Pumpkinheart
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2018
- Messages
- 15
So discouraged, the rehab call me two weeks ago on a Wednesday at 2:00 pm to come in the next morning for 28 day inpatient rehab. I was in a binge and went there after a 4 or 5 day bender. I tried my best participated and followed all the rules. I had a day pass on Sunday and as soon as I walked out the door I forgot what I learned and picked up some to use. I stopped myself after and 1.5 hour and went back. My councillor wasn?t there and one of the ?educators? who I liked checked me back in. I lied when he asked me because I was afraid they would kick me out. Later that night I went down at 10:45 to talk to him and say the truth. He left at 10:30. (They even have it documented I went down) I just went to bed and was going to tell my councillor case manager but it was thanksgiving Monday (in Canada) and she wasn?t in. After the 9:00 am morning meeting I was pulled into an office and asked if I brought in syringes they found in the toilette tank. Because I was the only one there who injects (or the only one honest that I inject) I was told everyone was going to be tested so I told them the truth about using the day before on my day pass.
The needles were seriously not mine! They tossed the rooms everyone was laughing with the inspectors except me. The worker threatened me if she gets pricked with a needle it would destroy my life, asked me where and how I?d bring it in if I did. Told me she?s not stupid and should be honest. It was a very stressful time and hearing at lunch everyone saying the jokes about their search. Today Tuesday there were 3 people who tested a ?false positive? for oxy they were open about the results and denied. Today I was asked to leave the rehab because I didn?t follow the day pass plan and wasn?t honest right away. I feel in my heart they think it?s me who brought the needles and that was a part of the reason. I admit I messed up but I was proud I went back and didn?t give up and turn the relapse into a 5 day binge. I was devastated today, that despite that I was still asked to leave, I am scared of myself to be home now, I felt safe there. I was told they arranged a outpatient plan and a possible new inpatient start date. I feel hopeless like they gave up on me.
I feel like the biggest loser like I?m never going to get better. Thoughts?
Injecting coke has a hold of me and I feel so powerless
The needles were seriously not mine! They tossed the rooms everyone was laughing with the inspectors except me. The worker threatened me if she gets pricked with a needle it would destroy my life, asked me where and how I?d bring it in if I did. Told me she?s not stupid and should be honest. It was a very stressful time and hearing at lunch everyone saying the jokes about their search. Today Tuesday there were 3 people who tested a ?false positive? for oxy they were open about the results and denied. Today I was asked to leave the rehab because I didn?t follow the day pass plan and wasn?t honest right away. I feel in my heart they think it?s me who brought the needles and that was a part of the reason. I admit I messed up but I was proud I went back and didn?t give up and turn the relapse into a 5 day binge. I was devastated today, that despite that I was still asked to leave, I am scared of myself to be home now, I felt safe there. I was told they arranged a outpatient plan and a possible new inpatient start date. I feel hopeless like they gave up on me.
I feel like the biggest loser like I?m never going to get better. Thoughts?
Injecting coke has a hold of me and I feel so powerless