firdous e bareen
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2012
- Messages
- 38
This is an account of my first acid trip, which was now 3 years ago. I have only decided to write a report about it now because it has occupied my mind recently. I hope by sharing the experience that it will help to stop me obsessing over it and allow me to leave it behind.
So it's December and winter in London. It had been so cold that all the roads had iced up and this made it difficult for buses to remain in service. 4 of my friends, I'll call them M, K, J and C, had taken acid in the day and went around central London. I decided not to join them at that point since I had a haircut I didn't want to cancel. If only I joined them, I think the trouble to come could have been avoided.
So my 4 friends were planning to go back to M's house and this is where I was trying to get to. I was aiming to get there for around 8pm. But because of the icy roads, I couldn't get a bus. I basically had to try and walk there, which resulted me in getting lost several times. After eventually getting a taxi, I get to M's house for about 10:30pm. So I get in and everybody's just chilling, so I suppose they're sort of coming down from the acid. But I get in and take a tab after about 15 minutes. I was hesitant to take a full tab my first time, but did it anyway. This is another point in the turn of events where I thought I could have avoided a bad trip if I had taken the tab at the same time as everyone else.
So my trip has begun at 10:45pm... waiting to come up now.
It is not long until everyone decides that we should call a dealer and pick up some weed.
We go outside and I now notice a change in mindset. I'm feeling sort of giggly and I say "This feels like shrooms" (I had taken shrooms, my first psychedelic, the previous summer).
So we make our way to the where the dealer lives, which might be a half hour walk away, although I'm certain we took longer to get there. As we're walking, the trip has definitely become stronger, since just through talking to my friends it feels like we were connected in a much different way. Walking through the streets I notice a number of visual changes. The rooftops of cars and houses look as if they're rising slightly and extending, changing the whole shape of the car or house. I was enjoying this. I would also pick up some snow and be fascinated about the way it glistened and shone against the street lights. It felt like being a kid again.
So we have the weed now and we make our way back. On the way back, we start skidding down the hill of an icy road. I thought this was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing. Before entering M's house, we decide to stare into the ice. I look down and notice that the ice is melting away before my eyes. It melts to reveal the road, then I bend down, and the road melts away to reveal what looks like a sea-bed where life is crawling. I distinctly saw something like a sea anemone vibrating its tentacles with energy. My friend C confirmed that he saw the exact same thing as well! He said he saw the "sea-life". This drug is powerful I thought.
We enter M's house and it felt like a new part of the adventure, I was excited what it would be like to trip indoors. I'm not sure what the time was now, but perhaps an hour or a bit longer had passed since I dropped. People start rolling joints, I sit on the edge of the couch to watch. Emotionally at this point I feel amazing and euphoric. I think to myself, something like, "This drug experience was made for me, why have I not taken acid before!" Visually the picture frames were bending and twisting and the colours and edges of objects were more pronounced.
After the joints are rolled, I ask someone "Is it okay to smoke weed on acid?" They replied saying "Yeah, it's really good", or something along those lines. I wish they had said something like "Well, experience the acid by itself for a bit, then take a few tokes and see how you feel". Unfortunately, I didn't get any such advice.
There were two joints in rotation. I take a toke from one and instantly, smoke comes out which turns purple and green. I take two more tokes. Immediately my headspace is changed from clarity to fuzziness. The visuals also become noticeably stronger, if they weren't already strong enough for me. The distinction between light and shadow becomes more and more pronounced until I am seeing shapes and patterns on the walls that were not previously there. I would see images of recognisable faces slide across the wall - I saw Gandhi, Hitler, Pol Pot and Bob Marley. This was strange, why was I seeing this? I do also remember seeing geometric-like patterns of light sliding across the walls which I thought was interesting.
I believe the trip started becoming negative the more weed I smoked. The increasing levels of paranoia and anxiety meant that every time I said something and someone laughed or questioned what I said, I became embarrassed and awkward. For example, after the more weed I smoked, the visuals became more intense. The play of shadow and light would morph into the shapes of contorted, demented and disfigured cartoons. Imagine Beavis and Butthead, but they look distorted, twisted and almost demonic. I try to describe what I'm seeing to a friend, he asks "What are your visuals like?" I reply with, "I see gremlins". Now, writing about this now, I know that sounds funny and even ridiculous, but because everyone was laughing after I said that, the paranoia made me think that they were mocking me and that something was wrong with my trip.
I no longer felt like talking at all since whatever I said sounded awkward and idiotic. I managed to escape this sort of mindset briefly when I went to the kitchen, but coming back in the living room meant I was stuck to the couch again, unable to escape the horrible visuals. Now for some reason I was unable to recognise that weed was causing the negativity in the trip, or even if I did, I stupidly decided to smoke weed anyway. As I smoke more, my thoughts then become stuck in a loop and because I felt unable to talk or communicate (I couldn't even make sense of my friends' conversations) I couldn't escape this loop either. The thought loop consisted of something like the following:
'I want the trip to end'
'When will it end'
'Oh, this amount of time from now'
'I don't like what I'm seeing'
'I want the trip to end'
etc.
I had also convinced myself that this is what it felt like to be insane, so I could actually have made myself insane, that I opened up some predisposition within me towards insanity and now I could never turn back. Pessimistically I thought, even if I come down from the acid (which I still knew I would at some point) I would be so traumatised and negatively affected by the experience that my mind would still be permanently damaged.
The visuals also seemed now to 'loop' in much the same way that my thoughts were. For example, I was looking at a drawing which was framed and hung on the wall. The drawing would come out of the frame, then the frame behind it would extend in front of the drawing, then the drawing would come out of the frame again, ad infinitum. This process would not stop. At this point, I would not smoke any weed, or if I did, it would be very little, since I knew it was making the trip too intense.
The visual aspect of the trip kept becoming more and more intense. Since I got my hair cut earlier that day and didn't have time to wash it, I had little bits of hair on the palms of my hand. When I looked at my palms, these little bits of black hair looked like vibrating worms digging under my skin. I had to hide my hands from myself for the rest of the trip. I could also see shadows moving under my skin which freaked me out.
If I were to just zone out and stare into nothing for long enough, I would actually be unable to hear what my friends were saying at all. At times, it felt like I couldn't feel my legs or arms. And the most intense visual experience of the whole trip was when I stared into the couch my friend was sitting on and behind the couch seemed to manifest a hologram of a monster, which looked like that large green alien from the film Space Jam.
My friend M could tell I was distressed, so he did change the music for me from Deftones to the Beatles. This did actually brighten my mood a lot, and I felt so thankful towards M for changing the mood for me. But even after that slight improvement in mood, the negativity, paranoia and anxiety remained. It still felt like everyone would judge me if I said something. But I still wanted to communicate what I was experiencing, I told M "This feels like a nightmare", but I don't remember what he said or if he tried to talk me out of it. So I was still stuck in this nasty introspective state.
The only thing I could do now was ride it out and wait to come down. Everyone was going to sleep and I was wide awake, frightened. I knew that at the 12 hour mark of the trip, about 11am in the morning, I would feel safe. As it got closer to that time, I felt more and more sane, but generally mindfucked from the whole experience.
At 11am, I say my goodbyes to C who is still awake and make my way home. It felt like I had been mentally assaulted. 2 weeks after this experience I still did not feel entirely okay. I have tripped on acid since, without that quantity of weed smoked. Now I don't smoke any weed when tripping. Those experiences were much smoother, clearer and easier to navigate with. I am certain that my bad trip could have been avoided if I took the acid when my friends did and if I didn't smoke any weed. I just feel generally annoyed that my first time on acid turned out to be so scary, since the comeup and peak were so enjoyable. Of course it taught me how to have a more enjoyable trip, but I don't know if I can take anything positive from the experience...all I can do is think about how it could have been so much more amazing.
I'd say over all, I probably enjoyed about 4 hours of the experience, with 6 hours of mental torture and then 2 hours of waiting to come down.
So it's December and winter in London. It had been so cold that all the roads had iced up and this made it difficult for buses to remain in service. 4 of my friends, I'll call them M, K, J and C, had taken acid in the day and went around central London. I decided not to join them at that point since I had a haircut I didn't want to cancel. If only I joined them, I think the trouble to come could have been avoided.
So my 4 friends were planning to go back to M's house and this is where I was trying to get to. I was aiming to get there for around 8pm. But because of the icy roads, I couldn't get a bus. I basically had to try and walk there, which resulted me in getting lost several times. After eventually getting a taxi, I get to M's house for about 10:30pm. So I get in and everybody's just chilling, so I suppose they're sort of coming down from the acid. But I get in and take a tab after about 15 minutes. I was hesitant to take a full tab my first time, but did it anyway. This is another point in the turn of events where I thought I could have avoided a bad trip if I had taken the tab at the same time as everyone else.
So my trip has begun at 10:45pm... waiting to come up now.
It is not long until everyone decides that we should call a dealer and pick up some weed.
We go outside and I now notice a change in mindset. I'm feeling sort of giggly and I say "This feels like shrooms" (I had taken shrooms, my first psychedelic, the previous summer).
So we make our way to the where the dealer lives, which might be a half hour walk away, although I'm certain we took longer to get there. As we're walking, the trip has definitely become stronger, since just through talking to my friends it feels like we were connected in a much different way. Walking through the streets I notice a number of visual changes. The rooftops of cars and houses look as if they're rising slightly and extending, changing the whole shape of the car or house. I was enjoying this. I would also pick up some snow and be fascinated about the way it glistened and shone against the street lights. It felt like being a kid again.
So we have the weed now and we make our way back. On the way back, we start skidding down the hill of an icy road. I thought this was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing. Before entering M's house, we decide to stare into the ice. I look down and notice that the ice is melting away before my eyes. It melts to reveal the road, then I bend down, and the road melts away to reveal what looks like a sea-bed where life is crawling. I distinctly saw something like a sea anemone vibrating its tentacles with energy. My friend C confirmed that he saw the exact same thing as well! He said he saw the "sea-life". This drug is powerful I thought.
We enter M's house and it felt like a new part of the adventure, I was excited what it would be like to trip indoors. I'm not sure what the time was now, but perhaps an hour or a bit longer had passed since I dropped. People start rolling joints, I sit on the edge of the couch to watch. Emotionally at this point I feel amazing and euphoric. I think to myself, something like, "This drug experience was made for me, why have I not taken acid before!" Visually the picture frames were bending and twisting and the colours and edges of objects were more pronounced.
After the joints are rolled, I ask someone "Is it okay to smoke weed on acid?" They replied saying "Yeah, it's really good", or something along those lines. I wish they had said something like "Well, experience the acid by itself for a bit, then take a few tokes and see how you feel". Unfortunately, I didn't get any such advice.
There were two joints in rotation. I take a toke from one and instantly, smoke comes out which turns purple and green. I take two more tokes. Immediately my headspace is changed from clarity to fuzziness. The visuals also become noticeably stronger, if they weren't already strong enough for me. The distinction between light and shadow becomes more and more pronounced until I am seeing shapes and patterns on the walls that were not previously there. I would see images of recognisable faces slide across the wall - I saw Gandhi, Hitler, Pol Pot and Bob Marley. This was strange, why was I seeing this? I do also remember seeing geometric-like patterns of light sliding across the walls which I thought was interesting.
I believe the trip started becoming negative the more weed I smoked. The increasing levels of paranoia and anxiety meant that every time I said something and someone laughed or questioned what I said, I became embarrassed and awkward. For example, after the more weed I smoked, the visuals became more intense. The play of shadow and light would morph into the shapes of contorted, demented and disfigured cartoons. Imagine Beavis and Butthead, but they look distorted, twisted and almost demonic. I try to describe what I'm seeing to a friend, he asks "What are your visuals like?" I reply with, "I see gremlins". Now, writing about this now, I know that sounds funny and even ridiculous, but because everyone was laughing after I said that, the paranoia made me think that they were mocking me and that something was wrong with my trip.
I no longer felt like talking at all since whatever I said sounded awkward and idiotic. I managed to escape this sort of mindset briefly when I went to the kitchen, but coming back in the living room meant I was stuck to the couch again, unable to escape the horrible visuals. Now for some reason I was unable to recognise that weed was causing the negativity in the trip, or even if I did, I stupidly decided to smoke weed anyway. As I smoke more, my thoughts then become stuck in a loop and because I felt unable to talk or communicate (I couldn't even make sense of my friends' conversations) I couldn't escape this loop either. The thought loop consisted of something like the following:
'I want the trip to end'
'When will it end'
'Oh, this amount of time from now'
'I don't like what I'm seeing'
'I want the trip to end'
etc.
I had also convinced myself that this is what it felt like to be insane, so I could actually have made myself insane, that I opened up some predisposition within me towards insanity and now I could never turn back. Pessimistically I thought, even if I come down from the acid (which I still knew I would at some point) I would be so traumatised and negatively affected by the experience that my mind would still be permanently damaged.
The visuals also seemed now to 'loop' in much the same way that my thoughts were. For example, I was looking at a drawing which was framed and hung on the wall. The drawing would come out of the frame, then the frame behind it would extend in front of the drawing, then the drawing would come out of the frame again, ad infinitum. This process would not stop. At this point, I would not smoke any weed, or if I did, it would be very little, since I knew it was making the trip too intense.
The visual aspect of the trip kept becoming more and more intense. Since I got my hair cut earlier that day and didn't have time to wash it, I had little bits of hair on the palms of my hand. When I looked at my palms, these little bits of black hair looked like vibrating worms digging under my skin. I had to hide my hands from myself for the rest of the trip. I could also see shadows moving under my skin which freaked me out.
If I were to just zone out and stare into nothing for long enough, I would actually be unable to hear what my friends were saying at all. At times, it felt like I couldn't feel my legs or arms. And the most intense visual experience of the whole trip was when I stared into the couch my friend was sitting on and behind the couch seemed to manifest a hologram of a monster, which looked like that large green alien from the film Space Jam.
My friend M could tell I was distressed, so he did change the music for me from Deftones to the Beatles. This did actually brighten my mood a lot, and I felt so thankful towards M for changing the mood for me. But even after that slight improvement in mood, the negativity, paranoia and anxiety remained. It still felt like everyone would judge me if I said something. But I still wanted to communicate what I was experiencing, I told M "This feels like a nightmare", but I don't remember what he said or if he tried to talk me out of it. So I was still stuck in this nasty introspective state.
The only thing I could do now was ride it out and wait to come down. Everyone was going to sleep and I was wide awake, frightened. I knew that at the 12 hour mark of the trip, about 11am in the morning, I would feel safe. As it got closer to that time, I felt more and more sane, but generally mindfucked from the whole experience.
At 11am, I say my goodbyes to C who is still awake and make my way home. It felt like I had been mentally assaulted. 2 weeks after this experience I still did not feel entirely okay. I have tripped on acid since, without that quantity of weed smoked. Now I don't smoke any weed when tripping. Those experiences were much smoother, clearer and easier to navigate with. I am certain that my bad trip could have been avoided if I took the acid when my friends did and if I didn't smoke any weed. I just feel generally annoyed that my first time on acid turned out to be so scary, since the comeup and peak were so enjoyable. Of course it taught me how to have a more enjoyable trip, but I don't know if I can take anything positive from the experience...all I can do is think about how it could have been so much more amazing.
I'd say over all, I probably enjoyed about 4 hours of the experience, with 6 hours of mental torture and then 2 hours of waiting to come down.
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