What is the deal with my anxiety?

[DoDrugsForTheLulz]

Hey. This turned out to be a bit of a rant.

First order of business, I have no idea why I registered under this username. Perhaps I was e-tarded. With this out of the way, I take it as most of the people here are recreational drug users, you're all fairly familiar with anxiety.

I was skimming a page on here just the other day and read something that caught my attention and I couldn't get it out of my head for a while.

In retrospect, I've long been suffering from anxiety. I grew up in a Eastern European country, moved to the US at a rather tender age, had to learn English in a midst of a complete and utter culture shock, among a million other things. And even in my childhood I remember myself being super sensitive, I guess. That I attributed to being in and out of hospitals all the time. Anyway,

Up until very recently I figured that my anxiety was caused by a horrible mushroom trip that I had a couple of years back - that's when I started experiencing rather frequent panic attacks, and in turn, panic in anticipation of more panic attacks (isn't it funny how that works?) but like I was saying I was on this board and someone's post read "... it's due to excessive free-flowing adrenaline, try beta-blockers". I have in fact heard of beta blockers before as anxiety treatment but now it makes complete sense.

For instance, every time I feel like speaking up in class and I can't do it right away, the anticipation starts building up and I start FREAKING OUT - I've had this for so long I didn't even consider it this way - but my heart starts pounding, head flushing, breaths become deeper, etc - standard unpleasant adrenaline rush. Same with public speaking (although this is fairly common) and any sort of public performance, including sometimes even the conversation; that I rationalized as being a relic of learning a language "the hard way", but it never occurred to me before that "normal" people don't have it.

It's almost as if I've habituated my life to a constant small level of anxiety. However, after I work out really hard, for a short while - all of my anxiety goes away. My mother has the same thing and I suspect my gramps does as well, though they never ever told me about this running in the family.

Have you guys ever heard anything of this free flowing adrenaline? Any experience with the beta blockers?

I was meaning to see a shrink at some point soon, I would hate to resort to benzodiazephines.

 

[KoreyS]

I have experience with beta blockers for some heart/ cardiovascular symptom i was experiencing due to hyperthyroidism. It did a great job of slowing pulse, lowering blood pressure and easing palpitations and chest pains, so if those are things you get during your anxiety/ panic attacks, then sure they'll work.

However, they don't take away the actually feeling of being anxious or nervous, just a lot of the physical symptoms that come with it (ie. racing heart, sweating and other "fight or flight" feelings). My guess would be that an SSRi would be a lot more effective for your anxiety than a beta blocker would.

 

[AfterGlow]

Yup! I've found that a really hard workout makes me feel better than any benzo, anti psychotic or anti depressant I've ever taken for anxiety. Also, the fact that you recognize your anxious response as a learned habitual response to circumstances is a huge win for you. The basis of CBT is to become more aware of your emotions and behaviors and adjust your response to situations with mindfulness. Have you ever tried meditation? Vipassana meditation can help you overcome anxiety without drugs. I highly recommend it.

It's almost as if I've habituated my life to a constant small level of anxiety. However, after I work out really hard, for a short while - all of my anxiety goes away.

 

[DoDrugsForTheLulz]

My guess would be that an SSRi would be a lot more effective for your anxiety than a beta blocker would.

Hey thanks for the input, guys.

Yeah, see, I don't want an SSRI. Or a benzo. Or anything that is a long-term "solution" that is extremely habituating. In my book SSRI's and MAOIs are pretty hardcore.

Actually, a friend of mine recently got prescribed klonopins, which is the reason I started thinking about prescriptions to help me deal with anxiety. That being said he's taking a hardcore script of benzos and already claims to be pretty addicted (though he enjoys them enough that he doesn't care) - I really, really don't want that. The beauty of beta blockers for me is that first of all they don't really mess with the head *too* much. Just block adrenaline somewhat, purely physical rather than cognitive - it will be up to me to use that breather to de-habituate myself from excessive anxiety.

De-habituation of course is the permanent solution that I'm looking for; but it's been SO hard for the past dozen years when anxiety perpetuates anxiety itself via the physical symptoms :/

If you feel like I have an incorrect view of SSRI's feel free to explain what they feel like, although right now my position is highly skeptical

Have you ever tried meditation?

Actually, as part of my desperate-turn-lifetime-goal attempt to get my head on track I've explored Eastern philosophy rather in depth and in fact I converted from a long-time atheist into a Buddhist (although it's hard to call that a conversion. I'm still an atheist for all intents and purposes as Buddhism is a perspective rather than a religion even though it has some bells and whistles)

That has made me come a long way in overcoming the anxiety but still, it's a microstep. Maybe by the time I'm 70 I will have finally feel at ease but until then I need some kind of a catalyst.

In all honesty I might be willing to give benzos a shot if the beta blockers don't work but I just have a good feeling about beta blockers. It seems that physical sensation is the aggravating factor of all of my anxiety.



For instance, back in the day when I first tried smoking pot I FREAKED. Why? Because my heart was racing. Some years after when I had some Vyvanse, I also freaked, although it was a little more controllable that time, but for about 1.5 years after that and until this day, I've been plagued by panic attacks simply because my heart was beating fast unexplicably. I think that if I sat down right now and gave it a really good thinking, I could induce an anxiety attack just thinking about my heart. I'm kind of surprised I forgot about that, I must have tried really damn hard to forget.

tl;dr What's the deal with SSRI's?

 

[KoreyS]

If your heart is constantly racing and shit, have you ever looked into a possible overactive thyroid?

 

[Pegasus]

OP, beta bloakcer will help with physical symptoms of anxiety like perspiration, not mental ones like actual fear. I don't advocate using benzos long term, but maybe having a few around for extreme circumstances is a good idea. You know, they don't have to be taken with frequency sufficient to cause addiction.

Barring this, I think you have to work on the anxiety like a task you are trying to improve at, not as something that holds you back. The medications are only a band-aid for your life; for real relief, you need to work towards resolve.

(Speaking from experience, here)