Very good report, one of the better ones I've ever read honestly. It's experience of this kind that really change you permanently.

I'd do like to point out to you and johannes kreisler that it probably wasn't the LSD that brought up this evil, but only your mind. The difference in these 2 is that when saying LSD did it, you put the blame on the drug, while in reality it is you who is to blame. Like Thou said "just don't a fucking ten strip", unless you really know what you are doing and the situation is PERFECT and nothing short of it. I'm sure you realize this, just felt like it was worth mentioning. When processing the experience, the 2 different approaches will make all the difference.

P.S I've been having both on and off problems with depression and derealization* and saying derealization is worse than depression is just bad. First of all, you can't really compare mental issues, they are relative. To you depression might seem light, but to me getting up and living daily, consumeristic life closely mirrors what one has to go through in the heavier parts of a trip. Secondly, depression can be a starting point for other mental issues like drug abuse, agoraphobia and yes, derealization.

*The latter of these is self-diagnosed and has fully gone away when I got a greater insight in the workings of psychedelics, on which I was basing the feeling. This might not be true derealization, but the time I was having troubles with this is a total haze for me now and I can't really describe what it all felt like. I might have been on the edge of psychosis there.
 
Hmm reading intense trip reports like this bring me back feeling of taking very high doses of mushrooms in my teens. Very good report man

I think I am like you and feel like a trip could bring me back to normal for some time but don't think I could handle the trip. I think it might be worth it for the positive effects experienced
 
I don't doubt that could have been 1000 mics. I've taken higher doses and not been nearly as fucked up as that :D

Sometimes 1000 mics has less anxiety than even a typical 100 mic trip though. Depends what mind state you're in, and how experienced you are.
 
I don't doubt that could have been 1000 mics. I've taken higher doses and not been nearly as fucked up as that :D

Sometimes 1000 mics has less anxiety than even a typical 100 mic trip though. Depends what mind state you're in, and how experienced you are.

idk about less anxiety unless you aren't scared of death at lmao. death is a horrifying thing indeed, and on high enough doses a simulation of death is inevitable!

did you have a tolerance at the time? i had no tolerance when i ingested this dose.

it was foolish of me to go this far. i hadn't even had a year of experience frying at the time, 8 months total experience when i did this dose to be exact. o_____________0

it was totally going balls deep to say the least. i still can't believe how crazy and fast the come-up was. the world was changing so fucking fast! a high dose of L is a completely different universe, to say the least.
 
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