As I type this, I'm currently on day two of an Ecstasy hangover— but the thing is I feel pretty damn good. I attribute this to not only a healthy diet, abstaining from all drugs besides weed for 5 months. in addition to pre- and post-loading with antioxidants, dandelion/chicory beverage, white and green tea, ibuprofen, farmers market fresh salad, and Piracetam, but also to the internal changes that I'm noticing are arising from the experience.
I had my first encounter with the press when I took one Orange and one Blue on top of salvia and mushrooms, and needless to say, even though it wasn't the best time in my life for me to be taking drugs, it was the cleanest and most intense roll of my life; an extremely visceral experience... Which also put my already stressed body under more pressure and resulted in a killer hangover. Which was fully worth it.
When those Mickey Mouse pills were flooding California, I took it to myself to stock up on as much as I could at the time, which was only four. A shame, because they were so cheap and I was so broke.
I took one out of those four pills in conjunction with some acid, still at a time in my life where I should not have been taking drugs because of my emotional state. What resulted was a disastrous trip where all the weight of all my problems toppled down on me.
Then, and the previous three years I had dealt with several MTBIs and other in-fucking-sane traumatic experiences that happened too fast in such a short time span that affected me in ways I can't even describe. I started to have severe anxiety and panic attacks, became afraid of and lost trust in people, had mild frequent flashbacks, and became isolated for the most part.
A little background on myself:
Male, somewhere between 5' 7'' and 5'' 9', I have no clue.
My drug resumé (in no specific order) includes tobacco, alcohol, weed, salvia, mushrooms, LSD, LSA, supposed 5-MeO-AMT, MDMA and various analogues, piperazines and PCP (both accidental), L. Lysdexamphetamine/Dextroamphetamine, Methylphenidate, Codeine, OxyCodone, Nitrous Oxide, Blue Lotus, Kanna, Kava, Mescaline (San Pedro), and low doses of 2C-E.
I've been practicing meditation for around three years, having turned to it after some transcendental experiences on mushrooms and LSD.
My philosophy with 'drugs'— it is never the drug that changes you, but the experience that it catalyzed. I'm sure all you Bluelighters understand that but when I talk to most people in my daily life it's like talking to a wall. Anyway, moving on.
I don't feel like I want to or that it's even necessary for me to recount the details of the experience more than describing the results...
The months before this experience I had started to make significant mental breakthroughs surrounding my anxiety, my views on life, past happenings, relationships, people, and myself. I felt like I started to see light at the end of a long drawn tunnel, and so I started to become hopeful.
The big day came, 11/11/11! I wanted to roll on this day, and I did.
"11/11/11, man! Our wishes will come true all day!"
I've always said and still say to this day that MDMA is my favorite drug. It always manages to break down boundaries and create open dialogue without fail, when you take it in the right set and setting with the right people. The insight and bonds it creates are 100% authentic and real, and I just can't explain enough how incredible, therapeutic, and beautiful this drug is when used responsibly and correctly.
We meditated beforehand, then went outside, lit some incense, and dedicated the merit. Then we walked to go get some gum, and got back. Then it hit us.
We talked, completely uncensored. About the past. About watching those close to us die right in front of us while they're still alive, becoming hollow shells of their former selves. We finally reconnected, and patched over tons of things between us and other traumas that we both experienced separately.
It was a huge release of repressed emotion. Kneading and releasing psychic tension. Sharing music, and just seeing reality clearly for once, again. I let myself be sad. I let myself mourn those once close to me. I let myself send my best wishes to them with all the fucking sentimental music playing in the background.
...to the beautiful disaster: goodbye, i'll always love you...
...to the girl with the groove: you're too fucking smart to let all this happen to you...i hope you can be happy some day.
...to the girl with a big heart: i'm seeing you slip. but you'll come around some day...
...to the old friend: we had good times, but you're not even you anymore. i'll miss those times we went on 15 hour acid expeditions. goodbye.
I finally let myself fucking cry for once. God damn, I deserved it, I had been holding it back.
We went out towards the darker hours and talked under the local elementary school roof, watching the pouring rain.
My life is finally heading towards where I want it to be. New positive relationships are in the making, I have a decent small community, life is seeming beautiful again, and I have direction with my creative endeavors.
We dipped for about 45 minutes, but came back to a nice pleasant high, feeling all cozy, and retired to our rooms.
I definitely didn't hit my sweet spot dose to get to that magic place, but this was 100% satisfying in that I resolved alot of internal things. The only thing I missed was the entactogenic and mindblowing music aspect that comes with hitting the sweet spot. Don't get me wrong, I was rolling, but not in the magic spot. I look forward to doing MDMA again in say 4-12 months. I have yet to see good pills or MDMA around here though...
I post loaded with lots of antioxidants, piracetam, and healthy food. I definitely feel like my serotonin system is out of wack, but not in the sense that I'm hungover. I feel different. I see lots of my negative thought patterns loosely connected, floating around in my brain. I'm only a tiny bit cognitively slow. Otherwise I'm perfectly functional and feeling well.
Some interesting things I've noticed so far: Life feels alot more cozy and nice, and my compulsion to log onto Facebook has been almost nonexistent which is crazy because I habitually go on Facebook when I don't need to.
The other person I rolled with also has noticed that his compulsion to play video games was almost nonexistent. He used them as a negative coping mechanism before.
In conclusion:
MDMA = my favorite practical drug for bonding, thinking, being, and exploring. Now I've been going through mood swings between feeling depleted of serotonin, and feeling ecstatic. Things are great though
Edit: also during and after the roll I kept very hydrated and drank gatorade.
Finally done writing this, lol. Time to take a shower and take care of school and music stuff today. Also, I mispelled "Releasing" in the title, if mods could fix that, it'd be awesome. The 'e' key is weak on my computer lol. Thanks
Tagged by bindingaffinity
substancecode_ecstasy
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
I had my first encounter with the press when I took one Orange and one Blue on top of salvia and mushrooms, and needless to say, even though it wasn't the best time in my life for me to be taking drugs, it was the cleanest and most intense roll of my life; an extremely visceral experience... Which also put my already stressed body under more pressure and resulted in a killer hangover. Which was fully worth it.
When those Mickey Mouse pills were flooding California, I took it to myself to stock up on as much as I could at the time, which was only four. A shame, because they were so cheap and I was so broke.
I took one out of those four pills in conjunction with some acid, still at a time in my life where I should not have been taking drugs because of my emotional state. What resulted was a disastrous trip where all the weight of all my problems toppled down on me.
Then, and the previous three years I had dealt with several MTBIs and other in-fucking-sane traumatic experiences that happened too fast in such a short time span that affected me in ways I can't even describe. I started to have severe anxiety and panic attacks, became afraid of and lost trust in people, had mild frequent flashbacks, and became isolated for the most part.
A little background on myself:
Male, somewhere between 5' 7'' and 5'' 9', I have no clue.
My drug resumé (in no specific order) includes tobacco, alcohol, weed, salvia, mushrooms, LSD, LSA, supposed 5-MeO-AMT, MDMA and various analogues, piperazines and PCP (both accidental), L. Lysdexamphetamine/Dextroamphetamine, Methylphenidate, Codeine, OxyCodone, Nitrous Oxide, Blue Lotus, Kanna, Kava, Mescaline (San Pedro), and low doses of 2C-E.
I've been practicing meditation for around three years, having turned to it after some transcendental experiences on mushrooms and LSD.
My philosophy with 'drugs'— it is never the drug that changes you, but the experience that it catalyzed. I'm sure all you Bluelighters understand that but when I talk to most people in my daily life it's like talking to a wall. Anyway, moving on.
I don't feel like I want to or that it's even necessary for me to recount the details of the experience more than describing the results...
The months before this experience I had started to make significant mental breakthroughs surrounding my anxiety, my views on life, past happenings, relationships, people, and myself. I felt like I started to see light at the end of a long drawn tunnel, and so I started to become hopeful.
The big day came, 11/11/11! I wanted to roll on this day, and I did.
"11/11/11, man! Our wishes will come true all day!"
I've always said and still say to this day that MDMA is my favorite drug. It always manages to break down boundaries and create open dialogue without fail, when you take it in the right set and setting with the right people. The insight and bonds it creates are 100% authentic and real, and I just can't explain enough how incredible, therapeutic, and beautiful this drug is when used responsibly and correctly.
We meditated beforehand, then went outside, lit some incense, and dedicated the merit. Then we walked to go get some gum, and got back. Then it hit us.
We talked, completely uncensored. About the past. About watching those close to us die right in front of us while they're still alive, becoming hollow shells of their former selves. We finally reconnected, and patched over tons of things between us and other traumas that we both experienced separately.
It was a huge release of repressed emotion. Kneading and releasing psychic tension. Sharing music, and just seeing reality clearly for once, again. I let myself be sad. I let myself mourn those once close to me. I let myself send my best wishes to them with all the fucking sentimental music playing in the background.
...to the beautiful disaster: goodbye, i'll always love you...
...to the girl with the groove: you're too fucking smart to let all this happen to you...i hope you can be happy some day.
...to the girl with a big heart: i'm seeing you slip. but you'll come around some day...
...to the old friend: we had good times, but you're not even you anymore. i'll miss those times we went on 15 hour acid expeditions. goodbye.
I finally let myself fucking cry for once. God damn, I deserved it, I had been holding it back.
We went out towards the darker hours and talked under the local elementary school roof, watching the pouring rain.
My life is finally heading towards where I want it to be. New positive relationships are in the making, I have a decent small community, life is seeming beautiful again, and I have direction with my creative endeavors.
We dipped for about 45 minutes, but came back to a nice pleasant high, feeling all cozy, and retired to our rooms.
I definitely didn't hit my sweet spot dose to get to that magic place, but this was 100% satisfying in that I resolved alot of internal things. The only thing I missed was the entactogenic and mindblowing music aspect that comes with hitting the sweet spot. Don't get me wrong, I was rolling, but not in the magic spot. I look forward to doing MDMA again in say 4-12 months. I have yet to see good pills or MDMA around here though...
I post loaded with lots of antioxidants, piracetam, and healthy food. I definitely feel like my serotonin system is out of wack, but not in the sense that I'm hungover. I feel different. I see lots of my negative thought patterns loosely connected, floating around in my brain. I'm only a tiny bit cognitively slow. Otherwise I'm perfectly functional and feeling well.
Some interesting things I've noticed so far: Life feels alot more cozy and nice, and my compulsion to log onto Facebook has been almost nonexistent which is crazy because I habitually go on Facebook when I don't need to.
The other person I rolled with also has noticed that his compulsion to play video games was almost nonexistent. He used them as a negative coping mechanism before.
In conclusion:
MDMA = my favorite practical drug for bonding, thinking, being, and exploring. Now I've been going through mood swings between feeling depleted of serotonin, and feeling ecstatic. Things are great though
Edit: also during and after the roll I kept very hydrated and drank gatorade.
Finally done writing this, lol. Time to take a shower and take care of school and music stuff today. Also, I mispelled "Releasing" in the title, if mods could fix that, it'd be awesome. The 'e' key is weak on my computer lol. Thanks
Tagged by bindingaffinity
substancecode_ecstasy
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
Last edited:
