MEGA - Jobs, Resumes, Interviews

Another thing from the interviewer's perspective....

The only thing worse than doing interviews is going through resumes!!! Depending on the job, employers may get at least a hundred or more resumes in response to just one ad. It's a rare employer who reads through ALL of them, so there are a few things you should do to get yours noticed (at least if I'm the one reading your resume ;)):

-Write a cover letter that is specific to the job you're applying for, and explain why you would be a good candidate for it.

-Make absolutely certain your resume and cover letter don't contain grammatical or spelling errors. Obviously I see less of these for higher-end jobs, but in my search for a $12/hr. part-time office admin person I got: manger (instead of manager), websight, "Your ad said you we're looking for a well-rounded person...", to name a few.

-Using a bunch of big words to create a meaningless sentence such as "I will utilize my dynamic, team-oriented spirit to further the success of your organization" is a waste of space. It tells me nothing other than the fact that you can bullshit; tell me something real about your background.

-Don't send me a book as your resume; I don't have time to read anything that's two pages of solid type. Use clear, concise bullet points. If I like your experience, you can describe it further during your interview.

-And finally....use a professional e-mail address on job applications. I'm not going to be impressed by someone whose e-mail is fuzzybuttedmonkey, tigerprincess, lilcritter or hippychick. (I am not making those up :D)
 
^
Our very own GentlemanLoser was told off by an interviewer for using an email address that included GentlemanLoser ;)

I like those tips - and from an interviewee's perspective, I've had a lot more success since I started thinking along those lines - especially the specific cover letter (and a specific CV/resume, as well), the bullet points, and the specific details of the background, not big buzzwords. Also, try to mirror words from the job description (e.g. if they describe a task or skill in a certain way, make sure that you also describe it in that way, so when they're skimming your CV they can see that you have the skill, or have performed the task, previously).
 
at least the fuzzybuttedmonkey e-mail address got me to laugh before I put the resume in my "no" pile :D
 
Kyk said:
Complete 30 question written exam.

No employer - just a test

WTF is wrong with employers these days?


I failed the 'character screening' to work at ShopRite (grocery store.):eek: :(

I cant help it, they said be honest. And the lady who gave me the test, told me to watch out for the trick questions on there.

So one question was "if you knew there was no way you would get caught, would you sneak into a movie without paying?"

I was like HELLLLL YEA!!!

Who wouldnt!? Who would not answer yes to that question. How does that make you a bad person? My mom would answer yes to that too. My grandma would answer yes to that. Shiit.

I thought it was like a trick question or something, and if you said no, then they must know that you would be lying, cuz everybody knows that they would do it.

Another question was "Are you always honest 100% of the time?" I said no. Because if you say YES, then OBVIOUSLY you are lying, because EVERYBODY lies sometimes.

Would I steal from a employer? no. Have i ever stole from a employer? No. Those questions i was good on.

I thought i would get points for honesty or some shit. Guess not.

i still failed and got denied a job at a freakin supermarket. a damn SUPERMARKET!! my character must really fuckin suck if i aint good enough to slice processed cheese.

Anyways, just throwin in my experience to show how yes, questionaire tests before a job that determine if you get in suck, because i was mad experienced in the job i was allpying for (deli person), a great worker, reliable, never did it half-assed, didnt shit talk the other employees, just did my thing. And i did great on the interview.

But damn that character assessment test. :X
 
ANY possible reason to exclude your resume WILL be used.

two most egregious issues i remember (out of.. gawd.. hundreds of damn resumes):

1. someone used "[email protected]" on her resume. she actually got a sympathy tip to accompany her "no, thanks" letter.

2. for a pretty well paid professional position, some fellow listed as one his accomplishments the fact that he had earned an award for punctuality in elementary school, as well as an award for drawing. this was like the second accomplishment listed.

and while we're talking about it, may as well put it out there:
how you look will affect your odds. sorry. applies equally to men and women.

also, this is the reality and i don't endorse or participate in it, but i promise you it goes on All The Time: attractive chicks will be brought in for second/third interviews for no reason other than that they are attractive. i've also been party to hiring managers hiring the more attractive of two or three candidates for that reason only. i'm not going to defend this, i'm just trying to help you all understand what goes on.

business isn't pretty, that's what i've been saying all along.
 
Lacey: you're right. In personality tests, questions like "are you 100% honest?" are there to test if you're lying on the test. I've studied this shit and I understand how they put these tests together, and questions like that are definitely there to check if you're being honest on the rest of the test, because like you say, everybody lies sometimes.

Halfoz: you got any more? This is great :)
 
^^I hear you.

I just got a job yesterday doe and no personality test. sick!

It was for a deli too. Dude said i had a good personality. =D
 
^I would definitely suggest bullet points over brief paragraphs. Much easier to read/skim over.
 
Well, I got the 2nd interview.

Brief recap of interview #1 <--- technical exam.

interview #2 involved me driving the same 45 minutes to the location (same hiring agency) to write a personality assessment that I could've written in the amount of time left over from the first test.

So, they sit me down, tell me to "be honest" and "be consistent" and I answer questions such as:

"Do you ever feel lonely or depressed?"
"Have you, or would you ever go skydiving?"
"Would you like to go rockclimbing?"
"Do you have any regrets in your life?"
"Do you feel that some rules are meant to be broken?"

Stuff like that...

The only question that concerned me is the "rules meant to be broken" question, to which I answered "Yes"

I hope to hell they take that in the right context and don't get the wrong idea.
 
As an annendum:

My supervisor at work is an attractive female. I might also mention that she's almost completely useless and I ignore her existence completely.
 
I just had another interview yesterday, and my potential supervisor that interviewed me went straight through about half of the list of questions Chrissie had posted in her thread... so it's a good thing I had already went through them, although I almost laughed when she was like "what are your strengths and weaknesses?"

I think I followed just about everyone's serious advice from this thread, so I'll let you know how it worked out... wore a suit, blue striped shirt with no tie, brought in a leather notebook, took notes, had a question already prepared, answered questions accordingly, maintained eye contact...

just one question - second interviews, is it ok to wear the same suit with a different shirt- or should I just wear a different suit alltogether?
 
Kyk, I had a personality test like that. I thought I'd blown it because I answered honestly, and said I would rather read poetry than skydive, etc. I figured that companies typically want risk-takers. My organisation, though, really needs stable people who don't take unnecessary risks. So I came through with a really good score. If I'd tried to fake it and answer what I thought they wanted, I'd have missed out.

Also, I just had a really weird job selection process where they basically talked to me for ten minutes, offered me the job, then went back and went through about two days worth of hoops before offering it to me formally. And I turned 'em down even though it would have been a big payrise.
 
Yeah Simon, good call.

I guess I did ok too, since the actual company wants me in for an interview. Now, we've been playing phone tag for the last 2 days and can't seem to get a hold of eachother lol.
 
random thoughts, by request:

brothermarcus: absolutely, and it can be a great idea IF the suit is plain, and IF you vary your tie, and IF you look killer in it. OTOH, 2nd interview is a chance to demonstrate your diversity. i would prefer to find a way to incorporate my finest shoes and custom jacket and pants in a way that said, "I am wearing $5000.00 of clothes, but i could give a shit. Let's get to work!" adjust scale per your income/disposable cash.

there is no outfit a pair of Mantellassi's won't make better. and those who don't know any better won't think you're one-upping them.

interview clothing requirement numero uno: Brooks Brothers underwear. trust me. you would be amazed at the number of successful people who choose the brothers to guard their junk in times of significance. its a small luxury that you CAN afford.

what gets my attention in a resume:

1) clean appearance. no fancy fonts. did we mention
that paper resumes get laughed at? if you must use a
paper resume, print it on some paper you stole from
your current job. if you want the psychology of why
printing a resume on plain paper is the best choice,
let me know and i'll tell you in another post.

2) name in big letters. you have no idea how many
resumes i have to endure for a given position. don't
make me work to find your name.

3) since i expect to be reviewing it electronically, i
really don't care how long it is, as long as its not
more than 3.5 pages. but it better not be just 1. is
that all you got?

4) "Objectives" are for people who couldn't spend two
seconds to think of something better. I don't care
what your objectives are. I care what you can do for
my organization.

5) That said, a Professional Experience section WILL
get read. So, you better pack that paragraph with
strong and specific statements.

6) Give me something to chew on. You made some claims
in #5, now back it up. Give me five examples of
specific successes that support #5. Two sentences
each. You will use these repeatedly during your
interview. Hammer on them. If you're good, this is
what I'll remember.

7) if you have a fancy education but little
experience, put it next. But, be modest here. I might
not have gone to as nice a school and I don't want
your Harvard ass trying to show me up (btw, I've
worked with dozens of Harvard MBAs... don't think your
predecessors have paved the way for you and your
Section F inside jokes, quite the opposite in most
cases).

8) no fancy education? work experience. don't triple
space stuff to take up acreage on that vast stretch of
empty white. do add detail about the work you did.
trust me, i'm not going to read it anyway.

9) whatever education you do have after work
experience.

10) whatever else is relevant to my business. your
professional organization memberships, your language
skills, your certifications, your specific training.

11) do NOT list your hobbies or ANYTHING personal.
terribly unprofessional. do not list anything related
to your age, your gender, your marital status, your
sexual preference, your race, or your religion. i am
very very prohibited from legally asking you questions
on these topics, and i don't want even a whiff of that
crap.

12) if you're doing a traditional CV for an academic
position, none of these rules apply.

generally:
bullet points always look organized
i don't interview for entry level positions except in
extreme circumstances, so the rules might be
different, but generally, that cover letter you worked
so hard on? gets dropped when the recruiter passes the
candidate info along. therefore, work only as hard as
the material is relevant. don't think that a good
cover letter gets you the job. a good cover letter
might get your resume read. a good resume will get you
a phone screen. a good phone screen gets you a face to
face. a good interview gets you in consideration. a
GREAT second interview gets you the job, or a GREAT
whatever-round interview. unfortunately, you don't get
to botch any of them.

a nice little trend i've been seeing is the inclusion
of personal reference statements in a separate
portfolio. this is the one case where kitsch wins. you
get five letters of recommendation from maybe a few
profs and an ex-boss or two? or best of all, from a
name-brand client... dude... that is the fucking cat's
meow. you WILL get brought in just out of pure
skepticism alone. are you REALLY that good? I want to
find out. Just expect me to have an extremely
challenging interview style for the first half of the
interview. You make it through that... we'll move
right into negotiations. You get flustered, and you're
back in with the commons.

In terms of negotiating. You are negotiating from the
first contact. Not used-car style, banish movies from
your head! Business negotiating. Go get a book on the
subject. (Your_Value - Your_Cost) is the function you
need to be familiar with, you have control of both of
those variables. We both want the best return on our
investment, and neither of us should be looking to
fuck the other. You deliver as promised-- I'll happily
pay you. I make far far more money than you, and its
not like I'm paying you out of my own pocket. Well,
sortof I am. But still, you being paid at 150% of your
salary versus you delivering 150% of your expected
results?? I am getting checks like you wouldn't
believe if all my employees do that. Appeal to that.

Friends in the company get you special consideration.
You will almost always get a courtesy interview at
least if someone refers you internally. On that note,
become familiar with courtesy interviews and be able
to recognize when you're in one. In a courtesy
interview, you'll never be asked a hard question, and
you'll never be given anything other than swimmingly
positive feedback, and you'll never be given the job.
Courtesy interviews are usually arranged by someone
else, and serve only to give you a feelgood. Sometimes
you can use them to namedrop when you get asked who
else you're talking to. Be grateful for them. But do
not pursue them. We did you a favor, ok? Lets leave it
at that. Besides, maybe you did a good job with the
interview, and when we have something for you you'll
have already made a good impression.

Remember:

Always Be Agreeable.

Only talk about money insofar as you have to to get to
the next step. Consider what concessions you'd like to
ask for. Sometimes, the first offer is totally fair.
Many hiring managers know exactly what they can pay,
and usually offer it to the best candidate. If you
push them, you might make an ass of yourself.
Sometimes, a concession can be being allowed to take a
vacation before you have accrued the time. Ask for it,
if you plan to use it. Don't negotiate a concession
just because you can. That's assholish. HOWEVER, if
you learn that the pay scale for a position ranges
from X to Y, and they always range, stand firm on
getting as close to the highest rate you can. don't
forget to value the experience. if you're a law school
grad, a clerkship for a supreme court justice is worth
far more than the shit salary you'll be given.

if you are promised promotional opportunities... have
them spell this out for you, even if not on the offer
letter. otherwise they are just hot air. you want a
specific track to a specific position with specific
objectives in a specific timeframe. anything less and
they are blowing smoke.

shit, i'm typed out. its more than you deserve anyway ;)
 
First Job Interview

Well, I've got my first job interview in a week and I'm extremely nervous. I'm very shy but authority figures tend to like me 'cause I do as I'm told and I'm a hardworker. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I can't make a strong first impression and will have trouble selling myself 'cause I'm so quiet!

I've also done bugger all for the past year. I haven't volunteered or gotten involved in extra-curriculars or anything. I have high grades and pretty good computer skills (and I'm a quick learner) but that's about it. If I'm asked about my greatest accomplishments or fuck, even my hobbies, I won't have a clue as to what I can say! When they ask me to tell them about myself, what are some key points I should bring up? My education? My interests? Should I only talk about things that are related to the job?

Does anyone have any tips or advice based on their experiences?



(Oh yeah, and it's for a student job working at a local library.)
 
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During the interview, find a way to really like the person across from you. Be empathetic. Make it your job to make this interview easy on them.

you don't have to have this incredible rapport right from the get-go, and maybe you won't have any at all. but no matter who sits across from you, find as many things as you can to like about that person and keep those thoughts quietly at the front of your mind.

this will help you know what to say without having to think about it.

it is the responsible thing to do to come to an interview prepared to explain your capability and your motivation for the job.

unless it relates to the above, don't bring it into the conversation. hobbies for instance are unrelated to your capability for the job.

the interview is your opportunity to learn about the position, the boss, the company. treat it as such.

you'll do fine.
 
Be prepared to spin shit... The better you plug yourself the better you will do. I have gotten jobs through sheer bullshit, I suspect the interviewers know its BS but admire the audaciousness, creativity is an asset for a company :)
 
got my job from making shit up :) just be confident, dress well and look the interviewer in the eye
 
Two words:

creative license



Sell yourself to them, and don't be afraid to embellish, as long as you don't outright lie....
 
if the job is at a library, they'll probably love it if you say you like reading, just be prepared to name a couple of favorite books or authors.
i have worked at a couple of university libraries in the past... they are great places to work! best of luck on the interview.
if the job is shelving books, that's actually an ok position if you don't mind being alone and quiet- you get to see what everyone's been reading, and if you're quick you can get in some reading of your own while you work. ;)
 
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