mashead testing
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2001
- Messages
- 12,030
Once again I lay in bed on a monday trying to make myself sleep and pass the time that felt like I was part of nothing, with the drum and bass pounding out of the speakers trying to disguise my thoughts that maybe the world isnt so perfect afterall and the drugs have been washed away out of my body leaving me less than content.
Questions, so many of these questions, normally too many questions but now? Everything is a question and every answer is a doubt or a cause for tears. Fearing the worst I decide to stop thinking but stoping thinking reminds me of thinking and thinking is where the problem lies.
Switch on tv muted, pictures dashing across the screen but what do they mean? Is there messages hidden somewhere in the narrative? Are these adverts really trying to make me feel sad or is it just the lack of ambition and focus or recognition I am feeling that is weighing me down.
Coversation? I never thought it would be so difficult, so many words but just phrases, all been said before and nothing thats worth saying again. Been done before but like the last time its the same. Could be seen as an adventure or a journey through the mind, sometimes enjoyable but too easy to let it all get out of hand.
Everything seems to lack in its shine, the words make too much sense from the songs I am listening even the way the birds chirp outside shows me that there is something im missing, but what?
What could I be possibly missing so much? If I think hard enough I realise I have more than enough, infact much more than some, theres so many people who will never be here and never experience what I take for granted, so many people who live a life that is tragic. But I find it in my self absorbed mind to lay here and worry and feel my life is shit?
I think we can forget sometimes and thinking too much is the worst of crimes, everyone lets everything become too much and think they have so little, but im just stuck in the middle. I have so much but not yet enough, tell me is this just the drugs?
So as I discover realisation, again. I look for why I let this happen, not sure of these reasons but everything happens for a reason. So I guess to come up then go down and eventually realise whats between the lines, isnt so bad afterall.
Just makes sense when I think this has made me stronger and even though I know I will go through it again without thinking, empathy is a quality that to my life its bringing.
I love comedowns, they show me more than I could ever imagine and make me realise whats more important in this world, without come downs we would never learn.
Questions, so many of these questions, normally too many questions but now? Everything is a question and every answer is a doubt or a cause for tears. Fearing the worst I decide to stop thinking but stoping thinking reminds me of thinking and thinking is where the problem lies.
Switch on tv muted, pictures dashing across the screen but what do they mean? Is there messages hidden somewhere in the narrative? Are these adverts really trying to make me feel sad or is it just the lack of ambition and focus or recognition I am feeling that is weighing me down.
Coversation? I never thought it would be so difficult, so many words but just phrases, all been said before and nothing thats worth saying again. Been done before but like the last time its the same. Could be seen as an adventure or a journey through the mind, sometimes enjoyable but too easy to let it all get out of hand.
Everything seems to lack in its shine, the words make too much sense from the songs I am listening even the way the birds chirp outside shows me that there is something im missing, but what?
What could I be possibly missing so much? If I think hard enough I realise I have more than enough, infact much more than some, theres so many people who will never be here and never experience what I take for granted, so many people who live a life that is tragic. But I find it in my self absorbed mind to lay here and worry and feel my life is shit?
I think we can forget sometimes and thinking too much is the worst of crimes, everyone lets everything become too much and think they have so little, but im just stuck in the middle. I have so much but not yet enough, tell me is this just the drugs?
So as I discover realisation, again. I look for why I let this happen, not sure of these reasons but everything happens for a reason. So I guess to come up then go down and eventually realise whats between the lines, isnt so bad afterall.
Just makes sense when I think this has made me stronger and even though I know I will go through it again without thinking, empathy is a quality that to my life its bringing.
I love comedowns, they show me more than I could ever imagine and make me realise whats more important in this world, without come downs we would never learn.
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