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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

First Time; Bad Experience - Trip Report

MR.Z

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 7, 2012
Messages
4
Hello

I wrote this trip report up over two weeks ago and decided to share here for all to see.

Around three weeks ago I had my first run in with ecstasy. I'd managed to obtain a gram of pure molly from a reputable dealer and it tested as ecstasy with the EZ test kit - which came up as expected.

I'd read a lot up on the safety beforehand and had taken steps to ensure that I was as safe as possible while using the drugs - in particular I had a close friend agree to watch me and keep an eye on my water intake, and to make sure that I was forcing myself to use the toilet every hour to make sure I didn't end up with water intoxication. Anyway... onto the report, time's are estimated.

Background: 5'10', 68kg, 18yo. Little previous drug experience. On quetiapine 200mg every night for a moderate psychotic episode I had a few years back - long since gone. Always wanted to try MDMA, so decided to give it a go...

T: -5.00 Ate a moderate size meal.
T: -1.00 Took 100mg of 5-HTP and 600mg Magnesium (To combat Bruxism)
T: 0:00 I weighed out 75mg of E and put it inside a capsule before swallowing. At this time I was laid on my bed listening to music with my friend. I decided to avoid any major socialisation as I tend to like to just relax when trying new drugs.
T: +0:15 My friend left to go meet a few friends just down my hallway (I lived in shared housing) - She'd be returning every 15 or 20 minutes or so to check up on me.
T: +0:30 By this time I was fairly relaxed, with my eyes open in a somewhat darkened room with a lamp on for ambience. Despite this I still felt somewhat excited and nervous in anticipation of what would happen. Generally I'm a fairly calm individual and not prone to anxiety, although there was a hint of worry whilst waiting.
T: +0:35 I begin to feel a warm sensation and get slightly more anxious as I recognise it as the 'come up'. By this time my body is somewhat flushed and hot, but my extremities are cold in comparison.
T: +0:40 Anxiety increases, my friend comes in and checks if I'm okay. I say i'm coming up but I'm nervous, she says it'll pass and I calm down somewhat. She leaves. The hot flushes are now coming in waves a few seconds apart. I check in a small mirror near me, my pupils are very dilated - my brown iris is almost completely gone.
T: +0:41 I get a sudden wave of weakness. Frightening me slightly, as I had read that people usually have lots of energy on E, I decide to sit up and lean against my wave. It took a lot of effort to get myself up however. Lights seem more vibrant and music is beginning to sound great. At this time I'm closing my eyes and trying to relax to get rid of the anxiety.
T: +0:44 I suddenly get hit by a wave of euphoria. It was literally the best feeling I've experienced during my life, I'm suddenly relieved of all worry and anxiety and simply close my eyes and relax, listing to music beside me - I can't remember what was playing at this time, it all sounded so good that I didn't care. But then...
T: +0:45 I suddenly open my eyes and my whole body goes deathly cold. This terrible realisation comes over me and I whispered to myself "This is not good". I'm feeling completely drained of energy and this all encompassing fear begins to take ahold of me, growing in waves. I take a gulp of water to try and combat any safety fears. I decide to just bear it and wait it out, figuring the severe anxiety would pass.
T: +0:50 Getting worse, I start to panic. I decide to browse the internet on my laptop, which is playing music by my side, to take my mind of it.
T: +0.55 I suddenly realise that I'm experiencing severe time dilation (So following times may be off). Songs fluctuate between sounding too fast and too slow. I try watching a Let's Play on youtube and am frightened by the speed at which the commentator appears to be talking. My anxiety reaches it peak, I feel terrible, although underlying it all is a sense of wellness.
T: +0:56 My friend comes it and I quickly explain what's happening. She seems somewhat concerned and decided to get me to take a drink and then help me into the bathroom - as I'm far too weak. I force myself to go to the toilet. Check of my urine colour tells me i'm generally well hydrated. I make my way back into my room. My friend stays with me for the next hour and a half.
T: +1:00 I slump back down on my bed, music still playing. Check my pulse, it's close to 140. My body is fluctuating between being too hot and too cold - all my bones ache and I generally feel like shit.
T: +1:15 My mind suddenly tunes into what's playing. It's the end of 'Kartoffelsuppe' by 'Grossstadtgeflüster' - which sounds a little like demonic chanting. At the time I didn't realise this was a song, and the demonic aspect, which seems to last forever because of time dilation, literally made me loose what sanity I had left remaining.
T: +1:16 I get up, now with more energy, and begin pacing frantically around my room. I turn off the music and keep talking to a whisper.
T: +1:40 Somewhat distressed I tell my friend I want this to end this now, along with our safe word. She runs off to her room to grab a couple of benzos (Temazepam). I take them immediately and then begin to clean my room to stave off anxiety. I also get rid of the rest of the MDMA instinctively, with my friend agreeing.
T: +2:10 I begin to feel relief from the benzos. Now I'm feeling a lot more mellow and chilled out. I still don't want to listen to music but I chat normally with my friend while resting on my bed. I noticed the time dilation stopped.
T: +2:25 Feeling much better my friend leaves to let me get some rest in peace.
T: +2:40 I take 100mg Quetiapine.
T: +3:10 Quetiapine hits, starting to feel drowsy.
T: +3:20 Decide to call it a night and take another 200mg of quetiapine along with 10mg Melotonin, 500mg 5-HTP, 1500mg Vitamin C, 2400mg Piracetam and various multivitamins.
T: +3:35 I fall asleep.

The next day I awoke with an amazing afterglow. Eyes were slighly dilated and I felt very warm with all my senses greatly enhanced for around three hours after waking. After that I returned to normal and haven't suffered from any major side effects beside my memory being a little hazy for a couple of days.

I'm not sure why I had such a bad experience, although Grossstadtgeflüster turned what was otherwise a bad trip to one filled with utter panic. Some have suggested I experienced a mild bout of stimulant psychosis, whilst others have said that the MDMA was not, in fact, MDMA. I'm not sure myself, and I've got rid of all of what I had so I can't test it. But am interested in what others think - especially as I plan to roll again next week (one month after) with a lower dose (50mg). So any advice would be appreciated. I got some professionally tested MDMA from a friend (everyone got theirs tested after my experience) so I know this time it's defiantly MDMA and nothing else.
 
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first thing i would suggest would be to check (as best you can) that you actually had mdma
the anxiety leading up to the rush is normal and i find a few drinks (alcohol) helps here
 
Okay one red flag i saw was you took 5htp one hour before use? I hear your supposed to preload on that a few days before hand but not take it on the day you actually roll. Also you should wait like 9-12 hours after your roll has ended to take it again. I'm not a pro roller but ive rolled like 10 times in past two years.
 
adam west said:
first thing i would suggest would be to check (as best you can) that you actually had mdma
the anxiety leading up to the rush is normal and i find a few drinks (alcohol) helps here
Unfortunately I flushed all that I had during the panic, thinking that "I never want to take this again". Alcohol may help next time, although I'd heard alcohol + MDMA knocks you right out.

tk5000 said:
Okay one red flag i saw was you took 5htp one hour before use? I hear your supposed to preload on that a few days before hand but not take it on the day you actually roll. Also you should wait like 9-12 hours after your roll has ended to take it again. I'm not a pro roller but ive rolled like 10 times in past two years.
Ah that might have been where I went wrong. I'm aware that I shouldn't have taken so much 5-HTP so close to the end of the roll, due to serotonin syndrome, and would not being doing that again - the afterglow the following day was fraught with nausea and headaches, which I attributed to the high 5-HTP dose. But I was informed that taking a small preload just before made the roll better. However thinking about it now, it might have pushed it to the point where it was too intense (I'm a lightweight it seems!) - which might have caused the anxiety.
 
Perhaps take nothing other than MDMA next time? The first time I ever rolled the only things I had consumed in the past few days were food and water and I had an absolutely fantastic time.
 
Hey OP.

Very strange, I always thought E was one of the only drugs that where simply impossible not to enjoy, its just to good.

I remember my first time, dumbass mate gives me 2 strong ones and they suddenly kick in like a sledgehammer to the face.
The feeling is very strange and utterly overpowering, its scary your first time and i was freaking out for about 20 minutes and then it somehow clicks and it becomes great. I think you eventually identify the overpowering feeling as something good, strange, but good.

I would say to you perhaps you didnt give it enough time to get over that initial kick in the face but based on you taking Seroquel, that takes time to kick in so if you where still feeling wierd until then then i really dont know.

Oh, also just confirm if you are on SSRI's, MAOIs or any other medication.

Lastly i dont think its the Seroquel. I take nightly for sleep and am always able to get good results from stimulants by the following evening.
I would wait 12 hours after taking Seroquel

I hope you resolve it. I have always thought MDMA is something every human should experience at least once.
Just be careful, i was an idiot and took across following days and way to much and suffered 8 years of anxiety shit from it.
 
Hey OP.

Very strange, I always thought E was one of the only drugs that where simply impossible not to enjoy, its just to good.

I remember my first time, dumbass mate gives me 2 strong ones and they suddenly kick in like a sledgehammer to the face.
The feeling is very strange and utterly overpowering, its scary your first time and i was freaking out for about 20 minutes and then it somehow clicks and it becomes great. I think you eventually identify the overpowering feeling as something good, strange, but good.

I would say to you perhaps you didnt give it enough time to get over that initial kick in the face but based on you taking Seroquel, that takes time to kick in so if you where still feeling wierd until then then i really dont know.

Oh, also just confirm if you are on SSRI's, MAOIs or any other medication.

Lastly i dont think its the Seroquel. I take nightly for sleep and am always able to get good results from stimulants by the following evening.
I would wait 12 hours after taking Seroquel

I hope you resolve it. I have always thought MDMA is something every human should experience at least once.
Just be careful, i was an idiot and took across following days and way to much and suffered 8 years of anxiety shit from it.
Hello,

I defiantly got the kick in the face, and it really did take me by surprise just how hard it hit. I also think the incident with the song unfortunately made everything far far worse before it had a chance to get good. I don't think being on my own for most of it helped either, ended up just mentally destroying myself. Next time I plan to try it around people to keep me distracted, so I don't end up in this cycle of perpetual worry.

As for medication I'm on nothing but the Seroquel.
 
My guess is that it might have been a combination of everything - the 5HTP you used beforehand, the set and setting, being unfamiliar with the comeup and then the freakout building on itself.

The sudden rush, along with mild anxiety, is totally normal. The first time it can actually be a little scary.

It's very important to be thoughtful and conscious of your set and setting. I'd suggest that if you plan to do it again, go ahead and test it like you did last time. Take magnesium for bruxism but don't take 5HTP, do the drug on its own. Once your more familiar with the way your body handles it you can experiment with other boosters.

If you want to ensure optimum results, engage in a pre-roll diet that keeps you healthy, with plenty of sunshine and exercise for a few weeks before you roll again. Wait at least 2-3 months before you try again.

Do it with a small group of friends, have a babysitter present (like you did last time), along with pleasant upbeat music and things to do with your time. Read other trip reports so you can talk yourself through the stages of what's happening.

The first time the "kick in the face" can be a bit frightening, but once you take that leap and work through it, getting to the other side is awesome. You just have to have the set and setting right, and good people around you, to get through that initial phase if it freaks you out a bit. It's nice to have someone there that can walk you through it and not let you panic. As you even pointed out in your trip report, the minute your friend told you everything was going to be fine you calmed down - then when she left things got worse for you.

My advice is, if you plan to do it again, don't go it alone, and set everything up so that you're in a warm, comforting environment with people you trust.
 
Just wanted to add something. Although most people say it's impossible to have a "bad trip" that's not true - you won't have a bad trip like people do with LSD or something, but MDMA is highly mental... you can talk yourself out of having a trip, and you can talk yourself in to having a panic or freakout if you're an anxious person, which can then result in a "bad trip" meaning it's not the high or euphoria you were expecting.
 
Yeah i was hit with the come up in the middle of a huge crowd. That was unpleasant. I would have rather been alone.
When it got better though all i wanted to do was drink orange juice and walk around outside the club and tell the many police officers outside how much i loved them and appreciated that they where there to keep us all safe. Friendly bunch.

Perhaps next time have some orange juice nearby. It just seemed like it was what was needed at the time. And dont talk to police or any other unknown humans. Especially if they are wearing disappearing sunglasses at night.
 
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ebola
 
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