• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Please keep Fairnymph in your thoughts and prayers (RIP Ryan)

I'm really sorry to hear this news. This is such a terrible loss. :(
 
From what I know, he had used used Tramadol before he started fent again and IF he started fent again (he might have injected tramadol for what I know). That night (I think it was tuesday) he was talking in the worst possible way of fentanyl/alpha methyl fentanyl and was still taking the tramadol only to get rid of his lingering withdrawl symptoms. Until he is officially gone, I am still being optimistic and wish for him to come back.
This is all so hard to believe, the day before he was in a very good mood from what I could tell and told me about the new job at Merck he had in prospect. Kept speaking of fent in the worst way possible, i cant stress this enough. he believed the fent had really messed up his mu opioid receptors and that he would have to suffer withdrawl for quiet some time.
I dont know what else to say, I'll just keep praying.
 
oh Julia :( there are no words. <3 You are in my utmost thoughts right now.
 
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It is not much but it is all I have got.:(

My deepest sympathies FN
 
Julia I am so deeply sorry. I'm praying for you Husband and your family.
 
:( I don't know you at all but there are so many people thinking of you right now. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something someone could say to help you through this.
 
Oh wow - please people, FEEL positive, THINK positive, refuse, I REFUSE to have a reality where Ryan doesn't make it. Keep faith that he'll come out of this, Julia don't give up.. your thoughts.. if the doctors tell you no its not possible... wait it out more, everybody focus esp. if you know them - I would talk to Ryan almost daily on AIM, just a random word or conversation or whatever, consider him one of my best friends,

I'm so hoping, SO hoping, he will wake up, and this will be his wake up call. I felt this before, tried to talk to him about it as a friend, even he said, this shit is bad, anything fent bad bad etc.

I got a big wake up call just over a year ago, it was hard but it was needed. If he is meant to wake up and be here he will. My dad has gotten into *i forget how many now* horrible car accidents where he should have died - the last one - passed out (wierd occasional seizures or something) just as he got off the exit on the freeway going 75mph, went straight into concrete.

The first couple weeks it was like "the doctors will let us know if we have to go in and say goodbye". 15 or so surgeries later and 3 months he came home - went through physical therapy, he sort of just ..didnt imagine himself, in a wheelchair for life, etc, i mean when he got home still its like "is he gonna be like this forever?",

He told me about dreams he had in the hospital, one dream about him walking down a street, with his limbs (both arms, legs, back, broken etc) hanging but he just HAD to get, two streets over so he struggled anyway even with his condition and made it.

Well today he's walking just fine without a cane he's back to (heh almost, one leg shorter than the other) being ..dad, he's famous at the hospitals cause "its impossible" they've never seen anyone come out ALIVE in the condtion (or better condition) he was in. He's been in THREE bad accidents, similar, should have died, car bent in half if he was one millimeter to the left he'd be dead stuff like that well in the hospital this last time he had a lot of time to think, he's a science/logic nut for the most part but it got him thinking stuff like i'm here for a reason, karma, why, how,

Have any of you seen the movie The Secret.....

Well Julia I dont know if your up to watching anything but i have it on my server the full movie,

http://secret.radio879.com/ts.html

I believe (well i Know it) your thoughts everyone's thoughts can change the outcome, --- ok i just have this feeling, like i know, who knows we will all find out but its just a gut feeling Ryan is gonna wake up... so i'll post that here call it a prediction a whatever but its a feeling, just a feeling that he's supposed to be unconscious he's supposed to look bad its supposed to make people think hard, cry, maybe think about themselves, send shockwaves for a while and then like a miracle he wakes up, look thats my gut feeling its just there so i guess this post will be here waiting to see the outcome, ...wait for my gut feeling, intuition, knowing, to well ... know for sure..

i dont know i had to stop and drive my dad to work in the middle of typing was talking to my dad about it all and the feeling just gets stronger like i know it, i hope i know it, i'll wait to know it mentally so i know i'm truely in tune with this knowing.. if anybody else has a "gut feeling" PM me about it, anyway,

-----

Known Julia longer, from BL, for whatever "random" (...) reason we started chatting on AIM, eventually probably had a chemistry question or whatever IMed Ryan etc.. they moved across the country and stayed where I live for a couple days, unique awesome people and i'm waiting for ryan to wake up, my gut feeling is usually right i want it to be right this time too. -- I honestly feel he's gonna wake up, ...wake up ryan a lot of people want you to.. been only a couple days i already miss the punjab chats at random..

i feel it, wake up so i know it :|

I'll be taking breaks just to sit down meditate and focus.. much love Julia.. IM me anytime.
 
im sorry i havent posted in this thread yet.
my best hopes for julia and her husband. we lose too many ppl here and i would hate to add to the list.
best wishes that he gets better.
 
^ i know thats right, we've lost FAR too many wonderful people in the last few months. moderation people!

my thoughts and good vibes are coming your way fairynymph and ryan
 
Ahh.. well i'll find out the status later today but everybody take this as a lesson, or people that knew him, there are lessons here for julia, not for me to figure them out but everything happens for a reason, everything..

-- maybe i could have talked more about it to him, or talk differetnly to julia, ya know everybody can look back at anything and say "i coudl have done this or that better". Wow... :( Really makes me stop and think....

edit: -- I remember him telling me about how he passed out from alpha methyl fentanyl, using a nasal spray bottle to deliver it, he would just...suddenly, wake up, few hours later, no warning signs like no nodding..etc.. i think he said a friend experienced it too not sure, they thougth maybe they/he just sprayed way too many puff's and enough dripped down (the stuff is very active orally) into his stomach eventually - i think he did mention it happening to a friend too. He remarked something like "whoa this amf might be really really dangerous.." I remember him telling me he IV'd the fent once and it wasn't that good etc I would get on him , i saw patterns in his actions that reminded me of this girl Natalie i know, heroin addict, brought up a lot of things said this and that just like natalie (he knew all about her and how she got waay into addiction), he got pretty mad at my IM msg, and also mad because in it i mentioned how he used to never IV anything and how he IV'd fent, saying dont do that Julia could have seen the screen when i was at work - but then he went through a less intense withdrawal phase, and apologized.. said sorry, yeah some of what you said was right not all of it.

Dammit.. so sad. I really got to know an opiate addict, and watch this natalie girl go from normal to fully addicted (typical junkie will do anything for it etc), up close and personal, and then another girl, who wasn't always truthful, natalie told me everything...almost (i think after stuff like fucking dealers for heroin was the line for her), .... natalie fully knew, where it would go.. if she kept doing it, but.. oh just "few more times.. LATER ill stop/worry about it", to me it was like a new personality, split, the real natalie, still in there, then the opiate addicted natalie, that's got more power now, really its like a "split" into two main personalities. Ryan knew, like cr00k said, he would tell everyone fent is the devil, its evil, anything with a "fent" in the word was pure evil and bad, then the other newer opiate personality, ... actually didnt talk to that personality much at all after the first and esp. second w/d's, maybe he knew id be able to tell when he was high,

Ah.. sad day, a "wow" day.
 
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^dude, ppl need to stop talking about this like hes dead.
optimisim ppl c'mon now. hope for the fucking best.
 
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