Meth-psychosis stories.... you know you have one..

Every time I took meth during a period of about 5 months I was convinced that I was stuck in a 'game' that my friends had created. It was up to me to observe, analyse, understand and then finally break out of it before things would return to normal. A lot of it was based on rhthym; everything seemed out of sync. It was literally as though something had clicked out of place and everyone was following a different beat to what they would usually be following.

The time spent with my friends was torture for both me and them. I was acting so irrationally, thinking that they were dropping clues into conversations to solve the game. I hung on to every word they said knowing that on the surface they were bullshit stories, but it was up to me to piece together all these hidden meanings. I thought they were controlling the lights, the temperature, hiding in some other part of the house making these strange animal noises... Hired actors to walk past the window at certain times and asked the neighbours to drive out of their driveway in this shit bomb of a car that was falling the fuck apart.

It didn't help that I have pretty crazy friends... One time I was rolling a joint and this guy threw exploding FIREWORKS at me! And another time I had a nang in the darkness of the loungeroom and suddenly jumped out of my skin when I realised I was in the middle of a WAR ZONE. I could hear mothers screaming with their children and all these bombs and tanks were exploding everywhere. This was actually some trippy CD that was turned on really loud and it is the biggest head fuck ever. Everything loops and just doesn't match up. One minute you're in a circus, the next listening to this person singing things which sound like words but actually aren't. Crazy.

I also thought that my friends were controlling the birds like puppets, because they were flying in the strangest ways and doing backflips, but repeatedly. One stared right at me and moved it's head from side to side like they do in American movies when they say 'What-EVER!' Whenever I went to the toilet I thought my friends were all laughing at me because I couldn't piss and were waiting outside listening.

The thing is I never once thought I was paranoid. Even when I went home I still thought that they were the reason everything was not normal. On the train I was convinced that everyone was trying to trick me into getting off and following them. And I did! I hopped off at some random station and tried to follow these people until I realised that they were leading me in the wrong direction! As I was walking home from the station, the same cars with the same drivers kept appearing everywhere. And when I actually got home I thought my friends had followed me there. I could hear their voices around my house and spent so long sitting by my window trying to figure out if they were in this car across the road. My fuckin neighbour freak was in the garden and I knew she was in on it too. I looked out my window and she was hacking into the soil with an axe like a strange, possessed robot. I was begging my sister (who I believed was in on it too) to please tell me if my friends had called her to be a part of this. My mum kept saying things like "Ok I'll give you 2 more tries, I want to see if you can get it." I thought I had to continue the off-beat pattern and she was trying to help me figure it out.

The funniest part was when I logged onto bluelight and was convinced that my friends had somehow set up a false site and EVERY SINGLE post was directed to ME and related to the 'game'. I spent hours and hours reading whatever I could because there were all these 'clues' in it to help me break out.

Another time I was writing a message to a different friend and suddenly I looked down at my arm and it was absolutely HUGE, swollen and red. I had been pressing the keys so hard and holding my arm in the air for 2 whole hours!!

It took me a long time to realise that this was all in my head, and now when I look back at it was like I was a paranoid schizophrenic. I would spend so long 'researching' on the internet things like quantum mechanics thinking that my friends had used these theories to create the game. Everytime someone said something to me I would try to link it back but everyone was trying to tell me something different. I thought I had to act certain ways which lead me to doing crazy things like... weird dancing, yell, don't talk etc. I wrote pages and pages and pages about this. The hardest part was lying in bed not knowing what was real. But not just the game part, my whole life. I questioned all my friendships, truly believing that everytime I had seen them (in the whole of my life) they had been acting falsely. It was all a game.

It's something I'll remember for a long time, definitely a turning point in my life.... All I can really do is look back and say 'LOOOSSER!' :)
 
back in the day i used to get my meth (donw in ATL) from guys that were pretty far up in the chain. They were the guys buying 5000-10,000 e pills at a time and multiple ounces of glass. i never got into dealing, but i grew up with some of these guys and they sold me small quantitys and i got lots of free hookups. one night we were spun as fuck at the Ritz Carlton in down town ATL (i had only been up for a few hours, but these guys, well several days. one of em starts to tell me about this new batch of glass they had and how it was so much better and it wasnt like the other stuff they had. so im like, what was wrong with the other stuff. he said "oh, well..." he looked around the room at the other tweaker dealers and was like "can i tell him" the other two guys were like yeah, go ahead, as he's looking very paranoid with his eyes darting around the room. so he ends up telling me the craziest story ive ever heard. that the last batch they had was from another cook, the stuff had been seized by the cops and the police lab had melted the glass down and added some new chemical created by the military that allows operatives in the gov't and police to listen to the thoughts of who ever does this meth. they all nodded in unison saying 'yeah, bro, this shit we had, they were all in our thoughts for days, and they had undercover cops everywhere. everyone is watching, ....the mailman, the cashier at the grocery store,people hiding in the bushes, babies in stollers that were really telepathic robots, cyborg birds that could see your thoughts and beam them back to the police monitoring station, ect. so im totally freaked out by this talk and i asked them if this was true, why hadnt they been busted. the one guy said ominously "they're just wating for the right time. but at least we dont have that damn telepathic chemical in our shit., you want another line"????
 
i find i write the best Hardcore Gabber when going through psychosis. i also think everything is following me, and cats are evil spys that want to steal my soul.
 
hehe...meth is nice, I will throw in some nice stories from the cold Sweden for ye boys and girls as soon as these fucking Subutexs is out of my system...
 
PhreeX said:
Lots of things...

*) Thinking the house was bugged so we would write nots to each other about illicit activities then we would take the time to say things that would exculpate us in the eyes of the law (ie "so, it's a damn good thing we no longer are involved with methamphetamine manufacture or sales") .. of course logic was GONE - if they put a bug in the house why couldnt they have just, well, seen the methlab and busted us?

*) Later spending $1400 on a 1200Mhz scanner, modding it to pickup the blocked freq's (cell phones and some other freq's) .. constantly scanning all frequencies waiting to hear our voices ... when we would hit a few of the encrypted frequencies we thought it was us, when we would talk and hear nothing on those freq's we assumed they had some technology that would space out our voices so we couldnt detect it, when the batteries went dead (after leaving it on 24/7 for days) we figgured they had somehow used a tone that would destroy our scanner.. we had the ability to hack it out in 20 minutes using a single chip from RatShack but it took over a day before we simply replaced the batteries..

*) Constantly thinking we were being followed, once driving nearly 60 miles out of the way to "lose" our tail ..
*) After my longest period with no sleep (16 days) driving down a bumpy dirt road at 4am, thinking I hit a girl on rollerblades (the road was barely driveable, skating would be out of the question) .. getting out with my gun as I figgured since if she got my tag the police would come and bust us, she would have to die.. I looked for her while the others in the car tried to talk sense into me .. after not being able to find her I figgured she had escaped and was on her way to report me, so expecting to get pulled over I threw an ounce of awesome crystal in the grass.. I went home and slept for like 2 days but didn't live that one down for months!

*) After first setting up our lab we were way to paranoid - the combo of unlimited, free meth and knowing if we did get caught we would actually go away for years made for some rough nights... we first thought there were agents in the trees around our house, one night we were all paranoid and when you're with others that will fuel the paranoid flames, well, I don't know how it happened but the idea that we were setup to be raided in the morning came into play.. of course these things are generally not public knowledge, and any sober person would think of this... but not us.. of course being the sane people we are we had to 'confirm' this - again, someone came up with the idea that all these DEA agents from all over the country had come to our town and were staying at the Holiday Inn .. we took a drive by and didnt see any law enforcement type cars - so we assumed they were using siezed cars and identified a bunch we thought were likely targets - some vans for hauling away our stuff, some sports cars for chasing, and a utility van ideal for hauling us away (no windows or anything) .. so we report back to the house tyo report our awaiting doom.. the idea is hatched that the best thing we can do is get away .. we end up going to Orlando (about an hour away from us) and spending a few days in a hotel - but since they would have obviously suspected us to stay at a shitty hotel he went to a $470/night 3-bedroom condo type place ... basically had a huge party spending a few thousand bucks over the course of about 4 nights..

*) Painting the house at night under floodlights... don't ask!

FUN WITH FIREARMS

Like all good speedfreaks we invested a fair amount of money in guns.. I personally had two handguns (a 9mm Glock 17 and a small .38 revolver) along with a 20 gauge semi-automatic shotgun, between the 4 people living in the house we had some real stopping power, one of the guys was able to get a fully automatic AR-15 .. anyway, throw in all the IV meth you can pump into your arms and stay awake for a week - wackiness will ensue ..

*) The most lethal - there are currently 3 people living in our lab, one is away out of state and the other has made a cash run that will take him at least 2 hours.. so it's just me and a friend, well, we here the door open but the "entry phrase" isn't announced.. see, this was our system, when you left to go somewhere you would say some random phrase, when you returned home you had to say the same phrase if all was cool, if there were problems (ie the DEA got you and forced you to go back home to bust your fellow cooks) you would announce some other phrase .. well, the door opens and nothing is said.. to make a long story short - a 20 gauge shot is fired through the bedroom door, luckily it missed the intruder - the girlfriend of the roomate that failed to cancel his plans with her when he had to make the unexpected cash run.. needless to say, after she finished crying she left to never return, they later broke up .. I wonder why?

*) Somehow we decided that we were being watched by agents, but this was common, the thing is, this time they were around the house, one in the tree outside the front door.. so when making a dash to the car I took several 9mm shots into the tree while my other housemate took a few shots into the bushes .. killed them fuckers!

Thats about it.. there are lots of other examples of our insanity but those are the most meorable..

You are a damn good storyteller. You should write a book or something.
 
some people I knew bought some little ceramic gizmo at a yardsale. Anyway, it rattled when you shook it. So the get the idea that it's bugged. I tried to explain that they bought it at a yard sale, what did the cops bug it and then just hope some tweakers bought it? After much debate, they decided to break it open to see what was inside. Of course, all that was ever inside was a shard of ceramic that had broke loose, so they found nothing.
 
^^^ Cant blame them for not tryin... they just happened to buy the non-bugged-but-mysterious-sound gizmo.
 
The funniest part was when I logged onto bluelight and was convinced that my friends had somehow set up a false site and EVERY SINGLE post was directed to ME and related to the 'game'. I spent hours and hours reading whatever I could because there were all these 'clues' in it to help me break out.




thats really funny.....hahah.... i try to keep off the internet when on ANYTHING.
 
So this one didn't happen on meth but 'shrooms and weed. I was under investigation at the time by the cops so I guess that might have prompted the paranoia somehow. Anyway I was hanging out with a guy I know from my school but I hadn't ever really fit in with on account of I had always been the studious type at school while he hung out with the cool kids three years older than us and always knew what the latest hip hop was, etc.
So this one night he gets 'shrooms and I want in so we meet at his friend's house (who I didn't know) and try and to be cool as another couple of guys I barely knew aslo show up and take some with us. So we take them and smoke pot, and I'm trying to play tug of war with the dog, since I didn't really know what to say to them (I get aloof when I'm nervous).
When the paranoia set in I had started thinking they were taking me to a secluded spot in a nearby state park to jump me. I just looked at the orginal hook-up and he'd given me a look like, "Yep, that's what we're planing.." So I start thinking of ways to make a break for it, I'm pretty confident I can outrun them if I need to.
Then we changed spots to change the vibes. I still started getting paranoid though, I thought since these guys had had friends for so much longer they had somehow developed super social powers, which they were going to use for maliciously against me. They were social vampires and they were stealing my memories. This fit in nicely with the establishment's warnings that marijuana weakened short term memory, but I didn't get how they wouldn't feel the same negative effects. I rationalized that weed could either give you those powers or make you vulnerable to them, depending on how you used it.
Cut to standing in the middle of the par trying to hang out. I started thinking all the pressure was on me to come up with something cool to prove I could fit in with them so I start imagining all these CGIs in my mind, like helicopters flying through the air from their POV, etc. I hear one of them like, "Not bad.." and so it goes. Anyway, shortly after two of the guys I hardly knew left, and it was just me, the guy and his friend at who's house we'd taken them at. I started getting pretty paranoid around then, thinking of the cops I'd met in the past few weeks and their superiors who's job it was undoubtedly to hang around their offices at night and meditate about the guys they were investigating. I started thinking they had surveillance on me and they would raid if I went back into the park, which we were heading for. I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to tell the guys I was going home (even though I could have had a ride with the guy I came with). He was like, "You don't understand, I've done this a lot of times.." but I was just, " No, you don't understand, the cops have been watching me.."
We went our separate directions after that but I still couldn't shake the paranoia. So much so that about 8-9 blocks from the park, still downtown sowewhat, I decided I had to drop the remaining stash. I had about a third of a gram of shrooms left and a little bit of weed to share in a future joint. I palmed it, then graciously crouched to tie my shoe slowly deposit it on the ground (I thought dropping it would be visible).
Anyway, I know this a sorry excuse for an admissible or cool paranoia story, I just had to get that off my chest.
 
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hmmm meth psychosis is great to have a laugh about later, wen u rememebr how freaked out u got over nothing at all
these posts r a laugh - i can relate to stuff like lying 2 lose phantom stalkers, sumtimes it gets 2 the point where i dont know if shits real or not personaly
phreex ur posts in particular make me smile, sum gd times uve had there
im tweaking my titties off rite now cos i managed 2 lose my usualtolerance alarmingly fast afta 8 days not smoking meth.......silly me but wat the hell its like a rollercoaster ride, u know its gonna b fuckin scary but ur on already and u just gotta ride it out and afta all wen u get off ull want another ride..... 8)
ok paranoia stories
1. afta a week-long run i suddenly 'realised' i was being watched by a man in black who i perceived a ssum government agent spying on me
over that day i kept seeing him evrywhere.....gives me the shits even thinking about it.....and i wudnt answer any phone calls cos i thought it was this man, and evrytime i looked outside id think id see him but hed suddenly 'move away' behind bushes and shit
i cudnt go out and i was paralysed wiv fear so i grabbed a knife and locked all my doors and shut the curtains and patrolled the house listening for noises and loking 4 shadows
wen i ran out of meth and was 2 paranoid 2 go out i just shut myself in my room and hid under the bed 2 try and sleep where no one wud find me but my old lady came round and just about got it wiv the knife wen at first i thought the man in black had sent her - i earned a 'crisis team' visit 4 that one, and sum great tranquilisers
2. once i decided my old man was plotting 2 kill me during a little binge, and i freaked out about my old lady going 2 see him cos i thought she was giving him 'information' - i was trying 2 listen into phone calls she made and shit thinking it was to him and i wasnt just freaked about it i was in full meth-rage mode and i literally turned the house upside down, threw stuff evrywhere, chucked the phone thru the window 'so mum cudnt ring the bastard anymore', kicked in the walls, wrote all over the doors, carved dirty words in the tabletop, broke all the lights, then i went out armed wiv a knife and went 2 his house yelling at him 'ill kill you first'
little police warning for that
3. just earlier before i kept hearing what i thought was a burglar or sumthing trying 2 get in the door and i keep seeing a person outta the corner of my eye (then remember the glass door shows my reflection) and evrything sounds all echoey and out of it and racing at me cos thats just how shit gets 2 me wen im tweaking - anyway wen i kept hearing the thumping at the door i was nearly having a heart attack and ive spent the last half hr trying 2 figure out how im going 2 take on this guy wen he gets in, then finally afta refueling myself wiv more meth i hav realised its my cat trying 2 get in........goddamn time wasted freaking out about shit
 
one time i came home after a bender and tried going to sleep. about 15 later i started hearing strange clicking sounds coming from the floor near my bed. taking into account everything i had done during the weekend i tried to ignore it but it didn't stop. finally, i turned on my bedside lamp to see whether there was actually something there or i had just broken my brain. when the light fell upon the floor, i saw the most grotesque looking stick bug i had ever laid eyes on, crawling along the floor. i quickly grabbed the closest blunt object (he-man action figure) i could find and pressed down as hard as i could, but the sweet sound of an insect carapace cracking wasn't to be heard. i lifted the action figure to find that my enemy was still on the move, so i tried again. this time it retalliated by squirting a milky substance up toward my hand. this continued for a few minutes as i shifted positions to get more leverage and hopefully vanquish my foe for good. after a while i grew impatient and turned on the ceiling light and went in for a closer look.

it was a spring from a ballpoint pen.

i spent at least 3 minutes trying to kill a fucking spring.

i haven't done meth for over a year now, and i'm glad for that.
 
hey hey just letting you know that ive got the same illness and i do meth as often as my tolerance levels arnt up and as often as i can afford it..no major real side effects apart from the norm..it relaxes me and helps me study and concentrate...so im going to approach my psych about ADD next time i see him :) hope your puff session went well, mine is :)%)

prettyuglymilk said:
the last time i did meth, about three months ago, i had the worst psychotic episode of my life. it's rather, er, stupid of me to do meth at all, as i already have paranoid schizophrenia, but it's the only thing other than coke that makes life feel okay. at least for a while. i was up a couple of days with my boyfriend doing line after line....i forget how many days....just days....talking non-stop, staring at mirrors as always, whatnot...then i started to lose it, lecturing my bf for about three hours outside (and i never go outside fucked up, i'm too paranoid) about why he is evil for not being vegan, bringing up all these facts i wasn't aware i knew of, but later looked up and realised i actually did know what i was talking about....then for some reason he was talking about politics, and i hate political discussions, so i lectured him, ranted, raved, for another like 4 hours or something outside yelling and screaming about how nothing will ever ever get solved through any political maneuver, no matter how benign, since the problems of the world are inherent within the political system and it must be abolished before any change could be made...i don't know. i forget most of what i said or what the fuck my points were and everything else....all i remember was getting very deep into economics and political history and whatnot, and i actually quoted things correctly that i am not conscious of ever having read. at a point my bf decided i was being much too argumentative and a bitch, so he went inside...i blacked out and when i came to i was in my apartment. he was sitting on a chair with his eyes open staring straight ahead deadly, and the room was acutely altered, a distinctly different place than what i think of as reality, and he just radiated a sense of deadness. i kept screaming at him to listen to me to wake up to acknowledge me, and he was dead. then i blacked out again and was in the kitchen and he was standing next to me and we were talking, arguing. he went into the other room and i sobbed holding the oven, wracking horrible crying...so he came back and asked me what was the matter and i just stared at him with a horrified look, because i couldnt' tell if he was real or not, because the him that was sitting in the chair was dead and unreal, and i thought he was gone forever, dead and non-existant...i made him convince me for hours he was real. it doesn't sound like much. but it was horrible. i've had hallucinations and psychotic episodes in my life before that were completely not drug-related, but this was terrifying. probably a good reason why i should never do meth or any other drug that's a no-no for the mentally ill.....but i am stupid and don't really give much of a damn for life anymore. i'm doing meth tonight. it's been so long. it's such a dumb idea.
 
Ive got another good one. One day after about 3 days of tweaking I started to get really paranoid. I was sitting in my apartment and I started hearing all kinds of voices comming from outside. Of course I immediately thought these were cops and federal agents closing in to arrest me. I wasnt doing any dealing at the time, so i'm not sure why I was so convinced that this was the case. Anyway, after about an hour of this I freaked out and literally dove out of my window (ground floor apartment, so no harm done). I ran down into the woods, and down to the town center area. I kept seeing the same cars driving by me, with people talking on their cell phone and thought that it was part of an elaborate plot to corner me just at the right time, this wnet on for an hour or so. I finally found my way into some other woods and started putting lit ciggarette in tree branches so if anyone was tailing me they would smell the smoke and look in that direction. At one point I made it to a pay phone and called a very close friend and told her what was happening. She agreed to come and pick me up back at my apartment. I made my way back to the apartment and had to cross a very large creek to get back there. There was a large tree that had fallen that bridged the two banks. I attempted to cross, but fell of and into the cold creek. This immediately snapped me out of my paranoia. 2 minute later I ran into a cop on my way back, sopping wet. She asked me if I was ok and I said yes. I made it back to my place, feeling like a fool. My friend came and got me and took me back to her house to recover.
 
Metzger said:
hehe...meth is nice, I will throw in some nice stories from the cold Sweden for ye boys and girls as soon as these fucking Subutexs is out of my system...


why do you need to wait for the subutex to be out of your system??
 
After 3 days I decided to take off home. On the drive home I kept seeing guys walking around the sidewalks with flashlights. I guess it was a distortion from the porch lights of houses? Well anyhow I wondered who they were and so I decided to drive around a little while and watch them. After I noticed how bad this was fucking with me I just went home lol. My binges have always been on adderall 30's as the meth person I did know got busted like a week after we were introduced.

Also will never forget the time I got caught at school with a drug drawing made by my friend after he stayed up for 6 days, I still dont get all the inside details of it.....And explaining it to the principals was a little odd, well of course I didnt explain shit but still.
 
Keep in minde the stories I typed were only a sliver of all the events that were totally bat-shit insane, but all this happend back in '97-'98, since then I have moved out of the lab, left all the guns and thousands in labware behind (hypothetical of course, as illegal guns and making meth is illegal) ... I can now look back on it type these memories in amusement as it really was amusing ... since then I have touched meth a few times when I wanted the enrgy to dance my ass off at a club or the energy to stay up to cram for a final, but it was always like a one night thing... no binges ....

It's not until you sober up you realize "damn, I was really fucked in the head!"

//p
 
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