Pitch Black: Party report and rambling musings on sober partying.

loupy

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 4, 1999
Messages
867
Y'know, I don't know what icon to put for this post. The party report part deserves the
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but the musings seem to ask for the paper thingy. I'd say lightbulb, but I doubt my thoughts are terribly original
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Anyhow, for those of you who don't have long attention spans (like me
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), you're gonna hate this. And for those who remember my last party report (all one of you) I apologize for putting you through this twice
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And before I go anywhere, I'd like to say right now that I think there is no such thing as an unattractive raverboi. Oh geez.
Okay, I have to admit, Pitch Black was a skin of my teeth deal. I basically saw the lineup, had my jaw drop, called all my friends and made them buy tickets, then promptly forgot about it. Until about two days ago when I got into that 'too hyper to handle' pre-party state
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. Anyhow, nothing was planned until 6:30 tonight when I got home from work and called everyone and their brother in a frenzy, trying to get things organized. I even had co-workers who might have ended up coming, as well as a *really* cute customer who came into my work. The co-worker kinda fell through (shoulda come with me, I say), but everything else fell into place amazingly easily. Minor problem was with the Bluelighters. I had NO idea who was doing what when, and unfortunately I had no time to stick around and find out. I'm sorry guys
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So me and my crew have dinner, talk about geek stuff (as they're all programmers - and making a lot more money now than I suspect I ever will), and then head off to the rave. See, they can talk about Linux and whatnot ALL they like, raving's *my* domain!
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I have fun pointing out little things like 'See that guy with the flashlight? He's looking for drugs people dropped.' But anyhow, Pitch Black.
Parking was amazingly simple. Free, and we managed to snag a place in the parking structure right next to the Freedman Forum. Picked up the tickets at will-call (which I was worried about, but again, amazingly simple) and stood in line for a whole whopping half hour or something. Sure the security was rattling off a list of 'not alloweds' like lighters and cigarettes and pacifiers and candy and whatnot. When I got to the door, I still had five glowstix in my pocket, the guy just patted them, asked what they were, and then let me in without checking. The info line said that the security was nice. And they were. I only noticed their presence when they tried to keep the crowd moving just inside the front door. Other than that, they were practically invisible. I like to think that was because all the party-goers were also amazingly well-behaved. The ONE security guard I ever saw circulating through the crowd was even bobbing his head to the music.
The music. OH. MY. LORD. In fact, it's killing me that it's still going on right now as I sit here writing up this post. But then it probably would have killed me if I stayed, though in a more literal sense
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. Amazingly enough, at least for me, raving sober is much harder on my body than rolling face.
Anyhow, it's funny that I can't recall a single song or whatever from the party. It's all this big blur of... energy. I can remember snippets, like the 80's song that was played at Chipmunk speed, and the very beginning to Ozzie's 'Crazy Train' (that whole train song though, I DO remember most about - I just about came, I kid you not... more on that later), and the orgasm song that nearly killed me when the beat slowed down to an unbearable speed - though that was great to watch EVERYone in the crowd moving at that speed, and then suddenly let loose when the tempo picked up.
I don't even think I knew what DJ was playing at any given time ('cept the train thingy, and I'm hunting that mp3 DOWN) - hell, I hardly knew that I was dancing. It was just... what I had to do. Even while blowing people up or tripping them out, I was a dancing fool (ie, me, only dancing
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). I dunno, I've NEVER had the music take control of me like that. Not sober. Hell, not even rolling.
Which brings me to some musings. Merits of sober rolling. Not to say it's better than *not*-sober, not at all. Just... that it's very rewarding in its own right. I said that I've never had the music take over like that while rolling. It's true. When I'm rolling face, the music has a whole other control over me. Something more pervasive, but less noticed because it's so all-encompassing. It's my heartbeat, the throb in my brain, the lifeblood in my veins almost. But it's working with the X, in a partnership, a symbiosis. And, to tell you the truth, when I'm rolling, I'm distracted from the music at the same time I'm dependant on it. It's appreciated, but still fades to the background. Like I won't even notice that I'm moving to a song until something brings my attention to it, and therefore the song that's causing the movement.
Sober. Things are different. Oh, music is my life. I need it to be on continuously. I need it to go to bed even, it's my security blanket. I even use it to alter my moods (we all do, but..). I'm in a bad mood, I put in something soothing. Or something energetic if I need a boost. Or something dark if I FEEL like being moody. Tool and old Alice in Chains are wonderful at that for me. Again, the music is all pervasive, but... I'm more *aware* of it. I know how it controls me. Sometimes I let go to it, sometimes I resist. Usually I have a choice.
I had no choice tonight, and I loved it.
Fully aware, fully conscious, I gave up myself and I danced. Just like I would while rolling, but my mind was fully on the music, was fully on the dancing. I *realized* every move I made, even if I didn't know what caused me to do it at the time. I think it's Buddhism that teaches you to be *aware* of everything that you do. The basic tenet of meditation is to breathe and *know* that you are breathing. I danced, and I *knew* that I was dancing. Music WAS my XTC tonight.
Oh, trust me, I was tempted. I was blowing people up all night, and I realized that I LOVE the vicarious high I get when I see someone just standing there in uncontrollable bliss at what I just did. It's almost like sex, where half of my enjoyment (if not more sometimes) comes COMPLETELY from knowing that I'm *causing* enjoyment. But I would blow Vicks into their eyes, and feel some of it hit mine and cause them to water and I *wanted* that feeling on X. But I made a promise. And besides, blowing people up while sober is... again, rewarding. Because I DID have that conscious knowledge that I just made someone's night. Which was probably made before and would be made again, given the nature of our favorite drug, but still
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That promise was hard to keep when someone I just blew up asked if I was rolling. I said 'Nope, next week.' And he said 'you sure?' 'Yeah, taking a short break.' 'I got Lifesavers and Pandas.' 'How many?' Heh, I admit, I was weak for an instant, but I actually kinda intended on bringing something good for my visit, so, now I'm broke and have three something goods
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They called from my pocket but once, as I moved back to my friends and began to dance again. It'd already been a couple of hours, and I was disappointed that there was nary a Bluelighter to be had. Plus I had run out of my first wind.
Key to surviving sober partying and still having a shitload of fun: Don't Stop Dancing. Once you do, you'll get sore, and tired, and cranky, and then just go 'fuck it, I'm gonna sit here for the rest of the night.' Cuz you won't gain your momentum back. Sure, I got tired, so I slowed down a little. Didn't stomp people's feet so much, kept the whacking people in the head with glowstix to a minimum, and then the most wonderful thing hit. Actually, two wonderful things. One was an AWESOME set, and the other was my second wind.
Runners report a feeling of euphoria when they run for long periods of time, pushing themselves to their physical and mental limits. They, imaginatively, call this 'Runner's High.' Basically it's a big rush of endorphins, much like the release during the 'fight or flight' reaction. I always thought that, well, I'm far too lazy and disliking of intense physical exertion to ever experience that. Well, I liked football, but you get a short break after every play.
Oh, I push myself when I party. I'm pretty much out of shape, and I dance for hours. But usually I have a little help from our friend. And usually when rolling, there's long breaks for being blown up and back rubs and alla that (GOD I could use a backrub right now). I danced for six hours straight. Even after a break when I went on my Bluelighter hunt. I said I almost came. Runner's High. I so totally did not expect it, but this intense song just grabbed me, I closed my eyes, let go of my body and let it do what it wanted, and I damn near collapsed when the euphoria came. And it was made just that more intense in knowing that I did not ingest a single thing to get it. And the best part was all I needed to do to get it back was to close my eyes and let go again.
No, it wasn't quite the rolling euphoria, and not constant. But there was something very... profound in it. Back to that Buddhist *knowing*. For a moment, I *knew*. I never was able to get into a meditative state (very hard when the slightest thing distracts you), but I think I touched something of it tonight. It was a combination of factors, and something that probably wouldn't have been brought about had Pitch Black not been one of the two parties, if not *the* best party, I have ever been to, venue- and lineup-wise. The vibe was just... unbelievable. And I met a ton of awesome people, especially with blow-up tricks. Heh, especially fun was the hottie sans shirt who never had a Vicks inhaler used on him. Mrowr.
Anyhow, yeah, if the party was at the Fox in LA, I'd probably not have even bothered, but I wanted to go to this one, and it WAY overshot even my good expectations. I was worried about being able to swing it sober too. Definitely worried about my endurance (though that actually didn't give out - my friends decided to leave and I didn't wanna be alone... kinda proud to their reaction when I said that I pretty much didn't stop dancing, they're all 'We *know*' in that baffled sorta way), but also a little worried about getting the same amount of enjoyment as I would have while rolling. I think I set that fear to rest.
Again, I honestly don't think sober vs. rolling is a matter of deciding which is best. I'm not going straight edge because of tonight, that's for sure. My fears were just allayed. Honestly, I think, now, that people who say raving sober is a waste are just as wrong as those who say raving un-sober is a waste. They BOTH have their merits. Tonight was a moment of clarity and reminder, letting me realize what I love about raving in general, and how you get such totally different things out of it depending on how you do it. Well, not totally, but your appreciations shift.
Looking back, even with disappointment that I didn't get to stay longer (along with the knowledge that staying longer would probably mean me being unable to get from my car to my bed
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), if given the freedom of choice, I don't *think* I'd choose to drop a bean.
No, I'm sure I wouldn't have. I realized WHY I rave and even why I roll (reasoning that was getting a little fuzzy lately on both counts). I made both things rare again, and in being rare, precious.
I wouldn't go so far as to make Pitch Black a spiritual experience for me (despite my words). It was more just... plain realization. I wear a certain pendant around my neck (which, well, *does* have spiritual connotations) that means, essentially, 'balance.' Something I've been finding to be slipping in my life lately. Things that I know should be important haven't been, while the things I knew I shouldn't care too much about occupied my time ... Which actually hasn't a thing to do with the point I was trying to make with this paragraph. The point was just that, in this monsterously off-topic ramble, I'm just pointing out some things I thought about. And one of those things is that often in the issue of sober vs. rolling, it's assumed that one is better than the other. It might seem I even took a side in this post, but I didn't. In fact, quite the opposite. I think I stuck myself quite firmly in the middle of the road where both directions of traffic can run over me
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. It's just that I suspect I wouldn't be reaching many 'sober partiers' by posting on this board
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. For the other extreme (and fortunately, there's very few - at least, I hope), who think that sobriety means a lesser experience... I dunno, just sort through my words and find my meanings. Even if it's *not* the music for you, if it's the companionship or the freedom to be whoever you are, or *whatever*, just kinda, y'know, think about how different aspects of those things you love can be explored different ways. Hell, at the very least, (and I curse Willy Shakespeare for being so goddamn right), absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Like last time, kudos to whoever made it to the bottom. Hopefully you'll know what I'm saying. Meanwhile everyone else is assuming I've gone straight edge or something
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. If so, next weekend should *really* confuse them
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It should be obvious by now that it's not the X talking when I say love to you all, and PLUR, and, well, all the other smushy stuff
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(I just looked over this again, and I decided that I really need another tone of voice for these late-night - EEK, sun's rising - err, early morning posts.
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)
Loupy
And that's it, I'm going to bed.
 
great post
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it's good to see a "trip report", or i guess in this case it's more of an "evening report". seems like there haven't been many of them lately
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i think you got it bang on when you were talking about the differences between raving sober and on pills! especially in the difference between your perception of music in the different states!
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WOW!!!! that was great. i'm glad someone could put those feelings in the right words so that it's understood. i've been partying for a few years now, and have experienced both sides. i COMPLETELY agree!!!! not so much the dancing, but definetely the MUSIC and companionship! i've come to realize over the years that i can't dance. in fact, i've only found myself dancing well a few times. you must be a spectacular dancer to have gone for that long!!! think you can give me some pointers??? i'd appreciate it soooo much!!! peace, and again, GREAT post!!!
email me: [email protected]
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The scene is about Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect, but most importantly, it's to DANCE MUTHERFUCKER!!!
 
*nuzzle* Loupy, I luv ya.
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Hee, Rollhard, yes he can dance wonderfully.
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Da boi gots da groove.
I'm the one loupy made that promise to.. It was an unspoken promise now that I think about it, but I'm so glad that we've both been so strong and gone without rolling so long.. In three and a half days he's flying to Ohio to come visit me (iiieee!!bouncebouncetwirlskippitybounce!) And we'll get to roll together for the first time since New Years... I know it will be one of my best rolls ever.
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I'm so excited.
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Thanks for the awesome report on Pitch Black. Reading this, it just makes me so glad all over again that I got ya into the party scene, because you just... do it so well.
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Hm, that doesn't make much sense, heh. What I mean is you just love it for all the best possible reasons... I suppose I knew you would.
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~*~ Ashke ~*~
 
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