sleepy_door_mouse
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 2, 2007
- Messages
- 5
I try to be a relatively upbeat person; but sometimes the crazy, unhappy bastard inside has to come out... Enjoy!
I just dont understand, alright?
All of it. Any of it.
I dont understand how a drug that kills millions, ruins lives and ends (given long enough) in one tragedy or another can be perfectly legal; yet a not-so-dissimilar drug, which harms only the users (and sometimes not even them), can earn a man time in a cage.
I dont understand the laws. Not the customs or traditions. Not the morals or values.
I dont understand how the masses can be so easily bought into believing in someone, tricked like children at a magic show - poof, rabbit-of-the-hat, smoke and mirrors, the whole shebang.
I dont understand how food rots in some places, while the people rot in others.
I dont understand how love and hate are so close, how pain and pleasure are but a hair's width apart.
I dont understand hope, the essence of positive-possibility; faith in something better, still yet to come. Wait for tomorrow.
I dont understand how Im supposed to live life without any inkling of leaving a mark, no thought of bearing change. Dust in the wind.
I dont understand how in a few years time a man can fall, crumbling like ancient brick, into nothing. A facade. A shadow of himself.
I dont understand the minds. Not happiness or sadness. Not love or even hatred. Certainly not trust, assuredly not faith.
I dont understand the hope. Not for a better tomorrow. Not for a revolution. Not even for today.
I dont understand how Im supposed to trust a creature of free will, a being who has no restraints but those it creates for itself.
I dont understand you. Humans. Homo-sapien, 'children of God'. Us. We. Me.
I understand your wants - lust and greed, hunger and pain, fear and pleasure. I understand, but I rarely share - which I suppose means I dont really understand at all.
I just dont understand, and as a human, a being bound to the mortal coil, I likely never will.
I keep trying, and it just dosnt work out.
Trying to change minds is a job for liars - those who enjoy the power of warping the truth to their own ends.
Not me.
Trying to help others is a job for bleeding hearts and masochists - those who get wet thinking of an unaccomplishable goal with their name on it.
Not me.
Trying to feel is for those who have little else - they throw themselves into emotion, sensation, the moment; even if the moment isnt real.
Not me.
Trying to change things is for those with no concept of history - in a world of 6.5 billion, everyone is just a fad. A one hit wonder. A lesson in outwiththeoldinwiththenew.
Not me.
Trying to hope is for those who believe is something more - a fairy tale of Gods and Devils, angels, demons and eternal life.
Not real. Not me.
Trying to trust is for those with closed eyes - you cant trust anyone in a world of free will, because no matter how hard you work for someone they will never value you over themselves.
Not ever.
Not me.
So what am I, if none of the above?
There are men out there, great in their own right, who wish only to watch.
To watch Troy burn. To watch Germany falter. To watch it all fade to ash.
Not so they can keep track, and not so they can remember - they do it so they know they are still alive. They do it, because where everything else fails them, watching never will.
You can never see enough, my darlings.
Never see it all. Not in one lifetime.
And, not to ruin the ending, we all die. Every one of us.
In the end, it really does come down to what youve seen. It really comes down to who really lived.
Me?
Im alive.
For now.
I understand that 20-something years is a short time in which to make a basis.
I understand I might be jumping the gun; pun thoroughly intended.
But really, who cares?
One more fish out of the sea, flopping itself dry in the sun, gasping for the last breath that will never come.
But maybe that fish has the right idea.
Water distorts light - youve seen it, coming out of a pool or the sea; radiance twisted and swirled, becoming a confusing jumble, a warped reality.
But once youre through, once you pass the surface, everything seems so clear - everything makes sense again.
The flopping fish, he sees clearly, if only for an instant.
His eyes are open, no film of distortion blocking the truth. No barrier blocking corrupting the light.
That fish, as he contorts in pain, his last moments fading away with each gasping attempt at breathing - he can suddenly see it all.
The land. The trees. The sky. The sun.
A bursting orb of light so powerful, so impossibly large and far-away that it seems like a fantasy to those scurrying about on the surface of this rock.
That fish, in his last minutes, last seconds in this world, his last seconds as 'that fish', they may well be the best.
It may be that thats the idea.
Maybe we have to fight against what we see, maybe we have to take the path that leads to destruction, if only for that last instant of clarity.
Maybe, in those last few seconds of life, looking out over an alien landscape and blinded by a burning ball of heat and light a billion miles away, that fish is the happiest fish in the whole of existence....No, not happy: Fulfilled.
Or maybe it just dies.
'To be reborn, first you have to die.'
Hey, we all gotta start somewhere.
Dont ask me - I already told you, I dont even understand myself.
And for the record - eyebrows make the man. Can you dig it?
I just dont understand, alright?
All of it. Any of it.
I dont understand how a drug that kills millions, ruins lives and ends (given long enough) in one tragedy or another can be perfectly legal; yet a not-so-dissimilar drug, which harms only the users (and sometimes not even them), can earn a man time in a cage.
I dont understand the laws. Not the customs or traditions. Not the morals or values.
I dont understand how the masses can be so easily bought into believing in someone, tricked like children at a magic show - poof, rabbit-of-the-hat, smoke and mirrors, the whole shebang.
I dont understand how food rots in some places, while the people rot in others.
I dont understand how love and hate are so close, how pain and pleasure are but a hair's width apart.
I dont understand hope, the essence of positive-possibility; faith in something better, still yet to come. Wait for tomorrow.
I dont understand how Im supposed to live life without any inkling of leaving a mark, no thought of bearing change. Dust in the wind.
I dont understand how in a few years time a man can fall, crumbling like ancient brick, into nothing. A facade. A shadow of himself.
I dont understand the minds. Not happiness or sadness. Not love or even hatred. Certainly not trust, assuredly not faith.
I dont understand the hope. Not for a better tomorrow. Not for a revolution. Not even for today.
I dont understand how Im supposed to trust a creature of free will, a being who has no restraints but those it creates for itself.
I dont understand you. Humans. Homo-sapien, 'children of God'. Us. We. Me.
I understand your wants - lust and greed, hunger and pain, fear and pleasure. I understand, but I rarely share - which I suppose means I dont really understand at all.
I just dont understand, and as a human, a being bound to the mortal coil, I likely never will.
I keep trying, and it just dosnt work out.
Trying to change minds is a job for liars - those who enjoy the power of warping the truth to their own ends.
Not me.
Trying to help others is a job for bleeding hearts and masochists - those who get wet thinking of an unaccomplishable goal with their name on it.
Not me.
Trying to feel is for those who have little else - they throw themselves into emotion, sensation, the moment; even if the moment isnt real.
Not me.
Trying to change things is for those with no concept of history - in a world of 6.5 billion, everyone is just a fad. A one hit wonder. A lesson in outwiththeoldinwiththenew.
Not me.
Trying to hope is for those who believe is something more - a fairy tale of Gods and Devils, angels, demons and eternal life.
Not real. Not me.
Trying to trust is for those with closed eyes - you cant trust anyone in a world of free will, because no matter how hard you work for someone they will never value you over themselves.
Not ever.
Not me.
So what am I, if none of the above?
There are men out there, great in their own right, who wish only to watch.
To watch Troy burn. To watch Germany falter. To watch it all fade to ash.
Not so they can keep track, and not so they can remember - they do it so they know they are still alive. They do it, because where everything else fails them, watching never will.
You can never see enough, my darlings.
Never see it all. Not in one lifetime.
And, not to ruin the ending, we all die. Every one of us.
In the end, it really does come down to what youve seen. It really comes down to who really lived.
Me?
Im alive.
For now.
I understand that 20-something years is a short time in which to make a basis.
I understand I might be jumping the gun; pun thoroughly intended.
But really, who cares?
One more fish out of the sea, flopping itself dry in the sun, gasping for the last breath that will never come.
But maybe that fish has the right idea.
Water distorts light - youve seen it, coming out of a pool or the sea; radiance twisted and swirled, becoming a confusing jumble, a warped reality.
But once youre through, once you pass the surface, everything seems so clear - everything makes sense again.
The flopping fish, he sees clearly, if only for an instant.
His eyes are open, no film of distortion blocking the truth. No barrier blocking corrupting the light.
That fish, as he contorts in pain, his last moments fading away with each gasping attempt at breathing - he can suddenly see it all.
The land. The trees. The sky. The sun.
A bursting orb of light so powerful, so impossibly large and far-away that it seems like a fantasy to those scurrying about on the surface of this rock.
That fish, in his last minutes, last seconds in this world, his last seconds as 'that fish', they may well be the best.
It may be that thats the idea.
Maybe we have to fight against what we see, maybe we have to take the path that leads to destruction, if only for that last instant of clarity.
Maybe, in those last few seconds of life, looking out over an alien landscape and blinded by a burning ball of heat and light a billion miles away, that fish is the happiest fish in the whole of existence....No, not happy: Fulfilled.
Or maybe it just dies.
'To be reborn, first you have to die.'
Hey, we all gotta start somewhere.
Dont ask me - I already told you, I dont even understand myself.
And for the record - eyebrows make the man. Can you dig it?
